Well, I decided to introduce a few new departments today: The Department of Author Correction, and the Department of Public Relations. Hope you all like them!

PPC:GSD Chapter 8: The Real World

Rob sat in the one chair the GS department was entitled to, trying to catch a bit of what passed for rest in PPC headquarters. Adrian and Rob had just returned from a thorough chewing out by the Sunflower Official. Using the Cannon of Canon to almost destroy an entire continuum had not gone over well with the people upstairs, and the incident had more or less destroyed any chance they had of getting promoted.

Of course, Mary Sues rest for now agent, so naturally, the console went:


"Bjeb! Jaghtk! Krhrkjl!" Adrian said, waking up rather violently.

Rob hit the mute button, and called the case up on the console.

"Holy [Editors note: This portion of Rob's comment has been deleted to prevent us from having to change this fic's rating to R]" Rob said.

"That bad?" Adrian asked.

"Yep. It scored a 250 on the GS Mary Sue Litmus test." Rob said.

"Holy [Editors note: This portion of Adrian's comment has been deleted to prevent us from having to change this fic's rating to R] is right" Adrian said, "that's a full blown continuum rupture."

"Exactly. It would appear that the GS characters are now roaming the streets of New York City." Rob said, "This is bad. Very bad."

"So," Adrian began, "what exactly are we supposed to do about it?"

"Well, we have to get the characters back into their continuum. What's left of it" Rob said, "then we have to deal with the Author."

"Ah. Let's go then."

The operatives opened the portal to the 'real world' and stepped through into Times Square. The area was in chaos. Cars were piled up all over the place, and there were terrified pedestrians everywhere. The NYPD was in the process of setting up protective barriers around the area. Adrian and Rob looked around as the stampeding crowds flowed around the agents. Since they were in the real world, they were under the opposite effects of their usual protections. Noncanons wouldn't notice them, unless the agents wanted the noncanons to see them, yet canon characters would see them. There was some complicated explanation for all of this, but, as usual, the only person who really understood it was Makes-Things, and he hadn't bothered to explain it to anyone for five years.

The agents quickly located the source of the commotion. In the center of Times Square, Alex stood amidst the ruins of some building (it was more or less impossible to tell what it had originally been). Several heavily armed squads of Police were attempting to subdue the Adept, but they had an unfortunate habit of becoming Police Shishkebab on Alex's psynergetic ice spikes.

"Hoo Boy." Rob said, drawing his sword (don't ask where a PPC agent gets his/her sword. They don't really know themselves). Rob and Adrian ran towards Alex, avoiding the NYPDkabobs, and barely dodging his attacks.

Alex, being a canon character, spotted them instantly. "Who the heck are you?" He asked. Not waiting for an answer, he launched a deadly Mercury psynergy at them. Rob hit the spell full force, and was thrown backwards several feet. However, Adrian was not targeted by the spell, and tackled Alex, pulling him out of the way of a NYPD volley of antiriot 'safe' rubber bullets. Rob staggered back up and pulled out the neuralizer.

"Adrian. Sunglasses. Now" Rob said. Adrian pulled out his PPC issue sunglasses and put them on, somehow still managing to hold down a struggling Alex. Rob pressed the pretty button, and a flash of light erased Alex's memory of the incident. Rob opened a portal, and Adrian pushed Alex back into what was left of the GS continuum.

Rob closed the portal, and Adrian stood up to look at the damage caused by the rampaging mercury adept.

"Are they all like this?" Adrian asked.

"To be honest, I have no idea." Rob replied.

"Yo! GS agents! Over here!" a voice yelled from behind a pile of rubble. Adrian and Rob ran around to the back of the rubble to see who had been shouting for them. Standing there were three PPC agents wearing standard-issue uniforms, complete with department insignia. Two of them were Department of Public Relations people, and the third was Department of Emergencies.

"Hi" Said the DE agent, "I'm agent Ezequiel, and these people are Lavarna and Luvenia from the Department of Public Relations."

The Department of Public Relations was a misnomer. A better descriptor would have been Department of Lack of Public Relations, but that wouldn't fit on the nametags. The job of the PR people was to make sure that no one knew of the existence of the PPC, and that no lasting harm was done. This meant rebuilding after disasters like this one, heavy neuralizer work, and nursing the 'clients' from the Department of Author Correction back to health. This put them at odds with the Department of Author Correction, who were charged with making sure that the authors responsible for disasters like this one were in a lot of pain for a long time. In this business, sometimes you just had to hurt someone.

Agent Ezequiel spoke again, "This is one of the worst cases of Real World contamination I've ever seen. It's like Subreality(1), but here the canons have no idea what is going on." He shuddered. "Anyway" he said, "you guys are Department of Mary Sues, right?"

"Well, that and everything else." Rob said.

"Well, mostly Mary Sues, right?" Ezequiel asked.

"Yeah. That and a bit of crossovers." Adrian replied.

"Good" Ezequiel said, "I'll take care of the canons. You just worry about the author. When the barrier between the real world and the Continuum was breached, the Mary Sue merged with the Author who created her. I have no idea what sort of powers a GS Mary Author will have, but the LOTR ones always knew more magic than Gandalf, could fight better than Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli combined, could resist the ring better than Tom Bombadil, etc."

Agent Luvenia interrupted him, "Shut up Ezequiel. Don't worry about this mess, you two. That's our job, right Lavarna?"

"Right." Lavarna said. The other three agents split up and walked off to their separate jobs, leaving Adrian and Rob to go face down the author.

The end! Of this chapter!

Tune in next time for the confrontation between the GS agents (now psynergy- less in the real world) and the Mary Author!

I sort of like using other agents besides Rob and Adrian. I need to work on developing their personalities more, and I think that bringing in some other characters for contrast would help. Maybe. Perhaps I'm just rambling. Yeah, I probably am. However, I do like the characters of Ezequiel, and what we've seen of Lavarna and Luvenia. I just might keep them around.

As always, Read and Review. Thanks a lot.


(1)Subreality, according to the glossary of Fanfiction Terms, is a place somewhere between the Real World and the various continuums where the Characters and Authors meet. It is used in lots of fanfiction, and many times during the authors notes, and during the very beginning of most parodies.