Rating: R, just to be sure.
Disclaimer: I don't own Holes. The only hole I own is the one I dug in my
back yard.I don't own any of the characters either. They all belong to
Louis Sacher.
Summary: Squid has a past more traumatic than anyone could guess. It has to
do with his father. He's kept it secret for a long time, but the truth has
to come out eventually.
Chapter One: Voices in the Dark
Midnight, or close to it. Zigzag was awake, listening to the soft sobs
coming from someone in the tent. These tears were different than what he
usually heard. Tears of emotional pain were the norm, but these tears
sounded like they were of physical pain, the tears someone cried after
digging their first hole or after a bad fight.
"Hey," he whispered into the darkness, "You ok?"
He got no answer.
He listened for a while longer until curiousity got the better of him. He
switched on the light.
"What the hell!?" he cried.
Squid was kneeling on his bunk, back arched slightly in pain. In one hand
he held a knife, obviously swiped one day at dinner. The other hand was
covered in blood. Blood was running down his wrist, slowly dripping onto
the bed sheets.
Squid jumped at Zigzags voice and half turned, splattering the floor with
"What are you doing?!"
"PIss off!"
X-Ray stirred, "What are you shouting about?" he asked grumpily.
Neither Squid or Zigzag answered, so X-Ray opened his eyes and put on his
glasses. It took a moment before he focussed on Squids bloody hands.
"Squid, what the hell are you doing?"
"Piss off!" Squid repeated, but not with as much strength as before.
"Yo Squid, just put the knife down."
Squid had lowered the knife back to his wrist. He made no movement to put
it down.
"Man, this ain't cool," Zigzag muttered.
One by one, the other members of D-Tent woke. Tired and angry, eyes not yet
adjusted to the light, they muttered and complained.
"Shut up!" X-Ray commanded, not taking his eyes away from Squid, as if his
gaze was mentally stopping him from pressing down the knife.
"Squid, c'mon, it ain't that bad."
"How would you know?" Squid muttered, eyes on the knife.
"Uh..." he realised that he wouldn't know. "But... why Squid? I don't get
it, why?"
"I'm gonna die hdere anyway!" Squid yelled, half hysterically. "Don't you
get it? We're all gonna die here! They're not gonna let us go! The only way
we're getting out is in a body bag!"
"That's not true!" Magnet tried to think of someone who had gotten out.
"Uh... Barfbag got out."
"Yeah, by stepping on a rattlesnake!"
The knife was wavering dangerously close to his wrist.
"Squid, please!" Zigzag was slowly edging his way towards him, hand
outstretched. "Give me the knife, you're my best friend, the first friend I
ever had, I don't wanna lose you."
Squid looked up at him, then around at the concerned faces of all his tent
mates. He made eye contact with Zigzag again, until he couldn't stand it
"I'm sorry," he whispered. He gripped the knife handle harder, raised it
slightly, ready to plunge into the vein that was waiting so enticingly...
Suddenly he was shoved roughly back down on his bunk. The knife was forced
from his hand, and someone jumped on him and held his wrists.
"Piss off!" he screamed, "Leave me 'lone! Let me go! Just let me go
Shoved back against the bed. Someone was holding him down by the wrists.
He could smell ciggarette smoke and booze...
***Flashback Ends***
Squid tried to push Zigzag off of him, one hand reaches desperately for the
knife, the other was pinned against the bed, under Zigzags knee. X-Ray
grabbed the knife away.
Squid started to cry.
"I'm sorry," he whispered between sobs. "I just hate it here. I really hate
it here..."
Zigzag climbed off of him and pulled him into a hug.
All of D-Tent watched in shocked amazement, Magnet mumbledd something in
Spanish, never in all the time that they'd known him had they seen Squid
Zigzag had his arms around Squid and Squid has his face burried in Zigzags
Squid had tried to kill himself. The reality of it hadn't yet set in. X-Ray
was feeling shaken. In some ways he felt responsible for his tent mates,
the unspoken leader of the group. He felt like he had let Squid down. He
could have died. Imagine what would have happened if Zigzag hadn't been
awake! Imagine waking up the next morning and finding... shuddering, he
decided not to think about it.
"Armpit, find something to use as bandages."
"Aw man, why do I gotta-"
X-Ray swirled around, "Damnit Pit! Think about someone other than yourself
for once! Get off your ass and get some bandages!"
Armpit saw the fire in X-Rays eyes and, grumbling quietly to himself, he
got out of bed and being searching through his crate.
X-Ray went and sat down next to Squid and Zigzag, putting a comforting hand
on Squids shoulder.
After a moment, Squid pulled away from Zigzag and wiped his tear-stained
cheeks with the back of his hand. However, this concluded in smearing his
face with blood. He looked at his wrist as if he were looking at a foriegn
"I was so close to the vain," he said shakiyl, almost regretfully.
"Yeah," X-Ray was ripping strips from a white t-shirt Armpit had given him,
"Lucky you didn't hit it or you'd be in a lotta trouble. And lucky Zig was
awake. You could have died."
"Yeah... I could have died..."
Squid had turned white, his teeth were chattering dispite the heavy layer
of heat covering them and he was shaking violently. Fresh tears had
streaked the blood on his cheeks.
"Man, I think he's, like, going into shock or somethin'," said Magnet, fear
evident in his voice.
"Oh man, this really ain't cool," Zigzag muttered. He didn't know what to
"Here Zig, help me bandage his wrist."
Zigzag held Squid still whileX-Ray tied the strips of t-shirt around his
wrist. His skin felt cold to touch and tying the strips was difficult
because his hands were shaking so much. It must have been painful but Squid
didn't seem to notice. When X-Ray was finished Squid looked up at him, his
eyes seemed glazed, "I'm gonna be sick," he whispered.
Zigzag took him outside. As soon as they were out the door Squid fell to
his hands and knees and vomitted.
Zigzag rubbed his back.
"It's gonna be ok," he kept repeating. He wasn't sure if he was speaking to
Squid or himself.
After a while X-Ray and Magnet came out.
"How's he doing?"
Zigzag shrugged.
Squid leant back, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.
"You alright?" Magnet asked
Squid didn't answer, he looked down at his bandaged wrist, then around the
camp. Pulling his knees up to his chest, he turned his head away slightly
so that they wouldn't see his tears, even though they'd already seen them
"You know what?" he asked.
The others crouched down next to him.
"What?" asked Magnet.
"The Caveman got a letter today, from his mum."
"Oh," said X-Ray, wondering what that had to do with anything.
Squid sighed, "I wish my mum would write to me."
No one knew how to reply to that.
Squid got up, he scowled, "But I bet she's too drunk to even pick up a
pen," he said bitterly.
The other boys awkwardly followed him back into the tent. He went and lay
down on his bunk with his back to them, ignoring the boys questioning
"Turn out the light Zig."
Zigzag didn't move.
Squid rolled over. "Turn out the light! I'm not gonna do anything, X took
my knife away. Just go to sleep and leave me alone!"
Zigzag turned the light out but he didn't go to sleep. X-Ray put the knife
under his pillow. No one in D-Tent slept that night, they just lay in their
bunks, waiting for morning.