Disclaimer: I do not own anybody from Inuyasha, or the following lyrics. Who do you think I am? ^_^
AN: Because there can never be enough S&M fics
Life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The demon had caused a landslide.
Given their size, this is a relatively simple process. They are injured, and they start to fall, the soil gives way, and the land under them slides forward.
But usually, Sango isn't rushing forward to pick up the fallen Kirara when the landslide starts. Today she was.
That's part of the job. To wake up each day and accept that it could be the last. I wake up with this fear constantly. So do the others, though they hide it. Inuyasha is gruff, Kagome is sweet, Shippo talks, and Sango… I don't know what Sango does. But she never smiles, so this passive resistance to hiding the truth makes her bare it as much as it does hide it. I suppose you could say it is so obvious it is unnoticeable. And myself, I smile. I flirt, and I tease, and maybe I really will find somebody who will accept to bear my children, in which case I will at least die happy, knowing my family line will continue.
Except I want her to accept me.
I accepted that I would die long ago. The need of the acceptance was brought with the Kazana. But I refuse to let her die. I simply refuse to let Sango die.
Running forward, I dropped my staff, and screamed her name. I bolted, and grabbed her by the waist, drawing her into the shelter of an out cliff of rock. She still clutched the unconscious cat-demon. Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled her head into my chest, my own head buried in her shoulder and I tried to protect her from the falling rocks and debris.
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
The air filled with dust, and I heard Inuyasha bellow something, his voice lapsing into swear words before the tumbling earth cut him off with their roar. Dust filled the air. I choked on it, and opened my clenched eyes. The area around me was darker than what I had ever experienced.
It felt like I was in a grave.
I dared not try and stand up, not knowing how much room I had. For that matter, how much air did we have? A chilling thought, which was calmed by the feeling of Sango held in my arms. Her body was warm, and I felt a bit of blood on the hand on her shoulder. But the wound had not been serious, so I had no need to worry about it.
No, of course not. I had other things to worry about.
"Are you okay, Lady Sango?" I asked the darkness, wondering if I was even facing her. My voice softened. "And Kirara?"
"She's right here," Sango said softly. Her muscles moved under my hand, and I knew she was petting the cat that still lay in her lap. Her breath caught, the loudest thing in the eerie silence of our shared grave.
No! I had to stop thinking about that! Inuyasha and Kagome were still out there!
"How are you, Houshi-sama?" she asked, her voice holding a hint of worry.
I was about to nod, my face burning, even though I knew she couldn't see me. "I'm alright." That was all I said. Why? Why was it all that I said? Why is it that I felt like choking? I was supposed to be a sweet talker, a charmer of the ladies, but I found myself speechless.
She swallowed. It was so quiet I could actually hear it. "Thank you, Houshi-sama, for saving Kirara and I."
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up
At least one of us was still able to speak. I shifted, sitting cross legged. "You would have gotten out just fine. I'm afraid I rather screwed things up."
"The point was that your heart was there, Houshi-sama."
I wondered how she could cheer me up so, when she still was not smiling, and when her voice was soothing. I smiled in spite of myself. It must be because she was a big sister. Kagome was a big sister too, and she could have much the same affect. Especially on Inuyasha, when he didn't deserve to be sat. "Do you want me to let you go, Sango?"
There was a long period of silence that made me feel nervous. What if she really was injured? I couldn't help her if I couldn't see her! Finally, she spoke, and moved against me. She had no reason to explain why, and no excuse to move closer, but Sango did so, and didn't bother to reason it out. "No."
People tell me that I am smart. I won't argue. I have a knowledge of the world yes, but not really anything practical, not when it comes to her. Her answer surprised me, filling my brain with confusion. "Aren't you worried that I'll do something lecherous?"
Stupid, stupid thing to say! She had practically told me it was okay to hold her, and now I was telling her I should let her go.
"Houshi-sama, I doubt that even you would be so perverted as to try something when we are t…trapped by a pile of rocks." Her head lifted from my shoulder, and I did not notice her stutter. I could tell simply by the topic at hand that she was staring at me suspiciously. "Would you?"
"Only with you," I drawled, the suave me drawn out at last. "You are after all, very tempting, Sango, and more so in such a dire situation." I felt myself smirk, thinking about the lovely view she was, and my voice grew deeper. "You are a fine specimen of woman, Sango. You are strong, and graceful, determined, and truly a sight for sore eyes."
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
There was silence again. Sango was avoiding my gaze, her forehead resting on my shoulder. I knew that she would be giving a maidenly blush that suited her as well as any battle face. This was confirmed by the warmth that I could feel even through my robes.
I couldn't stand the silence. Not like this, in this place. Where were the whisper of the trees, the crickets, anything? A bit of dirt tumbled from the walls, and she stiffened in my arms. "I'm sure it's just the dirt settling," I told her.
"Uh huh…." She seemed distracted, and out of it. Sango's breath was warm on my skin, as hot as it was in the cavern. "Are you just saying that, or is that really how you feel about me, Houshi-sama?"
"Of course it is." I was hurt that she needed to ask if I felt any less for her. But at the same time, I could understand it.
"Why are you telling me this now?" she questioned, sniffling, suddenly. I felt her head raise, and I heard a tear drop from her cheek to land on my dark robes. She was crying. "Houshi-sama, you pick an odd time to flatter a girl."
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
I wanted to grab her and kiss her. I wanted to kiss her until she stopped crying, until her body relaxed against mine, and until I forgot that we were trapped in darkness. "Why are you crying, my Lady Sango?" I slowly raised one of my hands, until I found her face. My fingertips brushed her cheeks, and little by little, I pressed my hand against her skin, cupping her blushing cheek.
The question was forgotten as I continued. "And this is the perfect time to flatter you, Sango. Inuyasha and the others can't eavesdrop on us, no demons to pop out on us. It's just you and I, and Kirara of course. But she's a demon. She will be up and about soon enough, Sango." I smiled, even though she wouldn't be able to see it in the dark. I'd like to think my demon exterminator companion would know when I was smiling without seeing my face.
"I don't think I like being alone with you, Miroku."
I nearly jumped away from her, hurt, but then she said my name, and my jaw fell open. My name! None of that damned 'monk' business, just my name. I took that memory and placed it somewhere where it could never be lost and always be near me. "Why not, Sango?"
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough
"Because of how you make me feel when you speak to me!" she blurted out. "You say something nice to me, and I want to be like this with you, to be held close against you, to hold you to me so tightly nothing can take you away from me! You touch me, just something friendly and soft, and I feel speechless."
Rubbing my thumb against the crest of her cheek, I sighed. "I feel the same way, Sango. So please, when you feel like doing that, go right ahead." Her arms slipped around my neck. I smiled again, this time it was dopey. "There, see? Was that hard?"
"You needn't be so superior about it, Houshi-sama," Sango chided.
"My apologies, Sango. I didn't mean to be condescending, merely teasing. You turn the nicest shade when I tease you. And your eyes widen and if I pretend, I'm able to imagine you were smiling."
I heard another tear land on my robe. She had never answered my earlier questions. I rubbed her back, and dried her cheeks with the hand that already lay upon her face, my fingertips running over her skin to find the courses of her tears. "Sango, why are you crying? You have no need to cry."
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
"Sorry," she apologized, making me wonder. What did she have to apologize for? Her grip tightened. "I just…. I find the air so close here. And it's so hot. And it smells… it smells like dirt…."
Puzzled, her last sentence, the intake of her voice, and the sudden chatter of her teeth clued me in to what was going on in her mind. She was thinking of Naraku, or maybe of Kohaku, but she was thinking of that day when she nearly died, and was buried alive.
She was claustrophobic.
My strong, valiant Sango had a weak spot. It made her seem suddenly more obtainable, more human. Oh, her blush and the feel of her body when I actually got to hold it made me fully aware that our resident demon extinguisher was indeed human, but somehow this made her seem more so.
She had never been trapped like this since it had happened. Even now I could not understand what must have been going through her head. Yes, once I was trapped beneath filth and muck, poisoned and weak while Inuyasha fought his half-brother, but that was different. I knew that if anything happened to me, there were others to help me. I had been weakened by those damn wasps, but I could still fight. Sango, she had once admitted to me, hadn't been able to walk after clawing her way out of the grave. To be in pain, both physical and emotional, and then to wake up and discover that you can't breath, that you can't see and there is a weight pressing you into a gritty pillow and suffocation…..
Perhaps people may see me with Sango, watching me grope her and getting slapped in response, and they assume I admire Sango for her physical assets. But that wasn't true. I admire her for everything about her, including the perseverance she has shown. She had been through hell, and yet she was still strong. She was like silver, forged in flame and still strong despite that heat, and still shining and beautiful despite that strength. Very few things can be truly beautiful and strong, and Sango is one of them.
Of every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions
"Sango, this isn't like that," I said gently. "This isn't like that at all. Inuyasha and Kagome are already starting to dig us out, I know it. Of course, they'll be fighting with each other all the way, but they'll get us out eventually. We just have to stay here, and enjoy our time together. This isn't like... like that at all. We're not almost dead and buried alive, we are simply… incapacitated."
I laughed in the darkness. "See? I told you she was going to be okay! And I will be right about everything else too. You have nothing to worry about Sango. Not from the dark, or the smell, or even from my hands."
She nodded against my hand. "It's just… I know it's different, but I'm still scared. There was no room in the dirt. It was warm, and heavy, and pressed against my back. This is open, but still so warm. And it smells the same, and that's what bothers me."
"No," Sango shook her head. "Like death."
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool
I slid my hand to her waist and held her tighter. "Everything is going to be okay."
No, not it isn't. We want it to, but there's no guarantee.
"I'm not going to let anything happen to you."
I won't, not while there is breath in me still, but accidents can happen. I won't… I can't be there, not all the time.
Damn that question; that annoying stupid question!
Once again speechless, I did the only thing I could think of doing. I kissed her. My lips missed, but hey, it was dark! They touched the side of her mouth, and she froze in response, her hands slowly holding me tighter as my lips moved over slightly to touch hers completely. They passed over hers once, and when they brushed hers a second time, her lips moved to meet mine almost nervously. I felt like every bit of me was smiling, as if something inside of me that was already delirious from hearing Sango say my name was now flying from knowing that she was kissing me back. The third time she kissed me back with growing independence, the skin of her lips still soft. And she had stopped crying.
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up
The hand that settled on her waist fell lower to the curve of the body under her waist and she stopped, pulling her face away from mine, but only enough that my mouth could not catch hers. I could still feel her eyelashes stir my bangs as she glared at me. Sango would not strike me, not in this blind and small space.
I laughed nervously, and my hand went back obediently to her waist. "I'm sorry, Sango. It was far too tempting. I was caught up in the moment, shall we say?" My nose brushed hers, and all the times I had spent staring at Sango, wondering what she would look like smiling or wondering how she could be a blushing maiden one moment and a steely warrior the next telling me exactly where her mouth was, and I kissed her again. Much to my surprise and my pleasure, she kissed me back again.
"Sango," I murmured her name as I lifted my head again, my lips wandering to kiss her anywhere they could reach. I had so much to say to her, but I could say none of it. How could I tell her it when Naraku eluded us still? How could I tell her that when saying it without seeing her face, without letting her see the honesty in my eyes, would mean nothing? My hand slowly began to brush her ponytail, working at the tips and climbing higher as I carefully removed any tangles from her hair, so that I would not cause her any discomfort.
"What?" she prompted, sounding shy again. My cheek brushed her jaw as I kissed her neck and I could feel it tremble a little. Ah yes, somehow, like her lack of a smile, I always forgot and remembered that Sango was not as used to the world as I was. It was likely that she had never kissed somebody before, and was none of my business as to whether or not that was true. But I recognized what she wanted by the sound of her voice. I had used that same tone of voice not too long ago: she was looking for reassurance.
Frankly, so was I.
The hint of the century
And so my playing nature came forth again. It seemed that it only came forth with Sango when it needed to. But even still, it was different than the one I used on Kagome, or any of the other women I met in my travels. Just don't tell them that.
It was honest. It was so honest it almost hurt, and it was a struggle to free from my throat because I wanted it to be absolutely perfect. I wanted it to be earnest, but poetic, and not cliched. But the last is always the hardest.
"My lady Sango, like reaching out and letting me hold you, if you ever want to do that again, all you have to do is to reach out and do it and I will gladly thank you."
She sighed. "Good. I liked it, Miroku."
I think my smile when I heard her say that could
have broken my face in half.
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
"Tell me a story, Sango," I suddenly said. Kirara meowed an agreement, and I felt bad, having almost forgotten that she was there. "Tell me one of your childhood, of growing up in the demon exterminator village. You must have a tale or two to be able to share with a lecherous monk like myself."
"Why?" she asked, and I damned that question again. How did she ever get her hair so soft?
I shrugged, trying to be indifferent, or at least casual, and trying not to grab her and kiss her again. Being buried under a bunch of displaced plants, dirt, and rocks, is hardly a time to start making out. True, neither is being chased around by a man dressed as a baboon, but at least then I don't have to worry about how much air we have to breathe, or the stifling heat, and then it's never with Sango, as much as I wish it were. She deserves something better than taking advantage of every demon free night at a nice inn, or every second away from hanyou eyes and curious human or little demon ones.
She deserved to be romanced. Properly, the way that a man should court a women when they want to spend their whole life with them.
Although, as neither of us -really, when I think about that further as anybody- really knows how long we will have to be alive, maybe a stolen kiss or a night of warmth on a mattress that we can never call ours is all we have, in the end.
But I digress. My thoughts wandered away again, as they so often do. I should probably get some type of leash for them. My silence at those moments seem to disturb people. I can't understand why. Perhaps the term 'lecherous' when used with 'monk' make people think that I should be a drunkard and be more 'lecherous' than 'monk'. Odd thoughts to be having when I hold a beautiful girl in my arms, I'll admit.
Damn it, what was the question again?
"I simply wanted to know more about you, Sango. And to hope to bring back happier memories so that you will continue to forget that you are trapped under a slab of rock with a man such as myself."
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
Her arms tightened around me. "I am forgetting, Houshi-sama. I forget because I am with you. I can close my eyes and the heat becomes a roaring fire, and it's just us, and Kirara of course." Sango acknowledged the cat not only be name but by petting her head and scratching her ears. "And I can't hear the rocks falling anymore, because all I can hear is your breathing. And I can't smell death anymore because all I can smell is you."
"I don't think there's much of a difference there, Sango," I laughed teasingly.
"Oh yes, yes there is," my lovely demon exterminator nodded. "Trust me. You smell good." Apparently this knowledge was enough for the demon exterminator to determine that I did not smell like death. Her arms held my tighter, and mine grew tighter in response. "And when you kiss me, I completely forget where I am, except that I'm with you. So you see, being with you is enough, Miroku."
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
"Kiss me again?"
But that was just a dream
The light finally broke through the rocks. Sango and I were blinded from it, and poor Kirara hissed, burying her head in my robes. I had never been so happy and so angry to see the light before. It meant that Sango and I were okay, but our time together was over. Slowly, my eyes adjusted, and I was able to make out a shape. It was impossible to make out Inuyasha's shape for anybody else's, what with the pants and, of course, the ears.
"Finally," Inuyasha sneered. "I don't know what the hell you two were doing, but you could have been helping a little. Sango's no weakling, and neither or you, monk! But no... you two sat there, doing nothing, while you had to make me do all the friggin work myself!" He threw the large boulder behind him, and it almost hit Kagome. She, of course, yelled at him to sit, and then clambered over his fallen body to peer at us.
Kagome, at least, was smart enough to look at the position we were in, and our bruised lips from kissing, and the clean streaks on Sango's dust covered face to know that whatever had been going on was none of her business. And that Sango would tell her later on, no doubt. I said nothing as to what we had been doing. I would not kiss and tell.
But I had not gotten to kiss her. I could not even recall who had asked who to kiss them again. Was it her, desperate to make the darkness of our crypt go away, or was it myself, intoxicated by my first taste of her?
Perhaps, gloriously, it had been both of us, that for a perfect moment we had been in tune for enough time as to know what each other wanted to hear and feel. It could happen, after all.
I turned back to Sango, and this time I was glad that she could see my smile. Taking her hand, I kissed it gently, and winked at her. "Until next time you feel so inclined as to seek some kind of companionship, my lady Sango. I will be counting down the minutes expectantly."
That was just a dream
She glanced behind my shoulder at the opening, where Kagome was poking with Inuyasha, apparently ignoring us. Sango leaned forward daringly and kissed my cheek. Knowing that she would do that when others might glance over and see us made me almost want to copy her example and start to turn red. Then she suddenly punched me, know that she could see how much room she had. Standing up, she dusted off her hands and picked up Kirara. "That was for being a pervert, Houshi-sama."
Sango glanced at them again, and then she ducked down and kissed my lips gently, as we were being completely ignored by the now bickering human and the half demon. "And that was for being Miroku, Miroku."
I think that my smile could have split my head in two again.
I'll never let anything happen to her.
Do you think the next demon we find could start another landslide?