Title: Harry Potter: Big Brother (Pain in the Arse)

Author: Moonbeam

Rating: PG-13 (and not just because my stories are either PG-13 or NC-17 to be safe but coz I may have chucked a few swear words in.)

Disclaimer: I wish I owned a very cute drawing of Harry and Draco on the opening page over at Fiction Alley but I really don't want to own Harry Potter the series, too much stress. I do however own this story idea - regardless of the fact I was half asleep when it came to me.

Author's Note: I'm better, yay me. So this is also the first thing I've published since I found out I have Coeliac Disease.

Harry Potter: Big Brother (Pain in the Arse)

by Moonbeam

"… so you see I had to stare into his eyes as I killed him. All his magic was drained and had flowed out into the forest but he still had those cold, red eyes and they bored into a person. I had never wanted to use the killing curse but it was amazing how easy I found it to do. I've sort of wondered if it would be as easy a second time."

Ron snickered to himself, really Harry was very, very good at this. He had stopped trying to help, the boys were scared when he was just sitting next to Harry, silent and glaring. They knew of the Weasley temper and the fact he'd help defeat Voldemort even if they didn't know how, and that was scary in itself. Not to mention the fact they knew both boys were fiercely protective of Hermione, as indicated by the hexes and broken nose the boy who'd cheated on her, in sixth year, had been sporting for weeks afterwards. Ron wondered if Harry would ever get sick of this method and just tell Hermione he was arse-backwards in love with her. Not that she was much better. He may be their best friend but their oblivious thing was pissing him off.

Just then out of the corner of his eye he saw Hermione enter from the secret doorway to the Head Boy and Girl quarters she shared with Harry. As per usual she looked stunning; but annoyed. Once upon a time Harry hadn't been this forceful in his attempts to get rid of Hermione's dates; that was his denial phase - whether he was denying it to himself or just hiding it Ron didn't know. Ron could remember doing a lot more that staring at the potential boyfriend then. You'd have thought that by now they would have stopped asking her out, but Hermione really was a fabulous girl and the boys kept flocking.

From the look on her face she was furious. She always was when they did this, but it used to be easier. Harry was just the guy in the back of their minds, the boy who had killed Voldemort in his sixth year but now, now he took delight in tormenting the poor boys. Not to mention twirling his wand while detailing how he defeated Voldemort. Ron sank further into his chair, Hermione had murder in her eyes and Ron was self-preserving if nothing else.

Hermione had had enough, Harry Potter had intimidated his last guy, she was sick of him tormenting her dates into breaking it off.

"Harry Potter you rude git, stop tormenting my date."

The entire common room turned to look, Hermione yelling at Harry Potter?? This had never before happened … at least not to their knowledge. This was commonplace where Ron and Hermione were involved, but this? This would be something to watch. Ron smiled to himself, this may not be how he wanted the two of them to work it out but it was a damn sight better than them dancing around each other. Besides if they admitted their feelings he could stop worrying about Hermione. From the look on both their faces this was going to be a good fight. They were both notoriously level headed but he knew for a fact they had excellent tempers when riled up.


"Because, it is not your job to strut around like a cock with it's scars showing to scare off the other suitors."

"I'm one of your best friends, it's my duty, right and privilege," Harry smirked but Hermione was fuming.

"Goddammit, if you insist on acting like a jealous ex-boyfriend at least have the damn feelings to back it up," she yelled.

"Well what if I do, huh?" Suddenly it hit Harry exactly what he had just said, oh Shit!

But Hermione wasn't about to let him get off that easily.

"So what you in love with me now?"

"YES goddammit I am and bloody hell did you have to make me announce it to the entire common room and your date!"

"Well you wouldn't just tell me you stubborn git."

"Fine, you want it admitted, here it is. I love you, it pisses me off to see you dating other guys, especially guys who look at you like you are a piece of meat to be skewered and devoured. So I scare them off that way you won't get taken advantage of." Harry knew he shouldn't be saying this but damn her she really made him angry.

Hermione didn't respond simply stalked towards him, everyone held their breath; they were about to see Harry Potter slapped. But instead she reached for his head and dragged it down capturing his eyes before attacking his mouth. For a moment Harry stood shocked to be kissed by Hermione, especially like this. But then he felt her tongue sweep along his lower lip and he decided he might as well take advantage or her momentary lapse of sanity. His arms wrapped tightly around her waist bringing her body flush up against his, one hand settling on her lower back keeping her there while his other ran up her spine to lose itself in her hair. Hermione sighed into the kiss; she had been waiting a long time for this. She got her first taste of Harry and was mildly surprised to taste chocolate on his tongue, but she was distracted by the feel of his body against hers and the way he seemed to have taken over something she had thought was her kiss. Sliding one hand into his hair the other slid around to rest between his shoulder blades forcing his mouth even more tightly against hers.

The common room stared in mild horror, they were pretty sure that they shouldn't be watching … but couldn't quite take their eyes away from the couple. The boys who had dated Hermione, however briefly, knew that they would've been Adava Kedavra'd for attempting to kiss her like that, it just wasn't allowed. Everyone forgot however about the boy who had started this whole fight, her date. He was disappointed with the way their almost date had turned out but admitted to himself if Harry had have said anymore he would have ran away to hide. Finally Ron shook himself out of his stupor and clapped his hands, shocking most others out of theirs too.

"Okay, everyone show's over please head upstairs to your rooms, it's almost lights out and as a prefect I feel the need to enforce this rule to the letter. Everyone up." Everyone grudgingly began to head upstairs, while there had never been a lights out time before they were not about to argue with Ron when his two best friends were snogging blissfully in the middle of the common room. People began to stream past the couple towards their respective staircases, but still Harry and Hermione were locked in their embrace, a few students wondered exactly how they were able to breath, but continued on regardless.

Ron saw Michael standing near the portrait hole looking somewhat lost so he made his way over to him and patted him on the shoulder,

"Sorry mate, but I don't think you'll be getting that date. At least not if you want your life. So thanks for coming, they will appreciate it when they come up for air and I'll see you around." Ron led him to the portrait hole and watched as it closed on his still dazed expression with a chuckle, 'poor guy' he thought.

He turned around and looked at his two best friends for a moment, really they could breath at least once to show they're human. Leaning down he picked up a quill and a piece of parchment and scribbled a hasty note. On his way upstairs he placed it on the divide between the stairs. He went up to his room to do … something before he could go to sleep.

When Harry finally pulled away from Hermione he felt light-headed and wasn't sure if that was from the mind blowing kiss or the lack of oxygen, either way he grinned.

That was until Hermione slapped him.

"This could have been so much easier if you'd just told me when you worked it out."

"Yeah, but then I wouldn't have been able to declare my love to an entire common room full of people and your date…" Harry looked around, he hadn't noticed before but no one was in the common room. Really they couldn't have been standing here that long, he didn't want to let Hermione go to find out what the time was though. "Where is everyone?"

Much to Harry's disappointment she pulled from his embrace and spun around looking for anyone. She turned back to him, but seemed to be focussing beyond his shoulder.

"That might tell us."

Harry turned to see what she was pointed at and found a note tacked up against the wall, he walked over and pulled it off reading aloud.

"About bloody time. By the way excellent show."

"Ron." They said at the same time while Harry dropped the note and pulled Hermione back to him.

"Since the common room is deserted do you want to make up for lost time?" Harry said with a rakish grin.

"Yes, in here though I always wanted to kiss you out here." Hermione replied pulling his lips down to hers.

Somehow they made it over to one of the couches in front of the fire and sat down. Hermione pulled away and rested her forehead against Harry's.

"I Love you," she whispered.

"Love you too." Harry smiled at her and moved his mouth back against hers.

~ ~ ~

The next morning almost the entire Gryffindor dormitory was up with the first birds, going to bed at seven o'clock at night could do that to a person. But up before everybody was Ron. When he had awoken he felt the need to check the common room to see if the two were still there. He walked downstairs barefoot wearing his pyjamas, he was cold but he smiled when he saw the two of them curled up on the couch. Her pulled his wand from his pocket and pointed it at the two,


The two lifted into the air and floated there obediently, the entire house didn't need to know that they had slept here. They had made enough of a spectacle of themselves the night before. Walking them towards the wall between the diverging staircases he mumbled their password,

"Firebolt fiasco."

The false wall melted away and he was able to walk them into their common room. To the casual observer or even the seasoned stalker it would look as though Ron had walked up one set of stairs or the other. No one who didn't know expressly where it was would be able to find the room. It was protection and Ron found it humorous especially when people went looking for the room and couldn't find it.

He walked them through their common room and towards Hermione's room, Harry's would be neater but Hermione's more comfortable. He opened the door and made his way carefully across the room stepping over piles of parchment and books and clothes before he got to the bed. Making sure they were stable he moved the covers back with his free hand and gently placed them on the mattress. Without them waking he watched as they readjusted themselves to the new surface and held each other tighter. He smiled to himself as he left her room closing the door quietly behind him and went to fetch their books. Leaving them on the central table he wrote another quick note on the back of the last.

'You're welcome.'

Then he left their common room wondering what to do with his Saturday alone.

The End