To see beyond sorrow

Soft tunes floated in the quiet hallways, peeking into the empty classrooms and alcoves. The soft caress of lean fingers elected sad melodies from the instrument and the almost dreamy smile on the player's face would make poets grab their quills, would make them write odes to the mortal angel.

Soft black hair fell down to the cerubian face, shadowing the now closed eyes. Behind the hair was a lighting bolt- shaped scar, hiding from the prying eye. The subtle curls floated down to the shoulder blades that were moving in their black cotton prison.

The wooden instrument, if it could talk, would have sing on it's own accord. Sing for the loving touches of the young man, who played it.

The softest of sighs caressed it's wooden surface and the bow was lowered nearly to the ground. Still keeping his eyes closed, the boy wiped the tears from his cheeks. The music was his escape from the cruel world. From the world that had taken away everybody, who he had loved.

The slightly swollen lids opened and revealed the bright emerald eyes that held so much sorrow and pain behind them. Slowly he rised from his seat and placed his precious cello back on it's place, leaning against the wall.

The boy looked around and sighed again. He still was in his room, hidden from everyone in the Gryffindor tower. He kept his true life hidden in there, for he didn't want his sorrow to be displayed to everyone. He was safe there, safe from the good intentions of his friends and the tauntings of his foes.


The whisper faded in the shadows and more tears fell down his cheeks, over his jaw, disappearing into his collar. The flood of emotions forced the suffering boy on his knees, trembling with powerful sobs. The only thought in his tormented mind was that there was nobody for him to love, to love him.

"I can't love anymore…"

Tears rained down to the floor and the boy sobbed more violently. The only thing he yearned, was that somebody could see past his scar and past his name, to his heart and soul. That somebody could see who he really was.


Severus Snape, the most feared teacher of Hogwarts, was patrolling the hallways, ready to take points from anyone foolish enough to be outside their dormitories at night. Hiding in the shadows the gloomy professor was able to let his normal scowl fade away and sometimes he smiled to himself. The reason he smiled was not the point taking, but sometimes it was the dance of the moonlight or the laughter in the Common Rooms. Severus Snape wasn't just the dark wizard everybody thought they knew, he was very sensitive and even romantic.

At the time he was walking near the Gryffindor tower and his smile faltered. The noble fools had always hated him, for no reason at all. They just hated him for what he showed them. Soft music was to be heard from the tower, but Severus first doubted his hearing. Nobody of the Gryffindor house would dare to rebel against Minerva McGonagall and her strict curfew. But then the music became louder and Severus identified the instrument to be a cello and somebody was playing sad tunes with it. Small tear escaped from the eye of the potions professor. He could feel the pain that the player was experiencing.

But he didn't know who would be able to play cello, normally the Gryffindors didn't have enough musicality to play anything. But the tunes were so pure, so innocent and so sad that Severus couldn't swallow the sob that escaped from his lips. He sat down on the stairs and listened to the melodies, almost swaying like a snake in the hands of the snake tamer. The music stopped and Severus snapped back to reality. He didn't hear anything from the tower anymore and he sighed deeply. He wanted to hear more from the player, his or her talents were magnificent.

Severus got up on his wobbly feet and he slowly made his way towards his rooms in the dungeons, his mind filled with the music from the mystery-player.


"Harry! Time for breakfast!" Ron shouted through the portrait.

Harry got up from his bed reluctantly and he stumbled to the private bathroom he had in the Head Boy's room. Dumbledore had thought that Harry's depression would fade if he had some privacy of his own and with little meddling from Dumbledore, Harry had been made the Head Boy. But the Headmaster was just a wee bit wrong. Harry didn't cheer up at all, but now he didn't show his depression so obviously.

"Harry?" Hermione shouted, sounding worried.

"I'm coming, hold your horses."

Harry took the last glance at the mirror and sighed. "No wonder nobody loves me, I look like a scare crow." But he was wrong. Many of the girls were falling for him, for his hair and eyes, for the tall and lean body, but unfortunately most of the girls were falling for the scar. Everybody wanted to be seen with the famous Boy Who Lived, not with Harry. Sighing again Harry took his books and stepped outside to see his waiting friends.

"What took you so long?" Ron asked.


Hermione was worried for his friend. Although Harry didn't show his pain and loneliness, Hermione knew that Harry yearned for love. Yearned so badly, that every time he saw Hermione and Ron sharing a hug or kiss, he seemed to fade away a bit more. And there wasn't much left anymore.

They walked to the Great Hall and Harry looked around and saw the adoring faces. Harry was more drawn to himself after he had defeated Voldemort. And the more he retreated to himself, the more the adoring audience loved the mystique that oozed from him. Harry sat down with his head hanging low and his shoulders hunched.

"Look Harry, you're not the only one who's brooding." Ron said, pointing towards the staff table with his head.

Harry looked up and saw that their Potions Professor was looking rather sinister, glaring at his omelette like it had done something to him. Looking more closely Harry saw the little hints that professor had been crying the whole night: he's eyes looked dull and his lids were slightly puffed, but nobody really noticed any of this. 'Nobody cares enough.' Harry thought and felt a pang of guilty. He had developed a crush on his gloomy professor during their private lessons before the war. But never had he acted for his feelings. He always thought that the professor would never love his formal enemy's son, a twenty years younger son. Even loving him as a friend was probably too much for the moody professor. So Harry just swallowed the lump from his throat and tried to kill his feelings, always failing. The young love just grew as the days went by. And now the squeeze in Harry's heart almost made him cry. Oh how he wanted to just go and hug all the worries away from his friend and professor.

Severus looked up and caught Harry's eyes. Occlumency lessons had brought them more and more together and they were friends, but to the rest of the school they were still enemies, although it ate both of them from the inside.

Dumbledore watched Severus' behaviour and noticed the sad and longing glance he had shared with Harry. Dumbledore might be old and little silly, he still knew what that glance meant. He knew that both of them wanted so much love, but neither of them was willing to open their hearts first. Too many times somebody had wounded them, made them believe that they weren't worthy of loving. It pained the Headmaster to see both of them slowly dieing and tried to figure out something to bring them together.


Severus returned to reality and looked at the Headmaster, looking tired and worn out.

"Yes Albus?"

"What's the matter? You look like Death himself."


"Oh really?"

"Yes, nothing."

Headmaster looked sternly at Severus and arched his white eyebrow, making the potions master wriggle on his seat. Dumbledore patted Severus' shoulder and looked deep into his eyes.

"Don't consider me stupid, dear Severus. I see that something is bothering you."

"It's something that even you can't solve." With that Severus got up and left the staff table and returned to his own chambers.

The Headmaster sighed deeply and he looked old and worn. The centuries were gaining on him and he felt so bad for his friend. But there just had to be something he could do to help Harry and Severus get together. And he was determined to find a way, like he always had done.


The next night Severus found himself standing outside Gryffindor tower, waiting for the anonymous player to play his/her music again. At the same time he felt addicted to the music, but he also was confused. How was he able to forget his little crush on Harry so fast? For months he had pained after the young wizard, desperately wanting to hold him and inhale the sweet scent that purely belonged to Harry. But the couple tunes he heard last night had wiped his entire memory clean from Harry, filling it with the music that poured from the Gryffindor tower.

"I don't know who to love. Hell, I didn't even knew that I was capable to love." Severus murmured to himself and sighed. What was he doing? Waiting outside the portrait like a lovesick Hufflepuff.

Severus ran his fingers through his hair and started to walk back to his chambers, but stopped to his tracks when the soft music danced in the hallway and hypnotized Severus. He closed his eyes and slumped against the wall, sitting on the cold stone floor. The tunes were darker than last time, but it didn't lessen their beauty. Severus sighed, when he felt a single tear roll down his cheek.

"It's beautiful." voice spoke somewhere near.

Severus snapped awake and jumped to his feet, with his wand ready. The Headmaster stood in the hallway, looking at the professor kindly. He walked next to Severus and leaned against the wall, listening to the music.

"What is beautiful?" Severus asked, playing stupid.

"The music. I believe that is what you were listening to." Dumbledore answered, with the twinkle in his eyes.

Severus sighed and looked at the old Headmaster. "Yes, it is really beautiful. But I didn't knew that somebody in Gryffindor played cello."

"Ah, well. It's because the said player didn't want to bring it up. He wanted to keep the music to himself, as it is his only comfort these days." Headmaster said, looking little sad.

"He? Care to tell me his name?"

"Why you want to know his name?" Dumbledore asked, sternly looking at the deep black pools that Severus had as his eyes.

"I.. I.. The music.. It's just so beautiful." Severus stuttered and looked down to his feet.


Severus' head snapped up and he stared at the Headmaster, not believing his ears. "Excuse me, but did I hear correctly? Did you just say that Harry Potter is the player?"

"You heard me. Harry is the player. He started when he came to Hogwarts, I taught him myself. He just wanted something to calm him, something that he could really call his own. A tool to express his feelings."

"Oh my.." Severus was little lost. Now that his love for Harry was clued together with the love towards the music, his heart clenched painfully.

"What are your feelings toward the young man?" Dumbledore asked, looking very serious.

"I.. I think I love him." Severus said, looking little surprised by his own confession.

"Good. I think that both of you need the comfort and warmth of love. Try to make the boy open up again. Show him your love. Try to win his love." With these words Dumbledore walked away and left Severus standing in the hallway, with million thoughts flying around his head.

"I love him…"

The whisper died slowly, fading in the shadows. Severus slumped back down and listened to the music with the buzzing thoughts. He bowed his head down and shaky sob escaped his lips. He wanted to win the boy's heart, but it felt so difficult. Why would such handsome and young boy fall for his old and scarred professor? Severus cried for awhile and the tears cleared his head. He wasn't going to give up, he had survived Voldemort, he had survived the Last War, he had done so many difficult things, and this wasn't going to stop him.


The next morning Severus started planning. He just had to convince Harry that he wasn't alone, but loved. Severus watched the boy's work in the Potions class and was surprised that Harry acted like nothing was wrong, but he did notice that the emerald eyes were clouded by sorrow from time to time. None of his friends did notice this, probably just because they wanted to believe that their precious friend was feeling well. Severus felt a stab in his heart. Why hadn't he noticed any of this earlier?

Once Harry looked up and noticed his teacher's examining glance and turned his head down. Slight blush rised on his pale cheeks and one single thought pounced up and down in his mind: does he know? Shaking off the thought Harry continued on brewing the potion, feeling the onyx eyes clued to his being.

Severus was thinking about, how smooth Harry's skin looked like, how sparkling those emerald eyes used to be. How he could make them shine again? Severus almost felt a light bulb blink over his head when he had an idea: he would approach the boy by music. Almost rubbing his hands together Severus continued to stare the oblivious boy, almost giggling.


The next night Severus stood again outside the Gryffindor tower, this time he had a suitcase with him. With gentle hands he laid the suitcase down on the stairs and opened it. Inside on a bed of crimson velvet laid a violin, darkened by it's age and by the loving fingers that had touched the wooden instrument. Severus smiled softly, like a man meeting a very old friend.

Before picking it up Severus flicked his wand, casting a Silencing spell around himself, tweaking it just a bit: it didn't cover Harry, so the young Gryffindor would hear the music. Severus tucked the instrument under his jaw and sighed softly. He hoped dearly that the boy would hear his playing, he hadn't any idea what he should do if this wouldn't work.

Shaking off the negative thoughts Severus placed the bow on the strings and started playing the same song that Harry had played the first night. Small smile graced Severus' lips when the power of his playing got stronger and stronger. Not once did he play wrong and his heart was at the tip of the bow, making the soft melodies even softer.

Taken away by the music Severus didn't notice immediately, when the portrait opened a bit and a pair of emerald eyes looked at the dark man, widened by the surprise. Soon after that the boy was enchanted by the music and he stepped outside, looking intently at his professor and the holder of his heart.

Severus played the last note and jumped almost three foot in the air, when Harry sighed somewhere left of him. Severus spun around and saw Harry. Beaming smile made it's way to his lips before he could stop it. 'Oh, why bother? He's so adorable, looking so confused and.. happy.' Severus beamed at his student.

"Hello Harry. How are you?"

"I'm.. fine, but why are you here? I didn't know that you could play violin."

"I.. I just wanted to play somewhere else that in the dungeons. This felt like a good spot, 'cause couple nights ago I heard someone playing cello. I thought that people wouldn't mind." Severus knew that his explanation was as leaky as boat made from emmental-cheese, but he hadn't thought about anything else to explain his odd behaviour. But it seemed to him that Harry swallowed the explanation with it's hook, line and sinker.

"So.." Harry said and blushed.

"So.. What?" Severus pushed the topic gently.

"I.. I think I'll go back to sleep. Good night sir."

"Good night Harry." Severus whispered, hoping that his little performance had at least little affect on his student, on his love. Severus sighed deeply and made his way back to the dungeons, the violin safe on it's velvet bed.


A/N: the first chapter has come to an end, tell me what do you think? With the help of the little button you could tell me your thoughts.

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