Return to Insanity

Chapter Three: The Bell of Destruction

otherwise known as "the TrapDoor-Button-Thingie"

It was Bakura's custom to wake up late on Saturdays and to be able to have a nice quiet morning in which he could plot possible ways to sabotage a Jerry Springier show... or take over the world if the Pharaoh suddenly decided to stop existing. It was NOT Bakura's custom to wake up to a shouting match and this was what he had woken up to at exactly 8:17 on this particular Saturday morning.

"We could always have him clean for us." Malik smirked, striking a nerve intentionally.


Bakura walked into the kitchen to watch Marik fall to the floor in front of his hikari. Raising an eyebrow at the scene and blocking out Marik's screaming/pleading, Bakura caught sight of Ryou watching the scene bemusedly.

"Hikari. What in Ra's name is going on?" Bakura asked annoyedly through their mind link.

"Malik wants to find something productive for his yami to do, so we don't have another person sitting around all day and doing nothing-"

"Hey! I sit around all day and do nothing!" Bakura pointed out. He could feel Ryou roll his eyes in response.

"Exactly, Bakura. That's what Malik is trying to prevent. But before you came in they ruled out getting an education-"

Bakura scoffed at the thought of Marik going to any type of school.

"Getting a job that didn't involve blowing something up-"

Bakura vaguely wondered if Marik would have been okay with getting a job if it did involve blowing something up, but didn't comment.

"And they were just moving on to Marik cleaning the house and cooking meals." Ryou thought.

Bakura sighed and, going against his better Tomb Robber judgment, stepped into the fray.


"Marik I know what doing nothing does to you and I don't want you going back down the road to World Domination again."


"Been there, done that, you know."

At this point Bakura hauled Marik up off the floor and turned to look at the Hikari who, one had to admit, did have a point about Marik, boredom, and World Domination (or whatever other plan might come up in Marik's mind, Bakura wasn't sure what this Marik would come up with given the time). "Marik will not be cleaning the house for you Malik. That is and will remain yours and Ryou's job, since you are the only two who care."

Marik let out a happy "meep"ing sound and clung to Bakura's arm as if it was his only lifeline. Bakura ignored it, despite the pins and needles feeling he was beginning to get in his arm, but Malik needed a few seconds to process the picture of his yami hanging onto anyone, let alone Bakura.

"Fine Bakura, he's your responsibility now."

"And we'd better not get any reports of you two breaking the law." Ryou muttered. Bakura sighed and nodded. Marik's jaw dropped but he allowed Bakura to lead him out of the kitchen and into the living room.

"I can't believe what I just heard! Bakura-mellon, did you really just tell hikari-snow that you would not do anything against the law?"

"Nope. You see what I said was they wouldn't get any reports of us breaking the law. In order for them to get reports we must get caught." Bakura smirked. "And I never get caught."

Marik giggled, and Bakura finally noticed that he had lost all feeling in that arm.

"I can't believe you just did that Malik." Ryou muttered. "He'll have corrupted your yami by the end of the week."

"Marik's already corrupted." Malik pointed out. "A little more corruption won't kill him. Besides, by the end of the week Bakura will be filing for a restraining order.

"And why is that?" Ryou asked.

"Simple. My yami's got a crush on your's."

"Yes, that is apparent to all but Bakura apparently."

Malik looked pointedly at Ryou and the snow-haired hikari caught on to what his lover was implying. Suddenly Ryou let out a bark of laughter. "I wonder what Yami's going to do when he finds this out."

Malik grinned evilly. "Maybe I should mention something to Yugi..." he trailed off and winced. Ryou raised an eyebrow and Malik shrugged. "I guess my yami hasn't forgot how to issue death threats."

The snow-haired hikari dissolved in giggles and Bakura vaguely wondered what was so funny to his hikari but decided at last that he really didn't care.

"Bakura, we're going out now." Ryou said as he watched his yami watch the television, which was, yet again, turned to Jerry Springer.


"We're meeting Yugi and everyone else on campus and probably won't be back until late."


"So you'll have to find dinner for yourself."


"And Yami will be spending the afternoon here as well."

"What- wait WHAT?"

"Good-by Bakura."

"Get back here Hikari! What did you say?"

Bakura heard his answer as his most favorite person in the world, full sarcasm intended, was pushed into the living room and the front door was closed and locked.

Marik, whistling quietly to himself, walked down the stairs from his bedroom about five minutes later to hear the tail end of a fight which was going on between Bakura and Yami and to hear Yami threaten to send Bakura to the Shadow Realm... yet again.

"Go ahead, it doesn't matter anyway." Marik spoke suddenly and the two arguers turned to look at Marik. "Bakura can always get out."

"Let's find out." Yami glared at the tomb robber before sending Bakura to the Shadow Realm.

Still whistling, Marik walked into the kitchen to watch the clock on the wall. One minute, two minutes, three minutes..... four minutes..... five-

And Bakura fell out of nowhere on top of Marik.

"Five minutes exactly Bakura." Marik commented. "You're loosing your touch."

"Yami's aim was off, I ended up a mile or so away."


"What in Ra's name is going on???" Yami asked incredulously as Marik turned, still holding Bakura bridal style.

"You mean you really don't know how to get out of the Shadow Realm?" Marik asked the amazed Pharaoh.

"There is no way to get out of the Shadow Realm unless someone unseals you."

"Wrong!" Both Bakura and Marik admonished, Bakura detangling himself from Marik's hold.

"You really don't know about the Trap-Door-Button-Thingie???" Marik asked.

"The... what?"

"Trap-Door-Button-Thingie! The exit to the Shadow Realm." Marik explained almost patiently as Bakura started laughing at the look on the Pharaoh's face. "EVERYONE knows about the Trap-Door-Button-Thingie!"

"Really?" Yami smirked.

"Uh-huh." Marik nodded sagely. "There is no one who knows about the Millennium Items that does not know about the Trap-Door-Button-Thingie."

"Yugi, do you know about the Trap-Door-Button-Thingie?" Yami asked his Hikari through their mind link.

"Yea, Ryou told me. I assumed you knew." came the reply.

"And how did Ryou know?" Yami asked out loud.

"Because I told him, idiot." Bakura pointed out as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Marik nodded.

"And he told Yugi and Malik and Malik told me."

"But that's still not everyone." Yami pointed out.

"Then when Bakura came back from the Shadow Realm the second or third time you sent him there, he was very pleased to have remembered it, so pleased that he went out and used that as an explanation to get drunk." Marik explained.

"And Tea happened to be working there at the time-"

"And Bakura told Tea, and Tea told Joey, and Joey told Tristan, and Tristan told Serenity, and Serenity told Otogi, and there you go." Marik finished.

"You missed someone." Yami pointed out again.

"We did?" Marik blinked.

Seto Kaiba was in the middle of his Very Important WorkTM when his cell phone rang. Growling slightly at being interrupted, Kaiba reached for the phone, his eyes never leaving the screen.


"Kaiba, do you know about the Trap-Door-Button-Thingie?" Kaiba blinked twice as he processed what Yami's voice had just unceremoniously asked him.

In the background Kaiba could hear Bakura yelling, "He's the reincarnation of your High Priest! Of course he knows about the Trap-Door-Button-Thingie, he invented it!"

"Yes I have knowledge of the object in question." Kaiba spoke, his mind trying to wander back to his Very Important Worktm. "Bakura needed to crash somewhere after he got drunk and Mokuba took pity on him." Kaiba offered a small explanation before turning off the cell phone and tossing it somewhere on his desk.

"That would be everyone." Bakura smirked.

"Don't even try Shadi because, Shadi told Isis, and Isis laughed at Malik when he asked her if she knew what it was and said that 'of course she did'." Marik put in.

Yami thought for a moment. "Pegasus." he finally spoke.

Bakura frowned slightly. "Never asked him. Got his phone number?"

"I'll look it up!" Marik started flipping through pages in the phone book.

Yami sweatdropped. He hoped that Ryou wouldn't be mad at him for the huge phone bill that would come because of this.

Author's Note:

Ryu: And that is the shorter than usual but none-the-less ending to the first story in the Insanity Arc, "Return to Insanity". The next installment will begin on April 17th, so you can look forward to that. Here is the complete summery of the next installment: "Bring on the Insanity".

Bakura is slowly adapting to having Marik around and watching out for him and takes on the task of introducing Marik to the rather important inventions which Isis never let Marik see: i.e. The computer and the DVD player. In a moment of untomb-robberness, Bakura decides to introduce Marik to the DVD player by showing Marik the Lord of the Rings, all of it. Seto also notices that Marik has been introduced to the internet through a rather unlucky turn of events, and Yami is still trying to find someone who doesn't know about the Trap-Door-Button-Thingie. Then Bakura makes a startling revelation: Marik's birthday is on April 1st! Bakura now finds himself trying to explain the concept of birthdays and the concept of April Fool's Day to Marik but finds there are a few problems, the first and worst of which is that the only thing Marik wants for his birthday is... a pet Balrog???

Rio: This fic should be a long one, as I am combining two fic plots into one fic, which should be interesting. See you then! (and please review!)


Rio the FlowerofBlackFire