Tenchi Survivor
Day 9
Jose Philipe Mendola

Authors Note: Praise be, Tenchi Survivor is back again. Only, one-thing kids. DO NOT VOTE! If you send me votes in ANY fashion and the FF.net administrators find out about it. This will be deleted AGAIN. If you ARE an FF.net administrator, there will be NO voting done here. I will be making the decisions on my own as to who stays and goes. All I want from this is simple reviews on the chapters. NO VOTES. Sorry kids. Enjoy anyway.

Flashback: Well, if you remember correctly, Sasami was the first to go because she was underage. After that, Ryo-Ohki went out on silver platter. Actually the heinous Jose cooked it in with a stir-fry. In the last chapter (Day 8) Tenchi outlived everyone on the immunity challenge. He actually won because he sabotaged Washu who attempted to cheat. She swore revenge before Tenchi left, but that could fall to pieces. And with that, we bring to you again, Tenchi Survivor.

It was another beautiful day on the island. The birds were out singing, the sun was an hour into the sky and the thermometer was already hitting 85. The perfect morning.


The word traveled throughout the entire island. From every cliff face to every crab, the small world that was the island shook from the word. So much for the perfect morning.

'Calm down Jose.' The cameraman said 'we're back on so it's all good.'

Jose was hunched over pacing around a tree. He was clad in black shorts and an OD green and tan 'Afrika Korps' t-shirt. Not to mention his stylish Green Bay Packers hat.

'Three months!' Jose yelled '3 frickin' months I've been off the air! The ratings have dropped, my PAYCHECK has dropped, and I STILL have nothing to show for hitting on Mihoshi. NOTHING!"

'Well let's just get today over with and see how the public takes to that.'

'I don't know man.' Jose sulked 'I don't think I feel it anymore.'

'Jose.' The cameraman said 'Do you know what today is?'


'Banishment Day.'

Jose immediately brightened at the mention of his favorite day. Pulling a can of Mountain Dew out of his pocket, Jose opened it and tossed its contents back in celebration.

'Ready for action.' Jose said, cracking his knuckles.

Jose ran off down the path, the cameraman right behind him.


'We're back on the air?' Ayeka asked, staring at the camera 'Holy sh- hey guys! We're back on!'

Tenchi stuck his head out of the lean-to. Ryoko did as well. Seen in the backgrounds, Tenchi noticed that he was not alone. Startled, he jumped up and out of the makeshift housing. He began walking toward the camera.

'How about that.' Katsuhito said, smiling at the blinking red dot that marked the power to the camera. 'Makes an old man happy to be back on the air.'

'Wait a minute.' Tenchi said 'did it occur to anyone who's going to show up now that we're back on the air?'

'Uh-oh.' Ayeka said.

Ryoko teleported right behind Tenchi. Putting her arms around his neck, she asked

'What are we talking about?'

'Since the camera is back on,' Ayeka explained as she pried Ryoko off of Tenchi 'it signifies that any second Jose is going to come tearing out of the jungle with some sick and twisted method of banishing one of us.'

'Except Tenchi.' Mihoshi said from nowhere.

'Huh?' Katsuhito said, looking around 'Where are you girl?'

'Probably disappeared into blond air.' Ryoko said.

The ground beneath Ryoko shifted. Attempting to regain her feet, Ryoko fell onto her back as the ground under her collapsed. It seems that Mihoshi had dug her way out from under her to the surface.

'Where did YOU go?' Tenchi asked the tan blond.

'I was looking for Pirate treasure.' Mihoshi explained.

'What an amusing girl.' Katsuhito said.

'Something like that.' Ayeka agreed.

'What's that noise?' Tenchi asked.

'Oh crap.' The other 4 survivors agreed.

Behind them, the palm trees parted. A human figure was shrouded be the blinding divine light that radiated behind him. Dan the cameraman (and Jose's good friend) walked out from the nearby trees, camera rolling.

'Get ready kids.' Dan said 'This is going to be good.'

The figure stepped out of the light and into the sand that was the beach. Like the survivors had guessed, it was Jose. Sure, he was in his black shorts and Afrika Korps shirt, but he was not sporting glasses and a shabby excuse for a goatee. Either way, Hell on earth had returned.

'Welcome, Welcome boys and girls.' Jose yelled with enthusiasm 'are we ready to pick up where we left off?'

'Wouldn't you like to pick up where you left off with Mihoshi, or does that involve less clothing that is allowed in a family fic?' Ayeka asked sarcastically.

'I assure you Ayeka,' Mihoshi said 'Nothing of that nature happened at all.'

'I figured as much.' Ryoko said.

'Hey!' Jose yelled 'I've been here for 47 seconds and already your making a jackass out of me. What the hell?'

'Easy Jose.' Dan said 'Let's just stick to the task at hand.'

'Right. Ok, are you all here?'

'No.' Katsuhito said 'We're missing Washu.'

'Ok, any idea as to where she might be?'

'Down the beach some ways.' Ryoko informed 'I guess some electronic devices washed up last night, so she's collecting them so she can build whatever she wants.'

'Damn.' Jose said 'Someone want to go get her?'

None of the survivors offered.

'Ok, anyone who wants the job, step forward.'

The cameraman had dropped something, so Jose turned to see what had happened. As soon as Jose was distracted, Tenchi, Katsuhito, Ryoko and Ayeka took a step back.

Content, Jose turned around.

'Thank you Mihoshi. Run down, get Washu and run back.'

Mihoshi looked around, trying to comprehend how she had volunteered. Not finding an answer, she took off down the beach.


Mihoshi had returned with Washu a few minutes later.

For reasons unexplained, Jose had Mihoshi run back down eh beach and back two times. Strange enough, Jose smiled the whole time she did it. No one questioned him.

'OK.' Jose said once the group was assembled 'today is going to be real easy. All you have to do for a Banishment challenge is transport a box from one end of the island to the other in the shortest time.'

'Well that's easy.' Ryoko said.

'Even I can do that.' Mihoshi said proudly.

'Indeed. Simple enough.' Jose said.

'What's the catch?'

'Who said that?' Jose said, brandishing a shank 'Come on, show yourself.'

A hand reached up and grabbed Jose by the facial hair. Hauling his head down, he came eye to eye with Washu. She was short. No wonder he didn't see her.

'Hey you spaz.' Washu said 'I said it. What's the catch? Mine Field? Attack dogs? Bees? Or dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark they shoot bees at you?'

'No.' Jose said coolly, trying not to loose his temper 'Just run the box. That's it.'

'When you say 'run', do we have to technically run?' Katsuhito asked.

'Ah.' Jose said brightening 'Now for the rest of the rules. All you have t do is get the box to the other side of the island. I don't care how you do it, just get it there when the boat comes in.'

'So what is IN these boxes exactly?' Tenchi asked.

'Hey, are you running in this?' Jose said sounding annoyed.


'Then put a lid on it. Ok, listen up. The time to be running this is going to be awkward. The suppliers- I mean 'time keepers' are coming in around 2 AM. They are Columbians. Now, they are going to be showing up in a very fast boat, so you have to get the boxes off that thing as fast as you can so they can get out of here. Once you have the box, run to the other side of the island and deliver it to the Mexicans. From there, report back here with your times.'

The survivors just blinked at Jose's rules.

'Can you repeat that?' Mihoshi asked.

'Just get the friggin' box to the Mexicans.' Jose grumbled.

'By any means possible?' Ayeka asked,

'Any means.' Jose replied.

'Any means.' Washu confirmed.

'Yes, any means.' Jose said, stressing the words.

'Check this out.' Katsuhito whispered to his grandson 'Any-means- necessary.'


'Anything?' Ayeka asked, playing along.

'Yes, yes!' Jose yelled, overcome be the stupidity.

'Anything at all.' Ryoko stated, making sure.

'Damn it, yes!'

'Bath time?' Mihoshi asked in all honesty.

'Go get ready!' Jose yelled 'We start in a few hours!'

The survivors ran off to get ready, except Tenchi who headed for the water for an attempt to get some relaxation.

'Oh, I hate this job.' Jose said as the camera focused on him.


The next live broadcast was at 2:15 AM. The boats had just pulled in and the survivors were ready.

'Ok kids.' Jose said, radio in hand 'Who's first to deliver the goods?'

Mihoshi stepped forward. For one reason or another, she was dressed in her GP (Galaxy Police) suit.

'Whatever.' Jose said shrugging. 'You know what you have to do, right?'

'Mihoshi nodded in affirmation.

'Ok, I'm going to have you grab the box (The FBI has MY fingerprints) and head out. As soon as you touch that box, the timer starts. Go ahead whenever your ready.'

Mihoshi pulled out her Storage Matrix, twisted it a few ties and conjured up a Fission Bazooka out of thin air. Putting the box back into her pocket, she grabbed the bazooka and ran 10 feet to the boat. Bazooka and payload in hand, she crammed the box into the projecting end of the bazooka. Once 'loaded', she raised the weapon and took a reading on distance and trajectory. Adjusting it a few degrease, she pulled the trigger. The power inside the cannon built up due to the box blocking the ext, and the bazooka began to glow at the seams. It then ROCKETED the box up and over the jungle in a flash of light and noise.

'Bueno, chica. Bueno.' One of the Columbians said, awfully impressed.

Jose got on his radio and said something into it.

'Si, package delivered. Awaiting more.' Came the reply.

'Great job Mihoshi. 24 seconds flat. Ok, whose next?'

Both Katsuhito and Ayeka stepped forward.

'Excuse me.' Katsuhito said bowing 'Ladies first.' He stepped back.

'OK, you know the rules and- whoa.' Jose pointed at Ayeka 'Your face is painted again.'

'It's a rise in power level. I'm going to levitate it there at high speeds.'

'Your not going to drop me again, are you?' Jose asked.

'No, I promise I wont.' She said laughing a little.

'Ok. Whenever your ready.'

Ayeka ran up to the boat and grabbed the box. She spun around and continued to hold it. Within seconds, the box had a blue glow to it. Ayeka pulled her hands away from it, causing it to levitate. Once she was a good distance from it, she raised it into the air. Again, it froze in place. Ayeka brought her hand back behind her, and, like Scorpion from Mortal Kombat, jabber her hand forward, palm vertical. The box flew through the air and through the jungle.

The Columbians muttered something, sounding pleased.

'Box two delivered.' The radio said 'Awaiting more.'

'Very nice job Ayeka.' Jose said '26.3. A little slower, but still just as impressive. Nice face paint by the way.'

She smiled and walked back.

'Ok Katsuhito, your turn.'

Katsuhito walked toward the boat where a Columbian held out the delivery item. He reached for it, but stopped short and turned to look at Jose.

'Now don't blink.' He said 'This is going to happen REAL fast.'

'Right.' Jose said. Dah, hallo. This guy was old. Jose was NOT expecting much from him.

Katsuhito touched the box and the clock began.

Jose looked up, and he was gone.

'What the hell?'

'Grandpa's a real fast guy. He'll be back soon.' Tenchi said.

'Wow'. Jose said, impressed.

'Package delivered.' The radio said.

Jose looked back down at his watch.

'24.3 flat!' Jose said.

'I would have been a lot faster,' Katsuhito said, suddenly next to Jose 'but I tripped over a python and got slowed down.'

'You ran it there?' Jose asked.

'Sure.' He replied 'I love running.'

Jose shook his head in disbelief.

'OK, thus far we have Mihoshi in first and Ayeka trailing in last of three. But don't worry yet. We still have two more to run. Whose next?'

Washu and Ryoko were debating as to who was to go next. It took a few minutes, but Washu had Ryoko go before her so she could 'save the best for last'.

'Alright,' Ryoko said 'let's get this over with. I'll make sure this is fast so Ayeka will be the next to go.'

'Jeeze, what a bitch.' Ayeka whispered.

'Ryoko walked up to the boat and grabbed the box. The timer started.

It only took a few seconds for Ryoko to teleport to wherever she did.

Jose expected a radio call within the second saying that the box was delivered, while Ayeka worried about her trashed time.

'This is taking longer than expected.' Tenchi said.

'Box 4 delivered.' The radio said.

Ryoko teleported back into existence right in front of Jose.

'25.7 seconds. What happened?' Jose asked sarcastically.

'I've never been to that beach before. The closest I was to it was 200 yards. Since I can only teleport directly to where I have been, I had to run the last 200.'

'I'm sorry to hear that.' Jose said 'Ok Washu, your turn.'

Washu walked toward the boat, dragging with her a large metal chamber.

'What the HELL is that?' Jose demanded.

'It's a teleporting device. What happens is I turn this thing on, put something in it and in exactly 20 seconds later, it's on the other end. Now if you'll kindly wait, I'll fire this thing up.'

'This does NOT look good for Ayeka.' Ayeka said 'I'm just going to go pack my stuff. I'll be right back.'

Jose grabbed her by the arm and pulled her beside him.

'Stay put. You can't leave yet.'

Washu got the teleporter working.

'Now the other one I have constructed, both from the electronic equipment I found on the beach, is right next to the Mexican boat. I will win this fir sure, and I'm going with the box so I can personally deliver it.

'Hey Jose,' the cameraman said 'Check it out.'

Someone wearing a suit and tie, carrying a briefcase walked out of the jungle.

'Uh-oh.' Jose said 'Network executive.'

'Mr. Mendola,' The man said as Washu prepared her teleporter 'I'm sorry to tell you that the ratings have dropped and so has your paycheck. Again. Have a nice day.'

With that, the executive vanished amid demons and red smoke.

Jose shook with anger.

'Uh-oh.' The cameraman said.

'I don't BELIEVE this!' Jose yelled. Washu grabbed the box, the timer started and Jose pulled a bat out of his pocket. 'BASTARDS!' Jose shouted.

Washu stepped into her invention. A screen showed a bar marking how far along the process was.


Jose, in a fit of rage, swung the bat and connected with the computer console of the teleporter.

Flashing red lights immediately went off.

'Transporter process interrupted!' A hidden speaker blared ''Molecular structure unstable. Transportation field unstable. Attempting to find transported items.'

There was a second of silence. All of the survivors stared wide-eyed at the failed experiment.

'Targets found.' The busted computer said 'Attempting to extract.'

The chamber sparked and steamed as technology battled the center of the universe.

'Extraction failed. Targets lost. Have a nice day.'

'Oops.' Jose said.


The Mexicans had waited until dawn for the last box to arrive. It never did. They left anyway, out one box. The Columbians had taken off as soon as the last box was taken. When they left, they left behind a large sum of money for Jose.

Jose had recently called all of the survivors together.

'Well, I've taken it into account, and put some serious thought into it, but I have come to the conclusion that, by default, Washu is banished. Take the rest of the day off, and I'll see you tomorrow morning.'

Washu is banished!

Jeeze, see what happens when you anger Jose? Oh well, one less castaway to torture. Now be sure to leave a review, but NO votes. If you do, this will be erased again, angering Jose. And you don't want that. See you next chapter.