((I am a fan of Jeff Foxworthy. For those of you who don't know who he is, he is a comedian that has a lot of jokes about being a "redneck" or "hillbilly". And what makes it funnier is that he IS one. Anyway, this fic is an offshoot of his "..you might be a redneck" jokes. It has a lot of innuendo and some swearing so readers beware. If you liked "What Have I Learned" you'll probably like this one. The guys are about 15))
They argued all the way to their bedroom about whose fault it was. They argued once inside the bedroom about whose fault it was. The arguing only stopped once Raphael got Michaelangelo into a headlock and forced him into admitting that he was to blame for their restriction and punishment.
Raph let Mike go with a punch to his arm. "S'what I thought."
Mike rubbed his neck giving his brother an evil glare. "It still wasn't my idea to goof off at practice. I just went along with it."
"That's why it was your fault." Raphael laid down on his bed with a frustrated sigh, while Mike turned the notebook over in his hands and tossed it to Donnie.
"That's not very logical, Raphael," Donatello said sitting on the floor next to Leo, pen and paper ready.
Leonardo sighed "It doesn't matter whose fault it is. We don't have very long to finish the assignment. We might as well get to work on it." There was no point to arguing. Splinter would come for them in an hour and he would want the assignment done. Between the four of them, they were to explain what it meant to be ninja. Leo knew what his sensei wanted. An essay on discipline, courage and honor. But probably more discipline considering that his brothers had absolutely zero this morning during practice. Ok, so maybe Leo hadn't helped the situation any. But playing keep away from Mike had been just too tempting at the time for even him to resist.
Don tapped his pen against the notebook and for a minute no one spoke. Mike broke the silence with a faint chuckle.
"What the hell you laughing at Mike?" Raphael asked in irritation.
Mike chuckled again. "Just thinking."
Raphael opened his mouth to say something and shook his head. "Nevermind. Too damn easy."
Leo gave Raph a look. "Thinking about what Mike?"
"What it means to be ninja," Mike grinned.
His brothers all stared at him for a minute. Finally Don said, "And why is that funny?"
"If it's normal to walk around with a three foot blade strapped to your back…you might be a ninja. If the words hari-kari mean A LOT more to you than just a baseball announcer…you might be a ninja. ." A/N: For those of you non baseball fans. Harry Carry was announcer for the Chicago Cubs. And hari-kari is another name for seppuku.
Again his brothers stared at him in quiet disbelief.
"If the sight of farm tools make you think of battle," Don said slowly with a faint smile.
Mike grinned. "You might be a ninja. Oh wait…." He looks at Don. "If you can touch your staff in public….you might be a ninja."
Raphael laughed. Whether it was at the comment or Don's reaction to it no one was sure. "If defending a girl's honor involves MORE than climbing to the top of a water tower."A/N: You probably won't get that one if you are not a fan of Jeff Foxworthy
Mike blinked and then grabbed then notebook and pen from Donnie and started writing.
"Mikey, you can't write this stuff," Leo whispered. "It's disrespectful. It's inappropriate. It's…"
"All true," Mike interrupted, writing. "If it's perfectly legal for your father to toss you from one side of the room to the other…you might be a ninja."
"No," Don chuckled. "If being tossed from one side of the room to the other is your idea of FUN you might be a ninja."
"Or you're just Leo," Raph muttered.
"Whose got another one?" Mike asked ignoring Raph with the ease of many years experience.
"If you'd rather kick open a door than turn the knob…you might be a ninja," Leo spoke up with a thoughtful grin.
Mike and Don looked at their brother in surprise. "Why Leo," Mike laughed. "I'm shocked."
Leo smiled and shrugged.
"Wait wait," Don said. "How about, if you'd rather use a lock pick than a key….you might be a ninja."
"How 'bout….if your first words were 'kick ass'?" Mike added writing quickly.
"Then you'd be me," Raphael said with a smirk.
"Well, you're ninja Raph," Donatello reminded him.
Raph chuckled and shook his head. "If "teach my child how to mix poison" is on your parent's to do list....you might be a ninja."
Leo moved from the floor to sit beside Raph. "If you spend more time trying to empty your mind than you do thinking."
Don glanced over Mike's shoulder to see if he was keeping up.
Raph sat up. "If 'it's not the size of the stick but how you use it that matters' is actually TRUE, you might be a ninja."
Again Don blushed. "Can we NOT talk about that anymore?"
His brothers all chuckled and Mike couldn't help but add. "Donnie's suffering from bo staff envy." He ducked just in time to avoid the pillow that came flying at him.
Raph grinned. "If you call someone Master and it has nothing to do with S&M."
"How 'bout, if you wear a black hood and it has nothing to do with S&M?" Mike asked with a grin.
Leo looked up. "And just which one of you is going to explain to sensei what S&M is?"
Still writing, Mike muttered just loud enough for Leo to hear. "Any... questions...ask...Leo."
Leo blinked and this time Mike wasn't able to duck the pillow. He fell back with a yelp and sat up quickly flinging it back at his brother. Don grabbed his pillow and decided to join Leo in his attempts to kill Mike which brought Raph in on his "baby" brother's side.
Outside the room, Splinter listened closely to the sounds of an obvious pillow fight. He listened for a few moments and then just shook his head as he walked away. They still had more than forty minutes. He made a mental note that next time he wanted to punish his sons, he would send them to different rooms.