Authors Note: Ok another Chapter of Ironic Romance and a Shooting Star that destroyed us will be out by Wednesday, in the mean time I want all you guys to read this and tell me what you think. That includes you watcher in the water (and please try to make you flame not so freaking narcissistic, and demeaning try to leave a tiny little bit of my bruised self esteem for other readers…please? Anyway, I'm making this one chronicle of dairies, you know in my own whacked out perspective of Hermione's world. Some of you may think that she may be a little OOC but you really wouldn't know that, because you guys don't know how her mind works….do you? Didn't think so, and by the way no flames, (apart from you watcher in the water, I know you'll do it anyway, so there's no point in me asking)


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but you guys know about all the other stuff I own. LIKE THAT NEW ARCH ENEMY CD!!!!! YEAH BUDDY!!!!

Dear Dairy

July 7th 2004

Dear Dairy,

                   Ok, maybe this is just another way for me to vent out all of my puzzling insanities, but hey? Who the heck cares? People need creative outputs; otherwise they just go all 'Michael Jackson' and change races. (A muggle guy…..a WEIRD muggle guy). Ginny got me this rather amazing leather bound journal for Christmas, AFTER I had told her a most assuredly disturbing secret of mine, that I have been holding in for the past three years.

I like Draco Malfoy

Can you say WTF? in 300 words or less? Ginny can! But then again I really didn't care what she thought…and she knew that, so she decided to get me this journal (with the most amazing graphics on the front!!) so that I can read what I wrote, claim myself mentally inept, and check into St. Mungo's……fun times.

So now it's summer and I'm still at home, with me, myself and the monkey on my shoulder. Cant wait to get back to that absolutely tiring work ethic of mine. It's like this; School Hermione kills herself by working her ass off, and making those goddamn good grades, believing she actually gives a shit! Summer Hermione…well….couldn't care less!!! I get home and that whole strive for perfection thing flies up J-Lo's humungo gumbo butt. (Another normal Muggle person….with a not so normal backside).

So I'm sitting here, totally bored out of my mind, attempting to deafen myself with the oh so nourishing (to Charlie Manson anyway) raging tones of my favorite music genre. SWEDISH DEATH METAL!!!!! You have not lived if you have yet to hear the lovely Angela Gossow scare the wizarding crap out of you!! That lady is a freaking genius, and my role model.

Creepy right? Why on earth does Hermione Granger, the know-it-all book worm listen to Angela Gossow the Queen of Swedish Death Metal? Well my children, it is simple...

Because I just do.

Moving on to more entertaining subjects (I would tell you about my mom's invisible mole, but you know……that's not really THAT interesting, unless you're me) like Harry and Ron.

I have not heard from those horny bastards since the end of last year, I don't think I would really want to, well that's what Ginny says anyway. You can always trust the gossip Queen.

Ron's a lecherous weasel….actually he's a flaming cunt whore, but I see no difference, and Harry has let the whole 'The Boy Who Lived' thing get to his head.

Now their on the penal erotica brigade, determined to hump, fuck and fornicate with every female on the face of this planet. And I sincerely hope that, that does not include me…..or Ginny.

Or Mrs. Weasley……ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

I really wouldn't doubt it, because you know they're just males like that, all males are bastards, really horny bastards.

Well I am going to The Burrow in about 2 days, so I can see the stimulated lab rats for myself. Its makes me wonder, how on earth does Ginny survive being the only girl? God….I would have murdered EVERYONE by now.

That girl is a saint.

Well I best go; you know I have to go do that thing where you spend lots and lots of your parent's money, on mindless and mostly useless things, rendering them bankrupt for the rest of your life anyway.

Farewell, until the next blueberry muffin flies by.

*I love being an obscure nutcase, it fun to confuse people*

Hermit Crab

Or to all other sane people


July 9th 2004

Dear Dairy,

                  Guess what Ron and Harry figured out today?!?! I'm a girl!!

It took all of the self control that I have attained these past 6 years of being friends with these morons, to not castrate them (with hot nacho cheese) on the spot.

Ginny and Mrs. Weasly come to pick me up from the train station (I hate to use floo powder…my allergies always kick up); we do all the girl stuff. Giggle manically in the backseat of Mr. Weasly's muggle car. (He got a new one, and she let him, a beautiful 89 corvette, a ghastly shade of tangerine orange, apparently it changes color on contact) talked about boys, and the new brand of women's wizarding robes they have out (still don't know why Ginny even thought I cared….but that's her problem) and some more boys.

When we got to the burrow, the boys were nowhere in sight, instead a rather tacky sticky note was left in their place, I quote;

"Gone for a quick fly with the boys, be back for dinner."

I really do hate childish like hand writing, especially when its by an adult, but that's just me being all bitchy again, moving on.

So Ginny took me upstairs to get settled in, and that is where we remained until the 'boys' got home from their…fly.

I had gotten changed into something more comfortable, my pajamas, which at the time, I did not believe racy at all. It was rather late, and besides Ginny was wearing the exact same thing.

So we went down stairs arms links, like little obnoxious…blonde school girls. Talking about my break off with Viktor Krum (never could really stand the fellow, the whole Hermie-own-ninny, was excruciatingly annoying, hated it, hated his team. What can I say? I'm a little heart breaker).

 All of a sudden Ron bursts out with a…


First off, his eyes weren't looking anywhere where apart from my chest, like my breasts had turned into Gremlins or something. Second….wtf? I have looked like this since third year, its not my problem he is blind as well as stupid, and that goes double for Harry, because his reaction was even worse.

Muuuuuuch worse.

So we sat down, after Mrs., Weasly told Ron off for being rude and dished out her world famous Chicken Pot Pie, with a side dish of sausage rolls.

Its times like theses that I wonder how Americans can even breathe without sausage rolls, I've heard they don't even have fish and chips over there, I mean come on!! Talk about Ripley's Believe It or Not.

So I'm happily munching away, in sausage roll heaven, when Harry decides to switch sits with Fred, who had not touched his food, but was instead trying to get glimpses of my non-existent cleavage.

My breasts are not that big!!!

So he switches sits with Fred, and starts to talk to me. About my summer, about his summer, about you know….life in general. And then he pulls one from his deck of horrible 'fuck me' lines and says.

"I need to talk to you, come up to me and Ron's room tonight"

'I need to talk to you, come up to me and Ron's room tonight'

'I need to talk to you, come up to me and Ron's room tonight'

'I need to talk to you, come up to me and Ron's room tonight'

I don't wanna sound self absorbed, but did my best friend whose known me through most of his freaking puberty just hit on me? 

'I need to talk to you, come up to me and Ron's room tonight'

And adding Ron in there? Does he expect a threesome or something? God I don't think I've changed that much, I just got taller is all, and maybe a filled out in the right places or something stupid like that, but still…..

'I need to talk to you, come up to me and Ron's room tonight'

Shouldn't he NOT care, shouldn't he be my best friend? Shouldn't he be normal Harry?

I hate it when people change, you've known them all of your life, and then BAM the person you've known just disappears and is replaced by some complete stranger.

Especially when its Harry.

I loved Harry because of what he was inside I really couldn't care less about all that 'The Boy Who Lived' crud. He looked like he needed a friend and so I was there for him, he had a kind and brave heart, and he was one of a kind. Even when he was up against the Dark Lord, all he cared about was protecting others, even if it was somebody like Prof. Snape. Harry just wanted to be Harry.

I guess that whole thing just swallowed him whole.

And now there this self-seeking, sisoplistic, lascivious, witless moron as his replacement.

Third, what the hell makes him think he could get with me?

I better go, I'll finish later. Someone's knocking on my door.


Feminist Hermit Crab

Or to all other sane people.


Authors Note: So what did you think? (Watcher in the water: how much did it suck?) Review please, and no flames, those things are depressing. (Apart form you know who…)