Here's a thought: William Peterson played as Pat Garrett in Young Guns II. David Caruso played as Kit Kat in Hudson Hawk. So why is it so hard to see Gil Grissom as a cowboy and Horatio Caine as a mime? Think about it.
On a lighter note: This is a continuation to Clouded Minds. Doubted Thoughts. And Lonely Hearts. You need to read both to understand this story.
Emotions Taking Over
By Kuroi Neko-kun
Summary: After an emotionally pressured case for Horatio, he runs off in his subordinate's footsteps to Second Chance City. But he could only run to one man for comfort…
CSI: Miami- Tweaks and Freaks [A bit]
Disclaimer: CBS owns them. I borrow and will put back.
It had been a year since the case was over. 'The case…' the redhead thought, smirking to no one,' It left a scar.' He unconsciously touched his shoulder, knowing full well that it was not the scar he was thinking of. The scar was on his heart and deep inside the recesses of his mind. And it all surrounded one person who left him in frustration and doubt. Since then, he never knew the truth. He needed to talk about the case.
'This isn't about the case, H,' the voice went, haunting him again,' it's him. You want to talk about your feelings towards him. Your mind and heart is contaminated by him. You yearn for him at night. You dream about him. You wait for his calls that never came. You'd do anything to be in his arms…' Horatio tried to push the voice out of his mind but he was already weakened by its taunts. 'You protected him because you love him, Horatio. You love Gil Grissom.'
'Shut up,' was all he could muster as he buried his face in his hands. He knew that the voice was right. Every night he returned to his apartment and lied in his queen-sized bed, he would cry, giving in to loneliness. All because he knew that the man he wanted would never want him. Never.
He sat in his office as he stared inattentively at a case file. His mind wandered once again to the case that left him marred. He blamed it on Horatio Caine who had brought him to it. 'The idiot.' He placed the file down and stared across the room. Again, the redhead's image came across his mind. He could see him, standing at the doorway, looking straight into his eyes. And he would look back, forlornly, into the sapphire eyes of the Miami C.S.I. He had never told Horatio that he enjoyed the small smile that he always gave when they would end their small bickering or smart retorts.
'Maybe it's not too late to tell him that…' Gil eyed the phone before shaking his head.
'So you still fear those thoughts? You still avoid the only person you actually have feelings for?'
'Those questions are never to be answered…' he thought, fiercely fighting back.
'Are you sure? You have so many unanswered questions in your mind. You avoid him so that your own feelings will never overwhelm you. Why, Gil? Do you fear your feelings or the rejection that might come?' Gil fell silent. He cleared his thoughts and took a deep breath.
'Maybe I should have talked to him about the case. If only…'
'You weren't so scared? The person you hide behind during the case is the one you had to confront. You chose to never let it out so that you could continue to hide behind him ever so comfortably. Isn't that true, Gil?' He chose to ignore the voice, even though he knew it was true. Turning away from the doorway, he looked back at the file and sighed.
"Are you okay?" The blonde asked as she stepped into Horatio's office. The case that he was on seemed especially personal for him. 'Old wounds are opened again. Horatio did his best to not tarnish further his little brother's name. Whatever he found out must have hurt a lot…' He smiled at Calleigh, noticing her worried look. She had also gone through painful decisions, having to put her authority towards Alexx.
"I'll be fine," Horatio lied. He was good at it since Calleigh seemingly believed him.
"Look, Horatio… if there's anything…"
"Go home, Calleigh. You're obviously spent," he said, cutting through her sentence. It was clear to him that Calleigh cannot provide what he wanted at that moment. The blonde just nodded and left without a word, leaving the head of Miami Crime Lab alone to his thoughts.
"Gil? Are you listening?" the lab tech asked, looking worriedly at his boss. Greg had stood at the doorway of his office for five minutes, calling for him. Finally snapping out his train of thoughts, the forensics expert looked at him.
"What is it, Greg?"
"I have the results to the sample you gave. And you're right…" Gil just took the file from him.
"Thank you." He hoped for Greg to leave but the lab tech just stood there, grinning. "Anything else?"
"Tell me." Gil let out a sigh, knowing what Greg wanted to know. He just shook his head.
"Greg, we talked about this…"
"Come on, tell me," he said, pouting like a little kid. Bugman shook his head.
"I'm not going to leave until you do."
"I'll shove you out then." The spike head just stuck out his tongue.
"If you don't tell me, I'll tug at your sleeve and call you daddy," Greg drawled. Gil gave him a look.
"I'd like to see you try." At that instant, Greg grabbed his sleeve.
"Come on, daddy, tell me! Tell me!" Gil glared at him before sighing. A whiny Greg was the most annoying thing in the world other than Hodges's mouth permanently stuck to his butt, of course.
"Why is it important to you?"
"Because you almost told me about Horatio Caine… You blurted that you hate the man," he pointed out.
"I don't hate him," Gil said in an instant. Greg grinned.
"Then? What's your beef with him?"
"I have no beef. Aren't you backlogged with work?" Gil asked, trying to avoid the conversation.
"Nope. I made sure I finished before seeing you. Come on, why are you always thinking about him?"
"Who told you I was thinking about him?"
"I could see it. Every time Sara talks to Tim, you ask about him. And when you think you're alone, I see you staring at the phone like you're waiting for a call. It's obvious," Greg pointed out.
"To you, maybe. But I'm not. So stop bothering me about it," he muttered. Before he could ask Greg to leave again, Sara walked in his office. "Doesn't anybody knock around here?" he snapped.
"What tweaked you?" The brunette asked, confused.
"Nothing… "He huffed."What is it, Sara?"
"Did Horatio ever mention to you where he was heading?" Gil gave her a look.
"First Speed, now Caine…Do I look like a C.S.I. babysitting service?" The brunette rolled her eyes.
"Griss, he disappeared after filing his own two weeks leave," Sara said," heads of crime labs don't do that unless it's really important. I mean look at you…"
"Back up, Sara," Greg said, stopping her from making Grissom much more frustrated," the head of Miami-Dade Crime Lab vanishes and you think Grissom knows anything about it?"
"Yeah, if he didn't leave Tim a note saying that if there's anything, call Grissom," the brunette pointed out," Tim's now in charge of the team for two weeks." She turned back to Grissom who was now digesting everything slowly. It was a while before he made up his mind.
"Greg, Sara, get back to work. Tell Cat that she's in charge for the night. I'm heading home."
As soon as he stepped in his house, he picked up the phone and dialed a number, only to get the voice mail. He tried a few times until he gave up. He had a bad feeling in his gut, knowing that something happened to Horatio. 'He wouldn't leave like that if nothing happened. But where would he go?' After pacing around for a while, he tried the number again, this time leaving a message. Once he hung up, Gil sat on his couch, staring at the window, worried. Soon it started to drizzle…
The rain never stopped since last night. Rising from the couch he had slept on, Gil felt the aches on his body. Realizing what he was doing there, the forensics expert shook his head.
'Get a grip, Gil. Give a good reason to be worried about him?'
'You love him? Does that count?' He remained silent, contemplating on it. He knew that pushing it aside will just make it worse. The many emotions that was inside him only revolved around the redhead. He could not ignore it anymore. He only hoped that Horatio would be okay. He took off his glasses to wipe a tear that had formed in his eyes. As soon as he did, his doorbell rang. His stomach churned as he rose up to get the door. He slowly opened it, revealing the person who was standing at his doorway. Soaking from head to toe was a distraught Horatio Caine. Two words that never belonged together: Distraught and Horatio. It seemed like he never changed out his suit. All he carried was a small suitcase and an abundance of emotional baggage. Gil did not know what to say. All he did was stare into those distressed blue eyes. He saw pain. Holding out his arms, Gil let the other man fall straight into them.
The change of clothes and shower was a refreshing change. Horatio sat on the couch in Gil's sweater and sweat pants, covered with a warm blanket. Gil had not uttered a word since he arrived which was a comforting relief from his workplace. All the older man did was let him cry onto his shoulders. Then he told him to shower and change. Gil came out of the kitchen, with a cup of coffee in his hand. He passed it to Horatio before taking a seat beside him.
"Something happened?" he asked, sounding casual. Horatio took a slow sip of his coffee before turning to him. Gil nearly winced as Horatio's clear blue eyes stared into his. He saw that though the pain had receded inside him somehow, Horatio was still full of doubts. 'Just like me…' The silence was hard to endure but Gil waited for the redhead to talk. And he did. The Miami C.S.I. told him about the most emotional case he had worked on that involved his late younger brother. The meth head had wormed into his mind, working up his rage. And all he could do was toss Chaz aside, not wanting to soil his reputation. He was so confused about his brother since then. Was he a good cop or a bad cop? Why were his meth levels high when he died? Did he really become one of them? Gil wished he could help answer these questions but he could not. All he could do was listen and that was fading away. 'No, I have to listen… He needs me. And I need him.' Horatio placed his coffee cup onto the table and leaned against the Las Vegas C.S.I. The warmth was welcoming. Somehow, it just felt right for the both of them. Gil wrapped his arms around the redhead, taking a whiff of his auburn hair. He knew that now he was protecting Horatio, from the pains of loneliness, even though he might not realize it yet. 'He can thank me later.'
The emotional stress had disappeared. All that was left was holding Horatio in his strong arms. Not wanting to move, Horatio closed his eyes, placing his hand on Gil's chest. He wondered why he had come to Las Vegas from Miami. But the reason dawned upon him as the Las Vegas C.S.I. let him shed tears on his strong shoulders. He could not heed to anyone else but Gil. He needed the Bugman. All the pain was now replaced by tension. Will Gil return to his old self, hating him? Horatio knew that he could not face it, not after this. He slowly looked up, staring into the eyes behind the glasses. The confusion was there. But it was calm, unlike the last time. Horatio contemplated on whether it was a blessing in disguise or a disaster waiting to happen. He wanted the man so badly and to so be close now was pure torture.
"Are you alright now, Horatio?" he whispered into the redhead's ear. The voice was filled with concern and he liked it that way. He did not want this Gil Grissom to leave him. He knew the big risk he was taking as he stared at the older man. Horatio brushed his lips against Gil's. There was a small gasp. Looking into his eyes, Horatio saw the confusion slowly melt to understanding.
"Horatio?" he whispered," why?" That question was not for his actions, it was something else. Instead of answering, he cupped his cheeks and kissed him full on the lips. His hand traveled on Gil's face, feeling his features and taking off his glasses. He looked into Gil's beautiful eyes. There was no restraint, no anger and no confusion. Just… love. All the doubts and questions were answered there for the both of them as they kissed on that couch.
Everything else felt like a blur. He got up to the masculine smell of Horatio Caine, something he had been only dreaming about since his return from Miami. As he moved from Horatio's chest, the redhead stirred but not enough to indicate he was awake. He groped for his glasses and wore them. He wanted to examine the man closer, take in every detail of him. 'He's so peaceful when he's asleep… and so beautiful.' Even though he was in Gil's obviously large sweater and pants, he was still beautiful. He reached to touch his cheek, only to wake the younger man.
"Hey," he whispered softly.
"Sorry… I didn't mean to wake you," he mumbled. Horatio smiled at him.
"As long as I see you every time I wake up," the redhead replied, making the older man blush.
"Are you okay now, H?" he asked. Horatio sat up, rubbing the sandman's work out of his eyes.
"I've never felt better in my entire life," he answered," what about you?"
"Never better. Horatio… I just… well," he started stammering, which was not Gil's S.O.P. The earnestness in Horatio's eyes made him finally say what he wanted. "I'm new at this concept and I am very nervous of it."
"I know," Horatio said," I'm not exactly sure how this might end up either." He grabbed Gil's hand. "But I'm not going to let you disappear from me because of it, Gil. Not since you left without letting me say anything the first time."
"I was scared," Gil explained," it comes with the territory." Horatio smirked.
"And it wasn't a walk in the park for me, either." Gil just wrapped his arms around the redhead.
"I'm sorry," he whispered into Horatio's ear," there are so many things we need to talk about, Horatio." Horatio gave him a reassuring smile.
"We have all the time in the world, Gil. Why are you rushing?" The Las Vegas C.S.I. looked away. "Gil?"
"Otosclerosis," was his explanation after a few moments of silence. Horatio gave him a concerned look.
"You?" The nod confirmed it. "Gil… you mean, when you spaced out during the case, you actually couldn't hear me?" Gil gave him another nod. "Are you going through surgery?" He smiled at Horatio, who was staring at him, confused.
"I just needed to know something before I undergo surgery." Without any hesitation, Gil gently pushed the redhead back down on the bed. "Why me, Horatio Caine?" A small smile flickered on the redhead's face as he touched Gil's cheek.
"Because you're the best, Gil," he answered. Gil returned the smile before taking the hand on his cheek and kissed it. His own tears fell onto his cheeks. Horatio wiped them away. "Hey, what got you?" Despite the tears, Gil smiled.
"My own happiness," he replied before kissing Horatio.
'This must be exactly how Sara felt,' the Las Vegas C.S.I. thought as he walked side-by-side with his lover. Neither of them said anything as they walked towards the departure hall. Once he reached the gates, Horatio turned to face him.
"Well… This is it." The both of them stared at each other before the redhead patted his shoulder," promise me that you'll tell me when you're scheduled for surgery." Gil just nodded, unable to say anything. A single tear streaked down his cheek. "Hey," Horatio whispered as he wiped the tear away," I'll be back."
"I know that," he mumbled," it's just too short for me."
"I feel the same way, Gil. But we both have duties to fulfill and lives to protect," Horatio explained. The older man smirked.
"Don't jump in front of any more bullets," Gil warned, putting on his stern act. Horatio chuckled.
"I only do that to protect the people I care about," he pointed out. With that, Gil wrapped his arms around Horatio. The Miami C.S.I. hugged back lovingly.
"Take good care of yourself, H," he whispered," I'm always a call away if you need me."
"I know, Gil," he mumbled, biting back tears," I know."
He was at peace with himself. He knew that he was truly happy now. As he walked down the shores of Miami Beach, Horatio touched the water, washing his hands with the clear blue water. So many months since he thought about the case that raised so many doubts in his mind. All questions answered with a simple kiss. All doubts erased with three simple words and a smile. Horatio let the wind blow his auburn hair in disarray, enjoying the comforting touch that it gave. He took a deep breath. Somehow, the wind blew the smell that reminded him of Gil. And every time he thought about him, none of his worries surfaced. Not even the ones that came with his death. He did not care. He knew that the man he loves had reciprocal feelings about him. And only that mattered. 'Only that…' Horatio thought as he continued to walk down the beach, content.