A/N: Another one for riskygamble, now that we've done the Team 7 luv-luv (though I'm still not sure if she ever saw that one ^_^;;). I've been trying to get Jounouchi to come out and play for AGES. But he's not been cooperative, so I had to bring in Seto to keep the puppy in line. Bad Jounouchi. *whip cracks* XD

Kind of a parody. Kind of J/S.

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"Hard Day's Night"

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About three seconds ago, Jounouchi woke up with his arms chained to a bike rack by, inventively enough, a bike chain and a bike lock. This isn't actually all that unusual for him- he's still got a lot of leftover enemies from his days with the gang, and with friends like Yuugi Mutou he's woken up in weirder places- but it's definitely the first time Seto Kaiba's ever been chained up next to him.

"Um?" he manages groggily. "What the fuck is this?"

"Hell if I know, mutt," Kaiba growls under his breath, jerking his head to indicate a direction and adding, "Why don't you ask the thugs over there pretending to be gangsters?"

It takes Jounouchi all of thirty seconds to recognize said thugs as four of the nastier members of one of the many gangs he's beaten the shit out of over the years. Several times, actually- once or twice for Yuugi, once or twice with Honda, and countless more back in his own days as a badass.

Nope, this is not a good thing.

Okay, recap: woke up, went to school, got in a fight with Kaiba, and got kicked out of class. Went out to go home, bitching back and forth the whole way, and then: whoa, bike rack and chains.

Oh wait, there'd been a bit in there where someone had stepped out of an alleyway behind them and swung a torque wrench at his head. Yeah, that bit had sucked.

. . . of course, this bit ain't exactly a walk in the park either.

Especially not since it seems the thugs have noticed he's awake.

"Hey, Jounouchi," the leader greets him with a sneer. "Miss us?"

"So they're friends of yours then, puppy?" Kaiba asks dryly. "I should have known."

"Aw, shaddup," Jounouchi grumbles, and then redirects his attention to the leader. "Whaddaya want, asshole?" he demands sourly. "I ain't been botherin' you."

"Is proper grammar REALLY that difficult a concept for you to grasp?" Kaiba muses aloud. Jounouchi elbows him in the stomach.

"Hey!" he hisses. "This is my turf, okay? When we need to buy stock I'll consult you!"

"Actually," Kaiba replies coolly, returning the elbow with a good deal more efficiency and a great deal more force, "my company's stock is quite lucrative right now and as always an excellent long-term investment- although I doubt you could afford it."

"I am NOT havin' this conversation right now!" Jounouchi wheezes, glaring at him.

"Pay attention, Jounouchi!" the leader snaps, kicking Jounouchi right where Kaiba elbowed him. There is an audible crack. Kaiba's eyes darken and he turns his glare on the other.

"Hey," he says to Jounouchi as the other coughs and tries to recover his senses. "Not to damage your fragile puppy pride or anything, but if you aren't going to do anything-" Jounouchi's leg lashes out and sweeps the leader's feet out from beneath him, dropping the thug face-first into the bike rack and knocking him out.

"Who's not doin' nothin'?" he grumbles as the other three thugs run over with angry yells, kicking one between the legs. Then he repeats the same leg sweep he'd used before to trip up the next and knock him right back into the third. "Idiots."

After a few more kicks and some desperate scrambling, all three are as unconscious as their leader and Kaiba is exasperated. "You do realize," he inquires coolly, "that by knocking out ALL of them you have deprived us of the key to this irritating little thing?" He indicates the bike lock with a tilt of his head.

"Again, shut up," Jounouchi mutters, already pulling his legs under himself. "Shit, this is gonna hurt," he adds under his breath, and then flips himself up onto the top of the rack, straddling his own arms and grimacing at the uncomfortable bend the position leaves his back in, not to mention the way it twists his cracked ribs. "Kaiba, do me a favor: grab that little pouch outta my sock?" he asks breathlessly as he pulls a leg up onto the bar next to the other's chained wrists.

"With what, my teeth?" Kaiba asks dryly.

"Do you WANT to be stuck here all night?" Jounouchi snarls. His ribs are throbbing and he doesn't want to put up with this shit from anyone, much less Seto Kaiba. "You know, as in with me? 'Cause if ya do, you can keep bitchin'."

"You do have a point," Kaiba grudgingly admits, twisting his closest hand awkwardly and slipping his fingers into the other's sock, briefly fishing until they find the aforementioned pouch. Neither he nor Jounouchi look at each other's faces during any of this. Kaiba snaps the pouch open and raises an eyebrow.

"Yes, they're what ya think they are," Jounouchi says irritably.

"Lockpicks," Kaiba scoffs, tossing them to Jounouchi. Fortunately, his aim is perfect. "Of course."

"We get into some weird scrapes, okay?" Jounouchi snaps.

"Plus I'm sure these come in handy for breaking and entering and other such petty thefts as you can get up the guts to commit," Kaiba continues for him.

"Shut UP," Jounouchi says for the third time, coming up with a fistful of chains and the defeated lock. "I ain't like that no more."

"Of course," Kaiba replies in perfect condescension, massaging life back into his wrists and standing up again. He is careful to trod on the thug's backs as he walks away from the rack. "Now hurry up. I heard your ribs crack and I'd hate to have to explain to Yuugi's other half why I left you in this condition."

"No you wouldn't, you'd ENJOY it," Jounouchi accuses.

"Perhaps." And Kaiba smirks, because he would. Then he yanks Jounouchi off the rack and pulls the other's arm over his shoulder. "You'd damn well better be able to walk, mutt."

"Sure you're strong enough to carry me?" Jounouchi shoots back.

"You're so damn scrawny that I could carry you under one arm," Kaiba snorts.

"Do you EVER shut up?!" Jounouchi fumes.

"Look who's talking, pup," Kaiba retorts dryly, rolling his eyes. "And being kidnapped- for the third time this month, might I add- is not my ideal way to spend an evening."

"Gee, sorry, Princess," Jounouchi grumbles as they finally manage to start limping along together. "Next time I'll take you to a movie."

"Cheap," Kaiba sneers. "Then again, this is you we're talking about, so I suppose your date's lucky that you're not planning a trip to the arcade."

"Hey, you like video games!" Jounouchi protests.

"And how many young women do you know with similar tastes to mine, pray tell?" Kaiba drawls.

"About the same amount of chicks I know who'd date me," Jounouchi says sourly.

"Who says my tastes include you?" Kaiba snaps.

"I dunno, the defensive tone in your voice when you deny it?" the other suggests with a snort.

"Fuck you, puppy."

"I don't go in for that kinky shit, Kaiba."

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. : if i'm a dog, then you's mah BITCH : .