Disclaimer: One Piece does not belong to me, nor am I making any money off of this work of fanfiction.

Notes: Takes place between the Arlong Saga and Loguetown. Not that this could ever really happen in One Piece, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

~*~ The Devil Fruit Made Me Do It, Chapter 1 ~*~

"What kind of bar has no beer?" Zoro shouted, slamming his fist down. Nami shut her eyes. It had been a long, stressful day, and right now all she wanted was something to drink and a nice warm bed. And for her headache to go away. Damn Zoro for throwing a tantrum anyway.

"Nami-san," Sanji said, leaning into her personal space, "are you all right? Would you like me to kick his ass for you?"

"I'm fine, Sanji-kun. Leave Zoro alone."

"Ah, so should I kick the bartender's ass instead?"

"No, Sanji-kun. Just be quiet, OK?"

"Anything you say, Nami-san!" Sanji left her alone and Nami went back to her thoughts.

After months of travel, the Going Merry was showing signs of wear: leaks, cracks, peeling paint. Usopp's quick fixes just wouldn't cut it anymore; repairs had to be made. Unfortunately, the towns in this particular area were terrified of pirates. The only one even willing to let them dock was the one on this barren chunk of earth.

That was where Nami's headache began.

Because this island had no natural resources, arguing with the shipwright over the cost of the repairs had been futile: she'd been forced to pay for the materials in addition to the labor, tripling the price. Because the island had no fertile land and imported virtually all of its food, shopping for supplies had been almost as frustrating; Sanji insisted that any price was acceptable when it came to food, and Nami had only been able to argue the vendor down to double price. And because it had been quite a while since the last shipment, some items, such as potatoes and marmalade, simply could not be found. As Zoro discovered, beer was on that particular list.

And Luffy was eating up the rest of their budget right there in the bar, and Zoro was throwing a hissy fit, and Sanji was making noise trying to shut him up--hadn't she told him to leave Zoro alone and just be quiet?-- and Usopp was... well, Usopp wasn't lying or bragging for once, but she suspected he just didn't want her to beat him up. She almost wished he would; she could use the outlet.

"Ow! Why the hell did you kick me, you stupid--" Zoro yelled.

"Shut up, cabbage head! You're disturbing Nami-san!" Sanji yelled right back.

"But there's no beer! What kind of bar has no beer?"

Nami stood and slammed her hands onto the bar. The two men stopped arguing and looked at her. Usopp cowered. The elderly bartender peeked his head out from behind the bar, looking just as terrified. Luffy continued eating.

"We are *leaving*," she gritted out. "You'll just have to do *without* your beer today. We're going to find a nice, *quiet* inn, and have a nice *quiet* dinner--"

"But Nami," Luffy whined, "I'm not done with this dinner yet!" Nami cracked her knuckles. Luffy, oblivious to the warning, stuffed another cutlet into his mouth and chewed happily. She prepared to slide off her stool and let him have it when the bartender spoke.

"Ah, Miss?" he said. Nami looked at him.

"Yes?" she said sweetly. The bartender gulped.

"You're pirates, right?" At Nami's nod, he continued. "If--If you want, this place is also an inn. I'll be happy to give you a room for the night, at, say, half price?" he said. Nami smiled. She could almost hear him thinking 'just please don't destroy my bar.'

"Make it two rooms, and you've got a deal," she said.

"Deal," said the bartender, relieved. "We don't have any other guests right now, so just pick out any two you want. My cook is off tomorrow, though, so you'll have to cook your own food. Is that all right?"

Nami smiled and nodded, feeling her headache recede-until Zoro cut in again, that was.

"But what about the beer?" he muttered, fingering the hilt of one of his swords. The bartender backed away from him. Nami growled. Why couldn't he just shut up?

"Oh, don't worry about beer, my friend," Usopp interjected. "Back in the day, I was the world's most famous bootlegger! I had clients all over East Blue, and people came from oceans around for a single taste of my gin! I'm an expert at brewing alcohol! Just show me to a tub and I'll whip up the best rum you ever tasted!"

"Hey, Usopp," said Luffy, "I thought you said you made gin?"

"Ah... I told you, I'm the world-famous Bootlegger of the Seas, Usopp! I can make all kinds of alcohol!"

Nami put a hand to her forehead and massaged her temples. Why did they have to anger her so? She startled when she felt hands rubbing her shoulders tenderly.

"Sanji-kun..." she growled.

"Yes, Nami-san? Is there anything else I can do for you? Would you like a hot water bottle? What about--" Nami spun around and slapped Sanji's hands away. He cowered behind Usopp.

"No, Sanji-kun. No. *Nothing*. I just want some peace and quiet and something to drink--"

"Oh, Miss, wh-why didn't you say so?" the bartender interrupted. "I may not have beer right now, but I have some fruit. I could make you some of this island's specialty drink. On the house, of course," he added, eying Nami warily. She smiled.

"Thank you. That would be lovely," she said in her sweetest voice. "What types of fruit do you have?"

"Well," said the bartender, mentally taking inventory. "Right now... just peaches and bananas."

"I want a peach one!" Luffy said happily. The bartender smiled at him and turned to Nami.

"And you, Miss?"

"Peach, please," Nami replied.

"And you, sir?"

"I'll have what she's having," Sanji said.

"And you?"

"Peach," Zoro said reluctantly.

"And you, sir, the famous bootlegger?"

"Banana," Usopp said. The bartender smiled, glad his bar was no longer in mortal danger.

"So, that's four peaches and one banana. I'll be right out with them," he said, then beat a quick retreat into the back room. Once he'd disappeared, Nami turned to Usopp, a mischievous glint in her eye. Nothing felt better than a little payback.

"So, Usopp, you liiike bananas?" she asked. Usopp waggled his eyebrows at her.

"So, Nami, you liiike peaches?" he replied. Nami had to stifle a giggle. If there was one thing Usopp was good for (aside from causing random explosions in the dead of night), it was cheering her up.

"I'd be a peach for you, Nami-san!" Sanji cried, not quite getting it. Nami and Usopp looked at each other and simultaneously burst out laughing. Sanji's face fell.

"What?" he asked. Nami waved her hand at him, laughing too hard to answer. On Sanji's other side, Luffy watched curiously, then turned to Zoro.

"Hey, Zoro, what are they talking about?" he asked, his mouth full.

"Hell if I know," Zoro answered.

The banter continued, and several minutes later, the bartender emerged from the back, balancing five drinks in his skinny arms. He set them down on the bar and passed them out to their respective drinkers. Nami took hers and sniffed it. It didn't smell like any peach drink she'd ever had, but she guessed it was a little overripe. She glanced up at the bartender.

"Is something wrong?" she asked, noting the fine sheen of sweat coating his face and neck.

"Huh? Who? Me?" he said nervously. "Hah hah hah--no, no, nothing wrong here, Miss! I'm just, uh, anxious to see how you like it! My pride is at stake, you know! Hah hah hah!"

Nami raised an eyebrow at this, but decided he was acting strangely was because he was afraid Zoro would kill him if he didn't like his drink. She raised the glass to her lips and took a sip. Nice. Fruity, with just a little tang of some kind of alcohol, rum, maybe?

"This doesn't taste like peach," said Sanji, eyeing his drink suspiciously. Nami glared at him.

"Just drink it, Sanji-kun. We're getting a good deal here."

"All right, Nami-san!" he said, then raised his glass and drained it in one gulp. A quick glance beyond him showed her that Zoro and Luffy had long since finished theirs. She raised her glass again.

"Well," she murmured, "down the hatch." She threw her head back and swallowed it all. Her entire body warmed, and she felt sleepy. Instantly alarmed, she mentally checked herself for any other signs that she might have been drugged, but when nothing happened, she relaxed. Sanji and the others seemed all right as well. On her other side, Usopp drained the last of his drink.

"Mm, that was good," he said. "Of course, it's not nearly as good as the stuff I used to make, but still, not bad."

"Did you like it, Nami-san?" Sanji asked. When she nodded, he turned to the bartender. "Can I have the recipe?"

Still sweating, the bartender agreed and whispered in Sanji's ear. Nami yawned and stretched a little. She wasn't hungry anymore, a plus.

"Well guys," she said, "I'm going to bed. Good night."

"Good night, Nami-san!" Sanji exclaimed. "I'll be joining you shortly!"

"No, Sanji-kun," she said. "I am going to my room. You are going to your room, the one you are sharing with Luffy, Usopp and Zoro." She glanced over at the swordsman. "Scratch that, Luffy and Usopp. He can stay there for all I care."

Zoro was fast asleep, head down on the bar. Nami yawned again and climbed the stairs to pick out a room. Despite the awful day she'd had, she felt warm and content as she changed into her sleepwear, and fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

~*~ To Be Continued ~*~

As always, I am completely and totally open to criticism. Be my guest.