Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Tolkien. Yay, Tolkien.
A/N: I apologize in advance to any Thranduil lovers out there. I don't have anything against him, but he kinda gets bashed anyway.
And I'm also fully aware that there's no such thing as nightclubs in Middle-earth, but I couldn't resist. You never know with the twins. ^_^
"Are you sure you won't be going with us?"
That was the third time Galadriel asked Celeborn that question since arriving in Rivendell the previous night. She, their son-in-law Elrond, and the wizard Gandalf were on their way to the Grey Havens to catch a ship to Valinor. They were trying to convince Celeborn to come along, but no matter how many times they asked, his answer was always the same.
"I can't," he told her as they walked arm in arm along a path under the trees. "Not yet."
"Middle-earth will be fine," she said. "Sauron is defeated. Aragorn is king. The time of the Elves is over. If you stay here, you will fade and become nothing more than a memory."
"I never said I wouldn't go to Valinor," Celeborn replied, "and I promise I'll leave before fading. There is much that still needs to be done. What will become of those of our kind who remain?"
"They've got Thranduil," Galadriel said. "You know he won't leave until his son does."
Celeborn almost laughed. "Thranduil! Now I'll be able to relax in Valinor, knowing Thranduil's got everything under control."
Her attempt to suppress a chuckle was unsuccessful.
"Don't get me wrong," said Celeborn. "I respect Thranduil and value our alliance with him, but if brains had hair, he'd a be a palantir."
He had a point with that one.
"Besides," he continued, "Elladan and Elrohir aren't leaving yet, and do you honestly think I'd let them run around Middle-earth unsupervised?"
Galadriel laughed. He had a point with that one, too, and an even better one. She knew Elrond was nervous about leaving the twins behind, especially after they mentioned something about turning Cirith Ungol into a nightclub.
"All right, all right, you win," she said. "But the minute you start to fade, get on a ship."
They stopped walking, and he kissed her on the forehead. "No force in this world could keep me away from you," he said. "I won't be long. I promise."
"Good," she said as they resumed their walk. "Well, I'm glad you're staying for all the right reasons. For a moment there, I was worried that you were reluctant about sailing into Alqualondë."
"Alqualondë?" he repeated. A slightly startled look crossed his face. "Oh, no, of course not! Why would I not want to go into that city? It's inhabited by the Teleri! I love the Teleri. Your mother's Teleri."
"Celeborn," she said, "you hate my mother."
"Well… yes, but she's still your mother."
"I hate my mother too. That name she gave me was awful." She looked over at Celeborn, and a sly grin made its way across her lips. "But you know all about the Teleri and their awful names, don't you?"
"Oh yes." They stopped walking again, and his eyes grew wide and his mouth dropped open. "No," he said, pointing his finger at her. "No, no, no, no, no!"
Galadriel laughed. "That's it, isn't it? It's the Teleri!"
"It's not about the Teleri!" he insisted. "The Teleri have nothing to do with this decision!"
She nodded. "Oh, of course not," she said. "I know it wouldn't bother you at all if we came in on a ship and they all said, 'Look, it's Olórin, Elrond, Artanis, and-'"
"Don't say it!"
"Ah!" he exclaimed, and covered his ears. "You said it! I told you not to say it!"
"Well, you deserved it."
Celeborn sighed. Galadriel's sense of humor was directly proportional to the amount of evil in the land. It had nearly vanished as Sauron gained power in Middle-earth, but now that Sauron was gone, it was back and stronger than ever. He could only imagine what it would be like once she got to Valinor.
"I love you," she said innocently, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"And I love you, Nerwen."
Now it was her turn to be offended. "Ah!" she cried. "No!"
"Are we even?"
"Yes. Now will you go to Valinor?"
He smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry."
"But no one really cares what your name is." Except him, but that was beside the point.
"It's not about that. Really."
She sighed and nodded. "I understand."
They walked in silence for a few more minutes, then decided that they should go back. It was almost sunset, and they would depart from Rivendell at dawn. It was a long journey to the Grey Havens, and they would need their strength.
"So how long do you think you will remain here?" Galadriel asked as they began the walk back.
"Not long, I promise," Celeborn replied. "Just until I can be sure everything will be all right."
"Then I will stay with you."
"No," he said. "I cannot let you do that. You will not last much longer here as you are."
She still didn't like being separated from him, as good as their reasons were, but he spoke the truth. She ached to sail the seas and return to Valinor, and that yearning became even stronger after the defeat of Sauron. "Very well." Then she smiled. "Of course, you know all the Teleri are going to think that you didn't come back with us because-"
"Oh, no you don't!"
"-because they know how much you hate being called-"
"I'm warning you…"
"Are you done?"
"Not even close."
Yes, they're out of character, but everyone's out of character in humor fics.
And I'm sure every one of you secretly wanted to write a fic involving Celeborn's awful Telerin name. ^_^