Guilty Gear Messed Up
I do not own the Guilty Gear franchise, nor do I own Capcom, Bandai, or authors that appear in this fic! I only own this fic!
However, Nazareth is mine!
By the way, I'm only doing this fic for fun, so if any authors in here appear and get hurt, I really don't mean it. Okay?
(AND WE'RE BACK!! What did I miss!? Oh wait... that was stupid of me to say! Anyway... where are we anyway?)
[Leopaldon roars in fury, catching Slayer by surprise in just his apron tending to his garden]
Slayer: Oh dear. Now this is just a fly in the ointment. I was just arranging some tulips, but now [battle mode] YOU DIE! MACH PUNCH!
[Leopaldon, despite it being a large-ass being, manages to sidestep out of Slayer's attack, then steps on his back]
Slayer: Is this the untimely end of the vampire lord, Slayer!?
[No time to check up on Slayer! Let's switch to the next scene!]
[Nazareth is assisting Dizzy with the cooking this fine Mayship morning! May, Bridget, Johnny, Potemkin, and the rest are still asleep, so it's just these two, preparing the breakfast]
Dizzy [smiling]: Wow Nazareth, you're a pretty good chef. Who taught you?
Nazareth [blushing slightly]: Well, uh, my mother taught me a little bit; the rest I picked up myself. I actually started to learn at age 10.
Dizzy: Your mother must be so proud of you, Nazareth. [wonders about something] Hey; how did you get your wings? They look pretty on you, and they're just like mine. Are you an angel?
Nazareth [looking down]: I... I don't want to talk about it... Dizzy.
[May wanders into the room, a little sleepy. She leans on a dish-table]
May: Ohayo-gozaimasu, minna.
Dizzy: And good morning to you too, May.
(Now, to avoid confusion...)
Nazareth's Undine [popping out of his back]: *yawn* This isn't that great of a morning.
Dizzy's Undine [pops out of her back]: What the!?
Nazareth's Necro: My God! It's been so long.
Dizzy's Necro [preparing his weapon]: Explain yourself, fakers!
May [fully awake now]: Whoa! This is not right here--UWAAH!!
[May tips the table, throwing some dishes onto the ground, thus breaking them; a knife becomes airborne, however, and Dizzy is stunned and/or cannot move in time]
Nazareth: OKAA-SAN! WATCH OUT!
[Nazareth speedily pushes Dizzy out of the cutlery's way, the knife lodging itself into his left calf; he is susceptible to pain, and he immediately collapses]
Johnny [dashes in alongside Bridget]: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DISHES!?
Bridget [smacks Johnny with his yo-yo]: Forget the dishes, Johnny; what happened to Nazareth!?
Potemkin [walks in as well]: He has a steak knife in his calf. We must dislodge it quick.
May [thinking]: But it's odd... Before he took the injury, he called Dizzy 'Okaa-san'. That's Japanese for 'mother'. I think this Nazareth is connected to you in more--[starts unintentionally giggling]
Dizzy: What's so funny?
May [still giggling]: Well, it's that *giggle* I can't take Bridget *giggle* seriously *giggle* when he's wearing [just immediately laughs her ass off] A PINK NIGHTGOWN! [doubles-over in laughter]
Johnny [picking his ear with his pinky]: Yeah, you do look a wee bit more fruity.
Bridget [fuming]: SHUT UP!
Dizzy: Watch your mouth, you guys! Besides, I let Bridget dress up in my favorite nightgown! It makes him look beautiful!
Bridget [blushing madly]: Really?
[Dizzy, doing something VERY OOC, kisses Bridget on the lips]
Johnny: Hey hey! Don't make me throw you guys overboard!
Potemkin: Fine! [picks up Nazareth] I will take Nazareth to the sick bay.
P4: The P4 may or may not have been destroyed. I am the segment of P4 loaded into 'The World'. But as long as my mind is up linked into the programming of 'The World', total chaos will still be mine.
(Yeah, did this P4 thing become settled? I haven't typing Guilty Gear fics in a while; can someone back me up, please?)
[In 'The World'; here, we see Justice and Jimmy arguing over something]
Justice: Okay! HOLD IT! Arguing will get us nowhere! So this is how it'll work: I'll flip a coin. If I call it right, we go to the field of Delta Smoking Pope's Cannabis.
Jimmy: Alright! But if I call it right, then we go to Delta Authoring Infamous Triple Peeps! (Cheap plug :-) )
Justice: Fine! [flips a digital coin] HEADS! [slams it into the back of his hand; looks at it]
Justice: Damn! What are the odds of that happening?
Female voice: Excuse me.
[The two turn to see a ravishing female beauty in a slutty nurse outfit, wielding a giant... scalpel??]
Female: My name is Dr. Faust.
[Jimmy and Justice do a face-fault, Justice breaking his nose]
Justice: OWWW! I HATE HAVING A NOSE IN THIS WORLD!
Jimmy: Is that really you, Dr. Faust?
[In the real world]
Faust: What? Many males always role-play as women in these types of games!
[Back in The World]
Faust: Yes, it is me. I suppose that you two heard of this P4 business as well. It is so far just a rumor, but it is supposed that people are dying in this game from this. The first sighting was at Delta Authoring Infamous Triple Peeps.
Jimmy: Wow! We were just heading there!
Justice: He wasn't even trying to hide his identity!
Faust: So then add me to your party. We must investigate!
Justice: *sigh* If we must...
[A digitized base; the walls explode behind drones, and a Fire-seal toting flashy superhero with a fire cape bursts onto the scene; OH YAY! IT IS BLAZIN' SOL!]
BLAZIN' Sol [irritated]: DO I HAVE TO BE CALLED THIS!?
[Nah, it's just for effect.]
Sol: Thanks! So now, let's see: [counting on his fingers] I just beat up M. Bison... Fire Leo the 3rd... Ultimate Rugal... Orochi... Sigma the 4th... [snickers to himself] Sheo Darren...
Ky: DAMN YOU SOL! HELP US!!
Sol [vein in forehead; harping mad]: THANKS A LOT! NOW I LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT! [realizes who he is yelling at] Oh, hey Ky. You still hanging?
Ky [irritated]: Nice pun, Sol.
Evil and Insidious Voice: So you have been defeating my minions...
[A large and dark body looms over Sol; it is indeed the evil lord of darkness (relevancy noted) Evil Ambassador Jim]
Sol: Okay, now that's slightly intimidating...
Evil Ambassador Jim: Now, I will show you the true power of my darkness!
Sol [eyebrow perked up]: You have your own unique darkness? And why is your name "Evil Ambassador" Jim?
E.A. Jim (better for the eyes): Well yes, I do wish to become the king of all king of evils! As for the name; I originally wanted to be called "Omega Crush" Jim, or "Bringer of Ruin" Jim... but noooo... Those names were all taken, they said...
[While he said this, BLAZIN' Sol took the opportunity to punch a hole in the evil lord's stomach]
E.A. Jim [voice now sounding like a squeaky pathetic nerd]: Nice try punk, but you will have to do much better than that if you wish to even injure Evil Ambassador Jim!
Sol [doubling over in laughter]: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Jam [laughing alongside Sol and Ky]: You're voice is so funny!
[Ky is in so much in laughter, that he exhausted himself]
E.A. Jim [vein in forehead]: It matters not the sound of my voice! I will crush you with my bare hands!!
[The mighty being's hands try to crush Sol, but by using slo-mo, the fiery American dodges the slow attack, and he proceeds to deliver a punishing and very damaging Napalm Death on said evil ambassador]
E.A. Jim: NO! I HAVE BEEN VANQUISHED! YOU KILLED ME! [dies]
Sol: Well, that was easy. With these superpowers, I can be even more of a pain on Ky's ass! [smiles like a CLAMP character] This is gonna be schweeeeeet...
Ky: Um, Sol... [rage] LITTLE HELP UP HERE!!?
[The base around them is starting to collapse]
Sol: What's happening!?
[The base around them has collapsed]
Sol, Ky, and Jam [falling to places unknown]: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
Sol: I HATE THIS FALLING BUSINESS!
[Another park; Millia and Venom have heard that a marathon is about to pass their way]
Venom: We don't know what Eddie's affiliation is with outdoor exercise, but if we know him, then he'll be here.
Millia: Yes, then it will be our time to strike.
Venom: Even though this is most inappropriate, I love the way you turn me on!
Millia [lust-filled eyes]: I can only imagine your nice thick cue... and those solid balls...
[Right then and there, Millia and Venom are... well, you know this part... but wait! There's Eddie! He's not in the marathon, but is instead playing hoops!]
Eddie [wearing a sweatband and sneaks; talking trash]: Yeah, you think you're all that, but I know you ain't got no J! [tries to take the ball from this one guy; instead, he trips him with a Mini-Eddie]
I-No [the other basketball player; wearing something very... I-no-ish; angry]: Yo man! That's trippin'!
Eddie: Hey man! Yo' the one whose trippin! And if you think I'm lyin', then you be damn wrong, ho!
I-No: Don't make me put my guitar up yo' ass!
Eddie: YOU WANNA TRY ME, THEN BRING IT BITCH! OTHERWISE I'M GONNA MAKE YOU CRY HOME STRAIGHT TO YOUR NON-EXISTING MAMA! Do you want me to do that?
[I-No, in a rage, stomps right off the court]
Eddie [snooty]: Hmph. Who does she think she is? [beats chest] This is mah house! I own this place--[gets a Red Hail and Emerald Rain on the back of his head] OW!!
Millia: I'm sorry Eddie, but now you must die!
Venom: We will end this quick, since the author lacks battle descriptions!
Slayer [all beaten up]: You're telling me...
Eddie [shocked]: Dude! What got you!?
Leopaldon [following behind Slayer]: ROAR!!!
[In a beautiful garden, Testament is tending to some flowers]
Testament [cringes for an unknown reason]: Testament senses are tingling... someone is near my beloved Dizzy!
The crow [now in her human form]: I thought you trusted Johnny with looking after her with his pirate crew.
Testament: This is not Johnny I'm talking about... you know that girly bounty hunter that came after Dizzy some time ago?
Crow: Yes, but didn't Dizzy tell you that she and him good friends?
Testament: Right... I keep forgetting that that Bridget person is a boy... He is with her, and I'm very sure that this is all but a façade to take Dizzy away from Johnny and me!
Crow: Testament! Stop over-reacting!
Testament: SHUT UP! [slits her throat; she lies dead] Oops... Oh man... why does she keep dying on me?
[He sees from the opposite and far side of his little flower garden his cherished Dizzy in the arms of a mysterious person that he can't quite make out]
Testament: Now... he must die...
[In a mad pursuit mode, Testament starts hovering violently towards the supposed person holding Dizzy; With said Dizzy]
Bridget [holding her]: This place is very beautiful, Dizzy.
Dizzy: It most certainly is.
Bridget: But, you are more beautiful than the rarest flower in this world. You mean so much to me.
Dizzy [she and Bridget begin to blush; borrowing some Japanese terms from May]: Oh, Bridget-kun...
[They are about to embrace each other in the purest of romantic moods, until... Testament gets beaned in the face with a trap yo-yo]
Testament [on the ground, massaging his face]: Ow... ow ow ow ow... WHO DID THIS!?
Bridget [angry thought to himself]: He always ruins our good moods...
[It's actually been a while since I used these guys! Anji, Chipp, and Baiken are walking around in the Colony.]
Anji: There's nothing to do around here but relax, muse at the sky, and, in Onei-san's case [looks at Baiken], plotting of bloody revenge.
Chipp: Holy Zen! I'M BORED!
Baiken: That Man... Or Ano Otoko... or whatever the f*** his name is... I'll kill him one day for destroying Japan, my friends, my family, and MY RIGHT ARM AND LEFT EYE!
Chipp: Hey! I just remembered something! Why don't we go to the ancient ruins of Japan?
Anji [confused]: Now why would we want to go there, Chipp-san?
Chipp: I heard of a specific prefecture in the Japanese district of Osaka. It was called 'Abenobashi'.
Baiken [surprised]: Abenobashi!? Wasn't that the famous shopping arcade when I was a little girl?
Chipp: Yes, but supposedly, it was also magically enchanted because it was guarded by the four gods.
Baiken [slaps her own head]: Duh! I should know this! The four gods were Genbu the Turtle ruling the south; Seiryu the Dragon reigning the west; Byakko the Tiger maintaining hold of the east; and Suzaku the Phoenix of the north!
Anji: Right! The four gods were made to create balance between the real and spiritual worlds! When the Gears destroyed Japan, they destroyed the balance!
Chipp: Maybe we can remake the balance!!
[Baiken unsheathes her katana, and bashes Chipp over the head with the blunt end]
Baiken: How the hell do you expect to 're-create' the balance when turtles, tigers, and dragons are rare!? not to mention the fact that there are no such things as a Phoenix!
Anji [snaps his fingers]: That's it! We'll look for their sub-species!
Chipp: Like a bird in place of the Phoenix.
Anji: A cat for the Tiger.
Baiken: A turtle for the... Turtle.
[Everyone looks at each other, seeing that someone will have to get a dragon.]
[Eddie, Venom, Millia, and Slayer are now hiding from the grotesquely large animal Gear Leopaldon.]
Slayer: Well, I think we gave that beast the good ol' run-around.
Millia: Yes, but did we have to keep Eddie with us?
Venom: Indeed, as his existence is bothersome to me and Millia.
Eddie: Shut up!
Slayer: We'll need a distraction...
[Slayer, Millia, and Venom all look at Eddie evilly]
Eddie: ... mommy?
[The instant that Leopaldon looks at a scrumptious little girl, Eddie is launched out from behind an alley via Millia's hair]
Eddie [quoting another defeat quote]: MITOMEN ZO!!! (I WON'T ACCEPT THIS!!!)
Leopaldon [chasing after Eddie]: ROAR!!!
Slayer: That was perfect! The old 'Throw Eddie as live bait' plan! I thought I'd never see that again!
Millia [looks at Slayer strangely]: ... I see...
Venom: Now we must make our break!
[And so Millia, Venom, and Slayer go into the shadowy darkness of Slayer's cape]
[After 5 trivial hours, Chipp and Baiken arrive in Japan, at the ruins of Osaka.]
Chipp [holding a turtle in his arms and a sparrow on his head]: Well, that was pretty easy.
Baiken [holding a fluffy kitty; smiling]: On our end, it was. But too bad Anji lost Janken, (Japanese for Rock, Paper, Scissors) and now has to find a dragon of any variety.
[Silently, you can hear a faint screaming voice--]
Anji [falling at large speeds]: KONCHIKUSHO!!! (DAMMIT!!!) [crashes into the ground]
Chipp [spooked]: HOLY ZEN! Don't scare me like that, Anji-san!
Anji [clutching in his arms a baby dragon]: Sorry about that. Well, I found a dragon.
Anji: Now, we must arrange the animals in the spiritual and traditional order! Now, which way is north?
[Chipp and Baiken look at each other]
Anji: Don't do this to me guys!
Baiken: Well how the f*** do I know which way is north?
Chipp: Wait a minute! [notices the kitty, dragon, sparrow, and turtle moving around] The animals are aligning themselves up!
[With the four meeker representations standing in their destined spots, a magical portal is created, and the four animals turn into stone]
Chipp: Hey look! A portal has opened! Dare we go in?
Baiken: I'm taking a dare! [Baiken immediately enters inside]
[With her hidden claw-grabbing appendage, she grabs Anji and Chipp violently, and drags them inside]
Will Testament really kill Bridget?
What have Anji, Chipp, and Baiken gotten themselves into?
Did Eddie survive Leopaldon's strike?
Will Sol ever get his peace of mind, and not fall?
And will Justice and friends defeat the P4 in 'The World'?
Find out next time!