by summerdragonfly

A/N: Hi all. Another Sasusaku from me. I haven't written anything in a while, so here's something. It is a songfic, featuring one of my favorite J-pop songs and my favorite Every Little Thing song, Fragile. Sakura is dead and Sasuke drowns in his own guilt, confronting feelings he's been pushing away for a long time. I'm not going to call this "very fluffy" even though some might say it is. I'm just proving that Sasuke does have emotions, and although he doesn't show them as often as he should, he is equally capable of loving as anyone else. Plus, he's just thinking to himself in this fic, and doesn't tell anyone else, so that isn't really as fluffy as one might call it. But if you want to believe it's fluffy, go ahead. I'm cool with that.

Sequencing in this story is rather odd. The first part is a little bit after Sakura's death, the middle is the scene of Sakura's death, and the ending is a long time after. Sasuke changes during this different time periods, and I wanted to let people know that.

Enjoy, and please do not hesitate to tell me what I can improve on(I know it's lots ^^).

Disclaimer: NARUTO, and all registered components, are copyrighted to its creator, Kishimoto Masashi. I do not own any part of it in any way. The song "Fragile", lyrics, music, etc are copyright to Every Little Thing, I do not own that either.

Sometimes he still woke up at night expecting her to be next to him. He would immediately sit up and glance around the dark room, faintly hoping to see a strand of her vibrant pink hair or---and he knew this was quite impossible---her smiling face. Just looking at him.

I've always hurt you by such little silly things.
Stilted conversations are pointless.
I've always hurt you by such little silly things.
Stilted conversations are pointless.

He would then lie back down, curse himself for not being able to move on with his life. Through all the hardships, he's gotten through it without question. He always accepted things for what they were, and understand that there was nothing to be done but look for ways to improve. It was the first time that something like this had ever happened to him. This situation was unexpla- inable, and it vexed him greatly. Sasuke, for once in his life, failed to explain something concern- ing him. The darkness would always consume him.

Then he would turn on his side, desperately fighting for sleep once again, for escape from this world, a place where he could see her without end, uninterrupted by anyone. But before his eyes closed, they would always land on the same picture. The same face would be grinning at him once more, those green eyes shining, burning into his. He would turn the photo frame down.

And it the morning it always found itself back up.

My words are too clumsy, just getting in the way
Even though I love you,
I can't make you know these feelings
Because they hurt.

*She is dead. You are alive.* were the words that got him fighting against life since Sakura's death. Nothing seemed to matter anymore, not even his own life. It hardly felt like living anymore. Sasuke would test the kunai blade so hard against his hand so that it even started bleeding, and he would feel nothing. He was still so numb, after so long. A year, two years? He completely lost track of the time, the weeks and months. And the most painful thing about this abnormal loss of mind was that he did not lose everything.

All he kept thinking about was how he was at fault. For everything.

I'm not yet used to saying "My dear"
But for you, right now, I can say it.
If you'll be next to me laughing,
I won't need anything else.

No one anticipated the attack on the village. Especially not during a time where the world was supposed to be at peace. The Mist and Sand Villages were at war with each other, and Leaf was right in the middle. Not only geographically, but in the middle of the entire conflict. No one had thought that eventually one of the armies would have to fight through Leaf to get to their enemy. They hung on to the thought that they were safe.

Sakura had asked him, "Sasuke-kun, what do think will happen?"

He didn't answer at first. He did not think it was relevant. Should anything happen, it would happen for a reason anyway. "Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters," She tried sounding like her commanding self from long ago, but he could tell her voice was etched with worry. "What will happen to us?"

"...." He hadn't thought of that. No, he didn't want to think of it. His principal moral was to let the villages battle with each other. He didn't that kind of worry to be part of his troubles. He had enough to deal with as it was. Strange how he would later not remember what those troubles were.

She climbed under his arm and held him tight, much to his surprise. "Do you think we'll be able to stay like this forever?"

He was about to force her off, but something strangely warm filled him when she was close to him like this. "Don't be stupid."

"Is that a yes or no?"

"Sakura, we can't change the course the events. Especially when it's something as out of our hands such as this. Just..." He sought the words. "Don't worry."

But he did want to change the course of events. He wanted that so much.

Everything began when we met,
We have days we hurt each other but,
The thought of wanting to be with you
Leads to some unknown future.

A perfect summer night, no one would guess that there was anything wrong, except for outside the village boundaries. The evening was still and perfect. Sasuke's hand magically found itself entwined with Sakura's, and even to this day he couldn't explain how well it fitted into hers. She was in a daze then, not sleeping well, worrying too much about the war, and how it would affect them. He supposed he should've thought about that too, but shook off that contemplation.

Then it happened. A flash of light, a ruffle of bushes. The separation of their hands and her body motionless on the ground. The dead pause in which he gazed at her face shadowed from the moonlight. The horrible lump in his throat as he assumed the worse. The feeling of the cement against his knees as he scrambled toward her, the terrible anger and sorrow he was feeling at once.

Her hand was still warm.

I go out of my way to look calm
And force a smile though I have no right to.
Another lonely night, loneliness attacks
I love you so I get upset, these feelings are sad.

It rained at the funeral. Soaked to the bone, he stood there gazing at her coffin without shifting for what seemed like days. Everyone had left, people had stopped trying to convince him to leave, stopped trying to get him to let her join the Earth. He must've known every detail of the wood on the coffin, because he stared at it for so long.

Sasuke was with her when she died. That's what the funeral coordinator said. Listening to the slow, drawling voice, Sasuke had realized it then.

He could've done something to stop it, but he didn't.

That time I said "I'll protect you",
Those feelings of hesitation, they weren't lies.
But still, I want you to hold me so as not to break
These feelings I've tried to believe in.

Then there was the aftermath. He missed her so much he simply lost the ability to feel as time went by. It was not like him to be like this at all, but in truth, no one really knew him at all. Well, maybe except Sakura.

If they had knew him, truly have known him like she did, they would know that he could feel too. In fact, he was quite certain that he could feel better than most people can. Not because of the things he had been through, but because of the way she had taught him how to feel again. It wasn't something one could learn, but she taught him how anyway.

Sasuke vaguely remembered falling in love with her gradually. He didn't want to, of course, but the more time they spent together the more his feelings for her would grow. It was an unstoppable force, resembling a virus, he had thought back then. But he was so wrong. It was so much more wonderful than a virus. She taught him so many things, and in an instant she was gone, as if she had never been there.

As if she had never been there.

I'm truly happy that I could grow to love you this much.
Even if someday you should lose heart,
I won't let go of that hand I hold.

He was never used to saying "I love you", "My dear", "Sweetheart" or anything like that. He wasn't used to loving someone so much he would give his life for them. He wasn't used to trying to please someone as much as her. But she changed him in so many ways, and for her he would've done anything at all. For maybe a second time in his life in many, many years he was happy. HAPPY. No one wanted him to have that feeling, because it was taken away from him before he had the chance to make it known.

Not to the world, but to the one that mattered most.

He never meant any of the rude words he said. He didn't mean to push her away all those times. He didn't yell at her intentionally. Through all their fights he continued to love her with everything in him, and that was the only thing he really truly understood in his life. He thought that he had accepted everything the world had given to him; from the death of his family to the madness of his quest for revenge, to the unpredictable events that happened each day.

But he was wrong.

Because after all, the only thing he really, truly understood about his life was Sakura. How beautiful she was, how loving she was, and how much she meant to him. Her, and how much he loved her. And that was good enough for him.

Everything began when we met,
We have days we hurt each other but,
I'm connected to a future,
Where I'm still not sure I want to be with you.

He still stuck by his words, because she told him that that was the most important thing of all, to believe in what he was truly saying. He would love the chance to see her again, just one last time. He believed that he would then let her go on, because she had passed for a reason. He was still lost at what that reason was, but he had his world and she has hers. She was too spiritual and kind for a world such as the current, plagued with such death and cruelty. She would've hated to live in such a place.

He had to go on with his life. He knew that he had a future now, and he wanted to make the most of the thing people called life. She once told him a long time ago, even before he began to see her more than a friend, that the hardest thing to do in this world was to live.

And he was going to do just that. Live.