Title: Author, Author

Author: Snacky

Email: snknjak@yahoo.com

Summary: Jack's up to something, but what is it?

Disclaimer: I don't own stargate or any of it's characters, I'm just borrowing them for a while. I make no money from this fanfiction.

Authors notes: I was never very good at writing in the 3rd person but I tried anyway. I thought of this story after reading Try Again by lilad - thank you for the inspiration.

Down one of the many corridors of the SGC Colonel Jack O'Neill could be heard humming to himself, well that is until the resident archaeologist Dr. Daniel Jackson turned up.

"You seem pleased with yourself"

"That's because I am"

"Why what have you done?"

"That's for me to know and for you to find out"

"You haven't deleted all the contents off my computer have you?"


"You haven't changed the coffee for gravy granules again have you?"

Jack laughed "that was funny wasn't it?"

"No, it was pathetic!"

"Po'tato, Pota'to"

Daniel had to shake his head "I'm going to my lab, If you have done something to my computer, I swear you'll regret it!"

Jack just smiled and carried on his merry way. Finally reaching his destination he opened the doors of the commissary and entered, well strutted in actually but lets not squabble. Spotting his 2IC he 'strutted' his way towards her table and sat down on one of the chairs opposite her.

"Do you need to pee Sir?"


"Sorry, you were walking funny, I just assumed...Never mind"

"I wanted to talk to you in private"

"Oh well let me finish my lunch and I'll join you in your office"

All of a sudden everyone in the commissary left, leaving their half-eaten food were it sat.

"Well no one is here, want to talk now?"

"That was weird! Sure we can talk now"

"Well I was wondering if you would like to go out with me tomorrow?"

"You me like a date?"


She wanted to say no, She wanted to say we can't or that it wouldn't be right but the only word that passed her lips was "Sure"

"Great I'll pick you up tomorrow 19.00 hours"

With that he got up and left, That was the time when everyone that had previously left the commissary suddenly rushed back in and started eating again.

"Weird!" Was the only thing she could say.


"I'm telling you Daniel something's going on"

"He has been unusually smug"

"I believe Major Carter is right, I witnessed Colonel O'Neill Painting his office yellow. When General Hammond saw it he said great work Colonel, keep up the good work and carried on walking"

"He painted it yellow? I would have done it blue"

"Sam concentrate, we may be dealing with an alien that can influence people's minds"

"Right so what do we do?"

"For the moment I suggest we act normal and see what he does next"


"Great paint work Sir!"

"Ya think?"

"Yes but blue would have been much better"

"Really, Hmmn..."

As jack was contemplating if he should paint his now yellow walls blue there was a loud bang from one of his closets.

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"That noise?"

"What noise?"

"Sir!, The noise that came from your closet?!"

"What noise that came from my closet?"

"Oh for...I'll just see shall I?"


"What's in there Sir?"


"Then you won't mind if I have a look now will you?"

"You can't I wont let you!" Standing in front of the closet trying to prevent her from opening it

"I'll call security Sir!"

Now here's the boring part where Jack decided to take five minutes to decide how to answer. I'll just skip ahead.

"Fine it's my magic fairy"

"Magic fairy? Sir come on let me look"

"I swear, when I want something to happen she makes it happen!"

"Move Sir!" Which is exactly what he did. Sam then proceeded to open the closet door and find a young woman gagged and bound, sitting in her CO's closet. She crouched down to undo the gag so the woman could speak.

"Untie me so I can go home!"

"Who are you?"

"I'm Snacky, I'm an author. I was trying to do something nice for you all but that idiot tied me up and put me in here!"

"Sir how could you, capturing a poor author like that; you should be ashamed of yourself"

Sam then untied poor Snacky, (:-D) so she could stand up.

"Thanks Sam I can now go home but first before I do I've got a bit of revenge to do!"

She then clapped her hands and disappeared. Sam, after standing there stunned for a minute turned to leave. Unfortunately that caused further shock as the formally smug Colonel O'Neill hung from the door in only his underwear.

"Carter! Get me down!"

"Not yet Sir, I just have to go and get every member of the SGC and a camera"