This is an old story. It's a gentle Grissom/Greg Slash. It's a little weird; it's from Greg and Grissom's POV but there's also a spider's POV… and a fly's
These are definitively not the Characters from CSI owned by CBS, more like an AU
I shouldn't have done this. I fell for the "just once, no attachments" line and slept with my youngest coworker. I'd truly believed this would be a one night stand with no consequences – I think Greg truly believed so himself.
If I had been more aware of my own feelings I would have realized that it wouldn't be just a casual night between two consenting adults.
I've always liked him. I knew he was attracted to me. We'd occasionally flirted, for God's sake. How could I believe there would be no consequences?
What I didn't expect was to have him expect more. He wants to have a relationship with me.
Our parting conversation still pounded in my brain
"You can't do this and not feel anything" he whispered while I got dressed
"Greg, I like you a lot, but it would be wrong to do this again. I'm your boss -"
"So what? Tell me this, can you really go through life, alone?"
"I've lived my whole life not needing anybody"
"I don't believe you. There's so much tenderness and passion in you. I wish... I hope you give yourself a chance"
I briefly thought of staying but in the end I drove home. Still, I stopped a few blocks away from his place to think it over because I hated to leave him like that. I sat there, debating the wisdom of going back and explain why I couldn't... but what was the use? I'd only be prolonging our pain .
So, in the end I went home and forced myself to eat and read the paper, though resisting the idea of sleeping or showering.
I sat on the couch for a long time, torturing myself with the images I had of him.
But I eventually erased those images from my memory. I berated myself for falling so easily out of my celibacy wagon.
And I got a shower and washed away every last trace of him from me, not looking at myself though knowing only too well that he had marked me.
When I finally looked at myself in the mirror I coldly assessed my options in life. I felt old, pathetic, and weak.
I need balance and order, not romance.
Death bodies. Blood everywhere.
I collected the evidence. There's some DNA swabs for Greg.
I wonder if seeing me here will change the way he was feeling last night.
Well, that wasn't so bad. His first instinct was to look away when I entered the lab, but I calmly handed him my evidence and asked him to page me ASAP. He mumbled something about working on it immediately, which is what he always says.
When he paged me I came immediately and my attention was on the written explanation, not on the things he was telling me. He tends to do that. Explain what he did, as if I would ever doubt his thoroughness or expertise. As always, his written report was enough and I didn't say what I've always wanted to say: ' Do we pay you by the word?'.
"Good, Greg" –I said absently, stopping his rambling and then signing the release form he handed me. I briefly looked at him and asked if the others had already handed their evidence on my case. We held each other's gaze for a moment as he explained something and I noticed the slight puffiness under his red rimmed eyes. Then he turned and reached for some papers and I noticed a love bite on his neck. That made me falter a little, because I did that to him. He turned to me again and the collar of his shirt covered it neatly.
"Thanks, Greg" – I said, leaving. I was glad that I was making it easy for us to go back to our daily routine.
Except that I forced myself not to ask him if he was OK; forced myself not to turn around and see if he was checking me out, see if he found me attractive here too, without the immediate promise of pleasure.
Which meant this wasn't just another night and it would not be until I got him out of my head.
Thank God the shift's over. These past two nights have been rough.
God, I've fallen hard and I'm not used to it!
I thought he would avoid me and send his evidence bags with someone else. He didn't. He's been treating me as always, these past three nights. He acts as if nothing happened, which could be a good thing in other circumstances, sure, but not now. I was hoping he would feel bad and lonely. It sounds selfish, I know.
I wanted to be his savior.
I see now that nothing changed for him. He doesn't need me.
* * *
The wall is cracking.
A friend of mine came to buy a gift from the Coroner's Gift Shop. We were in the hall, looking at the display when Grissom passed by; Griss, usually so proper and contained shot us a look that was half anger half jealousy. I saw his face reflected on the glass, I saw the look, brief though it was. Well, well, who would have thought the old "use a friend to make your lover jealous" trick would work on Grissom? Had I known, I would have done it on purpose much earlier.
"Why are you smiling all of a sudden?" asked Bob
"Oh, nothing, nothing. I have some reports to give to my boss"
GRISSOM'S SPIDER PET:
Greg came to Grissom's office to talk about some lab results. He explained on and on, and after a while he was repeating himself, rambling and clearly expecting some reaction from Grissom. I'm sure Grissom knew what Greg was doing (contrary to what people think, he's very perceptive, he just chooses not to do anything.) but he didn't take the bait; he just read the report. Uh, oh. Greg leant on the desk, angrily:
"You're a SOB, you know that?"- he hissed
"I am your boss, THAT I know" Grissom gave him a warning look
"Oh, yeah? What about that look you gave me out there? You were jealous"
Grissom looked at him, weighing between answers. "Greg" he sighed and leant back on his chair "let's get over it, OK?"
"I can't. And you can't either."
"We've already talked about this."
"We didn't talk. You just left"
"Yes, that's my point: You're just upset that I rejected you; you're not used to that "
"Don't talk as if you know me. You don't."
"That's true. You don't know me either. I'm sure you'll get over it soon"
Greg looked at Grissom with a wounded expression "You think I'm pretty shallow, don't you"
"Just too young" Grissom knew he was blaming everything on Greg and it wasn't fair, but it was a matter of survival. A heart broken at 27 mends easily, but broken at 46... Greg next words stunned him.
"I can't work with you anymore"
"Don't mix the job in this, Greg, it's not professional"
"I need a little respite, Grissom. And George Lopez wants to work nights for 2 weeks. Eckley's been pestering me to trade and I think I'll accept"
"Eckley's not going to give you a respite, he'll make your life hell"
"Oh, I already have my own hell " he tried to smile but his lips were trembling. Grissom opened his mouth to say something but stopped; his face resuming the mask of indifference that usually worked so well.
"If you think it'll help, of course I'll sign the request".
"Yeah, well..." he hesitated. I imagine he was coming to a big decision "It will help, Grissom"
Then he started reassuring Grissom that he would finish any pendant reports and finally he started to leave. Just before reaching the doorway he stopped and turned his head to whisper something. Grissom only caught the end.
"…a chance, Gil, don't be afraid"
Grissom didn't answer and Greg left.
I know Grissom from way back; I've seen him behind closed doors, seen him fighting not to cry after a bad case or collapse from exhaustion; I know him and I knew and what he was thinking: He wished Greg had yelled and kept his anger intact because those are feelings Grissom understands well. Tenderness is something he's never dealt well with.
A FLY ON THE WALL (ABOUT TO DIE BECAUSE OF THE DESINFECTANTS IN THE LAB):
Gil Grissom, master of denial, would have left it at that, but a week later he was leaving after a long shift and he saw Greg, hunched upon a microscope. Grissom found it striking that the young man was not looking striking himself. His hair wasn't spiky but neatly combed, and he was wearing a muted T-shirt, nothing loud. Grissom was concerned enough to enter the lab.
"Excuse me, sir, do you know what happened to a Greg Sanders who used to abuse his hair in 20 different ways?"
"Very funny, Grissom"
"New look, Sanders?"
"Yeah. Don't have much time for grooming. There's a lot to do during the day.
"How's your boss treating you?
"Oh, you know... I've been pulling double shifts and he's happy. Wants me to stay."
That angered Grissom but he managed to sound calm.
"Are you accepting?"
"Don't know. It's not my decision only. The team's nice, though"
"Well, the night team misses you"
"Yeah " he smiled, facing him for the first time "They've been dropping by, offering little rewards if I return before the two week run. The guys offered basketball tickets and Catherine offered to teach me to tango"
"That should help you make your mind, then"
"Nay. Have to see what Eckley offers me" he joked.
Grissom didn't appreciate the humor "Maybe he'll offer to have sex with you and THAT will make you stay"
Greg blanched. Grissom himself gaped "Greg, I'm sorry" he said, stepping closer to Greg, who moved out of the way and hissed "Get out of my lab, now!"