A/N: DONE! So, here's the last of it. Hope you like it! Thanks to everyone who stuck by me for the ride! This is dedicated to all the reviewers! You give me the shivers and rock my socks! Large AN at the end.
Disclaimer: one astute reviewer let me know that I never said I owned the Queer Eye Boys. So, here's the shocker- I do. I mean, I own Bravo and so I guess I own them. Small world, huh? No no, just joking. I don't own diddly squat, let alone of the Queer Eye boys. Nor, for that matter, do I own Inuyasha. Life's a pain…
Epilouge: The Unveiling
Inuyasha grunted as he hauled Kagome's large yellow backpack out of the well. Next to him, Kagome panted as she pulled herself out.
"Is it me or does that get harder every time?" She gasped out as she collapsed on the ground next to the well.
"Keh," Inuyasha snorted as he picked up her and her backpack, tossing both over his shoulder. "You're just lazy and mortal."
"I'm exhausted!" Kagome protested, not even protesting the Neanderthal-like actions of her boyfriend.
Inuyasha smirked. "I know."
Kagome rolled her eyes. "God, you are going to get an even bigger ego…"
"I deserve it!" the hanyou answered smartly.
"No offense, dog boy," she commented, poking him in the shoulder, "but it takes two to tango and as I recall-"
"Kagome! Inuyasha!" came the call from the distance.
Inuyasha grudgingly allowed Kagome to go down as Miroku, Sango and Shippou raced toward them.
As usual, Shippou was first, squealing about pocky and crayons. He leapt up into Kagome's arms, babbling and laughing happily. He snuggled into her before suddenly shooting up and staring at the shocking figure lagging a little behind.
"Inu…Inuyasha?" Shippou asked in disbelieve, dropping away from Kagome to unabashedly stare at Inuyasha's new look. The hanyou uncomfortably shifted under Shippou's questioning gaze. "What happened to you?"
"Five gay men," muttered Inuyasha, flushing uncomfortably.
Shippou's eyes widened. "You, you didn't hit me!" he shouted in shock.
"Why would I?" shouted Inuyasha, growing less embarrassed and more irate as the minutes passed.
"Why?" Shippou shouted, getting more nervous by the second. "You always hit me! I insult you, you hit me, I cry, Kagome says 'sit' then I laugh and mock you and you get mad and the whole thing starts all over again! That's the way our relationship works!"
Inuyasha snorted. "I took some anger management courses and I don't do that shit anymore."
"…..anger…..management…." repeated Shippou. Green eyes narrowing, Shippou pulled out a toy snake, standing in front of Kagome to protect the confused schoolgirl. "Who are you?" Shippou said suspiciously. "What have you done with the real Inuyasha?" he asked guardedly.
Growling, Inuyasha slapped Shippou upside his head, throwing the kitsune a foot or two. After he had landed, Shippou stood and looked at the scowling, cursing hanyou and slowly breathed a sigh of relieve. "Wow, it's good to have you back!" the kit shouted to Inuyasha, running over happily. "I was worried there for a minute!"
Inuyasha heaved a sigh and turned to walk with Kagome. Looking thoughtful, Shippou mumbled to himself about having Miroku do an exorcism on Inuyasha just in case.
"I am not possessed!" yelled Inuyasha in frustration. "I just learned to meditate a bit!"
"You? Meditate?" Miroku asked as he and Sango reached the other three. "Hmmm… maybe you were drunk and you just thought you learned how to meditate?" the monk suggested solicitously.
Inuyasha sprung to the chase, a protesting Miroku running desperately in front of him, Shippou joining in just for fun.
Kagome groaned, picked up her briefcase, wondering briefly about how the yellow monstrosity had gotten heavier. "Hi Sango!" she called out to her demon slayer friend. Sango jerked and looked at Kagome rather frantically.
"Is, is that…Inuyasha?" she whispered into Kagome's ear, eyes wide.
Kagome looked at Sango, a little befuddled. "Are you okay?" the girl from the future asked. Sango's eyes were wider then usual, her cheeks flushed and her breathing a little shallow. "Do you have a fever?" Kagome moved, quickly putting her hand on the slayers forehead.
"Is that Inuyasha?" Sango asked again, pushing Kagome's hand aside and peering over her shorter friend's shoulder to catch a glimpse of the dashing figure she had seen chasing Miroku.
"Of course it is! Why don't you recognize hi-oh!" Kagome sighed and snapped her fingers. "The clothing and haircut, I totally forgot!" She also turned to look at Inuyasha. Sneaking a look at Sango's agape face, Kagome smiled smugly. "Sexy, isn't he?"
"What? Kagome-chan! Such language!" Sango protested, fanning her face.
Inuyasha stopped running and turned to wave to the two girls on the hill. His hair was framing his face, ending just below his chin in natural semi-curly waves of white and silver highlights. He was dressed back into his modern day clothing of tight jeans and a tighter t-shirt and his bare feet sank into the grass. Kagome smiled happily. Inuyasha made a striking and handsome figure.
"Yes, he is sexy," murmured Sango appreciatively as Inuyasha began to jog toward the two, his biceps obvious in the taut short sleeves of his blood red skull and bones t-shirt.
"Pick your mouth off the floor, Sango," Kagome snickered. "If you want, I can get Miroku clothes like that."
Sango turned and gave her friend a huge smile. "Well, if Miroku was in those clothes when he groped me, he'd get an altogether different answer then usual."
"I'll take that as a yes," snickered Kagome.
Inuyasha looked from girl to girl. "What's yes?"
"Nothing," came the simultaneous answer.
Miroku and Shippou joined the group and all five started the walk back to the village and Kaede.
"So Miroku," Sango began with a private smile at Kagome, "what do you think of Inuyasha's new clothes?"
"Um, well, they are very tight," Miroku whispered, a little disturbed by the admiring glance Sango had just given Inuyasha's ass.
"Yes they are!" Sango smiled enthusiastically. Miroku began to wonder if he should ask Kagome if she could bring back some of those odd garments for him…
Inuyasha took the school bag from Kagome and the two strolled along, reaching for each others hands to hold, just as they had been doing the past week since they had gotten…closer. Kagome smiled and gave Inuyasha's hand a little squeeze and, although he rolled his eyes, the dog eared boy smiled and squeezed back.
Behind the oblivious couple, Miroku, Sango and Shippou stopped and stared in shock.
"What the hell is going on?" shouted Miroku, pulling out an ofuda ward.
"See? See? I told you he was possessed by a demon! And the demon got Kagome too!" wailed Shippou despondently from Miroku's shoulder.
Sango nodded firmly, moving Hirakotsu into attack position. "Houshi-sama, when the demon comes out, I'll take care of the rest."
"Oh, for gods sake..." mumbled Kagome, face red with embarrassment when she figured out what had caused her friends to panic like this.
Inuyasha said nothing, just 'keh'ed. This alone pushed his companions to greater alarm.
"What's wrong with Inuyasha?" whispered Sango.
"So I'm holding her hand. Big deal," Inuyasha said with a shrug. "We're dating. Public displays of affection are allowed."
"Da….ting?" said Miroku, unfamiliar with the word.
"Affection?" quoted Shippou in disbelieve.
"Displays? What type of displays?" asked Sango, wondering for the first time just what had happened in the future era between the two teenagers.
"Oh, he's really possessed! By a demon with emotions too," mourned Shippou. "This is terrible! He'll never recover!"
"Shut up! I am not possessed!" objected Inuyasha angrily.
"So you say but that's exactly what a demon would say who possessed you!" Miroku challenged.
"Why don't I kick your ass and then you'll realize that no stupid fucking demon is inside me!" roared Inuyasha, fists clenched.
Miroku, with one thrust, shoved his strongest exorcism ofuda paper onto Inuyasha's forehead. No fearsome specter emerged from Inuyasha's skin, no demon wailing of thwarted ambitions was thrown out of the hanyou's body.
"Huh," said Sango with surprise after a moment, "he really isn't possessed."
"So that means he really did take anger management teachings?" Shippou grinned suddenly. "I would have paid money in order to see the sensei try that!"
Inuyasha's growls reached audible levels and his knuckles cracked.
Miroku laughed weakly and inched away slowly. "It's amazing how far out that vein on your temple can extend, Inuyasha..."
"You think some low level possession demon can get the better of me?" bellowed Inuyasha, preparing his claws.
Turning quickly, Miroku, Sango and Shippou ran toward the safety of the village while Inuyasha chased them, screaming obscenities and curses behind them.
Kagome looked down at her heavy briefcase and grumbled as she picked it up to trudge to the little town on her own. He's enjoying scaring them half to death too much, she thought but decided to not begrudge Inuyasha his fun. He behaved so nicely when they were annoying him. He deserves to enjoy himself.
Inuyasha screamed the F-word at Shippou and launched an attack that made Shippou wet his pants in fright.
Or he was, Kagome amended in her mind. "Sit," she called out as she struggled up a hill. After all, if the big idiot wasn't going to help her with the stupid book-bag, she wasn't going to be the only one with a back ache.
>>>>>>>In The Village>>>>>>>>>>>
"What has given thee this new look?" Kaede questioned Inuyasha intently. The old woman doddered over to examine his new haircut and clothing. "It is like nothing I have ever seen," the elderly priestess commented.
"That's because it's from five hundred years in the future," Inuyasha replied with a roll of his eyes.
"Still, it does not explain the magic of your disappearing ears," Kaede said with a frown.
Inuyasha snorted derisively. "It's a haircut, you senile old bat."
Kaede smacked the immature hanyou on his head with the stew spoon. "It's a pity no magic was performed on your mouth," the venerable priestess retorted.
Inuyasha growled and cracked his knuckles.
"What did Kagome's mother think of this transformation?"
Inuyasha rolled his eyes. The ecstatic reaction of Kagome's family was still disconcerting to him. It had involved a lot of loud exclamations and more touching then he had endured in a very long while. He stuck out his tongue at Kaede. "None of your business, you fat witch."
"Need I remind ye Inuyasha who created that necklace of subduing in the first place?" Kaede responded with an eyebrow raised. "Do not make me annoyed."
"Oh yeah?" Inuyasha snarled.
Kagome looked up from her math book and sighed. He's so touchy about his new look. I wish everyone would just stop commenting him on it. They're just making him angry… "Come on," she said, grabbing the irritated hanyou by the hand. Quickly slinging a reed basket over her shoulders, she suggested, "Let's go gather some herbs."
Inuyasha groaned in protest. "What? Why?" he whined. "Those stupid plants remind me of that horrible shampoo stuff!"
"You've never smelled so nice," Kagome reminded him.
Inuyasha wrinkled his nose. "Come on Kagome, I don't want to. Do I have to?"
Miroku walked into the hut with Sango at his heels. "Have to what?" the monk asked curiously.
"Go herb collecting," Inuyasha muttered, folding his arms in a sulk, when Kagome pointed to the door.
"We'll all go," Sango suggested kindly. "It won't so boring that way."
Inuyasha thought for a moment. "All right," he shrugged. "Why not? Thanks-"
"No," interrupted Miroku with a glare. Inuyasha gave the annoyed priest a confused look. "Why not?" the hanyou asked.
"Because!" snapped Miroku.
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Inuyasha snorted.
"Sango's not going!" said Miroku angrily.
"Where did I come into this?" Sango asked in confusion, glancing at the other occupants of the hut.
Kagome sighed in exasperation. "Sango," she said to the demon slayer, "reassure Miroku that you don't want Inuyasha."
"What?" Inuyasha and Sango gasped simultaneously.
Miroku huffed and folded his arms, looking away and not saying a word.
"I don't want Inuyasha!" Sango protested to the room in general.
"She doesn't want me!" Inuyasha agreed.
"I know that, you both know that but apparently, Miroku doesn't," Kagome explained.
"Oh, honestly…" muttered Kaede. "You're supposed to be the mature one," she scolded the monk.
"She was looking at his rear," Miroku muttered defensively.
"Sango!" gasped Kaede in shock.
"My what?" Inuyasha shouted, aghast.
"I cannot believe you were checking him out!" Kagome shouted angrily to the slayer.
"You're usually such a good girl," worried Kaede.
"I am a good girl! It was just a little peek hours ago!" Sango defended.
"Oh, is that all?" Kagome said, glaring now.
"I feel so used," Inuyasha said to himself in distress.
"Why doesn't she check me out?" Miroku sulked.
"Oh, shut up Miroku!" snapped Sango. "I checked him out because, well, he's got a nice, um, you know…behind."
"Air…I need air!" Kaede choked out as all her hopes for propriety in the wandering band of teenagers died. She hobbled out the hut, fast as her arthritis allowed, gasping and moaning.
"You know, why is it that I'm not allowed to get mad?" demanded the lecherous priest to the room at large.
"This isn't about you!" Kagome snapped to Miroku. "This is about Sango lusting after my boyfriend!" the modern girl shouted, pointing a finger at the sputtering Sango.
"Lusting….?" Inuyasha repeated blankly. The word processed and, with eyes wide in shock, he scampered away from Sango.
"I'm not going to attack you!" the irritated demon slayer snarled. "You're not that good looking!"
"I am so!" Inuyasha replied hotly.
"Ha!" Sango snorted.
"Are you insulting him?" Kagome asked, furious on behalf of her man.
"No, she's not. She loves the way he looks. He's got a great ass remember?" Miroku said mockingly.
"Okay, enough discussing my ass!" Inuyasha yelled, protectively covering his derriere with his hands.
"I did not say the word ass!" Sango shouted.
As the adults argued and shouted, Shippou sighed from his corner and glanced at Kirara. "We're the only normal ones in this room, aren't we?" he asked, shaking his head.
"Mrow," Kirara agreed.
"I still can't believe she did that," Kagome commented a half hour later, still annoyed. "Sango, of all people, checking you out….and those village girls!"
Inuyasha smiled uneasily. The local girls had taken an obvious and vocal liking to his new clothes and hair and were not shy about telling him so. He mentally winced as he recalled the numerous ploys of sprained ankles that had sprung up among the little town and the 'rescuing' that they would only accept from one silver-haired half demon. Kagome's jealous reaction, though gratifying and fun to watch, had not at all been miko-like.
Inuyasha shifted the reed basket in his arms. "They don't mean it. It's just the newness of it all."
Kagome stopped cocked an eyebrow at her companion. "Don't worry," she chuckled. "I won't actually purify the next girl to flirt with you."
"Well good because those girls didn't mean anything by it," Inuyasha said with a nod.
Kagome shook her head in wonderment. "It's so weird hearing you be the peaceful one. Gay men are miracle workers, I'm convinced."
"Keh," Inuyasha scoffed.
"Jai would be so proud," teased Kagome with a giggle as she handed him a plant.
"As if I care," Inuyasha said, grabbing the herb and sticking it into the pile.
"It's sort of sweet. I mean, without your transformation, Miroku never would have gotten so jealous."
"He's gotten jealous before," Inuyasha reminded her. "Remember that catfish demon?"
Kagome stifled a laugh. "Oh yeah…you teased him about that for weeks."
Inuyasha sniggered. "Threw his strongest ofuda on one of the weakest demons we've ever encountered, all because the thing wanted Sango for a concubine. Remember how he chased her around the lake?"
The two laughed at the memory of the prideful monk chasing after the annoyed demon slayer, soaking wet and begging for forgiveness.
"They're going to catch up later?" Inuyasha asked.
Kagome sighed and smiled happily. "Yeah. Right now, I think they're having some couple time."
"You know, spending time alone together alone, just the two of them," Kagome explained, bending down to pick another medicinal plant.
"Like we would have if the cat and the brat weren't here?" Inuyasha said dryly, aiming with his thumb at the frolicking Kirara and Shippo.
Shippou, seeing he had their attention, waved merrily. Kagome and Inuyasha gave half hearted waves back.
"Yeah, sort of," Kagome agreed with an accepting shrug.
The two smiled at each other. Inuyasha dipped down to lightly press a kiss on Kagome's smiling mouth.
"Mmm-hmmm," she mumbled gleefully and pulled him toward her by a lock of hair.
Inuyasha yelped as he overbalanced, almost falling onto Kagome. The schoolgirl shouted in surprise as the basket of plants overturned onto her.
Grimacing in disgust as the powerful stench of so many crushed herbs assaulted his nose, Inuyasha helped Kagome up. "Why'd you pull on my hair?" he asked in annoyance.
Kagome blushed. "I, uh, sort of got into the moment and, um, didn't realize…." She trailed off, dragging a foot over the dirt in embarrassed circles.
Inuyasha grinned. "So, how into the moment were you? Because I can get you right back into that moment and we'll just take it from there, eh?"
"Inuyasha!" Kagome said, scandalized. "Your ego is getting out of hand!" She shook her head as she picked up fallen plants. "Honestly, if I ever meet those Queer Eye boys again, I'm going to tell them about the monster they created."
Inuyasha blanched, imagining the reaction saying something like that would produce. "Maybe they won't remember me?" he suggested weakly.
Kagome raised her eyebrows. "Well, perhaps," she allowed. "However, I think you're the only Sexy Ass closet nudist that they have."
"Don't call me that," Inuyasha half-heartedly said. He already knew that Kagome wasn't going to listen. The dreaded nickname was starting to make him feel bad for all the times he had called Sesshomaru 'Fluffy.'
"I think it's a great nickname," Kagome replied. With a devilish look in her eyes, she asked, "What do you think Miroku will think of it? Or better yet, Sango?"
Inuyasha shuddered eloquently.
"You stop acting so arrogant about you-know-what and they'll never know," Kagome blackmailed.
Inuyasha grumbled but finally agreed. "No telling Kouga either!" he added.
"So suspicious," sighed Kagome. She held her hand up to heart in mock pain. "I'm hurt that you don't trust me."
About to retort, Inuyasha stopped suddenly, testing the air with his sensitive nose. "Damn it all," he growled unhappily, cracking his knuckles.
"What?" asked Kagome in confusion.
Ignoring her, Inuyasha called out, "Shippou! Kirara! Get your asses back to the village!"
"Why?" Shippou called back. Kirara sniffed and hissed as her hackles rose. Transforming in a burst of flame, the neko mononoke grabbed Shippou with her mouth and leapt into the air. Fleeing, Kirara shot toward the relative safety of the village.
"Smart cat knows when it's beat," Inuyasha said with an approving nod of his head.
"What the hell is going on?" Kagome snapped in annoyance.
Inuyasha shooed her behind him and readied Tetsuiga. "Sesshomaru is coming," he answered tightly.
As if saying his name had summoned him, the Lord of the West appeared.
His hair flowed in the breeze, his clothes were neat and pressed and his armor gleamed in the sun. Arrogantly, Sesshomaru lifted his nose into the air, the smell of hanyou apparently offending his senses.
"You look like a freakin' ass," Inuyasha commented. "Your nose is up so high, I can see straight into it."
"Plebian as usual," Sesshomaru remarked.
"Using big words to cover up your insecurities fools absolutely no one," Inuyasha said with a smirk.
"This Sesshomaru has no insecurities. Things such as that exist only in the minds of the weak."
"Isn't it inherently weak to deny the possibility of weakness?" Inuyasha countered.
Sesshomaru blinked. "What?"
"Shouldn't a facet of strength be preparing for all eventualities, including weaknesses like insecurities?" Inuyasha taunted.
Sesshomaru and Kagome both stared at Inuyasha, dumbfounded.
When the hell did Inuyasha start to talk like that? Kagome wondered in shock.
Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed. After a moment of silence, he spoke. "So it is true. You have been possessed."
"NO!" Inuyasha roared, exasperated. "I am not fucking possessed!"
"The Inuyasha I have been forced to co-exist in this world with was a brash and impetuous youth who would have come blindly into battle with me by now. If you are not he but are still Inuyasha, explain this transformation," the Inu youkai demanded.
Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "Couldn't you just speak normally and simply ask what happened?"
Sesshomaru said nothing, moving not a muscle but still managing to give off an aura of impatience.
"Fine," Inuyasha said, blowing out a breath. "I met some people and they…um…taught me a few things."
Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow. "You mean, someone actually convinced you to use your mind? Astounding."
If she didn't know any better, Kagome could swear that the stoic inu youkai lord was smirking. A smirk that was rather familiar to her…The schoolgirl decided to not point out the familial resemblance as it would not please either of the brothers.
"Tell me, who was it?"
Inuyasha felt himself flush. "None of your business."
"Really? Your smell has the distinct scent of homos-"
"So why the hell are you here?" Inuyasha interrupted suddenly.
Sesshomaru almost sighed. "Your smell has changed in a drastic way and I was wondering if it was a permanent thing. There is honor involved in these things," the lord stated cryptically.
Sesshomaru almost looked uncomfortable. "Your scent has recently mixed with a certain young female mortal."
Kagome gasped in embarrassment and Inuyasha scowled as his cheeks turned red.
"I...uh, we…oh my…" Kagome stammered.
"Oi! That's really none of your business!" Inuyasha snapped.
Sesshomaru grimaced. "This Sesshomaru was most assuredly not interested in that aspect of your scent. As I have said, this is a matter of honor….although I do think the miko girl could have done better."
Inuyasha snarled and laid a hand on Tetsusaiga. "Say that again and I'll gut you!"
Sesshomaru stood straighter. "Then come at me little brother," he scoffed quietly, his hand falling to Tokijin's hilt.
Inuyasha smiled slowly. "You get back Kagome," he ordered. With a nod, Kagome ran to the edge of the forest, peering at Inuyasha from underneath the trees.
The little field was perfectly silent as the two prepared for battle. A breeze curled around them, fluttering clothes and hair. The two made no motions, patiently bidding their time.
Inuyasha easily fell into the breathing patterns as his body settled into a state of relaxed alertness. He cracked his knuckles, waiting for that blurred rush of movement that would herald Sesshomaru's position. Tetsuiga laid by his hip, a comforting presence that Inuyasha didn't draw.
Sesshomaru stood motionless, silent and cold. He waited for Inuyasha's usual brash battle roar and boasting comments. Yet as the minutes passed and neither moved, this new calmness of Inuyasha's began to irritate Sesshomaru.
"Inuyasha," The Lord of the Western Lands demanded, "if we fight, we fight."
The silence dragged out and Sesshomaru's curiosity grew. So unlike the mongrel, the lord wondered. Why now would he learn from someone?
Suddenly and without a word or a betraying muscle twitch, Inuyasha leapt forward. Sesshomaru danced to the left as Inuyasha sliced the air where he had been only seconds before. The older demon moved smoothly to the side and drew his poison, casting it in Inuyasha's direction with an imperious hand gesture. Inuyasha dodged the attack and the elegant looking man with incongruous green poison whip dripping from his hand. The land dissolved underneath the onslaught of Sesshomaru's toxic liquid, rocks sizzling as they eroded unnaturally.
The lash flew out and Inuyasha twisted away, landing delicately on one foot before rushing forward. Almost ducking underneath Sesshomaru's guard, Inuyasha's claws were prepared to rip flesh and crack bone. With inhuman dexterity, Sesshomaru avoided the lethal hands of his younger brother and behind him, the earth was ripped open in cruel arcs from Inuyasha's furious assault.
The two settled on opposite sides of the meadow, the breeze now cool against battle heated skin. With a passionless motion, Sesshomaru held up his arm. The formerly tailored and perfect haori top had a wide gash across one sleeve. For a moment, both brothers simply stared at the ripped fabric.
"You attempt to take both arms?" Sesshomaru finally questioned dryly.
"Well, I figured to go with what I know," retorted Inuyasha with a cocky smirk.
With no expression on his face, Sesshomaru dissolved his whip and Inuyasha relaxed his muscles. Pivoting on one heel, Sesshomaru strode away, Mokomoto-sama lifted behind him in the wind.
"OI!" Inuyasha shouted from across the field, forehead creasing in confusion. "Where are you going?"
"I've seen all I needed to see here," Sesshomaru replied without breaking stride.
Inuyasha scowled. Why'd he stop? He thought irritably. It was shaping up to be a good fight. "I thought you said that this was about honor! We didn't resolve shit!"
"I said, I saw all I needed to see. The family's honor is intact."
Inuyasha's mouth gaped open. A compliment? From Lord Tight Ass?
Kagome jogged up, unsettled by the sudden departure. "Where's he go?" she asked.
"I think," Inuyasha answered cautiously. "I think he liked the way I fought so he's just… leaving me alone." He shook his head in bewilderment and crouched low on the ground. This sort of amicable parting was not usual for the two brothers and Inuyasha was unsure of what to think of it.
A warm hand was placed on the hanyou's shoulder. Inuyasha sighed as he looked at Kagome's smiling face.
"I think he respects you," Kagome announced quietly. Her smile widened. "He sees how you've grown and changed." The young schoolgirl looked happily at her dog eared boyfriend. "Maybe we could invite him over for dinner sometime!" Kagome clasped her hands together in her excitement. "Wouldn't that be lovely?"
Inuyasha stared at Kagome for a long moment before replying, "Oh yes, it sounds like tons of fun. Almost as much fun as getting my balls ripped off." Inuyasha said sarcastically.
Kagome made a face. "Thanks for the mental image," she said in disgust. Inuyasha snorted a laugh. Kagome nudged him non-too-gently in the side. "Seriously, I think it'd be interesting to see if loving Ramen is a genetic trait."
Inuyasha glared and waved a finger in Kagome's face. "I don't what this genetic things is but you better not be giving away my Ramen, especially not to my asshole brother."
Kagome shook her head and shoved the admonishing finger away. "I know you guys could get along if you just tried."
Inuyasha hefted the basket of herbs. "Yes, right after hell freezes over. Now come on wench. Let's get back to the village. Shippou must be throwing a fit by now."
Kagome opened her mouth to argue but closed it when Inuyasha knelt and insistently pointed to his back. "Fine fine…" she sighed.
She clambered on and, as Inuyasha rushed off, relaxed into his warm and comfortable body. This was her favorite mode of travel by far and she could never get too much of it.
The foliage blurred by and Kagome was almost asleep from the rhythmic movements of Inuyasha's smooth gait when the hanyou stopped abruptly.
"What the fuck?" he cursed viciously. "Everyone is bothering us today." Gently depositing the groggy girl onto the ground, he drew Tetsuiga and yelled loudly, "I smell wolf shit!"
"Oh, you're right. Kouga-kun and his shards are here," Kagome mumbled as she tried to get her hair back into some semblance of order. "I must not have felt him because I'm so sleepy."
Inuyasha ignored her excuses as he concentrated on the hated figure emerging from the trees. I don't want to do this, I don't want to do this! inuyasha's mind yelled.
Well, too bad, a different part of him retorted. You promised Jai you'd be on your best behavior. So suck it up...
"Kagome!" came the cheerful yell from the blue eyed wolf prince. Jogging over, Kouga smiled brightly.
"How are you Kouga?" Inuyasha grumbled, mentally cursing Jai to the seventh level of hell.
Kouga stopped and stared at Inuyasha. "Mutt face, why are you being so polite?"
"I have to," Inuyasha said, longing to draw Tetsuiga and stick it up Kouga's hind end. "It's good manners..."
Kouga's mouth dropped. "Sothe rumors weretrue! You have been possessed!"
"NO!" Inuyasha shouted. "For the last time, I am not possessed!"
Kouga snorted. "Figures a weakling like you would get possessed by a demon with manners."
"Why you..." Inuyasha growled. "I am not possessed!"
"Whatever. I didn't come here to talk to a dog turd like you. How are you Kagome?"Kouga asked, amorously taking the reluctant Kagome's hands and ignoring Inuyasha entirely.
Inuyasha scowled furiously. "What, have you lost what little sense of smell you had?" he jeered. "Take a good whiff!"
Kouga glared. "I smell it and I don't believe it," he stated angrily, abandoning Kagome to challenge Inuyasha. "I know that my woman would never ever do something like that with something like you!"
"What!" Inuyasha shouted. "You stinkin' wolf!"
"Stinkin' half dog!" Kouga yelled back.
Ginta and Hakakku collapsed on the ground nearby, having finally caught up with their brave and thoughtless leader. "Hey Kagome," called out Ginta between gasped breaths.
"Hey boys," she answered. "Is he running too fast again?"
Both rolled their eyes simultaneously. "When doesn't he?" snorted Hakaku. Ginta nodded, still too winded to speak unnecessarily.
Kagome 'tsk'ed sympathetically as she handed the two exhausted wolf demons water bottles.
"Cocksucker!" Inuyasha shouted.
"Asswipe!" Kouga roared.
"Maybe if you just talked to him?" Kagome asked the two tired wolf demons, ignoring the yelling match taking place behind her.
"He doesn't listen to us!" Hakakku said in exasperation.
"It's as if we're not even there," agreed Ginta with a sigh.
"It doesn't sound like he's putting a hundred percent into this relationship you guys have," Kagome commented with a sad shake of her head.
"I've never thought of it like that but you're right," Ginta said thoughtfully.
"But he's our leader! We can't force him to do anything," Hakakku replied.
"Arrogant delusional wolf turd!"
Kouga opened his mouth to reply but was stumped. "Um…" he faltered.
"Stupid slow hanyou," Ginta and Hakakku called out, supplying their leader with a comeback.
"Stupid slow hanyou!" shouted Kouga in triumph.
Inuyasha shot the wolf prince a look of incredulous disbelieve. "You can't use an insult someone gave you! That's pathetic!" Inuyasha shouted to his archenemy.
"See?" Hakakku said, pointing at the pleased Kouga. "He doesn't even acknowledge that we helped him!"
Ginta heaved a sigh. "Sometimes, I think he doesn't even realize that we're not the little voices in his head…"
Kagome giggled helplessly.
"What's pathetic is you plastering your scent all over Kagome to pretend that you mated with her!" Kouga yelled back.
"But I did!" Inuyasha bellowed.
Kagome shrieked wordlessly in absolute horror, feeling her face flame.
"Oh thank god!" Ginta said, suddenly flopping backward onto the ground.
"It's about time," Hakakku mumbled.
"What?" came a shout from Inuyasha, Kagome and Kouga.
"Well, now we won't have to come running after Kagome-onee-san every time a breeze shifts and Kouga thinks he smells her," Hakakku said, thrilled with the idea that he'd be able to rest for once.
"Kouga, you always said you were in the area," Kagome half questioning as she turned to the blushing wolf prince.
Before he could answer, there came a snort from two throats.
"Please," drawled Hakakku. "We've never been once in the area!"
"Unless the area being considered is the entire Japan," Ginta added sarcastically.
"Shut up!" Kouga roared at his two lieutenants.
"I take it back. You're beyond pathetic," laughed Inuyasha callously.
"Inuyasha sit!" Kagome said with a frown.
"Bitch! What the hell was that for?" Inuyasha asked his voice muffled by the ground.
"You were mean to Kouga. The guy is in love, he can't help it!" Kagome said dramatically.
"Yes, in love! That's what we are," Kouga said with a romantic smile, reaching again for Kagome's hands.
"Back off!" Inuyasha snarled, shoving Kagome away from the touchy Kouga.
"Stop touching her!"
"Make me wolf!"
"I will!" Kouga leaped forward with his foot extended, ready to deliver a powerful round house kick to Inuyasha's stomach.
Inuyasha jumped to the side and swung a fist at the wolf prince's face. Kouga turned and rolled as he hit the ground. The two stood a bit apart, snarling and insulting each other.
Kagome let out a sigh. "I'm bored," she announced to the equally uninterested Ginta and Hakakku. "You want something to eat?"
The two wolfs looked at their prince, saw he was likely to be occupied for some time and shrugged. "Sure," they chorused.
"Hey!" Kouga shouted when he noticed the three leaving. "Where are you going?"
"Away!" chorused the two subordinate wolf demons.
"Come and get us when you finish this 'mine-is-bigger-then-yours' contest," Kagome called over her shoulder.
Inuyasha and Kouga stared at the backs of their friends.
Kouga sighed helplessly. "I get no respect," he mumbled.
"Who does?" Inuyasha retorted. "I save her ass every five minutes and I get nothing in return!"
"Well, now, you'll at least get sex," Kouga said thoughtlessly.
Inuyasha nodded in agreement. "There is that…"
The two stared at the diminished figures walking toward some unspecified picnic for a long moment. Shrugging, they began to follow, walking amicably side by side.
"How do you feel about…pictures?"
Kouga thought back for a moment. "Are those the frozen paintings Kagome made once?"
Inuyasha nodded, mentally crossing his fingers. Next to him, Kouga shrugged. "I'm okay with the things…"
"Would you like to be in one?" Inuyasha asked cautiously.
Kouga gave Inuyasha a confused look. "Well, sure. Why not?"
Inuyasha smiled triumphantly. Now that Kouga's agreed, all I have to do is convince Kagome to teach me how to use the digital camera...
"You want him to do what?" Kagome asked, completely stupefied.
"Just take off his shirt and model for me," Inuyasha explained, trying to act as if this was a normal request. Clearing his throat, he took another mouthful of Ramen.
Kagome stared into Inuyasha's eyes. Just what had happened while I was gone…? Kagome wondered suspiciously. Peering around to see if anyone else around, she leaned forward and whispered, "Inuyasha, what did the Queer Boys do? Are you…a bisexual now?"
Eyes wide and horrified, Inuyasha began to choke on his Ramen, coughing and sputtering. "No!" he got out between gasps for air.
Kagome frowned. "Well then why do you want Kouga naked?"
"I don't!" Inuyasha protested. "Carson does!"
"Carson wants everything naked. A nudist world would thrill Carson," Kagome said with a wave of her hand.
"You weren't even the one stuck in a dressing room with him," Inuyasha reminded her.
"I don't think I would have been in any danger," Kagome pointed out wryly.
"But you can understand why I had to get out of there and promise to do whatever I had to do," Inuyasha pressed. Kagome reluctantly nodded. "See? So help me keep my promise to the gay pervert," Inuyasha said, flashing his best puppy face.
Kagome sighed before relenting. "Fine," she grumbled. "But I don't want you throwing a temper tantrum when I go ask Kouga to take off his shirt for my picture collection."
Inuyasha glared at the too innocent schoolgirl next to him. "You are not asking Kouga to take off his shirt!" the hanyou growled. "I'll do the asking. You just explain what all these buttons are for."
Inuyasha possessively fondled the digital camera he had found as a present in the set of drawers near his bed. He scowled remembering the note attached:
"To our button loving hetero,
Here's a camera with a lot of buttons to press! It's yours because you actually opened up the drawers to put away the clothes! Such a good doggie boy!
Love and kisses,
The Queer Boys
P.S. Remember my sexy, fur wearing delicious man pictures! If I don't get them, I'm going to expect some photos of you in just a thong! I had your word on those pictures!
"Bastards," Inuyasha snarled.
Kagome let out another sigh. "Inuyasha, you were amazingly possessive of your buttons," she reminded him. "Of course they were going to call you on it."
"Whatever," groused Inuyasha. "I'm not a dog! Plus, they threatened me!"
"He was joking Inuyasha. Carson doesn't really expect pictures of you in a thong if you don't send him some photos of Kouga."
"Can I take that chance?" Inuyasha asked seriously.
Kagome shook her head. There was no convincing the hanyou that Carson wouldn't be able to back up his claim. She mutely patted Inuyasha on the shoulder. "All right then. I'll help you. Come on, it'll take some time to get Kouga to agree. Just let me do it."
Inuyasha heaved a sigh but gracefully leapt to his feet. "I don't like this," Inuyasha snarled.
Kagome eyed his bared teeth and menacing glare and restrained a snort. "You don't say," she mumbled dryly.
The two walked in the direction of the fire pit where Ginta and Hakkuku were arguing while Kouga napped.
"Oi! Kouga! Come here!" Inuyasha shouted, still at a distance.
Kouga opened one eye. "No way," he sneered before resuming his sleeping.
"Kouga-kun? Could you please come here?" Kagome cajoled sweetly. Kouga wordlessly hopped up, smiled a large smile and trotted over to his ladylove.
"And they called me a dog," Inuyasha grumbled at Kouga's toadying attitude.
"Yes Kagome?" Kouga said huskily when he reached the pair. "What do you require of me?"
"It's a good thing you asked," Kagome said nervously. "I sort of need you to take off your shirt."
Kouga blinked but his smile widened. "Why Kagome…! I didn't realize your passion for me had become so all consuming! How thrilling!"
"No no no!" Kagome protested. "It's not for me, it's for Inuyasha!"
"What?" Kouga backpedaled so fast the dust was rising as he was leaving.
"What the-? NO! It's not like that!" Inuyasha yelled.
"I always knew you were weird!" Kouga shouted, still running back to the relative safety of his comrades.
"You sick wolf!" Inuyahsa shouted furiously. He took to the chase and began yelling at Kouga to get his head out of his ass and just listen.
Ginta and Hakkaku both shot Inuyasha and Kouga annoyed looks. "What are those two doing now?" Ginta asked with a peeved expression. "They got dirt on the fish!"
"They're chasing each other," Hakkaku replied drolly. "But why?"
"I said something and it came out wrong," Kagome answered sheepishly as she jogged up.
As the two wolf demons shot her uncomprehending looks, she explained. "I told Kouga that I needed him to take off his shirt for Inuyasha and-"
"You did what?" Ginta gasped. "Kagome, that's terribly forward of you!"
"Inuyasha wants Kouga shirtless?" Hakkaku shouted at the same time. "I don't believe it!"
"See, this is what happened then too," Kagome interrupted. "I mean, Inuyasha made a promise to someone that he'd bring a picture of Kouga to that person and he asked me to ask Kouga for him but the words got all mangled. Do you guys get it?"
Looking at her cautiously, Ginta and Hakkaku nodded. "So, Inuyasha's not doing this for himself?"
"Hell no!" said Kagome empathetically.
"Ha, see?" Inuyasha asked Kouga, struggling to restrain the wolf prince who he was dragging to Kagome by the arm.
"Pervert!" Kouga shouted in desperation. "Let me go! I don't like you like that!"
Inuyasha smacked Kouga upside his head. "I have no interest in you like that!" he retorted in a snap. "I just need you to help me keep a promise!"
"What promise?" Kouga asked, curious despite himself.
"I promised someone that I would show them that you exist and that you wear fur," Inuyasha said, letting go now that Kouga's mind (or whatever he has between his ears, Inuyasha thought uncharitably) had reestablished itself.
"Well, why'd you go and do a stupid thing like that?" Kouga shouted, shoving Inuyasha to the ground.
The hanyou clambered up, scowl fiercely in place. "Because, nuts-for-brains, he likes guys in fur!"
Kouga's eyes widened. "…he?"
Aw shit! Inuyasha cursed mentally as Kouga's eyes got bigger and bigger.
"You have a friend who likes guys? In fur?" Kouga yelped, stepping backward.
"He's not my friend! But yeah, this guy I know who I owe a picture to likes guys in fur," admitted Inuyasha.
"You are one messed up puppy," Kouga observed with a sneer. "And here I thought you were competition for Kagome! I should have been more worried about what you were thinking all the times we wrestled!"
Inuyasha growled and drew Tetsuiga. "Say that again, you mangy wolf and I'll rip you open."
"Try it!" scoffed Kouga. "I'm not afraid of a man lover!"
Inuyasha cracked his knuckles. "You asked for it!" he shouted.
"Bring it on!" jeered Kouga, readying himself.
However, before either could do anything, Kagome stepped up and slapped Kouga hard.
The wolf prince's face snapped to one side and an angry red mark showed up on his bronze skin.
"I can't believe you said that! That was the most vile and inconsiderate thing you've ever said! Man lover!" Kagome said, glaring and poking Kouga in the chest. "I never in my life-!"
Barely restraining himself, Kouga growled down at her venomously, cutting Kagome's tirade off. "I let you do slap me once before Kagome. Don't think it gives you the right to hit me," he hissed, his usually genial voice growing ice.
Kagome swallowed nervously but Inuyasha gently drew her away. Pushing her to safety behind him, Inuyasha faced Kouga. "She hates it when people insult her friends. You know how loyal she is," he remarked to the furious wolf.
Kouga merely scowled, fists clenched.
"You insulted her friend, that man lover as you called him. It pissed her off." Inuyasha shrugged in nonchalant manner. "Besides, I've been calling her a bitch for years. You might think it was just to annoy her but as you can see, I was just calling a spade a spade."
Kouga gave a feral grin. "Yeah, it does fit." After a moment, the tension in the prince's shoulders drained away. "So why should I help you?" he asked, settling onto the ground.
"It's a matter of honor," Inuyasha hedged, thinking as fast as he could. Now that the Kagome trump card had been used and discarded, a new plan had to be thought up and damn quick.
"What do I care about your honor?" Kouga snorted, pulling a fish off the fire and chomping into it. "God, I hate cooked food," the wolf prince mumbled, forcing the fish down his throat.
"Yeah, raw is always better," Inuyasha commiserated, trying to be friendly. "It's not like you'll ever meet the guy. I mean, he doesn't even live in Japan," Inuyasha pointed out.
"Doesn't live here, huh?" sighed Kouga. He thought for a moment, obviously thinking hard and weighing the pros and cons.
"I'll give them to you too," Inuyasha added. "Kagome can make more then one of the same painting."
"It's not a painting! It's a photograph!" Kagome said in exasperation. "I explained all this to you guys the last time I brought a camera!"
"Kagome…" Inuyasha said with a tight smile. "Lets just let Kouga all it whatever he wants." Does the bitch want to see me become a sex slave to Carson? Inuyasha wondered furiously as he led Kouga away from the other three.
"Paintings of my own…" Kouga mused as Inuyasha pointed out a fallen tree to sit on. Portraits were expensive and very prestigious. No other leader of the wolf tribes had ever had a portrait done before. In fact, now that Kouga thought of it, the only youkai to have paintings done of themselves were the Tai-Youkai. The Lords of the East, West, North and South had been known to have images of them done for posterity but no others.
"Why not me?" Kouga murmured to himself. Inuyasha slid Kouga a glance but said nothing. Beside the hanyou, Kouga nodded slowly. "Yeah, I am the youngest leader ever of the wolf clan, I have jewel shards, I'm strong and honorable…there's nothing to not take a painting of…"
Kouga stood suddenly. Looking at Inuyasha with a grin, he pounded himself on the chest. "I'll do it!" he announced. "I deserve to have a painting made of me!"
Inuyasha wondered for a moment if he should even ask when being the model for semi-pornographic photos had become something you had to deserve but decided that he'd just be thankful. Trying to figure out Kouga's brain would be a exercise in futility, Inuyasha thought cruelly.
Kouga unbuckled his armor and dropped it onto the ground. Striking a pose, he smiled down at Inuyasha. "Go on!" he urged. "Take the portrait!"
Inuyasha grimaced. Forcing himself to look at Kouga's naked chest he stood up and began to take pictures as Kagome had showed him to. Looking at the little screen, he frowned. Something wasn't right…
"Kouga, turn to the left." The wolf prince did and Inuyasha absently nodded as the light struck Kouga's abdomen muscles and gave them a glow.
"A little more to the left and then bend your hip," Inuyasha called out. Agreeably, Kouga changed his position. From the distant sidelines, Kagome, Ginta and Hakkaku watched as Inuyasha got into being photographer and Kouga thrived as a model.
>>>>>>>>>ten minutes later>>>>>>>>>>>>>
"Work it Kouga!" Inuyasha shouted happily, snapping picture after picture. Kouga leaned back, stretched his arms over his head, flashing biceps and showing off his six pack. "Very nice!" Inuyasha yelled, continuing to encourage his model. "Turn around, let the camera see that ass!"
Kouga whipped around and gave his tail an audacious little flick. "Oh very sexy!" Inuyasha complimented, quickly capturing Kouga on film. "More thigh!" Inuyasha instructed, turning the lens at an angle. Kouga propped his foot up on a nearby boulder, causing his skirt to ride up. Inuyasha crowed wordless support. Kouga, showing some initiative, pulled the waistband of his skirt lower, baring an almost dangerous amount of toned stomach. He flipped his hair over one shoulder, smirking.
"Great! Do that again!" Inuyasha called out, fixing the angle of the photo. "Love the camera! Love the camera!" Kouga whipped his hair over the other shoulder and shot the camera a 'come-hither' look with smoldering blue eyes. "Gorgeous! Loving it! Show me how you move!" Inuyasha shouted, taking photos as Kouga leaned back on the rock and stretched sinuously. "Wonderful! Let down your hair!" Kouga ripped out the leather tie that had held back his hair. Long, straight black hair fell almost to the wolf's waist and he leaned forward on the rock, striking a sexy pose. "Nice! Very nice! Now, fang! I want some fang! Hate the camera! Hate the camera!" Inuyasha coached. Kouga gave a fake growl and flexed his biceps. "You're fabulous! The camera loves you! Love it back!" Kouga shifted his hips toward the camera and Inuyasha suggestively.
"Okay, is anyone else feeling sick?" Kagome asked, clutching her stomach.
Ginta wrinkled his nose. "I was much more comfortable with their relationship before. You know, when they used to try to kill each other."
Hakkaku nodded his head, looking slightly green.
"Kouga, how do you feel about nudity?" Inuyasha called out.
"I love nudity!" Kouga replied, high on all the attention.
"All right, that is it!" Kagome snarled when Kouga gave a simpering smile to Inuyasha and she got up to put a stop to the almost obscene photo shoot.
"I don't think you're going to have to," Hakkaku said weakly, pointing to some figures quickly approaching. Kagome stood and paled. Taking off at a run, the three tried to reach the half demon and wolf prince in time.
They were too late.
"Shake that ass! Show me what you're working with!" Inuyasha shouted. Kouga obligingly shook his butt slowly. "Very nice! Excellent!" Inuyasha said, capturing it all on film. "Nice ass shake!"
"Um, what's going on here?" a new voice said. Whipping around, Inuyasha felt himself pale.
"Oh hi Miroku…" Inuyasha said uneasily. "Hi Sango."
Sango stared in horror and fascination. "Why is Kouga taking his skirt off?" she asked weakly.
"Huh?" Both Inuyasha and Kouga looked at the wolf's skirt.
"Oh my god!" Kouga yelped, yanking the fur wrap down as he realized that it was truly barely covering the essentials.
"Holy crap, you wolf shit! Keep your stuff covered!" Inuyasha shouted, covering his face. "My eyes!" he wailed.
"What, all of a sudden now he realizes that Kouga was stripping?" Hakkaku asked disbelievingly, not quite stopping himself from chuckling.
"Inuyasha is remarkably adept at ignoring things he doesn't want to see," Kagome said dryly.
"If we were interrupting anything, we can just leave," Miroku teased.
"SHUT UP!" howled Kouga and Inuyasha, both blushing and furious.
Miroku grinned shamelessly, already imagining the weeks and weeks of material for taunting he would have from this incident.
"Sango, what are you guys doing here?" Kagome asked.
"Shippou told us to come. It took a bit of time. Miroku groped me and I knocked him unconscious and then I had to wait for him to wake up…," Sango trailed off and shrugged. "You know how these things go."
Kagome sighed and shook her head.
"You're an idiot!" Kouga spat to the hanyou, tugging on his armor. "I can't believe you convinced me to do that!"
"As I recall, you were the one who was so excited to do the shoot!" Inuyasha shouted into Kouga's face.
"You tricked me!" Kouga defended at the top of his considerable lungs.
"You know, I think we all should leave," Miroku said to the girls and the wolves. "I mean, watching a lover's spat is so tasteless."
Kouga turned an odd puce-like color and he cracked his knuckles, preparing to kill the gleeful monk. "I'm going to kill you," Kouga threatened in a choked voice.
"Me first," growled Inuyasha, his face burning in humiliation.
"I know I know, I shouldn't poke fun," Miroku admitted with a wry nod of his head. With a jovial snort, he added, "Arguments between lovers as obviously close as these two areisno laughing matter."
Kouga released a choked scream of rage, rushing forward. Miroku easily deflected the wolf prince's fist and calmly hit Kouga on the head with his staff. Kouga whirled around, ready to commit murder. Miroku stood at ease with a pleased smile on his face.
Inuyasha rocked back on his heels. That damn smile of his! The hanyou thought miserably. He could almost hear the taunting that was going to come from this…Damn you Carson! Damn youto hell! Inuyasha mentally swore.
Kouga roared again and went for Miroku's throat, fully intending to kill the genial pervert. Miroku lunged to the side and rolled, whipping out an ofuda and plastering the paper to Kouga's back. Kouga let out a growl as the spiritual powers in the ofuda shocked his system, sending spasms through his body. As the jolt of energy ended, Kouga became even more enraged. He knew how powerful Miroku was and the fact that Miroku used such a wimpy ofuda on him was a grave insult. The wolf youkai was building himself into a true and dangerous rage and it was evident to everyone in the clearing.
"Miroku," Sango urged. "Apologize to him and then let's go. He's an ally; we can't kill him."
"Yeah, come on Inuyasha," Kagome begged. "This isn't funny."
"No way!" shouted Inuyasha, flexing his claws. "He's gonna get it this time!"
"My friends," Miroku said, hoping to placate the livid pair of demons, "need there be such animosity toward me? I am but an innocent monk, wandering my way-"
"Oh shut up!" Kouga cut in rudely. "You're the worst excuse for a monk I've ever seen!"
"You know many monks? That's strange. Usually, they purify demons," Miroku said, an edge coming into his voice.
Kagome pulled on Inuyasha's hair and leaned up to whisper into his ear in a coy voice, "Stop the fight and I'll be very…nice to you later. What do you say, hmm?"
Inuyasha blinked and weighed his options. Is she saying what I think she's saying? he thought cautiously.
Kagome hummed a little tune and suggestively smiled up at the astounded hanyou, twirling the piece of hair in her hand.
A large smile broke out on Inuyasha's face. "Well, why didn't you say so?" he asked cheerfully. Springing over to Kagome's overly large yellow backpack, he pulled out a portable DVD player.
"Hey!" Kagome protested. "That's my family's DVD player for car rides!"
Inuyasha nodded. "Souta let me borrow it. He burned some stuff for me off the Internet."
Kagome was a little nonplussed by Inuyasha using the modern slang but was curious as to what he had wanted.
Turning on the machine, he ignored the battle between Kouga and Miroku behind him. Once loaded, he pressed the play button and smiled happily.
"Umm …" came the female groan from the screen.
Miroku and Kouga stopped in their tracks and stared uncomprehending at the odd device Inuyasha was looking at.
"Is that what I think it is?" Kagome asked in horror.
Inuyasha smiled smugly. "This is the best thing you'll ever see," he promised the other two males.
On the screen, a woman and about twleve men began totouch each other, bodies gleaming and a song pounding.
"Too dirty toclean my act up..."
"Where's the bottom to her pants?" Miroku asked blankly as a tiny blonde songstress dressed in almost nothing strutted in her backless chaps.
"Where's her shirt?" Kouga gasped as the sultry woman on the screen shoved sweaty and muscled men away from her and spread her legs, touching herself.
"I need that, uh, to get me off
Sweat until my clothes come off…" promised the sly girl, sweating and stripping.
Sango felt all the blood rush from her head as the woman shook her breasts at the men watching and pushed her groin onto the floor. "K, Kagome…" she asked in horror. "What is this?"
Kagome felt her herself blush to the roots of her hair as Christina Aguilera wiggled her tiny but perfect ass in a skirt not that much shorter then hers. Clearing her throat, she answered, "Um..it's called Dirtty."
"Yes it is," Miroku agreed, thrilled in ways he hadn't known was possible as Christina slid her butt across another female's chest.
"Is this legal in your time!" Sango asked in shock.
"Oh, if you think this is bad, you should see Brittany Spears," mumbled Kagome.
"Wanna get dirrty
It's about time that I came to start the party
Sweat dripping over my body
Dancing getting just a little naughty
Wanna get dirrty
It's about time for my arrival…"
"Hey, her skirt's like yours!" Kouga chimed in.
"No it is not!" Kagome shouted, completely aghast. "That thing doesn't even cover her rear!"
The three men smiled excitedly. "I know! Isn't it wonderful?" enthused Kouga.
"No, actually, it is not wonderful." Sango shot Kagome a death glare as Miroku's eyes glazed over with a wide and stupid grin on his face.
From front to back
Now move your ass
I like that…"
"So do I," said Miroku with a truly perverted smile on his face as Christina pushed her butt into someone's hands.
"Did he just stick his hand up her skirt?" Kouga asked in delight.
"Yep," Inuyasha answered with a leer.
"She liked it?"
Kouga whistled. "This is a true gem among women..."
"Oh, for gods sake…." muttered Kagome in annoyance.
"Give all you got (give it to me)
Just hit the spot
Gonna get my girls
Get your boys
Gonna make some noise…"
Christina flung herself into a water filled room and gyrated her hips on both women and men. The water and sweat combined to lend a sexual sort of glaze onto all the dancer's skin.
"See, now that is what we should be using water for!" Miroku shouted, pointing at the DVD player. "Who needs to drink?"
"I fully agree," said Kouga, his mouth dry as a brunette girl placed her hands on the inside thighs of the singing blonde and stroked her.
"Isn't your brother only eleven?" asked Sango in a hiss. "Why is he showing Inuyasha this?"
"I have no idea but I'm going to find out," promised Kagome darkly, visions of a castrated Souta dancing through her mind.
"Oh wow…." chorused the men as Christina leaped on the hips of a nearby man and got spanked.
"Unh, what?" the blonde demanded as the song ended. The screen blackened out as she wiped sweat away from her mouth with a wink.
None of the males could move. They wanted to but just couldn't.
After a moment, Kouga looked at Kagome with a gleam in his eye. "So is that how you and your friends dance?"
"Absolutely not!" Kagome said in horror.
All three men sighed. "Too bad."
Miroku stood and solemnly said, "We must free her and her dancing friends."
Inuyasha was puzzled. "What?"
"The woman entrapped in that horrible little box!" Miroku declared.
"Yes!" Kouga shouted in agreement, seeing long legs and perky breasts in his future. "We have to save her!"
"She's not trapped," Inuyasha explained. "That's just a copy of a dance she did."
"A copy? Does she do this often?" Kouga asked, eyes wide.
"Yeah," Inuyasha shrugged. "She could do it any time we want."
"What?" Kouga grabbed the DVD player and shook it. "Dance again," he commanded loudly. "Dance, damn you, dance!"
"It doesn't work like that," Inuyasha snorted. He pressed play. Once again, the diminutive blonde with not so diminutive attributes came onto the screen.
"And she won't slap us for watching?" asked Miroku cautiously.
"Nope, I think she likes it. Plus, there are more just like her."
"More?" gasped Miroku and Kouga.
"More then you can count," said Inuyasha with a nod.
"And they won't slap you for watching either?" asked Miroku.
Inuyasha nodded. "And you all wondered why I always went back to Kagome's era so often."
Miroku nodded enthusiastically. "You are truly wise."
"The greatest women in the world exist in little boxes," Kouga said, sighing over the music video.
Miroku cackled suddenly. "Hundreds of these dancing, nubile young ladies that I can watch and not get slapped! I have reached Nirvana! Buddha has let me ascend!"
"That isn't Nirvana!" spat Sango, livid and not sure who she was going to kill first. "That's a tramp!"
"Damn right," came the agreement from an unexpected source. The group turned in shock to Ginta and Hakkaku.
"You…didn't like her?" Kouga asked slowly.
"No," snorted Hakkaku. "Sluts are not my style."
"She was so crass," Ginta added, wrinkling his nose. "And she wasn't that pretty."
"Why were you looking at her face when you could be looking at her ass?" Miroku questioned, unable to grasp this.
"Didn't want to be looking at her at all," said Ginta dismissing Christina and her dancing.
Kagome and Inuyasha exchanged glances. This sounded terribly familiar….
"Should we tell Kouga?" Inuyasha murmured into the schoolgirl's ear.
"No, it'd just freak him out," Kagome answered in a low tone.
"Well, that puts a whole new spin on why they're always late and out of breath…" Inuyasha chortled.
"Ew," Kagome said after a moment. "That was a bad mental picture."
"They do all sleep in one bed..."
"Inuyasha, shut up now."
"I can't believe you're wolves of mine," Kouga said in disgust to the unapologetic Ginta and Hakkaku, not overhearing Inuyasha and Kagome's conversation about his lieutenants.
"I think they're the only smart ones here," Sango said icily, glaring at the other three males.
"Sango, you are still the woman I want to bear my children," Miroku soothed, taking the tai-yija's hands in his. "That girl on the screen would not be a good mother to my offspring."
Sango glared, not believing him for a moment. "What gave it away, the hundreds of men or the fact that she wasn't dressed?" the demon slayer snapped.
Miroku nodded earnestly. "She is not like you. She isn't mother material like you are."
"Miroku…Let go..." Sango mumbled, blushing as the monk kept hold of her hand.
Miroku smiled suddenly. "Of course, if she wanted to try to have children with me, I would help her out!"
As Miroku dropped unconscious onto the ground, Sango growled furiously, "Perverted monk!"
Kouga put down the video player and backed away. The fact that Hirakotsu had just slammed into Miroku's cranium was a bit disconcerting to someone who had never seen Sango's special way of doing 'sit'.
Inuyasha picked up the DVD player and shut it off. Slinging miroku over his shoulder, he called out to the others, "Come on! Let's go eat supper."
Kagome sat next to fire, the three wolves on the other side of the campfire and Inuyasha above them all in a tree. Everyone was enjoying the show of a groveling Miroku.
"Please, Sango-chan! It was a joke!" pleaded Miroku as he paced after the demon slayer.
Sango shot Kagome a quick happy look but appeared furious as Miroku jumped in front of her.
"Sango, my love, please forgive me! Give me back my staff!" Miroku begged.
Sango idly twirled the golden staff in her hand. "Hmm…," she said, pretending to think. "No!" she said venomously, stomping off.
Miroku groaned but trotted after her. "I need that!" he reminded her.
Sango merely sniffed and continued to walk away. Sighing, Miroku followed her.
Kagome giggled. Miroku has no idea she's not mad, she thought affectionately. For such a smart guy, he's a moron.
The Japanese schoolgirl sat and waited for Inuyasha to come down. Looking at her watch, she jiggled her foot and felt her patience slipping away. I thought he would want his reward for stopping the fight…why the heck isn't he down here yet?
Minutes passed and Kagome called out, "Inuyasha? Where are you? Miroku's gone!"
Not a sound came from the tree.
He's totally ignoring me, she mentally groused. Last week, he was all lovey dovey and now he can't be bothered to even come down from that stupid tree to sit next to me!
"Come down!" Kagome called up. "Please?"
"Keh! If that wolf shit and his lackey's are there, then I'm not coming down! I won't share my food with him!" Inuyasha shouted.
Kouga grinned and maneuvered himself next to Kagome. "It's all right," Kouga said charmingly. "I want to spend time alone with you."
"Kouga-kun," Kagome ground out, "go away."
Kouga merely snorted and tried to put an arm over her shoulder. Kagome evaded it easily and yelled up to the obstinate hanyou, "Could you please get down here?"
"NO! You won't let me kill him! You handle him on your own!"
Kagome glared up at the tree. That jerk! She thought in annoyance. I know that if Kouga touches me, he'll be down here in a flash! He's just acting tough.
"You know, I would never do that to you, Kagome-chan," Kagome murmured into her ear.
Kagome heaved a sigh. Yeah, you'd also never leave me alone.
"Keh. Flirting bitch," Kagome heard from above her.
"Sit," Kagome called out. With a thud, Inuyasha was flung to the ground. "Don't even pretend you didn't deserve that," she said in an icy tone.
Inuyasha grumbled but didn't defend himself.
"Good thing those weird people Inuyasha involved himself in didn't change you Kagome," Kouga said pompously.
Inuyasha glared but didn't reply, settling onto the ground. He continued to ignore Kagome, much to her annoyance and although she tapped her foot, he still said nothing.
Kagome peered into his face and felt her patience snap as a smug grin came onto the irritating hanyou's face.
"You can look all you want. I know you like to," the idiot said, a smirk showing some fang.
Oh, you want to play that game do you? Kagome smiled sweetly and stood. "I'm going to the hot springs for a bath," she announced. Gathering her bathing things, she walked over to Inuyasha and stopped in front of the surprised hanyou. With a smirk of her own, she asked calmly, "Coming?"
Inuyasha choked and gasped for breath. "What?"he asked incredulously.
"What!" shouted Kouga, enraged.
"Oooooh…." gasped Hakkaku.
"Go for it Kagome!" clapped Ginta.
"I don't understand," Inuyasha said dumbly.
Kagome shrugged. "Here, let me be more specific." Leaning down, she gave Inuyasha a nibbling lick up the side of his neck. Inuyasha's ears stood up at point and his eyes grew wide.
Examining Inuyasha's dumbstruck expression, Kagome smiled and strolled into the forest.
"I….I can't believe she just did that," Kouga said blankly. "I just don't believe it…"
"Believe it," chuckled Hakkaku. "It's pretty obvious where Kagome's affections are."
Suddenly, a shirt landed on Inuyasha's head. Picking it off, he looked at Kagome's uniform sailor shirt.
"Is that whose I think it is?" Ginta asked in delight.
"Yep," Hakkaku confirmed after a sniff. "Definitely Kagome's."
Kouga moaned and slumped to the floor.
An arrow sliced through the air to land with perfect accuracy at Inuyasha's feet. Picking it up, he examined the cloth at the end and just couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face.
"What's that?" asked Hakkaku curiously.
"Nothing that concerns any of you," Inuyasha said as he plucked Kagome's underwear off the arrow. "See you later boys. I'm going to take a….bath."
With a grin, he bounded after Kagome. He couldn't decide what was more enjoyable, imagining what was coming or Kouga'a agonized groans of defeat echoing behind him.
AsInuyasha came into the clearing where a very attractive and very nude Kagome was waiting for him, he mentally reminded himself that he had to remember to send a thank you to the Queer Eye boys.
After that, he was a little too preoccupied to think much of anything.
>>>>>>>In New York>>>>>>>>>>
"I've got a package!" Jai called out as he entered into the Queer Eye Loft in New York City.
"We know," shouted Thom, laughing at his own joke.
"So many dirty innuendo's to make, so little time," commented Carson, relaxing with a book and a martini.
Jai rolled his eyes but settled onto the couch. "Ted! Kyan! Come here!" he called out.
The other two came out and dropped onto the other seats.
"Yeah, so we got a package?" Ted said, waving his hands. "Who cares?"
"This package is from Japan," Jai said with a smile.
The boys all straightened up. "Do you think it's from Sexy Ass?" asked Carson, clapping his hands.
"Who else do we really know there?" Jai replied drolly.
"Open it!" Ted urged.
"Okay okay…" Jai pulled open the slim package and pulled out a folder. "Hmm..what's this?"
He held up a note in bad English. "What the hell does this say?" the small man asked.
Thom took it from him. After examining it for a few moments, he cleared his throat and read:
I did what I said. Here are some pictures of Kouga. I am not in a thong. Don't come back here. Go to hell."
"Aww…it is from Sexy Ass!" said Jai wistfully. "I miss him!"
"Why?" asked Ted. "He's on our shelf." Ted pointed to the DVD section and the video of Inuyasha's nude walk through the courtyard.
"True," agreed Jai. "But still...I mean, do you know anyone who can convey that much hostility in so little words?"
"He says it like it's a good thing," Kyan commented to Ted.
"What's in the rest of the folder?" asked Thom.
Carson, who had been in a shocked stupor, leapt for the folder. "I'll get it!" he shouted.
Ripping open the folder, he slowly settled to the floor, gazing at the pictures.
The others looked over Carson's shoulders and gasped as one.
Kouga, in all his glory, was posing in various positions, some borderline pornographic and others tasteful.
With his bronzed skin, cocky smile, blue eyes, waist length black hair and muscled body, Kouga was a lovely sight to be seen.
"Who is that?" Thom asked breathlessly after a moment.
"He's wearing fur…," Carson smiled happily.
"I think that's the other guy chasing after Kagome," Jai replied as he snatched up a photo.
"He's wearing fur! Lots of fur!" Carson sang out.
"Wow, he's good looking," said Kyan with a whistle. He happily gazed at the picture of Kouga leaning back on his arms, biceps prominent and hair blowing in the wind.
"He wears fur!" Carson murmured excitedly, internally rhapsodizing over Kouga's sweatband.
"His eyes are gorgeous," Ted said, examining the picture of Kouga on the boulder with his butt in the air.
"He wears fur, people!" Carson pointed out, amazed that no one else found this as wondrous as he did.
"Look at that body," whistled Thom, running a finger over Kouga's strong thighs and sculpted chest.
"Fur!" Carson shouted, pointing at Kouga's skirt, armbands and headband. "Fur everywhere!"
"Yeah, he has fur," agreed Kyan. "But you know what else he has?"
The others shook their heads.
Ted smiled slowly. "We can't leave such a male specimen in the clutches of long hair."
"It just wouldn't be right," agreed Thom with a smirk.
Carson solemnly nodded his head. "We have to help him…"
Jai grinned devilishly. "Do you know where that means we're going?"
The Queer Eye Boys stood up and toasted themselves and shouted, "Back to Japan!"
Carson gleefully picked up a photo of Kouga and kissed it. "We're coming for you, Sexy Ass the Second!"
Thom laughed. "Poor guy isn't gonna know what hit him…"
A/N: Well, that's it! No, there will be no Kouga edition of All Things (though it would be hysterical) Hope the epilogue didn't disappoint anyone. Just a couple of things:
Firstly, thank you to everyone who reviewed: (last chapter only!) Jigoku Hikari, Cyblade Silver, Libraflyter, Sakura8907, The Killing Moon, OniyuriGaaru, Aryante, Hanyou Punk Chick, Fiery Ferret of Doom, WickerB, SugarSprite, Jade Summers, Rising Phoenix1, Lady Netiri, Unknown Fool, LynneC114, Lady Kaika, NoName, Rockergurl, Wicked Schomness, Cerridwene. Especially large hug and extra gooey cookies to those reviewers who reviewed every chapter! You know who you are and so do I!
I hope Kouga's photo shoot was worth the wait!
Also, about the last chapter, I forgot to say that some of Inu's confession were from the song 'The Luckiest' by Ben Folds. If you don't know who that is, I pity you. He is hands down one of the most enjoyable performers and musicians to listen to. His lyrics are insightful and witty, his melodies are catchy and a couple of his songs are truly cry worthy. One such song is 'The Luckiest.' His voice aches as he sings and you can just tell he's singing to one special person and it just breaks your heart because of the sincerity. It's not one of those prefabricated, demographic focused love songs like 'The Reason' by Hoobastank or 'Beautiful soul' by jesse mccartney. It's very honest and peaceful, quiet and reflective. You will want to marry Ben folds after hearing this song. It's wonderful and I highly recommend any and all of his cd's to anyone.
The bit about the catfish demon was in the manga and is one of my favorite scenes in all of Inuyasha. It's episodes #343-#345, volume 35. Absolutely hysterical.
Oh! And last but not least, I found a positively scandalously delicious picture of a nearly nude (and it's a close thing!) of Sesshomaru. Lovely pic! Hehehe…I'm such a SmutMonster but I can't help it!
http:wallpapersanctuary. files/InuYasha/ SexySesssama.jpg
oh, and for anyone who hasn't gone onto ear-tweak. com you must! The most hysterical pictures on the net! Here's an exampleofsome of the best humor on the web: http:ear-tweak. comimages/ windsesshou.jpg
AND, last but certainly not least, I found a GREAT photo of adult Rin/Sess and it's wondrous! Also, there are a couple of great sango/Miroku's and a kissing inu/kag. The site's not in English. (Also, if anyone could tell me who the sexpot in blue with the bandaid is, I will in your debt. That boy is dangerously yummy…) http:inuyashastarbest.vilabol.
review one last time please! Thanks for reading!