Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or its characters. Nor do I own the song "All Cried Out" (Allure feat. 112)
.~* Shinjite *~.
… Early evening at the Higurashi shrine …
My eyes are burning – a physical result of sobbing my eyes out for the past half hour. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. Oh hell, I love him.
All alone on a Sunday morning
Outside I see the rain is falling
Inside I'm slowly dying
But the rain will hide my crying, crying, crying…
I'm supposed to be this powerful dead priestess's reincarnate. I'm sorry… I'm just not the renowned Kikyou. Honestly, I don't think I ever was. I'm nowhere near as elegant, as refined as she is. Not as powerful as she is. So what made anyone think I could compare to her? What made me think I could compare to her?
Don't you know my tears will burn the pillow?
Set this place on fire 'cause I'm tired of your lies
All I needed was a simple "hello"
But the traffic was so noisy that you could not hear me crying
I wasn't supposed to be there. I… I guess I was just worried about him. Inuyasha had been missing for a few hours. Stupid me. I should have known the second those creepy, otherworldly soul catchers came into view. I should have known the moment a chill ran down my spine. But no, I continued forward… part of me hoping it would be just Kikyou by herself, the other part knowing Inuyasha was there with her. Again. And again… my heart froze when I saw them, embracing as if tomorrow would never come.
I… I gave you my love in vain
Now I'm all cried out
Fresh tears streak down my face. I can't believe it. I gave myself to him last night. Last fucking night. I'm such a fool. I thought… I thought it would mean something if I gave him something I could only give to one person. I still hurt, too… and I mean that in the physical sense. I swipe hastily at my face, further irritating my already red, puffy eyes. Damn you, Inuyasha. I hate you. But I can't bring myself to not love you…
Damn it. Kami fucking damn it! I lost her. I know I did. I saw the look on Kagome's face. Yes, I'd gone after Kikyou. Yes, I embraced her. I won't deny what I've done. But it's not in the way everyone thinks. Kikyou and I had a long talk. One that wasn't spoken in riddles… just straight talk, for once. For once, I spoke to her without feeling as if I had to be something else… just myself. She noticed that. She also noted how I seemed much calmer, much more confident than I used to be around her.
And then the powerful miko scared the shit out of me. Kikyou accepted it.
"If that girl is who has done this to you…" Kikyou had begun, her voice dripping ice, "then she has done what I could not. I… I am happy for you, Inuyasha." Her voice went from ice-cold to almost… contented. She gave a slight smile. That's when I embraced her. I was glad… glad she didn't hate me. She was the first woman I'd fell in love with, after all. I didn't have to explain that I was happy with Kagome.
Then the scent of apple blossoms reached my nose and my world shattered as I turned to look into the stunned, heartbroken eyes of my Kagome.
(Never wanted to see things your way
I had to go astray
Why was I such a fool?
Now I see that the grass is greener
Is it too late for me to find my way home?
How could I be so wrong babe?)
Leaving me all alone…
I'm not stupid. I know what it looked like. And my tongue just couldn't seem to move. Kagome didn't wait for me to explain… she just ran. She does that a lot. I guess it looked like she had reason to. Damn it. I gotta go to her. Now.
(IY's pov… cont')
I bound out of the well house, almost plow into Souta. Nice kid. A bit of a wimp, though. He looks at me with curious eyes, balancing on one foot with the other propped on his soccer ball.
"Yo." My usual, casual greeting to the kid.
"Inu-no-nii-chan" Souta says quietly. His eyes dart toward the house. "Nee-chan's not in a very good mood right now."
"Keh. I know that. That's why I'm here." I snort.
Souta shrugs. "Just thought I'd let you know." I smirk a little as he kicks the ball away. He really is a nice kid.
A chilly breeze whispers past my skin, drawing toward the window. It's getting kinda dark. I wonder if Souta's still outside. I heard him kicking his soccer ball around earlier. I lift my curtain to look into the courtyard. There's Souta, with his soccer ball… talking to…
The curtain drops from my hand as if it's on fire. Oh fuck. No. No, no, no. Not now. I can't face him right now. I lift the curtain again, and sunset eyes meet my own.
Don't you know my tears will cause an inferno?
Romance of these flames
Why should I take the blame?
You were the one who left me neglected
"Go away." The words leave my mouth before the thought process in my brain. Either way, it's what I would have said anyway. My eyes narrow to slits.
"Get the hell away from me." I whisper, my dry throat causing the words to squeak a little.
"I'm sorry." His voice is low.
O… k… I apologized. Isn't that what she wanted?
She looks at me, her eyes puzzled. There's something else behind the puzzlement… an ember of fury, growing with each passing second.
"You're… sorry." Kagome says, her voice slightly deadpan. Shit. I did something wrong. Did I mention I've never really apologized to anyone? I know I'm not very good at this, but why does it look like she's a lit fuse ready to go off?
(I'm so sorry baby)
"You're SORRY?!" Kagome's voice becomes shrill. My ears flatten against my head. Oh. That's why.
Apology not accepted
Add me to the broken hearts you've collected
I… I gave you my love in vain
My body never knew such pleasure
'Inuyasha… we always want to be together, right?'
And her lips met his. Before either knew it, their clothes were shed and scattered around the small clearing.
He didn't want to rush into it. Inuyasha hadn't wanted to hurt her, despite the throbbing in his blood to satiate his own desires. He'd even been gentle when he'd entered her. They both explored, touched, tasted… soaking in all of each other like they unconsciously had been wanting to for days… weeks… months.
When it was over Inuyasha rolled onto his back, pulling Kagome to lie on top of him. She'd put her head to his chest, listening to his heart race as the inuhanyou caught his breath.
'Inuyasha?' She'd whispered, barely audible.
'Unh…' that was about as coherent as he'd been able to come up with at the moment.
'Don't leave me, ok?'
He looked at her, golden amber locking on toasted brown… his mind finally forming an intelligible thought.
…~* end flashback *~…
"You said you'd never leave me, Inuyasha." Barely a whisper, but she knew it would reach those freaky doggie ears of mine.
My heart never knew such pain
~Inuyasha's POV (cont)~
"I know." I say softly. "Listen to me." It wasn't a request, and Kagome knew it. "Kikyou," I began. Her eyes dim and turn away from me, but I cradle her face and make her look at me again.
"Kikyou is no longer an obstacle between us. I talked to her. Yes," I stopped her interruption before it started by placing a clawed finger over her partially opened mouth, "It looked like more than that. But believe me, Kagome. Please. I embraced her to let her go."
After a moment, I tip her face up, and she doesn't pull away. Maybe she believes me. I hope she believes me. I don't want to let her go. I don't want her to push me away.
"Aishiteru, koishii… only you…" I whisper as I lower my face to hers.
(Left me so confused)
Now I'm all cried out
Now I'm all cried out…
(Please forgive me…)
Call me a fool. I want to believe him. He let her go…
Suddenly I'm drowning in his kiss, his endearments curling around my heart. They could tear it apart, or hold it together. I choose to believe him. And somehow I know that he's telling the truth.
*** Gah. I'm stuck inside this writer's block, and it's shrinking every day, caging me in. Oh well. I hope you all don't mind tolerating my little excursions into other short stories while I try to regain some inspiration for my unfinished one. FYI "Shinjite" means "Believe". Review please! Don't flame. ***