"Hey listy, Why is the cat walking on the ceiling?"

"You're looking at him upside down"

"Oh... Why am I on the ceiling?"

"You said the floor was made of quick sand and insisted we all stick you to the roof, Don't you remember?"

"Oh yes, you were trying to push me under and the cat was telling you to hurry up because he needed at least one human filled with sand to show off to his new parrot"

"Polly isn't a parrot"

"Then why did she keep repeating everything he kept saying?"

"That was kryten, he stopped when I gave him a cracker"

"Then what happened to all the sand?"

"Hey monkey why is grand canyon nostrils stuck to the ceiling?"

"Am I the only one who remembers what happened around here?"

"You know the sight of your ugly body is making me sick"

"Cheers cat"

"Actually Lister for once I agree with the cat"

"What! I can't agree with some one with hair like that! Lister you look hanso... gorg... beau... Damn! You're so ugly I think I'm going to be sick"

"Hey cat! Where're you going?... Cat!" "What's was his problem?"

"At least that mangy moggie can leave, I'm the one stuck here with you"

"Mr Lister Sir, Mrs Lambert and I... Mr Lister! Oh I do apologise Maam I don't know what has gotten into him... Now look what you've done you've offended Mrs Lambert and I've only just made amends after that unfortunate cracker incident"


"You know I'm still big enough to put you across my knee and give you a good spanking"

"What!?" "Stop laughing smeg head!"


"That's it Mr Lister, I've warned you before about mooning our guests and do you listen! No, you do not. You are to go without fresh laundry for a month, no more grated onion in your cornflakes and don't think I'm ever going to cut your toe nails for you again!"

"What the smeg is going on?"

"I'm really disappointed in you david"

"Keep out of this you smegger"

"Mr Lister I don't know what kind of weird sexual games you and Mr Rimmer are playing but I ensure you if Mrs Lambert blasts herself out of the air lock you shall never eat curry again!"

"What! You can't take my curry!"

"Good day Sir"

"Kryten!... Smeg!" "Wait... What sexual games?"

"Well you did tie me up"

"Grr, Shut up you"

"Yeeeeooow, hey dog breath why are you still naked?"

"I'm not naked, go away cat"

"I can't find polly"

"Maybe she ran away"

"And leave this gorgeous body? You must be even crazier than I thought"

"That's nothing I've seen him trying to lick his elbow"

"No wonder the cat people took over your race"

"They didn't, you were born from my pet cat"

"Sure monkey whatever you say, now where have you hidden Polly"

"He was trying to show her his small dangly bits and she threw herself out the air lock in sheer desperation"

"You did what! Dog attack!"

"Ahh Get off me, I didn't do nothin' Rimmer's pulling ya leg"

"Don't be and idiot, he's stuck to the ceiling"

"He's right Listy, I am stuck to the ceiling"

"Stay out of this you smeggar"

"Now I know why you're naked dirt ball"

"I'm not naked"

"You look pretty naked to me Lister"

"Well if I'm so naked, why are you trying to catch me!"

"You two are disgusting"

"I was talking to you cat, Rimmer's stuck to the ceiling how could he possibly catch me"

"What you two do in your spare time I don't want to know, now you've warped the mind of my Polly and you must die"

"Wait, I remember now she said she was waiting for you on z deck, yea that was it, she told me to tell you to bring your best back scratcher"

"Wow, I got a hot date, I'll see you two love birds later"

"I told you it was a bad Idea to give him the green stuff but did you listen"

"Stop talking Rimmer if you want to keep certain parts of your anatomy"

"You really are kinky aren't you Listy"

"I'm never ever touching that stuff ever again, I'm blowing it out the air lock and we are never, ever going to talk about this ever again"

"One last thing though Lister... Could you please put some clothes on."

"I am not naked!"