SLAYER, SLEW, SLAIN
By Niels van Eekelen
Only the good die young, right? Shit! I'm going to live forever.
--A Distant Soil #25, by Colleen Doran
--"Slaying's what we were built for, B--if you're not enjoying it, you're doing something wrong."
I guess this is where I am supposed to tell you about my childhood. At least, that's how it is in all the movies. Probably in the books, too, but I wouldn't know that. I'm not exactly much of a reader.
So, I'm supposed to talk about my childhood. Well, here's an idea about that: screw you. No way I'm gonna waste my time on that psych crap. I mean, it was all pretty repetitive, anyway. I did something, tried to have some fun usually, then my father let me know how much he appreciated that I'd reminded him I existed outside the limited use he had for me. Not. Then nothing happened for a while, until it all started over again. How's that for a 24/7?
Oh, and of course we shouldn't forget those exciting times when my mother managed to drag herself away from the TV-set. That was always a big event. Something to look forward to each month. Well, all right, maybe each year is closer.
OK, this is so everything you need to here about my childhood, got it? Personally, I don't even get why you'd want to know.
I mean, I'm Faith, the bad-ass vampire butt-kicker. I'm a Slayer. Life for us chosen ones doesn't really start until we're sixteenish, seventeenish, when the power kicks in.
Now, how that happened to me, that's actually a pretty cool story--I accidentally put my dad in the hospital. But we'll get to that. I talk about this, tell you the tall tale that's my life. You just sit back all comfy and make sure the nachos and the beer are within reach. I'd recommend tissues, too, but if you're the wimpy type, just get the fuck out. You wouldn't even get what my life's about.
Story written by Niels van Eekelen. © Copyright 2004 Telltale Productions.
In a perfect world, I would own the series 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' and 'Angel'. Alas, it is not, and I bow my head to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Ah, well. It's probably for the best, me not having a contract to put the show on the air and all.
A special thanks to Paul Leone and Teresa Owens, from whose story 'The Deliverer' I nicked the name of Faith's Watcher, though not the character.