Chapter 14: A pureblood's apology
Author's Notes: This is getting really hard to update with all my problems piling up in front of me, oh god I am only sixteen! I'm risking the chance of not being able to graduate, damn it! Damn all our term papers and ISP and oh yeah, I have to lay off the subject now ang get on what I am supposed to say. You see, this story is not meant for a fast paced romance kind of style because I see that kind of thing much too often, so I want you to pardon my work from that one which is one of the reasons I have never written any scenes containing sex in it, secondly, I don't have the guts to write lemony stuff yet but as this story deeply requires one, I WILL TRY MY VERY BEST in the latter chapters, so you probably should keep a watch out for my mistakes, but do mind the flames as I hate those really and I really make it a point to make sarcastic remarks regarding the flamer. Thank you for the support guys, I find solace in writing nowadays, it's good to know that I can find good reviews in the only thing that matters to me now because everything in my life is plainly bullshit, I swear. :D Truly me, Hellish
P.S.: I didn't bother erasing what I had to say beforehand really, but to make everything plainly clear, I'm already eighteen and I'm currently enrolled in Nursing which makes it a lot harder for me to write and update but given this wonderful time to write, I shall try…in the meantime, thanks for bearing with me;p Lol
Disclaimer: Lol, it's been the fourteenth chapter but do I still have to??? Damn, lol anyway for my story's sake and my membership of course, I do not own Harry Potter, any senile idiot could tell. ;p
The flutter of butterfly wings swirled in frenzy around my stomach, making me sweat even more.
My body anticipated what was yet to come; welcoming whatever it would be as my lips parted gently drawing in hot and slow breaths
I closed my eyes harder and tightened them shut, as I waited for it to come….
I peeked a bit and anticipated what was about to happen...
Waited for whatever was about to come
Yet, it didn't come at all
In fact, I imagined it all
It never happened
Of course, I was having one of my spells, why could have I imagined such things firsthand?
He never approached and closed in the distance between us for a kiss
Or moreover say his apologies with an accompanying kiss
How absurd! How could I even expect this scum of the earth to say sorry to an even more scum of the earth to him?!
Not that I consider myself one
Honestly, I think there was too much rift for a man like Malfoy to actually say his apologies
And moreover, his pride was on the line
"Granger?" his voice cracked the deafening silence in my head
I stirred and opened my eyes, I gulped, and he was smirking
This is ridiculous, what the hell is wrong here?
Our lips didn't even touch and here I was sweating madly, imagining it had
Damn! I shouldn't even think about things like that
"What the hell were you doing?"
Mildly aware that I was still half naked, I just stared at him
He raised his brows…
"I was just thinking of…."
"Of what?" he provided
Of you, a very hot you saying how sorry you were in congruence to your erotic actions towards my body
A very hot you kissing me and starting to caress me and kiss me in places, only you could tell…
Only you? What the--?-
Now where the hell did that come from--?
"What? You actually thought I'd kiss you after that argument?!"
He laughed, God, he did he know?
This man has a way of reading women's minds, God! I hate that about him
He looked at me in that way that made me feel as if I was dirtier than filth itself
Mind you, I was for allowing such sordid thoughts to even enter my head.
I blushed under his stony and unmoving stare.
He gave a mild chuckle and gave me one of his rare smiles, "Well, Granger…all you have to do is ask..."
"Well, do you want me to kiss you?"
"No! Why would I want that?!"
"Well, for one, you're breathing heavily and you kept glancing at my lips for the past few minutes"
He can't be serious!
"Stop it, Malfoy"
He's not doing this again, not anymore and certainly not now wherein I feel so incredibly vulnerable to his charms.
I was mildly aware that I was with a drunk Malfoy and whatever I would say or do if it comes out wrong, I sure will be dead meat.
And when I realized that he was drunk, I carefully put into mind to say things correctly or do them right if I don't want to get tangled up in a mess.
I tried to string the words together, and in my mind I rehearsed it carefully so that I wouldn't get blown by a harsh punch, be lashed out with biased insults or worse yet, be affected by his charms.
Who knew the possibilities that would happen when one is drunk?
Very drunk in fact, I stated mentally as I saw Malfoy give a little sway.
But to be honest, Malfoy was a bit more in control of himself than other drunkards I have seen, it's rather amazing.
"Master Malfoy!" he spat
I guess I should have it his way if I didn't want to have my throat cut.
"Fine" I seethed under my breath "I didn't expect you to kiss me, I was hoping you would at least apologize"
He raised his brows as if I suggested he dance stark naked in front of me, as if he thought my suggestion was rather ludicrous.
"A man of my stature won't do well with apologies, much less address apologies to mudbloods like you"
His words was all it took to bring me down to earth, I shouldn't have illusions about this guy, plus it pierced the cold like a blunt dagger, he was obviously that dense.
I opened my mouth to retort but I bit it back, arguments with Malfoy could lead to nowhere good, and we may end up snogging each other again which is of course…worse.
"Well, if there isn't anything more, I should leave then, MASTER MALFOY!" I stressed the last words with much venom throwing my hands at the air.
Malfoy gave a silent chortle, and after that he was in a fit of laughter.
"How quaint, mudblood" he said with mild and rather dry humor
I simply stared at him, nonplussed
"Am I to believe that you are under the impression that you are fully clothed or do you simply want me to gawk at them?" he said with full composure
Belatedly realizing what he meant, I covered myself quickly with my bare hands and arms.
Really, why is it that it's only with him that I disregard everything else?!
He has this way of making me feel tense, tenser than I've ever been in my life. Maybe it's because I know that the life of my fiancé depends on his mood or rather…my service to him.
He continued to laugh as if he found the thing really hilarious.
What's the big deal with breasts anyway? Well I guess, in Malfoy's case it's rather different and new to stare at an enemy's breasts…
Well that's just plain sick…
He continued to look at me with that manic gleam in his eyes.
That's rather strange, if Malfoy was drunk he should be swaying or spitting things that he should be right now, but maybe it had a different effect on him, an effect I might soon find out and not like.
Whatever it is, I hope it isn't something that I would fall prey to.
But still the faint glimmer in Malfoy's eyes was apparent, maybe he was drunk or he could be pretending.
He advanced towards me and smirked, I covered myself more tightly and stared at him
"As a matter of fact, mudblood" he said "I do need something from you"
I cleared my throat and asked, "And what is that?"
He chuckled and sat down across from me and he breathed in.
"I need your warmth"
I blushed as he touched my cheek
"Don't do this, Malfoy. I guess it would be better if you'd dismiss me if there's nothing more you want me to do"
He cocked an eyebrow and continued to touch my cheek with that painful gentleness he rarely has. He gave it light and feathery touches that I was never aware that Malfoy was capable of.
In fact, I was never aware that Malfoy could even make me feel this feeling I am feeling right now.
I looked at his eyes, his cold unyielding eyes that seem to hold no emotion at all.
My lips parted and before I realized it, I uncovered myself and once again I fell prey to his charms again.
He held my right hand and brought it to my cheek and touched me with that familiar touch.
He closed the distance and before I could stop it his mouth started to close in mine.
Before I could do the unthinkable, my ring started to grow intensely cold, too cold in fact.
"No" I said firmly, although I was mentally kicking myself
In fact, I regretted it
I looked up to his stony orbs and relief washed over me, if I hadn't stopped him an inch before his lips closed in mine, there's no telling on what would happen next.
But somehow as I stared into those gray accusing eyes, something was wrenching inside of me, something told me I was lying to myself…
No! I am not…
And I cannot
This is not right…
He cocked a brow
"No?" he asked bringing his thumb to my lips
He was testing me! God he knew!
He was trying to see how far I would go to resist him.
I sat up and said, "No Draco, because things like that shouldn't be done to persons you don't love"
He laughed and stood up, "Yes, but they are done to persons you want, Granger…"
I looked at him imploringly
Please don't make this harder than it already is…
"I've already made myself clear, Granger. I do want you, as insane as it sounds" he said his back facing me.
The crisp white cloth of his polo shirt was swaying with the wind, everything was so melodramatic.
Everything was so surreal…
But everything isn't the way it should be
Completely setting aside Malfoy's drunkenness, I said what I shouldn't have…
"I know, Malfoy but I can't stand the fact to have sex with a person I do not love and certainly not with--"
"What the fucking hell is love all about, Granger?" he shot back
It's something you'll never understand…
I stared at my hands; it was difficult to explain love to a person who hasn't experienced it…
I knew I had touched a nerve, Malfoy was clearly enraged at my slight insinuation.
"It's something I'll never understand right?" he snapped "I know that, Granger. I know for a fact that I'm a cold cynic, I would never understand right?"
This was more complicated than I thought it was
"You're right!" I fired back "In fact, I pity you, Malfoy…for nineteen years of your life; you missed out on love, when in fact it's one of the most beautiful things that could ever happen to you…"
He bent his head in resignation, "I guess, Granger…I may have everything in life but I lack the things that really matter, is that what you are trying to say?"
He looked at me as if he was trying to challenge me
I looked at his back and said nothing
When he saw that I wasn't about to say anything, he shook his head in disbelief and threw his shirt on the couch and laid down on it.
"Principles" he huffed "It's bullshit, Granger, you don't need that damned thing called love to exist in order to have sex and you know that. Bloody hell, you wouldn't need love in order to procreate, you just need simple lust. Sex isn't all about love, it's about getting what you want and finding self fulfillment in it, you'll never need love in sex"
"I may not need it, but it is something that I want, Malfoy…"
And there is also your ethics to consider
He looked at me as if he was disgusted as if he was absolutely revolted by what I just said.
"Asinine thoughts should be kept at bay, Granger. Look what that foolish thing called love has done to you, it gave me the privilege of having you as my servant for a lifetime"
I shook my head, "You'll soon understand, Malfoy. How it would feel to risk everything you hold dear and give it up for just one person you entirely love with every fiber of your being…."
He shifted in his sofa and looked straight at me with his stormy gray eyes and said, "How soon?"
I couldn't answer because I couldn't tell how long it'd take for him to understand…
I wanted to end this verbal spar about love with him, especially since he doesn't know much about it or rather has his own biased notions regarding it but somehow, I couldn't bring myself to stop.
I stood up and carefully covered myself with my left arm and started for the knob of his door and said, "You know, Draco…Love is inexplicable and sometimes, it's up to the person to understand it"
For a moment, there was nothing but silence, I turned the knob and started to get out when…
"Well, would you be so kind to teach me and help me understand what that damned thing is?" he said softly
I turned around; he was hidden behind the sofa so I couldn't discern his emotions of if he was sincere.
He was drunk.
That was one implication to think of, Malfoy would never give innuendos like that in a normal condition.
How could I be so foolish?
So foolish to think that I have fallen in love with a person who does not even know what love is?
Or call love "a damned thing"?
"You can't teach a person how to love, Malfoy"
He laughed "You can't, but how is possible to love a person who can never love you back?"
That was so abrupt that for a moment I stopped
I was not going to answer that
I was about to go but-
"Do you need anything else?" I asked
He sat up, the faint light of his room illuminated his face, nothing could be discerned from his stony face.
Not even anger
Am I to believe that Malfoy is as jaded as he really seems?
"I don't need anything else, Granger but I know that you lacked sleep, so just sleep in my quarters instead"
My eyes widened with shock
Did he really expect me to sleep in his room with a drunk him in it?
That is so thick
"Thanks Master Malfoy" I said with added sarcasm "But I'd rather sleep in my quarters instead"
There was a moment of silence as I reached for the doorknob but his next comment made me stop myself from making my exit.
"Why so afraid, Granger?"
"I am not afraid, Malfoy. But I am under the impression that you are thinking quite clear as of the present moment and whatever shall happen to me, you shall be held accountable, we wouldn't want that, would we?"
He smirked, "You're afraid of me, aren't you?"
"I was never afraid of you, Malfoy" I said with an air of finality
But I am afraid of what you might do to me and end up challenging what I have for Harry.
I picked up the remainder of my blouse and covered myself lamely with it.
"You are such a coward, Granger. Why can't you admit it? That you are so afraid to fall for someone who might jeopardize what you've so persistently preached? Why?"
"Because I still love Harry, Malfoy…"
"And you are afraid you might fall for me…"
He didn't ask, he simply stated
I looked at him with so much loathing in my eyes, I DO NOT WANT ANYONE TO QUESTION MY FEELINGS FOR HARRY ESPECIALLY NOT YOU MALFOY!
"You have no idea of how I feel, Malfoy"
"You are right I don't, but I do know that you want me as much as I want you, Granger"
"Do not question my feelings for Harry!"
He ignored me and that irked me even more.
"Good night, Malfoy"I said icily and without another word I walked out of his room leaving him in the cold recesses in it.
The moment the door closed on my face I slammed my fist into it.
"FUCK!!!" I swore so hard that any minute now I am sure that asinine maid of mine would be running here to tell me off
"Damn you to hell, Granger!" I seethed through my breath as I threw myself on my bed.
Why the hell does she have to act like a virginal idiot prancing away with those great legs and milky skin preaching about that fucking screwed up notion love.
Love can never exist, it's only a foolish notion about lust. Lust comes as varying degrees of desire which foolish men and women mistake for love.
And that includes her.
For someone who is so smart she could actually be stupid.
Or if what I reckon is true then…but it can't be, the mudblood's too in love with her fiancé to consider what I have just implied to her.
I breathed heavily, I still wanted her in my bed. I still wanted to know how that soft satiny warm skin will feel like against my cold unyielding one.
I sighed, I would have to make up for what I just did.
She wanted an apology.
I couldn't muster a simple sorry out, even if I could, it'd be…empty and useless and moreover extremely insincere.
Plus, I thoroughly hate the word, I give myself a mental whiplash at the back every time I utter that acid word.
There has to be more ways than simply saying it, there has to be another way of working through it.
Ah fuck! Women are so hard to discern. Perhaps if she found a wonderful set of charmed diamonds beside her bedpost by tomorrow she'd at least reconsider what I wanted to do with her delectable self tonight.
But then again, we are talking about the mudblood here.
Damn it, there has to be a way to get her into bed with me without resorting to an apology or false uttered words, or much worse…damned declarations of feelings I don't feel and which she can never return.
There has to be at least one, surrendering all further contemplations, I hailed for Palace.
This is going to be a hell of a night.
Damn, when does one man resort to so many options just to get ONE woman in his bed?
Apparently not always
But what Granger has to know is that a Malfoy will always get what he wants.
I will have to be resourceful and before I know it, everything will fall into place.
With that idea formed in mind, I smirked but something was at the back of my mind, something bothered me about the mudblood's reactions.
The fact that she had reacted to my insinuation about falling for me was interesting
Too interesting in fact…
A/N: Okay, I know…most of you want to wring my neck for giving you such a short chapter after a VERYYY LONG BREAK, lol. Well, you see…I really have my reasons for that, I'm already enrolled in a hell course and I really don't have much time to write if I want to pass (which I really do, desperately). I can't promise frequent updates nor can I promise longer chapters but here's one thing, if I'll update often perhaps chapters will be shorter like this and the story will be lengthened but perhaps I'll make chapters longer but the story as a whole… shorter, but I really do not want to crop down the plot. Anywho, I am sooo very sorry guys, my clinical instructors are like vampires preying on our fresh necks, I hope this was an okay chapter in the least and as I've said, I can't promise anything for now but with all determination…I shall try) Till then, Hellish:D