Summary: I wanted to deal with Quistis' 'jealously' in a little bit of a different way, and then I imagined a
good opportunity to do so with the "confused" status in the game. This is the result. It's my first shot at
video game fic, so please let me know how it turned out. (Right now I'm at the beginning of the third disk
in the game, on the Esthar continent, and that's where I intended this scene to take place.)


"Confused," by IngridSarah


Another training session, and we are too far off in a part of the world that we know nothing about, but I
don't tell him that. I rationalize by saying that he wouldn't listen, but I am probably enjoying this even
more than his ego is. When we were young I used to tell him things like "don't go too far off" or "watch
where you're going," as if one year made any difference in being prepared. I won't say a thing now. He's
the leader.

Rinoa looks different—looks like she might say something, but she's hesitating too, because she *loves*
him. If she really loved him, she'd say something. But screw it—I'm through with them both. I am tired
of driving myself mad with this self-inflicted love triangle. I just wish he wouldn't drag me along on these
missions, especially with *her* in tow. It's almost like he's doing it on purpose. And I have better things
to do with my time.

"Watch out!" Squall shouts, even though we are standing only meters apart. I look up sweetly, trying to
hide what I want to and your gigantic pride brought us into this...why don't you get us out? But
Squall isn't there when I look up. There's a green tentacle at the corner of my vision, and then there's
nothing at all because everything is black and there's smoke and my throat begins to burn.

"Malboro..." I want to choke out, but my eyes are closing just as the poison in my body begins to take


Something metal is tearing into my chest. I open my eyes, my veins shooting fire to every part of my body.
My pink uniform is changing color slowly to red. I am feeling...not right...dizzy. And I've been hit by a
projectile of some kind.

I'm lifting up my head to see what monster it is now we're fighting. I have lost track.

"Quistis!" Someone is shouting at me. I don't recognize the voice. Rinoa appears in front of me viscously
and suddenly my very skin rips open and the boomerang flies back to its owner. There is a
hole in my chest.

My fingers are tingling with poison...acid is eating away at me...and I'm feeling powerful again. I want to
kill something. The fire has never been like this before, and my magic is gone but I still have my whip. I
look at Rinoa. She is facing forward now, paying me no heed as if she has given me up for dead, just
another one of the monsters she and Squall have to face together.

I want to kill her...

But there is someone else I want to kill more.

I am beginning to feel sick as I focus on Squall, but my new whip is deadly accurate. I was his instructor,
and now he is my leader. He got promoted and I got fired...I taught him well. I am wondering what they
saw in that ignoramus that got them excited enough to call him leader. I was a SeeD first. I was the first
SeeD. I was...better...bitter...

He's dead. Someone is saying that and there is much crying and the monster is gone, but

"We're too far out, Squall," I say, "We shouldn't have come this far out without bringing the others." I
feel the mud beneath me and I get up slowly, leaking blood and poison.

Selphie is looking at me with this expression I've never seen before on...anyone.

"What did you *do*?" She asks, backing away from me like I'm one of those monsters. The gravity of
her tone opens a black hole inside me. I can no longer feel the poison. My spirit sinks down to my toes.

"You've killed him!" She answers for me when I can say nothing myself. My face is stinging and red.
"Squall's dead."

The crying is...must be...Rinoa. Or is it me?

"What happened?" Selphie entreats me and sobs at the same time.

I open my mouth. What else can I say?

"I was confused."


Please review me if you can.... I long for feedback....