0000Disclaimer never owned this :P 0000 Huge thanks to TLI for help with this chapter, longer ramblings at the bottom, hope you enjoy! 0000

To: BLaid, Jac'tir C

From: Central Officer

RE: Mission 2649MRTT2

Thank you for the suggestions you made to our plans of operation. We regret to inform you that no changes will be made to the current method of operation and that if any changes are enforced it will take 10 cycles for them to be put into practice.

Also your request for a transfer has been denied due to a lack of surviving mission runners. As I'm sure you will already know there have been many casualties as of late and your expertise in this particular field are too valuable to warrant placement anywhere else.

The charges against your co-runner Cheiro, Fayla T on the grounds of hitting a superior officer have been dropped and classed on your records as been down to extreme circumstances. We are also pleased to hear of your upcoming wedding and wish you all the best for the future.

Your next mission commences after a period of half a cycle of leave (as recommended by Central Command Psychiatrist Menlat, Brina I, post psychiatric evaluation)

Unfortunately we have also found major repairs that will need to be fixed on your Flight Runner, as you know half of the cost will be taken out of your wage to compensate for this.

As well as this we stress the need for you to remain silent concerning the nature of your last mission as it would cause undue stress and worry to the population.

However, the information you gathered during this mission was both informative and highly useful and you will receive a small bonus for your services.

Yours Sincerely

Central Command


It was hard to ignore the fact that the level of gossip had increased tenfold across the ship but Malcolm did his best. However even with the best of intentions he couldn't look Archer or Hoshi in the face.

Neither one of them could remember exactly what had happened but felt they knew everything after Travis in an almost gleeful way recapped the past events for them. What he didn't know he embellished with his own version of what happened from what others had said.

Frankly, it was mortifying on a level of total humiliation.

Malcolm, who had spent his entire Starfleet career carefully carving out a serious and responsible persona for himself now found that, thanks to his dubious upbringing and somewhat rebellious nature, his 'wild child' years of growing up had been on display for the entire crew to see. It made things very difficult when it came to reprimanding crew members and being struck with the realisation that the whole time he was speaking they just had visions of him head-banging to the Divine Comedy, randomly swearing at people and throwing the odd tantrum.

However, that he could deal with, Hoshi changing his nappies when he was younger was a whole other kettle of fish. Of course women in the past had seen his……………nether regions but they hadn't been changing his nappies. Of course his mother had changed his nappies but he liked to imagine she had her eyes closed while she was doing it.

Trip wasn't really helpful. He actually found the whole situation fairly amusing.

"It could've been worse," he said. "It could've been the Cap'n!"

Trip burst into laughter and Malcolm shot him a murderous look.

"At least I didn't try and score with every female member of the crew!" Malcolm retorted annoyed. "Sir."

Trip stopped laughing and scowled.

"I did not try and score with every female member of the crew," he said. "Some of them were busy changing your diapers!"

"Ah humour! Get some," Malcolm snapped finally reaching the end of his tether.

"Anyway Malcolm, I've been meaning to ask," Trip continued smiling at his discomfort and ignoring his previous statement. "Who in the hell are the Divine Comedy?"

Malcolm scowled and resumed his murderous expression.

"They're a band I happened to enjoy listening to during my teens," he said dismissively.

"I never imagined you as the head-banging type Loo-tenant."

"I never imagined you as a promiscuous teenager either Commander." There was a pause. "Actually I take that back, I did."

Trip snorted. "I'll have you know I'm a one woman kinda guy."

"I believe you. Many wouldn't but I do."

Trip eyed Malcolm suspiciously. Malcolm merely stared back at him.

"It really bothers you doesn't it? Everyone seeing ya as a kid."

Malcolm didn't reply and frowned again.

"I wouldn't worry, they'll forget eventually," Trip tried to comfort him.

Malcolm gave a snort of disbelief.

"Ok so maybe they wont," Trip conceded. "But they'll get fed up of it."

00 Seven Years Later 00

Malcolm held the tiny baby in his arms completely ignorant to the rest of the world.

"Hey Mal, ya gonna let the rest of us see?" Trip teased.

"You can see," Malcolm shot back. "Last time I checked you look with your eyes not your hands."

"Play nice Malcolm," said Hoshi taking their son off him.

Trip laughed and Travis came to see the baby.

"Hey Hoshi!" Travis said brightly. "You'll have someone else's diapers to change now!"

Hoshi smiled and tried hard not to laugh at the expression on Malcolm's face, however to her surprise Malcolm took a deep breath and answered:

"Actually, Hoshi and I had a discussion and we both agreed it wouldn't do for Starfleet Captain to not be potty trained," he told him seriously. "Plus the nappy ruined the smooth line of my uniform."

Trip nodded laughing.

"I told you they never forget," Malcolm muttered to him.

Trip grinned. "Yeah, but on the plus side it's only taken you seven years to think of a good come back."

0000 Well that's it, it's over. I could cry and say what a lot of fun I've had with this (that originally was only 8 chapters!!) and I have. But I'd like to thank the following people for reviewing and being magical and wonderful with putting up with my snail like updating ability :P. So ladies and gentlemen lets have around of applause for:

The Libran Iniquity (YOU FANTASTIC PERSON YOU!) , Pegasusflight , Edel, The Watch Stander, Flying Purple Pig, Gene, Jazzy, KaliedescopeCat, Phaser Lady, Wildcat, Ashti, Luna, Ocean, Melly, joslin, Orion9, jen, weegie, Anita, Soultoast, Southern Trip, Jacqui Simon, maraschino, Chianna, Katie, Gizzi1213, Captain Crash, Alison, Cha Oseye Tempest Thrain (Thank you!) Dyslexic Moaner, Mike, Wolfa Moon, jen171, anna, malcolmsluv, angharad, A.Winsor, mini, Thomasina, Drakcir, wuemsel, Reedie, Reticulation, paleoloca, Insane Elven Pirate, cryogenie, cillian4, pipper-noiter, Emiliana Keladry, gia, jaws, PJ in NH, scully, biomess, Rinne, Jazri, Julie, Gabi2305, Lachlan, stage manager, G.Eliot, Elizabeth Annette, ChRsTiNe17, Lieutenants-lady, Heather Martin, MuseUrania.

I'd do a musical number for ya but you'd run away screaming, so thanks again and remember-MAY THE SKIVVIES BE WITH YOU! 0000