This is a strange and surreal piece that I got from watching too many movies and zoning out on fuse for the entire day.... at least when I wasn't watching movies, which were mostly independent films. Also from the realization that I cannot, for the love of god, spell (Don't worry spell check has become my best friend). So this is going to be a strange one...also to add to the torture this is my first Saiyuki fic, but not my first fanfic. I also have only seen up to the fifth dvd so this is going to be a bit...Ooc? Well of course this is a SanzoxGoku fic so it is assumed but....

Blair: Would you just give the fucking disclaimer and be done with it?!?!?!?

Sheesh, fine picky! I do not own Saiyuki. As much as I love torturing Sanzo I don't because if I did Goku and Sanzo would be rolling in the hay within the first five minuets HAPPY NOW?

Blair: No

Oh right.... This is a gay, slash, yaoi, boyxboy fic if that makes you uncomfortable than please don't read the thing and flame me about writing a yaoi fic. Also we here in my mind we set the constructive critics on pedestals and worship them as our gods. That's right I said we. Flames are fun to eat^^

Blair: You scare me

I have been working on this thing for five straight hours and it is now five thirty in the morning I scare everyone

Rating: Pg-13 for swearing



'Sanzo in his mind'

::Sanzo's inner self::


The soft light that illuminated the dark wooden table feed into the weary atmosphere that surrounded the group of four. The tall man off to the left was seemingly ignoring his companions as he nursed a cold beer taking sips every half a minuet trying to block out the sounds of the youngest one's incessant noise. Well for Goku it was pretty silent but still it was noise and it had been grating on his nerves for the past few hours. Eyes the color of iced violets darted up and rested on the constantly happy saru.

The brown haired boy was happily biting into a large meat bun at the moment a look of pure ecstasy on his face that made Sanzo narrow in jealously. Of course he denied it passionately, he was a Sanzo priest he was not, repeat not, jealous of a pastry made of dough and meat. It was true but he still denied it to himself and seriously whom was he kidding? The only people or person who knew about this little debate was himself and his inner self and yes they were two completely different people.

::No shit::

It was a haughty voice full of confidence that loved to simply taunt and ridicule him at every opportunity that it got. God, he wished that voice would just die

::Glad to see that I am so loved::

'Glad to see that you still managed to keep your wonderful sense of humor' he retorted watching the golden eyes of the monkey pop open with anger as the red haired kappa stole the last fish cake. A fight ensued managing to grate on Sanzo's last nerve. His fingers tightened around the paper fan hidden in his sleeve and the vein above his eye began to twitch.

::Ah Ah Ah::

'WHAT?' The vein began to twitch more drastically as the annoying little voice refused to go away once again.

::You realize that I don't know? Your just complaining to yourself?::

'Do I look like I care?' he shot back the urge to whack himself, hard, right over the head.

::You know that was almost too easy::

Sanzo could almost see the infuriating grin on his self's face...that is if had a face. Not that he was going to get into that debate again. Forty times was least for this week. The will to hit something suddenly left him as the truth did it instead; he was a pitiful pitiful man. Outside he presented himself, as a cold uncaring bastard inside he was as messed up as the rest of them.

::Nice of you to finally admit it::

'What on the sacred name of Buddha makes you go away?' He ground out his eyes narrowing a fraction as the urge to hit something suddenly came back with a vengeance this time however it was time to take out his banishing gun and banish a certain half-demon into oblivion.

::Why Gojyo?::


::I asked why Gojyo? Why not Goku? He's making just as much if not more noise than Gojyo::

Sanzo eye's narrowed and his hand brought the can of beer to his lips and he took a long sip. That thought stirred up a strange feeling in him, it was warm a wonderful warm that spread through his whole body, but it sent one long deliciously strange shiver up his spine. Unconsciously his lanky fingers tightened around the soft aluminum of the can and his gaze rested on the slight monkey boy.


'Why won't you just go away' it was a despondent mutter one you only get when you realize something you didn't want to realize. He didn't want to accept his feeling for the monkey for the young boy that was under his charge. It slowly dawned on him, Goku was his charge, and he would be destroying the trust, the reverence that came along with that title.


'Excuse me?' He asked startled setting the can down on the table rather abruptly, oblivious to the strange looks he was getting from the rest of the table. Goku cautiously looked up at his master his large golden eyes innocently naive at the turmoil going on in the halo colored head of the priest. Taking another bite of spicy curry chicken and rice, he cocked his head at the strange expression on Sanzo's face as the older man stared straight at him. Gojyo and Hakkai were oblivious to the small staring contest that was going on both being to caught up in one another.

::You heard me I'm sick and tired of hearing your excuses every single FUCKING DAY!::


::Get off your fucking ass and grab the bull by the to speak::

'Don't you mean the monkey by the tail?' A smile that closely resembled a smirk pulled at his lips at the obvious distress that he was causing his inner self.

::You know what I mean::

'No I'm sorry what do you mean' Now a smile curved on his mouth a dangerous thing to see on Sanzo a man of few words and most of them meaning fuck off in one way or another. But there was one who didn't understand he simply walked over to the priest and with a single move grasped a lock of hair in his small hand and tugged lightly.


Dark eyes lifted to meet light ones and took note of the worried expression on the boy's face. Worry for him, "Are you alright?" the question was soft almost to soft for Sanzo to hear. His breath suddenly caught in his chest at the intensity that was behind it. It was not a simple question from a simple boy; it was a complex weave of emotions from Goku extended towards him. He didn't bother to berate Goku about still having his hand wrapped around one lock of his hair he simply stared into the pools of gold that prodded him for an answer.

Ignoring the rational part of his brain that said to hit him over the head with the fan just for touching him and ignoring the inner self, which was screaming obscenities at him for not confessing his dying love right then and there. Opening his mouth he dryly croaked out another question. "Why do you care?" It was said in a different manner than the question Goku had asked. Everything was riding on that one simple question, his mind, his heart and his sanity if the monkey didn't realize what it was.

Goku stared for a moment, blinked twice and then spoke as if the answer was the simplest thing in the world. Something that needed no thought what so ever, that it was simply ingrained in his everyday thinking. A whim of a thought that he said easily with so much joy. "Because I love you"

All coherent thought stopped in the monk's brain and even though he didn't realize it all movement and sound had stopped at the table. The two others were staring with open-mouthed shock at the scene playing out in front of them, they had not expected such a thing to happen, and nobody except maybe Goku had even anticipated those words.

Almost as if it had a will of it's own his hand stretched out and threaded itself within the highlighted locks of the boy in front of him. A rare smile graced his face and within that single moment his eyes melted into pools of violet reflecting the gold that stared into them anxiously. "I love you too baka saru" he muttered.



Blair: *snore*