"EASIER THAN YOU THINK"
or "The Birth of Clan Tremere"

Tremere is sitting in his study, looking gloomy. Etrius and Goratrix are standing in front of him. Tremere starts to sing in a sad tone

TREMERE:
Magic is waning, I guess we are screwed
And even a guy who's as wily and shrewd
as I must confess
it's a horrible mess
Can nobody lighten my mood?

Etrius brightens up

ETRIUS:
Fear thee not master, for I have good news:
I've found a lot of good demons to use!

TREMERE:
We tried them all, Swede
They're not what we need!

ETRIUS & TREMERE: (in a defeated tone)
Is our house destined to lose?

Goratrix jumps in with a HUGE grin and maniacal handwaving, as the melody becomes more upbeat and the chorus kicks in

GORATRIX:
It really is much easier than you think
I have found the perfect solution
It really is much easier than you think
(Glares at Etrius who glares back)
And this one is not an illusion
Vampires sure are strong
And their powers carry on
So let's go take a long deep drink
It really is much easier than you thii-iink!

Goratrix does the "jazz hands" and a slower tempo resumes

Etrius starts to circle Goratrix, looking worried

ETRIUS:
'Trix must be joking, he sure has some balls
(Goratrix flinches)
What if we lose our immortal souls?

Tremere stands up and spreads his arms

TREMERE
Shut up, it sounds great
If it's not too late
All seven, go into his halls!

Change of scenery into Goratix's chamber, where Tremere and his Inner Circle have circled a bound and gagged Tzimisce. They dance around it menacingly, waving really cheesy wands and looking more like Harry Potter wizards than evil medieval warlocks

TREMERE AND INNER CIRCLE:
It really is much easier than you think
We'll simply steal your vampiric powers
It really is much easier than you think
True Magick's not just puppies and flowers
With our ritual by 'Trix
We'll get some major kicks
And we'll be skating in the undead rink
It really is much easier than you thii-iink!

There's a huge flash and a puff of pink smoke. When the smoke clears everyone looks much paler and kind of surprised

ETRIUS: (in a voice seething sarcasm)
Look at us now 'Trix, this is really swell
I guess this shit means that we're going to hell.
And other vamps hate us
They'll simply filet us
What can we do now, pray tell?

Tremere launches in to the C-part of the song while patting Etrius on the back with one hand and grabbing Meerlinda's butt with the other.

TREMERE:
Cement our place as a clan
If others can do it we can
And I have a brilliant plan

Cue a montage in which various members of Clan Tremere diablerize lots of different vamps. Tremere keeps singing on the background the whole time

TREMERE:
The powerful ones we shall seek
From their havens so lonely and bleak
Without that old blood we'll be weak

Last scene in the montage is the diablerie of Saulot, during which Tremere sings:

TREMERE:
The best I have saved for the last
Our destiny approaches fast
(A Grinch-esque grin spreads on his face)
And Salubri... belong in the past

With that he diablerizes Saulot while Etrius and Goratrix wave lighters in the air and go: "Aa-aah, Aa-aah"

TREMERE:(Spoken)
It is done.

Tremere and Goratrix leave the haven, taking dance-steps and humming 'Easier than you think' cheerily. Etrius stands alone looking at Saulot's ashes. The chorus tone starts to play, much sadder and slower than before.

ETRIUS:
It really must be easier than I think
And now we have the power and the might
It really must be easier than I think
But somehow this small scheme just isn't right
When Tremere took his blood
He didn't fight quite as he should
And I saw his third eye ominously wink!

Shocked silence for a second, and then, with great anguish and passion:

Oh could it be?
God, tell me could it be?
It's really not as easy as they thii-ii-iink?

Fade to black, then a giant text:
"GEHENNA: THE MUSICAL. COMING FEB '04"