A/N: I promised myself I wouldn't do this, write another story before my current one was complete, cuz I hate reading stories and going OH! What happens next! This little scene has been begging to be written since I heard this song and besides I needed a short break from Fallen Angels.

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy, Angel or any of the others. If I did fanfic would not be a necessity, at least B/A fanfic because we would have the 2 hour Buffy Angel show every week. I also don't the song Kelly Clarkson does and it's called "Beautiful Disaster" Even the title is pure Angel.

Spoilers: Uhm, I guess season 5 of BTVS which would be season 2 of Ats. This is set somewhere after Into the Woods and before The Body.

Enjoy!

Chapter 1- Beautiful Disaster

The Bronze is packed. Everyone is there to see Kelly Clarkson, the American Idol girl. I sit at a table with my mocha chino and my best friends, singing Miss Independent with Kelly. Riley can go to hell, I am Miss Independent. I certainly don't need him in my life.
That little voice in the back of my head snickers. You need someone, it whispers. It knows I still miss him. I will always miss him like you miss a heart or a lung or a kidney, wait, you can actually live with only one of those. I guess it applies anyway, because you can't live without at least one and I can't live, really live, without one Angel, the one that currently resides in LA and is trying to make a life without me in it.

"She's really good!" Willow screams over the music. I smile and nod my agreement.

Kelly moves from Miss Independent to a newer song, one I haven't heard before even though Dawn has her album at home and plays it over and over and over, like the annoying little sister she is.

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more Heaven then a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right
It just ain't right

I feel the familiar tickle on the back of my neck and I'm afraid to hope. I don't turn around, I don't breathe, afraid the feeling will go away. I am not surprised when I feel a cool hand on my bare shoulder. I've been waiting for him. I will always be waiting for him. I look up and he's there, almost as if he's always been there. He gives me that crooked grin that is mine alone and holds his hand out for me to take. I do not know where he is taking me, and it doesn't matter. He leads me to the edge of the dance floor and pulls me close. We are dancing much slower then the song warrants but I don't care. Maybe if we dance slow, time will cease to be.

Oh when I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster?

He's magical myth
As strong as I believe
A tragedy with
More damage then a soul should see
And I do try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight
Hold on tight

I bury my face in his chest and breathe in the clean scent of him. And I feel alive. I can feel the glow that starts in my heart and spreads outward. I only glow for him. I only breathe for him; my heart only beats for him. I ache for only him. I don't ask why he's here. It's not important. He's here.

Oh cuz I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful
Or just a beautiful disaster?

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long

I don't ask if he'll stay with me. I don't want to know the answer. I exist in this moment and only this moment alone. He tilts my head up and kisses my lips and I want to die.

He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more then I can take
Oh cuz I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster

He places his hand over my heart and his eyes cloud with tears. He walks away from me backwards, watching me, just like he did the night he disappeared into the smoke. I kiss my fingertips and blow him a kiss. He captures it and places it over his heart and then he is gone.

~*~*~*~*~*~

I wake up with a start. There are tears on my cheeks. I glance at my window sill, half expecting him to be sitting there. He's not, he hasn't been for a long time. I hug Mr. Gordo and cry myself back to sleep. I won't tell anyone about this dream. I have these kinds of dreams far too often and they are never prophecy dreams. They are just remnant of excruciating pain and hope I keep locked tightly behind the mask I show the world.

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A/N I will continue this when I wrap up a couple more stories. I just had to get this scene out of my head and onto paper. It will be a season 5/6 "fix" or at least my version of season 5/6.