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2, November, 10:25, Potions,
I woke up feeling great before I even knew why. I guess it's new car smell or the honeymoon period or whatever but I finally understand what that song "Oh what a Beautiful Morning" is about.
3, November, 8: 31, Dormitory,
Having a boyfriend is strange. Very strange indeed.
Things Boyfriend's Cause:
1) He suddenly feels entitled to listen to your records when you are not around
But I've properly cured him of this notion.
2) Your best friends loose their minds
Chris F can't stop babbling about how cute we are. James is mostly avoiding us when we're together, he says that it gets to his gag reflex when we kiss (goddamn hypocrite). And Lily...Lily just rolled her eyes and said "finally." But then she hunted down Sirius and warned him that if he ever broke my heart she'd do things so horrible to him that if she even told him about them something he would miss very dearly would shrivel up and fall off.
3) The number of your peers who hate you rises significantly.
This is maybe only true when your boyfriend is more poplar then you are. I mean it isn't like when the Prom Queen hooks up with the Prom King, because everyone sort of enviously hates her already and by then it's just icing on the cake. But if you're like me and you start dating the King all the girls who are prettier, smarter and more popular feel like you've stolen something from them. Which, come to think of it, maybe you have.
4) Not a lot between our group dynamic.
My first reaction when open partnering is announced is to look for Lily and his is still to look for James but I think I prefer it that way. Sirius is my boyfriend and just looking at him makes me want to drag him into a closet and snog him senseless but I've known Lily since first year and she'll always be my best friend. Is that wierd? I wonder.
5) Your stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid cousin owls your mum to tell her that said boyfriend doesn't live with his parents, is a year older then you and practically a juvenile delinquent
Letter from mum:
I've heard from someone, who will remain anonymous, that you have a boyfriend and that he is not the quality your father and I would expect. Now I know you are old enough to make your own choices about these things but please keep in mind that people are not always what you want them to be.
The world is full of people just waiting to prey on sweet, young girls like yourself and so you must be careful about who you trust. And I can safely say that if this young man is nowhere near trustworthy. I know you feel ready to make these choices but the truth is you don't have enough experince. You have a whole life of oppertunities ahead of you. You don't want to jeopardize that do you?
If my mother was half as clever and sneaky as she apparently thinks she could cat burglarize the crown jewels and sell them back to the royal family. Who does she think I'll think this "reliable source" is if not Rosie? I mean the only other people at Hogwarts she knows are Lily and the Chrises and she doesn't consider any of them "reliable."
I mailed the camera back without a note.
4, November, 4: 57, Library,
Professor McGonagall has separated Sirius and me. She said (very loudly and in front of the whole class) that if we couldn't stop talking in her lecture maybe we should spend more time together after class...in detention. I can't really tell but think she was trying to be funny.
And then Sirius, my sweet, beloved boyfriend, opened his big, fat trap and went, "good idea Professor. You know I've been trying to talk Emily into spending more time with me in broom cupboards and the like." I blushed really red but that was okay because I had the foresight to bury my face in my hands.
McGonagall then gave us a whole week's worth of detention in the hospital and made me move to the other side of the classroom.
She made ME move! Of the two of us I am hardly the problem! I mean do I go about whispering very good impressions of her into HIS ear right in the middle of lectures? Do I pass HIM funny drawing of Severus Snape's head imploding? Did I talk back when we got detention? I THINK NOT!
Life is so unfair.
5, November, 12:41, Great Hall,
I was angry at Sirius for getting me into detention. I'm not anymore. Detention with Sirius turned out to be little more then snogging in the cleaning supply closet, which wasn't exactly romantic but still head-spinning. That could have been the cleaning chemicals though.
"Meet me in the common room at midnight Friday night." I said when, after being discovered by the nurse, we were forced to actually start folding the sheets. "It's a blue moon."
He shook his head. "I can't make it."
I stopped folding and gave him a strange look. "You've got some prior appointment at midnight?" I asked skeptically.
He nodded quickly and didn't look up from what he was doing. He was so obviously keeping something from me. "What is it?" I asked, cocking my head sideways at him.
He thought about that for a second. "Think of it like a guys poker night." He said finally.
I can't always tell when Sirius is lying but I knew then with certainty that he was keeping something from me. "What is it?" I repeated a little more forcefully.
"Nothing you need to think about." He gave me this funny little look like I was being irrational. He was still lying but I decided to let it go. Everyone's entitled to their secrets right?
Secrets I Keep from Sirius:
1) Chris S and her crush on me (why get into it?)
2) Rosie's crush on him (she'd probably kill me and I know she could get away with it)
3) How my parents prefer Rosie to me (again, why get into it?)
4) How my parents feel about him
5) My psychotic ex-boyfriend, Ryan
6) The fact that Ryan was my only previous boyfriend
7) My sick love Paul McCartney
8) That I'm in love with him (I know we're going out but I know plenty of people who are dating but aren't in love)
9) How weird my family is
Oh god. I'm quiet boring and if these are my trite little secrets what could Sirius possibly be hiding from me? Bodies? Other girlfriends? A wife? Drug smuggling? A cult? God only knows what that boy does in his spare time.
6, November, 12:12, Great Hall,
Relationship with hunky boyfriend has hit another major snag: I cannot stand the idea of not knowing where he will be Friday night. I know it's wrong and paranoid and mostly unfounded but I never could stand not knowing something. Errrr! This is killing me!
Why can't our relationship be as perfect as I always imagined it might? I bet Paul McCartney's girlfriends never have this sort of problem! I bet they spend all their time being serenade by Paul on a moonlit beach or something equally wonderful.
On the other hand Kay from the Godfather never trusted Michael and he was her husband and really sexy, even in suspenders. But then again Michael was the head of a major New York crime family and in the second movie she does abort their unborn son and leave him. I don't think Sirius is the head of any crime family though (he isn't even Italian for christsakes) and even if I wanted to I couldn't abort his unborn son.
I am however beginning to see the wisdom in Lily's fear of commitment.
7, November, 9:21, History of Magic,
Note to Lily:
Me: Blue moon tonight you wanna go up to the astronomy tower and see it?
Lily: Sure. Can I ask James too?
Me: Of course, tell him that Remus and Peter are invited as well
Lily: But not Sirius?
Me: He has to do something. Something he won't tell me about.
Lily: Weird. I'll ask James.
And that was it! My boyfriend is mysteriously busy in the middle of the night doing god only knows what and that's all she has to say? It's moments like these when I wish I had a more normal best friend.
7, November, 12: 37, Great Hall,
Lily sat down next to me as lunch began and as if it's nothing went, "James says none of them can make it. Did you invite Chris and Kevin?" She said it like it was nothing.
"What?" I said.
"James says none of them can make it. Did you..." She started but stopped as she realized I was staring at her. "What?" She asked.
"And what did James say they were doing?" I asked.
She shrugged. "I didn't ask." She said.
Sometimes I want to throttle Lily. That was one of those times. "And why not?" I asked.
She shrugged again. "I wasn't really interested." She explained. "They're probably doing some stupid teenage boy thing with Sirius that they consider a big secret. Why stress his little brain cells by making him think up an excuse."
How does Lily come up with these insights into teenage boyhood? Was she one in a past life? Did she stumble upon that ultra-secret book that they all got when we were watching those videos about our periods in the sixth grade? And if so, why hasn't she shared this with me?
"Aren't you curious?" I whined.
She rolled her eyes. "Not really, it's probably really dumb."
I tried some more but Lily will not be moved. No matter what I did or how low I sunk she just kept brushing it off. Finally she said, "look if it means so much to you we can go try to follow them or something." And I had to stop or admit I cared.
So it looks like it'll just be Lily, Chris and me (Kevin can't risk getting caught with three Gryffindors, and we probably will get caught without Sirius or James). It's funny but just the three of us… it doesn't seem like enough now that we've adopted the boys (or have they adopted us?).
Fuck but I want to know where he's going to be!
8, November, 1:12, Library,
Sirius and James are both looking tired but very, very pleased with themselves. I want to know what they've been up to so bad I could scream. Peter and Remus are supposedly still in the dormitory sleeping. On the bright side we didn't get caught last night. A third year Astronomy class met up there and because it was dark we were able to duck down and just pretend we were with them.
I was back in the potions section, looking for a book to reference in my paper when he found me. Well, actually he snuck up behind me and then said really loudly, "hi Ems!"
But he got what he deserved because when I jumped and screamed I also (on accident I'm sorry to say) elbowed him pretty hard in the stomach. "You okay?" I asked but not too sympathetically, after all this was pretty obviously instant karma.
"No." He pouted.
"Well that's what you get for scaring me." I reprimanded him as sternly as I could without bursting into laughter at his cute little pout.
His lips twitched as he fought to keep a smile from spoiling his pathetic routine but he couldn't do it. "Come here." He ordered opening his arms so I could snuggle up in them. "How was the blue moon?"
I shrugged. "Sort of a let down actually." I said. "It didn't look any bluer then any other moon."
For some reason he thought that was really funny. "Emily do you actually know what a blue moon is?" He asked when he'd stopped laughing.
I shrugged. "Isn't it just when the moon is blue?" But instantly I knew I'd said one of those stupid things you say because it's just logical and your friends never let you live it down.
Another peal of laughter from my boyfriend. "A blue moon is when a month has two full moons in it." He explained.
I blushed. "Oh."
Well how was I supposed to know that? I'd always fallen asleep in astronomy class! "Well," he said jovially but still with a little mocking laugh in his voice, "that does explain why you were so eager to see it!"
"Oh bugger off!" I said giving him a playful shove.
Note to self: find someway to blackmail Sirius into not telling anyone what I thought a blue moon was.
9, November, 12:21, Great Hall,
Remus is still looking a little peaky. Sometimes I honestly don't know why Remus puts up with the other three. I mean he's at least five times more mature then all of them put together.
"You really should get more sleep Remus." I said as casually as I could. "You look tired."
He smiled. "Oh well, you know how it is. School work and all."
Liar, liar, liar! But what can I possibly do? I can't tell Lily, Chris is sick of hearing about it (and doesn't really care because he knew exactly where his boyfriend was) and I can't bring myself to tell Sirius. I don't know why I just can't.
All right that's a lie. I know exactly why I will never ask Sirius where he was. It's like this. Our relationship is based on exactly three things that I can see:
1. A common interest in loud obscure music and the love lives of our best friends
2. Sexual attraction (and in my case something more deadly)
3. The ability to make each other laugh until we're hysterical
You see what I mean? It's like friendship with tongue! I can't be the one to try to move our relationship into deeper water! I'm not sure why this is but I know it is like I know that my parents wish I were more like Rosie: no one ever told me I just know.
Oh I'm not making sense anymore.
10, November, 9: 32, History of Magic,
Oh my god, my life is over! I am going to kill my best friends and then myself! My mother knows what my boyfriend looks like…with his TOUNGE IN MY MOUTH! What would possess one of my friends to take a picture of the two of us making out I have no idea. I mean sure we're just in the background and they could have been meaning to take the picture of Lily and James putting bunny ears on each other but still! Why would they do that!
I really must insist that you reconsider your relationship with this young man. From what my source has told me about him he is certainly not the caliber you deserve, you really are a beautiful girl and you could do so much better. I expect to hear in your next letter to me that you've ended this silly little escapade.
Right. Like I'm going to take love advice from the woman who married dad. That is so rich! Besides, what makes her think she can practically order me around in my love life! I mean honestly mom just because you gave yourself over to chastity once you found out what a big pain in the ass kids can be doesn't mean the rest of us should!
Return letter draft:
Kindly go fuck yourself.
10, November, 12: 31, Great Hall,
No seriously, I've got to write a return letter.
I am not going to dump Sirius so just give it up. And you can stop trying to conceal Rosie's identity, she couldn't be more obvious. I am sorry you had to see that picture but you should have thought about dealing with my sexuality before you and dad got into each other's pants. Besides, judging by the number of anti-pregnancy charm you sent me, I thought you'd already accepted this as a reality, not a possibility.
PS Sirius is a nice guy, Rosie just hates me
Well if I do send that it will be the most concentrated honesty my parents have had from me in years.
10, November, 2:45, Charms,
Have decided not to send that but haven't written another draft. Lily asked if I'm on my period because apparently I have that scrunched look I get when I'm in pain.
But this is the problem: I want to get my way but not provoke anything Shakespearean and in my family that's a fine line to walk. I mean of all the families to be born into I had to pick this one. In review: my perfect cousin is plotting my social murder, my mother and father suspect me of lesbianism or dangerous sexual exploits (or both) and the rest just heave big disappointed sighs whenever I walk by.
10, November, 9:12, Owlry,
I sent this out in the afternoon mail:
If I let you decide things like that what would be left for me to do? Sirius is a nice guy.
Maybe this is the straw that will break our relationship's back, I don't know, I hope not but I get the feeling it might be. Didn't go to dinner, didn't feel hungry, I think I'll take some aspirin when I get to the dormitory and tell the girls I'm feeling off.
11, November, 9: 39, Dormitory,
Nothing came in the mail today so I'm in hellish limbo. In other news, huge project in Arithmancy. Thank god James took pity on my soul and let me be his partner otherwise I would have just handed in my textbook and surrendered myself to being held back a year. Of course every silver cloud has a gray lining I cannot help wondering what James meant by the very ominous comment that he wouldn't do the whole project himself.
Sirius has noticed my strange behavior. "Are you and Lily fighting?" He asked today as we finished our homework in the common room. I looked up, surprised at the abruptness of his question.
"No." I said. "Why do you ask?"
"You're just really..." He seemed to search for a word. "Off," he said finally.
I shrugged and lied. "I'm fine." I said.
"You sure?" He pressed.
"Positive." I said but I looked down quickly because tears were pricking my eyes. Maybe I am starting my period. I hope so; I'd hate to think I'm naturally this weepy.
12, November, 9:31, Dormitory
James is being so annoyingly right. I keep telling him I don't know how to do our project and he keeps telling me there's no better time to learn. Smarmy git. What if I don't want to learn? What if I can't learn? What if this is all a stupid goddamn waste of time?
13, November, 8:13, Great Hall,
Why haven't my parents written me back yet? This is not a good sign! Can they make me stop seeing Sirius? How would I explain that to him? How lame would that be? Oh god I wish I could just burn that bridge when I got to it but I keep worrying. I'm going to give myself an ulcer I swear.
AN: I'm sorry it took so long to post but you'll be pleased to know that I'm still alive and as brilliant and witty as ever. In other news, please review! Fanfiction is not a spectator sport people! Get involved, get dirty, get typing!