Celebrating 2 Years in the Detective Conan Fandom! ^__^ Last year we turned Kaito into a Merman, this year he's something else.

Many thanks to Jessica, whose translations were a massive help.


Humanitas ex Machina by Icka! M. Chif


Approximately a month after I inherited my father's Legacy as the Kaitou Kid, I got kidnapped off the street by a Mad Scientist.

Just your average run-of the mill Mad Scientist, who had completed a robot body and wanted to download someone's memories into it to get it to run. And just my luck, he picked me.

We shall not get into detail about how I, a trained Phantom Thief, got captured by a screwball. It's irrelevant and not necessary to the story.

... okay, so walked up behind me and he hit me over the head with a mallet, not that I'm sore about it or anything.


Long story short. I woke up in a room that smelled too much like burnt electronics, metal and blood for my comfort and tied to a metal beam with some sort of gizmo that looks like a lampshade's worst nightmare on my head. The afore mentioned lampshade being attached to a computer, which was in turn attached to a Robot.

A Robot that looked exactly like Yours Truly, The One, The Only, Kuroba Kaito.

Well, maybe not 'The Only' considering at the time it was downloading my -mind-. The guy was a nutcase too. He'd killed his creator and called him 'Broken', like you could fix a human the way you do a household appliance.

And then he went to school.

As me.

... details as to what he did will not be gotten into because I'm not completely sure of them myself. Just that Aoko turned red a lot and wouldn't talk to me for the next couple of days and our classmates tried to throw a wedding party for us. Very strange and unusual.

What I do know is that when he came back, he sent a notice to Nakamori-keibu for a heist.

As the Kaitou Kid.

My Father's name.

MY name.

Not a slight I can nor will forgive easily. Especially since he made such a mess of it. Rule the World as the Kaitou Kid, my ass.

I escaped, since he thought he was so much superior to me, by virtue of scaling up the beam and sliding down, balls first and allowing the friction to tear the ropes for me.

An extremely painful and not at all a very recommended route of escape, by the way.

But it worked.

I got to the heist a bit late, just enough time to see Robot-san make a complete mockery of the heist. Extendable arm through the window to launch himself in to the room to snatched the gem? Honestly. No class at all.

And he could have seriously hurt someone like that. Not at all commendable.

Not that he was all that commendable when he spotted me. You want to talk about a walking arsenal? Arms fold back for guns out of the elbows, a rocket out of the abdomen, exhaust ports out of the back, a pistol for a hand.

This is on top of being faster, stronger and with a computer in his head anticipating my moves 0.4 seconds before I can move.

And my weapons?

Brains and my trusty card gun.

It was the 0.4 seconds that saved my life.

I can't believe he actually thought I'd blow my own brains out with the Card Gun just because he shot my arm. Honestly. I'm CRAZY, not STUPID or SUICIDAL.

... usually.

But he died as a human, or as human as he ever got, I believe. That's what he always stated he was, anyway. I don't think he truly understood the difference between 'broken' and 'dead' until that moment.

And at least Nakamori-keibu took it well, considering the amount of damage and all. I don't think bombs like that are legal around Edoka.

So life went on as it does. Normal high school student by day, magician in training by evening and white clad thief at night. An adventure like that just doesn't seem to stand out when you stand back and look at the big picture.

So I forgot about it all.

Until about three minutes ago.

Which is when Aoko and Hakuba nearly got hit by a truck while we were crossing the street on our way to school.

I got them out of the way in time, but...

They're looking at the circuitry in my hand as it repairs itself with complete shock and horror on their faces, and I'm not exactly sure how to explain it myself....


'Humanitas ex Machina' should mean 'Humanity from the Machine', if we've got the Latin right. (Humanitas: humanity, human nature, human feeling, kindness. And 'Deus ex Machina' meaning 'God from the Machine')

Long Story short: Yes, Kaito got kidnapped by a guy who works at Ogami Electronic Laboratory, a big spooky looking place on top of a cliff. He wanted an ordinary teenager. He got Kaito. Anyway. Kaito's brain was being downloaded into a robot (Kaito calls him 'Roboto-san' at one point), who masquerades as Kaito at school (tells Aoko that he's cold to her because he likes her, hence the blushing and 'wedding' scene at the end), then does the Kid thing. Kid shows up, fights him, blah blah, see above.

In a flashback towards the beginning of the story, we see Robot-san dressed as Kid kill Mad-Scientist, and a scene with Robot-san getting splashed with blood.

Voices Alternate Universe Theory for the Fic:

The Kaito we all know and love is Robot version 1.0. Only he doesn't know it. Ver 1.0 was built to mimic a human as closely as possible. (for espionage purposes?) Kaito's mind is in there and as far as he knows, he IS Kaito, human. And since he thinks he's human, he's going act like one, with the limitations of one.

Fleshy Human Kaito was killed by Roboto-san, Ver 2.0 when he killed the Mad Scientist.

Ver. 2.0 being the Weapons version. Faster, stronger and more armed than 1.0, as well as being aware of the fact that he is a robot.

Thanks to Dogmatix, who is terribly evil and drew us a nice fanart then politely tickled us with plunnies until a sequel spawned. See the Treasure section of Mischif.net for the pic.