Hello all! I would like to make a few notes before we begin the GS division of the Protectors of the Plot continuum!

1: I do have permission. I emailed them, and they gave me permission. So don't flame me, or send a mini-balrog after me.

2: You probably want to read the original series, or else some of this won't make sense to you. The original series can be found at Camilla Sandman's website. (misssandman.com)

3: I am looking for a second agent. If you want to become one, email me at: evilindex@hotmail.com

Include a name, and some info about your character. Note: by submitting a character, you submit it to any mutilation that I feel like subjecting it to.

4: As Fanfiction.net forbids MSTing, I will not be mutilating any of your stories for this feature. The bad fanfiction that will be attacked and destroyed by the PPC in this fic is created by me, unless noted otherwise. Thank you.

5: Disclaimer: Camelot owns Golden Sun. Jay and Acacia own PPC. I own my original characters. I do not own anything else I mention.

That was the last time you will hear any of that, so pay very close attention.

Now on to the story: ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Protectors of the Plot Contiuum, GS division ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

My door has a very big sign on it. That isn't because I am important. That is because I do the jobs of about 6 people by myself. As you probably know, the PPC is understaffed as it is, and a little division like Golden Sun is small already. So, I am the Golden Sun division of the Department of Intelligence, Department of Bad Slash, Department of Mary Sues, and Department of anything else that might come up, which doesn't exist outside of the GS division.

My name is Rob. I am a PPC agent.

Today, I will be telling you about the first time I encountered the dreaded Mary Sue. As the department is slow right now, and I have no choice but to find something to do. (The stupid flowers upstairs took away our video gaming rights)

The first time I encountered a Mary Sue was about two months ago. For those of you who don't know, a Mary Sue is a god-version of the authoress (If it's an author, the creation is known as a Marty Sam) written into a familiar story to mess things up completely. Fortunately for me, the GS division has some variety in its Mary Sues. I pity the people over in LOTR, going to Rivendell all the time.

But that isn't the point.

I was sitting at the console, being bored, trying to figure out a way to get myself a raise, etc.


I leaned forward and hit the mute button on the console. I looked at the words on the screen. It was bad. I hit a few buttons to draw up a disguise (Proxian, if anyone cares.)

I grabbed my gadgets with an energy not seen in the PPC building since the LOTR movies came out. Not having missions helps that way.

The portal opened, and I stepped out into Weyard.

"d00d!" I said, "like, what the hell is, like, going on!" Testing the grammar of a story is essential. That was one thing to add to the charge list.

I glanced at the words. The first major violation of Canon was in Mercury Lighthouse. Crap. I hated Mercury lighthouse. I watched the characters converse over their next move. I was in plain sight for anyone who could see me, but no Canon could. I was there to help.

"Like, Isaac, we should go to the. . . um. . . thingey." This called for drastic measures. Garet should never talk like that.

I whipped out my character analysis device.

[Name: Garet, Canon. OOC 49%]

Good. That meant that there was no character rupture yet. They still couldn't see me. The horrendous dialogue continued. It quickly got to the point where I could no longer stand them. I opened a portal to get to Mercury lighthouse, where the Mary Sue was waiting. With a non-canon around, I knew I would have to hide. So I did. I hid behind a Mimic. As it turned out, this was a bad idea.

Da groop interred the lithouse to see a figer of water posing on front of them.

That was an example of the grammar and phrasing of this story. I couldn't help myself. I started laughing. "HAHAHAHA, interred? HAHAHAHA, oh wait, it's lithouse, gusss It's already lit. Bad timing." That was when the Mary Sue found me.

Note to self: Mary Sues hurt. A lot. Yeah.

Later at the top of the lighthouse, I watched the second violation. Apparently, for this chapter, the author had used spell check. Goody.

"Lacy, how are we supposed to stop Sataros?" Isaac asked.

"Sataros"? Who the heck was that?

[Name: Sataros, canon/noncanon/fuzzybunny]

I quickly shut off the character analysis device, before the thing could explode.

"Don't worry Isaac, we'll do something. After all, we took care of the Mars adepts friend anyway. That wasn't too hard." Lacy said, "Don't worry."

This was the time when they noticed that the lighthouse was already lit.

"Manardi! Damn you! I can't believe you would do something like this!" Lacy scremed.

[Name: Manardi, canon/noncanon/canonnoncanon/fuzzybunny WARNING! MALFUNCTION! FUZZYBUNNY!]

I shut it off again. When a character analysis device started talking in all caps, the thing was just about gone. It had gotten farther in the analysis before reverting to "fuzzybunny" That meant that "Manardi" was a little in character. Lucky me.

Lacy used a blast of water synergy to hit Manardi and throw her off the lighthouse.

That was it. I couldn't take it anymore. The level of Sueness was driving me nuts. "Bind" I shouted, as I jumped out of hiding.

"You'll never get away with this! Isaac! Save me!" The Sue screamed. Isaac, despite being out of character, hesitated long enough for me to neuralize him. He wouldn't be interfering until he realizes how he managed to get from Vale to Mercury Lighthouse without remembering anything.

"Lacy of Imil, you stand accused of massacring the English language, replacing the character of Mia, messing with the characters of Ivan, Isaac, Garet, Saturos and Menardi, spelling Saturos and Menardi's names wrong, violating the canon of Golden Sun (The group is supposed to help Mia, not get helped by a Mia replacement) and being a Mary Sue. Your punishment is Death."

I opened a portal and dragged her through to Prox. The Golden Sun crew were too stunned to do anything about it.

"Now, Lacy. You've done some very wrong things here today. I'm going to show you what happens to people when they do those things. I would like you to meet my friend, Dullahan."

I stepped through the second portal, which left us both in Anemos Sanctum.

"Actually, Dullahan's too good for you. I'm just going to kill you and throw you into this bottomless pit."

I did.

Well, I always say that one less Mary Sue is one more good fanfiction. I love my job.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Review or else!