BEV NINER, or, the last Beverly Hills, 90210 BEV NINER, or, the last Beverly Hills, 90210, part 1
Copyright ©2000 by K. Adams

Cast

Brandon Walsh, Kelly Taylor, Donna Martin, Steve Sanders, Valerie Malone, David Silver

Brenda Walsh, and Special Guest Star Dylan McKay

Guest appearances by Claire Arnold and Tracy Gaylian

With Nat and Joanie Buccigio, Noah Hunter, Janet Sosna, Matt Durning, Gina Kincaid

And introducing Victoria Virelli

Prologue: March 1998

When Kelly Taylor rejected Brandon Walsh's marriage proposal, he immediately found himself in the arms of Victoria Virelli, a mysterious New Yorker whom he'd met while interviewing for a position at the New York Post. He didn't get the job, but he did get himself a new wife. No one was more surprised than Kelly, who instantly regretted turning down Brandon's proposal. Dylan, still mourning the death of his first wife and still unable to woo Kelly back, was soon off to Europe.

As Brandon wrestled with his feelings for both his new bride and Kelly, Valerie Malone was busy making life more interesting for everyone. When Tom, Val's pseudo first love and oldest friend from home, left town, Val went into a slight depression. To make herself feel better, she set her sights on seducing the then still attached Steve Sanders. To Val's surprise Steve was able to withstand her attentions, but that didn't stop her from telling Claire Arnold, Steve's girlfriend, that she had succeeded anyway. Claire promptly broke up with Steve, who drowned his sorrows during a weekend binge and woke up Monday morning next to…Colin, Kelly's old cokehead boyfriend from New York. They decided to never mention it to anyone, whatever it was—they didn't really remember anything. Unfortunately for Steve, Colin didn't keep his word and decided to blackmail Steve for $7,925—the amount he owed on his combined credit cards.

Donna Martin happened to overhear Colin blackmailing Steve. She tried to convince Steve to admit his mistake and forgo his money problems. Steve was embarrassed to no end that one of his dear friends knew about his "indiscretion." He happened to mention to some former Keg House members that he knew a girl he wished would "just go away". Unbeknownst to him, they kidnapped Donna, as a favor to a Keg brother of course, thinking that they could scare her into submission. But the menage was thwarted when a struggle in the getaway car caused it to crash into a tree. The car burst into flames, but Donna escaped, protected only by the impenetrable fabric of one of her newest designs that she was wearing. She disappeared.

David Silver, upset at the loss of his beloved virginal Donna, drowned his sorrows in alcohol and sex. In the 48 hours following Donna's disappearance, he visited the beds of three women, two at one time. He was found pacing the West Beverly Hills High School track in the dark, bottle of Johnny Walker Red in one hand, picture of Donna in the other.

Once Claire began to regret breaking up with Steve, she went to the Walsh house to take him back. What she saw was through the window was Steve doing some coke with Dick, a fellow Keg House brother with a penchant for drugs and sports, not necessarily in that order. Claire left in disgust before the real action began. A week later she moved to Paris for good.

After much self-reflection, Steve's little brother Ryan decided to wait to lose his virginity. But since he wanted to be cool, he bragged to his school buddies that he'd become a man. When they pressed for details, he folded. They laughed at him and embarrassed him in front of the entire school. Devastated, Ryan stayed home from school the next day and drank himself into a silly stupor. He broke into the house of the girl he was supposed to have slept with. She was at school, so he climbed in her window. When she came home after school, she found him asleep in her bed. His thumb was in his mouth. He was wearing her favorite bra and panties set.

Steve quickly found out about his little brother's new "interest." Their father refused to talk to Ryan, his twin brother was ashamed of him, and Steve was at a complete loss. He did what his West Beverly-bred, frat loving, MTV generation brain told him was the best thing—he took his brother on The Jerry Springer Show. Amidst guests of varied backgrounds and orientations, Steve appealed to Jerry to tell him how to help his half-brother (he emphasized the half throughout the show). The show was definitely a ratings grabber, especially when a thin, red-haired, woman in dark sunglasses stood up to offer the question, "Steve, why are you so upset with your brother? Didn't you sleep with another man?" The crowd went wild as Colin came from backstage and the mysterious woman, laughing hysterically, took off her wig to reveal---Donna. Luckily for Steve, his parents greased a few palms, and the show never aired. No one else ever found out. Steve nevertheless vowed revenge on Donna.

In May the gang filed into the California University stadium for commencement ceremonies. Kelly, Val, Steve, David, and Donna all sat in the front row, listening to the dean introduce the valedictorian's speech. They wondered who would fill in for Brandon, still away in New York on his extended honeymoon. Then, as if on cue, Brandon appeared, accompanied by two men in sunglasses, from behind the stage. Everyone noticed how unhappy he looked, especially for a newly married man. He took the podium and began his speech. He spoke of sacrifice and choices, and, looking directly at Kelly, of regret. Kelly smiled wearily at him, then proudly brandished the chain around her neck. Brandon's sorrowful face instantly brightened when he recognized the ring that he had given Kelly when he proposed. The two shared a hopeful silence while offstage, Brandon's wife, infuriated, flipped open her cell phone.

Victoria Virelli paced back and forth in a quiet area behind the stadium. She tried to obliterate the sight of Kelly and Brandon from her brain. She reached for the cigarettes in her purse, and cursed when she realized she had no matches. She looked up and saw a tall, dark, and handsome man. He offered her a light, and his name—Tom. He told her he was a friend of Valerie Malone's who had secretly come to see her graduate, but Victoria wasn't really paying attention. After a few minutes of small talk, she gave him a lift to the airport, making a pit stop at a seedy motel.

Donna planned a romantic evening for her and David in honor of their graduation from college. She lit candles all over the beachhouse and prepared for impending de-virginity. When David didn't show up, she got impatient and headed for the AfterDark. When she got there, a waitress told her that David was in the upstairs office discussing business with Val. Donna opened the door to the office and found David doing a line of coke off of Val's naked body. Donna fled, David tried to follow her, and Val just laughed

Tracy Gaylien, Brandon's former partner at the university newspaper and sometimes partner in bed, was devastated that Brandon had dumped her for Kelly and married another woman in the span of only a few weeks. She went to Valerie, the only one of the gang that she could trust, for advice, but Val was too busy in therapy. Since she'd admitted the abuse she suffered at the hands of her father, she started seeing Dr. Harvey, a Beverly Hills shrink whose infomercial she had seen on late night television. She wasn't getting better, because Dr. Harvey was too busy trying to feel her up while she was under hypnosis.

One day David found Tracy in one of the ratty bars he had begun frequenting since he was using again. She came on to him, seemingly unaware of whom he was. David thought she was playing a game with him, so he went along with it. They went back to her house. The next morning, a very hung-over David noticed that the walls in Tracy's room were bare save one. It was covered with photocopies of Kelly's Teen magazine cover. David slowly got dressed and left, oblivious to the fact that Tracy was huddled in a corner, dripping wet in a bath towel, drawing red lipstick bullseyes around Kelly's face.

In late autumn tragedy struck The Peach Pit AfterDark when Dick, Steve's druggie frat brother, overdosed in the bathroom. Brandon, ever the reporter, asked Victoria for help. He knew that with all of her connections, she could easily find out who was dealing the night Dick died. He was also thinking that he would have a great cover story for The Beverly Beat, a new local paper that he and Steve had just started. As it turned out, it was actually one of the Virelli thugs who sold Dick his fatal dose. Brandon never found out who it was exactly, he was just told that the matter had been handled. When he pressed his wife for details she reminded him that he would be better off to keep his nose out of "family business." Brandon stormed off in a huff. Victoria grabbed for her cell phone, and Brandon was ordered a 24-hour shadow.

On Christmas Day, Victoria sat poolside at the Beverly Hills Hotel where she and her husband had taken up residence. Brandon appeared, and Victoria asked him where he'd been the last 48 hours. Brandon told her he'd been following a lead on a story. Then a man in sunglasses came out of nowhere and whispered something in Victoria's ear. She asked Brandon if there was anything he wanted to tell her. He wearily told her that he couldn't take it—the marriage—anymore, that he felt suffocated, and that he wanted out. Victoria said nothing as Brandon gathered his things and left.

A few days later Victoria drove frantically to the address written on a small piece of paper in her glove compartment. She parked 2 blocks down from a jewelry store on Melrose. There she saw Brandon and Kelly together, in an embrace. Her eyes welled up as she watched Brandon take the ring from Kelly's chain and place it on her finger. As Kelly waved Brandon over toward her car, a surge of fear overcame Victoria. She reached for her car door. Then, suddenly, she became very still. She decided against distracting Brandon, which was her original plan. She watched with tears in her eyes as they both got into Kelly's car. She waited as the car stalled for a second. After the explosion, Victoria drove back to the hotel, where a limo was waiting to take her to the airport and back to New York.

At Brandon's wake, Tracy was so overtaken with grief that she tried to get into the casket with his body. The pallbearers struggled to keep her calm and far away from the family, especially Brenda Walsh McKay. She and her new husband, Dylan McKay, had flown into town for the funerals only that morning. When Brenda came into the funeral hall and found Tracy trying to open Brandon's casket, she went ballistic. She took Tracy by the ears and slammed her against the wall. Jim Walsh just barely caught Cindy before she fainted to the floor.

Everything was comparably quiet At Kelly Taylor's funeral. All of the same people were there, save Emily Valentine, Tracy, and all of Brandon's other ex-girlfriends. Brenda and Dylan sat in the second row, holding hands and talking quietly. Kelly's mom and little sister were in the front row. Before long, Collin stumbled in, and Steve made a speedy exist. Colin went up to the coffin, took a swig of something, and then passed out next to Valerie.

It quickly became apparent to everyone that the investigation into the murders was a complete joke—even Beverly Hills cops were on the take for the Virelli family. David, grief stricken, began to suspect Tracy. He started thinking about the night of their brief encounter, not so much for the sex or the intimacy, but for the weirdness. He remembered the numerous pictures of Kelly on her wall and how she mumbled "Kelly…hate…Kelly" in her sleep. In a reckless state brought on by lack of medication, he decided to confront Tracy. He found his way to her parent's house. When he got there he saw two cars in the driveway. He took a swig from the flask he seemed to always have with him and headed for the front door.

Instead of knocking he went to the side of the house and peeked through the window. It appeared to be the family room—wide screen TV, leather couch, and reindeer head on the wall. A scarf placed over the lamp gave the room a deep, blood red glow. He started to open the sliding glass door, but then noticed Tracy. She was on the floor, naked, getting to third base with someone. When Tracy moved her head David could see whom it was—Emily Valentine. He was taken off guard for a second, but then suddenly, it all seemed clear to him. Tracy and Emily Valentine must have planned to kill Kelly, and perhaps Brandon just got in the way. He took another swig from the flask, just to muster up the courage to make a citizen's arrest. Then he stopped for a moment and watched the women writhe on the floor for what seemed like hours. They were so busy that they didn't notice David slowly opening the sliding glass door to get a better view. They didn't notice the heavy breathing that wasn't coming from them. They didn't notice until Tracy looked up, eyes wide, in a fit of ecstasy, and saw David, exposed, spitting on his hands and engulfed in onanistic pleasure. She screamed. Emily screamed. David was startled, but not enough to keep from "offering" himself to one or the both of them, hoping for a big finish. As Tracy fumbled for clothes, Emily clobbered David with the first large object she could find—an oversized, silicon sex toy.

When he came to, David discovered that he had agreed to never mention what he just saw to anyone, in exchange for not being turned in to the police for trespassing, invasion of privacy, and sexual harassment. It wasn't until he was halfway home that he remembered why he went after Tracy in the first place, but by then it didn't matter. He thought about going back while the hooker whom he'd picked up on the Boulevard was at work in his lap. Nah, he thought to himself. I can't bring Kelly and Brandon back anyway. Fuck it.

Donna, grief stricken for her beloved friends, decided to lose her precious virginity to the first man she saw…

*************************************

At the dawn of 1999, the gang from West Beverly is still reeling from the murders of Kelly and Brandon. Jim and Cindy Walsh decide to sell the house, which forces Steve and Val to look for a new place to live. Steve doesn't seem to know up from down: his best friend and first love are dead, his home is being taken away from him, his little brother has dropped out of school and is hosting a crossdresser's call in show on cable access. His parents take pity on him and agree to support him financially for a while. So he hires Janet Sosna, a local journalist, to take over some duties at the Beat for him. Then his days consist of little more than hanging out at the Keg house and screwing Valerie—or rather, try to screw Valerie. Lately he's having a hard time getting it up. Rather than get her sex elsewhere (as she would have in the past), Val decides to cure Steve herself. One day Steve comes home from drinking and brawling at the Keg house, only to find Val tied to the bed with his favorite ties, wearing a Keg house T-shirt, with "When Johnny comes marching home again" playing on the CD player. Nothing happens. A few days later, Val calls him out of an important poker game to rush home for an emergency. He bursts in to find Val, naked, on a silver platter on the dining room table. Lit candles fill the house. His favorite porno tape, Frankenpenis, starring John Wayne Bobbitt, is in the VCR. Val offers Steve a bottle of his favorite beer and orally demonstrates on it what would be in store for him that evening. Steve really tries hard, but still, nothing.

"C'mon Steve, I've waited long enough, " Val pouts.

"It's not like I can control it at will—there's an art to this." Steve wants to please Val, he wants to prove that he is still a man, but more than anything, he wants to finish watching the porno movie.

"Steve…Steve…" Val stands up on the bed and starts jumping up and down frantically, yelling, "you do me right now, motherfucker!" Steve, disgusted, gets up, puts his pants back on, and leaves.



Brenda and Dylan decide to stay in town at an expensive hotel until the house gets sold. Dylan had wanted to go back to Europe the day after the funerals, but Brenda surprisingly wanted to catch up with her friends. She doesn't have much luck, though. David is never at home, both Steve and Donna seem to be in hiding, and she was never very close to Valerie anyway. So Brenda, sans husband, decides to visit the one place where she feels comfortable in Beverly Hills—The Peach Pit.

Brenda goes to visit Nat Buccigio, who is genuinely glad to see her. She asks about the baby, but Nat just eyes the door nervously. She fills Nat in on her fledgling acting career in London. He repeatedly shifts his weight.

"Nat, what's the matter with you?"

"Brenda...can you keep a secret?" Then Nat suddenly turns beet red. Brenda turns around to find Donna wearing her hair in pigtails, her old plaid Catholic school uniform, and saddle shoes. Brenda notices a marked difference in Donna, but she can't put her finger on it.

"Donna, how are you?" As Brenda hugs Donna, Nat quietly leaves for the storage room, where Donna follows, leaving Brenda utterly confused.



The next day Valerie goes to visit Donna, whom she hasn't seen since the double funerals. She needs some girltalk, even if it's with silly virginal Donna.

"So, Donna, how's it hang—" Val stops in her tracks without finishing her sentence. Donna, wearing some of the most mismatched, unfashionable (even for her) clothes in the world, stands in the doorway, smoking a cigarette and finishing off a bottle of whiskey.

"Hey, Val."

"Uh…Donna…I almost didn't recognize you," Val says, almost laughing, as she follows Donna into the beach house.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she barks, almost spilling the whiskey all over the clothes-covered floor.

"Nothing. So, Donna, heard from David lately? Oh, I forgot that you two broke up," she says with mock concern. "Sorry."

"No, but I'm sure you have," Donna says, taking a long drag on her Marlboro and looking Val up and down, "being the whore that you are…oh, sorry."

"What's the matter with you, Don? You look like hell, you're smoking, you're wearing last season's clothes…are you on crack?" Donna closes the blinds in the living room and sits down on the beer stained couch. "Don, you can talk to me. I'm your…your…friend." It almost makes Val gag to say it.

"You're not my friend! You fucked the only guy that ever loved me, you made Kelly's life hell, and worst of all, you wore a red halter top to her funeral!" Val has never seen Don like this before; she almost reminds her of herself.

"OK…ok…I know I've been horrible, but c'mon Donna. Kelly's dead. Brandon's dead. Claire's gone. David is who knows where, and Steve is…well, Steve is preoccupied. All we have is each other." Val sits down next to Donna. "We need to lean on each other." Donna grimaces.

"I don't need you. I have someone."

"Yeah, who? Not David for damn sure."

"None of your business. Look, just get out." Suddenly an alarm clock nearby goes off, and Donna automatically reaches for the phone, dials 7 digits, waits, and immediately hangs up. Then she turns on the TV with the remote, acting like nothing just happened.

"What…was that?" asks Val.

"Nothing." Donna flips channels.

"You are so strange," Val remarks. Donna rolls her eyes and goes off to the bathroom. As Val rises to leave, the phone rings. She picks it up and a woman's voice says, "Listen, you bitch! If you ever call here again, I'll kill you. I swear, I'll kill you." Click.

"What the fuck?" asks Val, holding the receiver in astonishment as Donna comes back. "Is that rapist guy after you again? Does he sound like a woman?"

"Gimme that!" Donna pushes redial, waits, then bangs the receiver down multiple times.

"Donna, you're scaring me!" screams Val.

"Cocksucker!" screams Donna into the dial tone, then continues to bang. "You'll never take Nat away from me! Never!" Val's jaw drops.

"Nat? You…and Nat? Are you insane?" Val asks, eyes wide. Donna glares at her, then hurls the phone across the room.



Val goes to the Peach Pit to confront Nat. She waits for him in the AfterDark, which has been closed for weeks, due to David's lack of management and the whole Dick thing months earlier. She stands in the empty club, remembering when she was the proprietor, making good money, and having a real sex life. What went wrong, she thinks to herself.

"Val, hey" says Nat as he enters the AfterDark, wiping his soiled hands on his white apron.

"Nat, I'm gonna cut to the chase. I know about you and Donna, and I think it's sick. But you're both my friends, and I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt you or your family." Nat instantly turns white. "So this is what I want—I want half the Peach Pit."

"What…you want what?" A vein in Nat's forehead starts to throb.

"That way, Joanie will never know anything. I'll take care of Donna."

"Val," Nat whispers as he takes her by the arm and pulls her into the back office. He looks more nervous and scared than she's ever seen him. "You have no idea what's going on here."

"I know you seduced a 22 year old virgin and drove her insane!" Nat covers his face in shame. "I mean, c'mon, Nat. Are you that good?"

"No! I mean, Val, it didn't happen that way, honest. You've got to believe me," Nat pleads, wringing his hands desperately. "After Kelly and Brandon died, Donna was in a horrible state. She came into the Pit too drunk to drive." Val does not appear convinced. "Val, have I ever lied to you before?"

"Just tell me the rest."

"I couldn't let her drive, and I was feeling blue, too. You guys are like family to me—"

"I wish you hadn't said that," Val mumbles to herself, fighting visions of her father's hands on her, her mother's denial, her shrink's lack of technique.

"Well, it's true, Val. Donna was completely undone, so I took her back to the beach house…and…something happened." Val cringes. " 'I need to be held Nat' she said. 'I need to feel needed' she said. I was completely wrong to let it happen, I know that." Val can tell by Nat's face that he is sincere, and terribly sorry.

"So, if it was a mistake, why are you two still bumping uglies?"

"Still? It only happened once!" says Nat, raising his voice before he can remember he is in public.

"That's not what Donna says. She thinks you two are some kind of…I don't know…couple," says Val. She makes a face to show her utter disgust at the thought.

"Oh my God."



Joanie returns home from a wonderful day at work. She's in a good mood: the strange crank calls seemed to have stopped, and today she made a $1,500 commission. She decides to wait a while before she picks up the baby from the sitter so she can make herself look pretty for Nat when he leaves the Pit. She rifles through the mail and finds a package from some doctor's office. Thinking that it is probably some information from the pediatrician, Joanie opens it up and finds a videocassette, You and your baby. She pops it into the VCR and gets a pen and paper, but then decides to watch it later, with Nat.

As Nat drives home from the Pit after closing, he is unaware that a car is following him. Joanie greets him with a hug and a glass of wine. She has cooked a nice meal, and with the baby at her sister's for the night, she hopes for a long overdue woo session with her husband.

"Honey, go put that fireplace video in," says Joanie as she lights candles for the table. Nat finds the video, and when he turns on the VCR, the tape Joanie had previously put in starts to play.

"What's this?" he says, noticing the introduction from the American Medical Association.

"Oh, that's just some tape I got in the mail," says Joanie, coming into the room with a glass of wine. Nat's smile turns sour when he sees the sender's name on the envelope that the tape came in: Dr. Martin—Donna's father.

"Joanie…" Nat starts, but just then the baby noises and cute music go off and there appears a huge, 3-ft blow-up of Nat and Joanie's wedding picture. A pair of well-manicured woman's hands begins cutting out Joanie's face. Nat's mouth goes dry. He looks as if he might faint. Joanie stares at the screen, dumbfounded, eyes bulging out of her head. As Joanie's smiling paper head falls to the floor, a woman's voice on the video says, "Nat is mine. You're running out of time. We will be together…even in bad weather." There is a slight giggle in the background, as if the woman is pleased with her ability for rhyme. Joanie drops her wineglass, but she doesn't move. A thin, stark naked woman wearing a devil mask puts her face through the hole where Nat's bride's was just seconds before.

"Come and get it, Nasty Nat," purrs the mysterious woman.

"Oh my God!" screams Joanie, suddenly realizing that this is the woman who has been calling. "She called you Nasty Nat! How did she know that?" Joanie screams at her husband with her eyes still glued to the screen. "How does she know that I call you that? Huh?" Nat's eyes start to well up as he reaches for his wife, but she pulls away in disgust.

"Who is she?" Joanie is screaming at the top of her lungs now, her cheeks are flushed and veins are bulging out of her temples. "Answer me, jackass!" Nat is numb. He can only cover his face. Meanwhile, the woman on the screen is modeling one of Nat's bowling style "Nat" shirts from the Pit, taking it on and off, again and again, each time pressing her cleavage closer to the camera.

"How do you like them—oh shoot!" The woman accidentally knocks her colossal mammaries into the tripod holding the camcorder. "Now look what you've made me do!" Suddenly, the look of disgust on Joanie's face turns to one of horror.

"Wait a minute…that…oh, Nat!" Joanie looks on helplessly as the woman takes off her devil mask so she can readjust the tripod, not realizing, or not caring, that she is revealing her identity. It's Donna.

"This stupid thing," Donna says to herself as she puts the camera on the floor, with the lens pointing up. "Nat…now you can be my gynecologist," she laughs. Nat runs out of the room, barely dodging the vase that Joanie hurls at his head. Donna, peeping the whole time through their living room window, laughs her ass off.



A few days later, Steve is driving aimlessly down the street in his convertible. He thinks about how meaningless his life is lately. Claire leaving him was harder on him than he cared to admit. Brandon was his anchor, Kelly too. He had even come to depend on David. He smiles, the wind whipping through the last remnants of his hair as he speeds through Hollywood. David used to be a pest, he thought. And then he became one of "the gang." Steve stops at a light, and all of a sudden, the passenger door opens, and a hooded stranger jumps in.

"Oh, God, no! Not my Vette!" Steve shrieks.

"Drive, you idiot, drive!" The man takes off his hood. It's David Silver.

"David…you smell!"

"Would you just go!" yells David frantically, looking all around as if he is being watched.

"David…are you wigging? Do you need a new prescrip—" Before Steve can finish, a gaggle of huge thugs comes out of nowhere and heads right for the car. One has a baseball bat. One has a tennis racket.

"Step on it!" yells David, but Steve is ahead of him. He rams on the gas, and the guy with the tennis racket goes onto the hood of the car. Not hurt at all by the impact, he steadies himself on the windshield and starts waving the racket in their faces.

"Shake him loose, Steve!" yells David, dodging the racket.

"What am I, Hutch? You get him off!" David goes to punch the thug, but instead gets whacked by the racket and goes flying into the back seat. The car goes careening off the main road and onto a side street. Steve drives maniacally, but the thug has a firm grip on the hood.

"You scratch that finish and you're a dead man!" screams Steve. The thug grunts and pulls himself into the car plops down in the passenger seat.

"Stop the car, blondie," he says calmly, like this is everyday stuff for him.

"Like hell," replies Steve, still trying to navigate the back alleys. "Look, did David piss you off? Did he escape from the loony bin? 'Cause, you can have him back!"

"Stop the car, now!" Steve comes to a dead end, the car screeches to a halt.

"I have credit cards." Steve puts his hands over his head, but the goon punches him out anyway.



When Steve comes to, he is in a cheap motel room. David is passed out on the bed next to him. First thing that comes to Steve's mind is his car. He jumps up and heads for the door, ready to high tail it out, without David. Then, the door opens. The man with the tennis racket and the others come through the door.

"Look, I only got 50 bucks on me…can't we…work something out?" pleads Steve, looking for an exit. The men just ignore him, and one of them goes over to David.

"Wake up, peanut head," says the thug, nudging David brusquely with his knee. David raises his head wearily, then, realizing the situation, quickly sits up and tries to gain his composure. The tennis racket guy pushes Steve onto the bed next to David and says, "O.K., ladies. Where is it?"

"It? There is no it!" squeals Steve. "There is only me. And my car—you didn't hurt my car, did you?"

"Not you, stupid," says another guy wearily. They all look at David. "Where is the money?" David just wipes his eyes and shrugs his shoulders.

"OK, wise-ass, have it your way," says the head thug. "Search 'em." The tennis racket guy claps his hands and says, "You know the drill." Steve blushes and starts unbutton his shirt.

"Steve, what the hell are you doing?" asks David.

"I…uh…" David looks at him bizarrely and stands up to allow the tennis racket guy to pat him down. They chuckle to themselves as Steve does the same. When both guys are confirmed clean, the lead guy says to David "Do you think we're playing with you? He wants his money and he wants it now!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," says David nonchalantly.

"Oh, yeah?" The tennis racket guy makes a motion to the baseball bat guy, who quickly suckerpunches Steve.

"Shit! David, tell them anything they want to know!" cries Steve.

"You gonna give?" says thug one.

"I told ya, I don't have it!" yells David, who gets roughed up even more, until the lead guy says it's enough. Steve just cowers in the corner.

"All right, all right. You got ten days, peanut head. Ten days to come up with the money," says the lead guy.

"How much," David says, coughing up blood at the same time.

"25 grand, douchebag." David's eyes go wide.

"I only borrowed 10!"

"Shut up, David!" screams Steve, still in the corner.

"Ten days. Or your ass is mine." David is dropped on the floor and the men leave. He coughs up some more blood and spits it on the floor. Steve winces.

"David…what the hell is going on?" screams Steve, checking himself to see if he wasn't "violated" in some way while they were unconscious.

"Look, I don't have time to explain, but, uh, can I borrow some money?" Steve makes a fist, then, remembering his precious car, quickly makes his way outside. He finds his car, untouched, in the parking lot of the motel. He jumps in and drives away, ignoring David's pleas for a ride.



Val goes to the Peach Pit to see Nat, figuring that he would have finally come to his senses and let her in on half of the Pit. When she sees him, he looks horrible.

"Nat, what happened to you?"

"What do you want, Valerie?" Nat growls impatiently.

"What do you think? C'mon Nat, let's be reasonable—"

"Reasonable? My wife has thrown me out of the house, I haven't seen my baby in 3 days, I got a phone call from some lawyer, and you expect me to be reasonable?" Nat slams his spatula on the grill, causing him to burn his hand. He screams, not so much for the pain of the burn, but the pain of his present life.

"Jeez…calm down," whispers Val, aware that the 20 or so customers could plainly hear them.

"Oh, shut up, Valerie. You probably put Donna up to it!"

"Don't blame me if you can't keep your pecker in your pants!" Suddenly the whole place gets real quiet.

Nat glares at Val and yells, "Get the hell out!" Val glares at Nat and rushes out, grabbing a few boxes of Nat's famous pies on her way.



Brenda drives past Dylan's old house in their rental Porsche. She thinks about all the time she spent there: when she ran away from home (for 3 days), when she'd spend the night, when Dylan told her about his little "affair" with Kelly the summer she was in Paris. When she gets there it looks like no one is home, so she goes up to the house, looking around to see how nice the place looks. All of a sudden, the door opens. Startled, Brenda prepares to explain her eavesdropping and comes face to face with Andrew Lloyd Weber.


Paranoid that his license plate number will be traced to his house, Steve spends the night on campus at the Keg house. The next morning he goes home, but Val isn't there to comfort him. He goes back to the Keg house, but he finds it empty. He finds a half-empty bottle of scotch and instantly starts to drink it as he drives aimlessly around town, ending up at the beach house. He takes the bottle with him up to the door and knocks.

"Steve, what are you doing here?" asks Donna when she answers the door, in her bathrobe, looking like she was hoping he was someone else.

"Don, you wouldn't believe what happened to me," he begins, attempting to make his way in the door.

"Steve, I can't talk right now, OK?"

"Come on Donna! I've had the worst day of my life!" Donna remains uninterested. "These mob guys stole my car, they beat me and David up, and they almost—"

"David? You saw David? How is he?" Donna asks, only mildly interested now.

"Nevermind." Steve takes a swig of his Scotch and starts to leave. "I just thought you were my friend that's all. But you're just like the rest of 'em." Before he can get out the door, Donna has grabbed his arm.

"I'm sorry, Steve. I'm your friend," she says. She rubs his arms and brushes up against him seductively. This completely throws Steve off. This he would expect from anyone but Donna.

"Donna?" Steve stares in amazement as Donna grabs his bottle and swallows a huge gulp, wincing as it burns her throat on the way down. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me, Steve," whispers Donna as she takes another swig, then offers it back to him. He drinks more and almost drops the bottle as Donna closes the front door, suddenly unwrapping her bathrobe. His eyes nearly bulging out of his head, he backs away slowly, almost frightened of what he sees in front of him.

"See anything you like, sailor?" Donna says with a wicked grin.

"My God," says a shocked Steve as he finishes off the bottle. After the accident months before, Donna decided to go all out and get double Ds. "I knew they were big, but, not that big!" Donna turns around to give him a nice long look at her nakedness.

"You're not still mad about that little stunt I pulled with on Jerry Springer, are you, Stevie?" He mouths "no." Steve is completely dumbfounded.

"Donna, what are you doing? Has the dyslexia oozed into the rest of your brain?"

"You're an idiot, Steve, but you'll do anything to have this, won't you?" she says, showing off her hot bod. Steve tries to think about it, but the alcohol has set in and he can barely fight when Donna forcibly shoves her tongue down his throat. When she has kissed him long enough, she pulls away from him and says, "Get the car."

"What? What about—?"

"Get the car…now!" barks Donna as she quickly puts on a dress that was lying in a heap on the floor. "Or you're shit outta luck."

"Damn," Steve says as he hurries out the door. "You're starting to remind me of Valerie." Donna gives him the finger and follows him out the door.



A drunk and confused Steve pulls up to the Peach Pit. "All right Donna, what's going on?" he says, eyes locked onto her body which is covered only by a thin gingham mini jumper, and nothing more.

"Steve, pay attention. Go get Nat and take him into the office in the AfterDark."

"Why?" asks Steve, reaching for the blurry vision in front of him.

"Steve, concentrate!" She grabs him by the ears and forces him to look at her. "Tell Nat you know about me. He'll come." Steve looks confused. Donna, exasperated, takes Steve's keys and drops them to the ground. "Oh, look at that." She gets out of the car, turns her back to him, and slowly bends over at the waist to pick up the keys. Steve bites his lower lip in anticipation as Donna's mini dress rises, giving him a glimpse of what he stands to gain should he do what she asks. He jumps out of the car, yelling "Nat! Nat!"

Steve goes behind the counter and into the storeroom, where he finds Nat opening a vat of pickles. He gives him a short "hey" and then pulls him in the direction of the AfterDark.

"Steve, what are you doing?" Nat laughs.

"Nat, my man, you gotta come with me," says Steve, slurring his words.

"Steve, you're drunk. What, another Keg party?"

"Look, Nat, I gotta talk to you right now in the office."

"Why?"

"It's about Donna, OK?" Nat's smile immediately turns into a frown.

"What do you know?" Nat says softly.

"Just come on, man," says Steve, his only concern is getting some Donna.

When they enter Val's old office, Nat says, "OK, Steve, what is it?" Steve starts to say something, then sees Donna hiding behind the door. She motions for him to take Nat into the supply closest. Steve shrugs his shoulders, totally confused. Donna points angrily to the "twins" so he will know what is his prize. As if a light bulb pops above his head, Steve instantly starts in on some story about stolen liquor and stashed money that Nat really must investigate in the closet. Steve pushes a baffled Nat into the closet. Suddenly, Donna grabs Steve's arm and slams the closet door shut, locking Nat in. When Nat sees Donna's snickering face in the closet door window, he instantly turns white as a sheet.

"Gotcha now, don't I Nat?" laughs Donna at the top of her lungs. Steve, completely wasted, doesn't even realize what's going on. Donna locks the office door. "No one can hear you scream now!" But Nat doesn't scream. He just stands there, frozen, completely terrified.

"Uh, Donna, what are you doing?" asks Steve. "Nat can't get out."

"I know." Donna smiles wickedly and approaches Steve, making sure Nat can see. "He doesn't want to get out. He wants to watch, don't' you, nasty Nat?" Donna pushes Steve onto Val's old desk and starts to pull off his clothes.

"Whoa! Don, Nat's right there!" Steve whispers, even though Nat can hear him plain as day. Nat starts to pound on the door.

"Steve, let me out of here right now! She's insane, can't you see that?" The words start to make a little bit of sense in Steve's brain, and Donna notices quickly. She steps back, turns to look at Nat, and pulls off her dress. Nat bangs harder, now screaming "Let me out! Let me out!" Donna parades herself around the office, wearing nothing but her platform espadrilles.

"You're drooling, Steve," says Donna, eyes wide and nostrils flaring. Indeed he is. Donna pushes Steve on his back.



Val goes to the Peach Pit for one last appeal to Nat. She repeats Joanie's home phone number in her head, just in case she has to carry out her blackmail attempt. It hasn't been long since she quit the AfterDark, and she never did give David her keys. She looks around the empty club. She goes into the backstage area. Behind some files she finds some CDs that Luther Vandross had autographed when he had played the club as a favor to David's father. She shoves them into her purse. "I can get about 25 bucks for these," she laughs to herself, happy that she's ripped David off, in a way. She hears a noise coming from her old office. It sounds like Steve, so she goes to the door, which is locked. Valerie quietly takes out her keys.

When she opens the door, Valerie finds Donna leaning over her old desk, the double partner's desk that she special ordered for her and David. Donna is laughing and making faces at the closet door. Valerie's shocked eyes move from the naked Donna to the naked person behind her—Steve. Valerie screams.

"Shit!" screams Steve as he falls on the floor and tries to pull up his pants. Donna just laughs hysterically. Val is flabbergasted, and she hasn't even seen Nat yet.

"You bitch!" screams Val. Steve looks puzzled, as if he doesn't know to which one of them she is referring. Donna pulls her dress back on and sneers at Nat, who is trying to get Val's attention above all the yelling.

"Hey, Val, that's just tit for tat…or, I guess in our case, tit for tit, huh?" Donna says amusedly, arching her back and stretching. Val calmly walks over to Donna and looks down at Steve fumbling to pull himself together. Slowly she makes a fist with her right hand and wham! Both Donna and Val scream in agony, the former from being hit in the face and the latter for breaking a nail.

"Oh, look what you made me do!" yells Val, looking for the nail tip on the floor. When she looks up, she finally sees Nat's pathetic face in the closet door glass.

"Val, open this door right now!" yells Nat.

"What are you do—" Before Val can ask she gets the wind blown out of her as Donna tackles her and brings her to the floor. Nat screams, pulling at his hair. The frustration and the lack of oxygen have started to get the best of him.

"You fucker!" screams Donna as she wrestles with Valerie. They roll around on the floor kicking and scratching one another while Nat yells from the closet. Steve is awestruck. He finally gains the wherewithal to get up and release Nat, though he never takes his eyes off the two busty women fighting over him on the floor.

"Nat…can you believe this? I knew I was hot, but—"

"You idiot!" screams Nat once he's freed. He pushes Steve out of the way and charges at Donna.

"Get your hands off me!" screams Donna as Nat pries her from Val's nails. Steve grabs a still swinging Val from the brawl.

"Now do you see that this girl needs help?" screams Nat. "She's completely insane! She's stalking me and my wife, she's crank-called my house, and now this?" Steve, hearing this for the first time, feels like a complete idiot. Val just smirks.

"You deserve each other if you ask me," Val taunts. "You two make me sick."

"Shut up! Shut up!" screams Donna. She turns to face Nat with pleading eyes. "Don't…don't you know that I love you?" Suddenly a blood-curdling scream comes from the hallway. Standing in front of at least 25 Peach Pit customers from downstairs is Joanie. Nat's face turns white.

"Damn…you…to hell!" Joanie lunges for Nat, and the two of them go crashing through the office window, plummeting to the ground below.

End of part 1 of 3