Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this fic … except maybe the storyline … if there is one … OH and if I EVER get a chance to own it … I CALL KAKASHI! hehe
A/N: oh … it changes perspectives
Destinies Changed, Hearts Changed
Resting my head on the pillow, I closed my eyes as I let the tears slip by. Why? Why me? Everything, anything I do. It doesn't help. I try. I try, but in the end, it makes no difference, does it? Training until dusk, after Kiba and Shino had left, but I still compare nowhere near those two. I was just weak. Weak, useless, failure; I hate those words. All these years I've worked to improve myself and to get rid of those names. Sometimes I just feel like giving up. I can never measure up with Hanabi. Everyone thinks so, everyone but my teammates and him.
'You can do it, Hinata!'
'Don't give up just yet!'
I try not to; I try to listen to those words of his during our first Chuunin selection exam. But I somehow always come short of it. All I ask for is recognition…recognition from my father…my sister…and Neji-niisan. And from Naruto…I love him. But what am I to him? He doesn't feel the same; he already has his eyes set on the pink-haired girl. Gripping the blanket harder, I have no chance with that either. Sakura was outspoken, pretty, and smart. Me? What do I have?
I let the tears flow, biting my lips to suffocate the sobs that would have choked out, smothering my face into the now damp pillow to cover up my sniffling. I don't need to let everyone in the house find out…not that any of them cared anyway.
'D-Demo, Otousan, I-I ju-'
'I said go away. You're taking up my time.'
Simple as that. They didn't want me, not anymore; I couldn't be what they had wanted. Pulling myself up to a sitting position, my back resting against the wall, I took in a deep breath, closing my eyes. I'll show them. I'll train my hardest, to show them that I wasn't weak, that I wasn't scared.
Swinging my legs over the bed, I managed myself, wobbling to a standing position. Quietly, I moved over to my closet and pulled out the backpack I always use on far, long missions with Kiba and Shino, and quickly stuffed some clothes into it.
I've totally forgotten about them. But does it matter? Shaking my head I proceed to the other side of my tiny room. They probably can easily replace me with someone else stronger.
Opening my window slowly, I climbed onto the ledge. Performing some hand seals I carefully activated my byakugan, not to wake anyone. Scanning the area, I tracked down possible threats to my escape. Nothing. They probably thought I was too stupid to do something like this. They've always underestimated me. Well guess what. I'm going to. And I'm not coming back until I am able to prove everyone wrong about me. And Naruto …I guess I'm just going to have to suck that up too. I can't change what he likes or admires. Maybe, but maybe I can become one of them, in the future. For now, in the silence of the night, I'll leave my farewell.
Jumping softly from tree to tree, I try my best not to rustle the leaves on the trees. I'm just glad it's been warm the last couple of days. Turning around, I took a tentative look at the walls of Konoha. All my friends. Kiba, Akamaru, Shino, Naruto, Sakura, Ino.
They've been so good to me. So nice.
Was it worth it? Maybe, if I can just…
No. I've gone too far already.
No one's going to stop me now. Hesitantly, I jumped onto the branch of the nearest tree, taking a last glance at gate.
"I need to find myself, I'll come back when I do…" I whispered to the wind, and maybe, it would bring the message to my friends. The only thing I have in this bleak life of mine.
Facing the forest again, I drew in a breath. It looked darker and denser than it had from inside the village. The night outside the village was pitch black except for the soft silver light emitting from the moon. Which gave it an eerie sense of danger.
But I can't stop now. I must…no…I fell back down, resting on the large tree branch, grabbing the tree just in time. It was about 30 feet down, if I had fallen…shaking my head I proceed to stand again. To no avail. My hands were shaking and so were my legs. I could hear myself breathing and chattering. It wasn't cold though.
My legs must've buckled again.
I refuse to freeze up right here. I am going to do this. Even if it kills me. I forced myself to stand again, using the tree bark to hold me up.
I can see what's in the forest now. No more stalling. And I guess this time; I'm listening to what they're saying. I'm going away. Could they be any happier for me?
They didn't want me back. I can see it in their eyes. The fear, the hate. They had wanted me gone. I didn't fit in. I never did. And they hated me for that. They hated me for what they've made me become. Was it ever my choice? Did I ever ask for this? No. But still they did it. And now they've acted as if it was my fault from the beginning, my fault for being different, my fault for becoming a killer. But they had drove me to it. They had it coming.
'Where are you going?'
'Leave me alone.'
I watched them tremble and flinch under my gaze, at my words. Wasn't this what they had wanted?
'Please answer me.'
'I want to be alone.'
'Gaara! Gaara…no…answer me! Gaara…'
Gomen nasai Temari nee-san. I don't fit in with the rest of the village. I'm going to find my own way to live…in this hell. You tried to help me. You tried to understand me. But you still wince under my gaze. The only one who ever accepted me for who I am was Naruto.
'Fight for the ones most precious to you.'
What if I don't have anyone? Do I have to search for one?
This is my quest. To figure out the meaning of my life.
'To … to find myself …'
' Gaara …?'
Goodbye … all you damned bastards that made me do this. Gritting my teeth, I swiftly made it across the clearing, silent as a shadow. That made me into this. I hope they're happy now.
It's been about a week. I don't know where the hell I'm going. I'm just walking wherever my feet lead me. I just want to get away.
I doubt I'm still in the Wind Country. I passed the desert 2 days ago and now my surroundings were filled with lush green trees. I must be on the outskirts of the Fire Country. This reminds me of my first Chuunin exam. The first time I met the person who changed my life forever.
I stopped abruptly as I sensed something from a clearing nearby. Hopping onto a branch of the nearest tree, I quietly made my way over to the small clearing within the giant trees, on top of the branches. It was someone entering the small space. A girl. She carried a large pack on her back as she seemingly trudged through the forest, panting slightly as she stopped in the middle of the clearing. I watched silently as she fell to her knees and coughed … hacking up blood more like it. She looked like she was going to die.
The sand in my gourd started to move restlessly, escaping bit by bit from the gourd, surrounding it self around me. No. I can't. I can't let it kill her.
I don't know. I just can't. Stop it.
Stop it now.
I must've shifted around a bit as I forced the sand back into the gourd, rustling the leaves a bit, as I heard a gasp. She must've noticed me, as she stopped coughing. I jumped from the branch where I was to the clearing, landing 6 feet in front of her. Her breaths became sharper as she tries to back up away from me, but fails to move herself but an inch. Her short dark blue hair matted to her head, her breath becoming more ragged, and her lips trembling with still a tint of redness to it. I smirked. Her eyes widen in fear.
Her eyes. White eyes. White …
I've seen those before. They belonged to the Leaf Village's Hyuuga Clan, as I remembered the boy that lost against Naruto in the finals. She has the same eyes as him. Now I vaguely remember her, she was the one that fought her cousin in the preliminaries. She had lost and suffered major damages. I watched as she hacked up more blood. I guess she hasn't recovered fully yet.
What was she doing out here? Alone…nonetheless.
"W-Who are" she coughed again, "you …?" I can tell she was shaking uncontrollably, even if she's trying not to show it. At least she had some guts to ask that question. I smirked again.
I took a step forward, as she whimpered and scooted back a bit.
"P-Please … I-I didn't mean t-to bother you …"
"Gaara …" leaving out the 'of the desert' suffix to my name. Let her find out herself.
I stared at her for a while as she sat on the ground, her fingers clasped around some of the weeds as she tried to hold in her coughs.
It was awhile before she spoke again. This time, barely above a whisper.
"You-you" she trailed off and paused before speaking again, "H-Hinata."
"You're a Leaf genin." Simple as that. She flinched as something flashed in her eyes and she looked away, biting her lower lip. I paused before asking her the next question, "What are you doing here?"
She chewed silently on her lower lip before answering slowly, "Y-You're a S-Sand genin. Why-why ……" she trailed off again, fading slowly, looking down at my feet instead.
Why am I here? I don't know, I guess I'm just passing through. "I don't intend on invading into Leaf Village, if that's what you're asking."
She was quiet for awhile, now staring intently at the ground. "P-Please, don't tell anyone t-that you saw me here." She looked up at me, white orbs penetrating through me, "I-I need to do some things b-by myself for a-awhile." She held her gaze firmly now, barely shaking anymore, except for the occasional twitch in her fingers as she help onto the grass and her stammering. Her eyes reflected sadness and hopelessness.
Some things by herself? Not telling anyone she was out here? Is she running away? Running away, like me?
I watched her as she debated from within. Her eyes darting back and forth before it settled on me.
"I- " she took in another ragged breath, " I just want to p-prove." she faded away and hesitated before continuing. I stood there still. I want-I want to know why.
A small breeze passed by as it blew a few strands of her hair to another side. She lifted her head up and closed her eyes.
"Prove t-that people can change I can change."
She lowered her head a bit, matching her gaze with mines, her small lips curving into a sardonic smile.
"I don't want to be known as weak. I don't want to give up like how everyone. Says I should, I-I want to determine my future for myself."
The silence engulfs both of us again as she gazes at me a dull, lifeless look.
She was looking for the same thing no not looking. I was the one looking, she already knows what she has to do. I don't.
"Even …" I started, breaking the silence we had built with just our gazes, "Even if they had already named you as…something?"
"Hai." I still don't understand.
"Can-can someone truly change?" She looks taken back a bit by my question.
But I need to know.
"Can can someone truly change?"
Gaara of the Desert. Now I remember him. He-He almost killed Neji's teammate in the preliminaries.
But, but he hasn't done anything yet to me. Is he planning to kill me after this? I shuddered slightly at the thought before shiftling my gaze to over his shoulder, at the giant gourd on his back. He must've caught my gaze as his face changed, more soft as his expression became confused. His blue eyes surrounded by a ring of black from lack of sleep shifted as his lips formed into a thin line. It was awhile before he looked at me again. This time without the mask.
Without the façade. Darkness and grief seem to envelop him from the hollow look he gave me. He had taken his hands out of his pockets and they were now hanging limply at his sides.
"I'm not going to kill you." Came out barely above a whisper. He looked pained as he made a slight gesture to himself. "Can someone change themselves?"
I think I understand what he's trying to get to now. All his life, he's been branded something like me and now he's striving to change it too, to change himself.
"If they believe they can, and try to."
He stared at me intently as he looked like he was trying to comprehend what I've just said. I can feel a slight tinge coming up onto my face as I averted my gaze from him. Talking to him wasn't so bad though, he doesn't expect me to come up with an answer right away.
"Is that what you're doing?" He was still staring.
I nodded, "I-I wanted to become stronger." I moved my fingers to touch a small white flower on the ground before plucking it, "even if-even if that means."
She was willing to die for it. But running away by herself? How was she supposed to get stronger by doing that?
She seems to have stopped shaking now. Funny, the whole time talking to her so far, I haven't had the urge to kill her; she had my answers. Somehow, I think she can help me.
"Do you trust me?"
Terror struck her face momentarily, but soon a look of disbelief ran over her features, and she gave me a funny look, as if debating herself what to answer.
She closed her eyes as her breathing calmed down except for the occasional coughs in between.
"Hai," She smiled, "I-I trust you."
~End Part I~
umm … any advice? Reviews PLEASE!!!