Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter universe. I highly respect its creator J. and am not making any money from this.
(Original) A/N Well, everyone this is my first fanfiction attempt! I have been reading HP fanfiction for about six months and have so many plots growing in my mind. Finally, one has hatched! I'm really nervous, so if you review, could you please tell me if you think I should continue, point out the parts that are working well, and/or give constructive criticism, if you have any. I know I've read several stories that I haven't reviewed, so whether you're here to just read or if you read and review, I hope you enjoy it. I love feedback, but I understand if you don't have anything to say! J I'm a bit of a stickler for grammar and spelling, so please tell me if I'm way off on something or if you have any suggestions! Okay, enough of my chatter…
2/3/2015 - Author's note: Very important - especially for those who read this shamefully incomplete story from 11 years ago!
I know I let A LOT of readers down by not finishing this story back in 2005, especially since it was almost done. First, I panicked and couldn't seem to get what I wanted on paper. Then, I stepped away, hoping that would help...it didn't; it just dragged things out longer until life got in the way and my story was eventually erased from the floppy disc (no laughing!) and I let life get in the way. I've been wanting to get back to this story, because I never forgot about it, and I thought that I could possibly use what we've learned about our characters from the rest of the books (to a certain extent, as this has to be an AU, given some of those things we have learned...you'll see what I mean.), hopefully a higher quality of writing - especially in the early chapters, and finally the ending we've all been waiting for.
This is going to be EDITED/REVISED chapter-by-chapter from the beginning, so regardless of the fact that the rest of the story is still up, please know that ALL revised "2015 chapters" will have a date at the beginning of the summary and chapter. The bones of the story will mostly remain, so if you're new and want to read ahead before I post a revision, feel free. Just know that each chapter will be revised to a certain extent, some more so than others, so you may want to go back and reread when the revised chapters are posted to keep current.
7/14/15 A/N- After giving it some thought and listening to one supportive reviewer from another site, I am satisfied having rewritten chapter 1 because it was really weak and turned a lot of people away (reviews were very discouraging in the beginning as well as the huge drop-off in hits for later chapters). I like it much better, but I have decided to put off the revising of the rest of the chapters until I go ahead an complete this story, as I should have done a decade ago! So, I will be working on that and posting as soon as it's finished. Thank you for giving me another try if you choose to reread or even come back for the conclusion!/b
Story Summary: Hermione is in the middle of her seventh year at Hogwarts. Voldemort suffered extensive losses and is in hiding after a particularly damaging battle near Hogsmeade in her sixth year, so everyone is now enjoying a guarded reprieve from the war. Draco, however, is in emotional turmoil. He's in conflict with himself over a secret that torments him regarding Hogwarts' Head Girl. Things turn ugly for both Hermione and Draco as he tries to find a way to rid himself of these demons Hermione, however, isn't going down without a fight. She'll seek help in the one moment Draco's not looking, and a suspicious Severus Snape may be the only one who sadly knows how.
Please be aware that this is not an easy story to read as it contains many triggers and deals with non-con drug abuse, addiction, non-con and dub-con sexual abuse as well as rape, torture, character death, and suicide. On the other hand, if you can handle that and read through the aforementioned angst, there is redemption, salvation, love, friendship, and hope for many characters - some of those may be surprising. And, I want to assure you guys that this is a gradual, but definitely eventual HGSS.
Chapter 1: Draco's Secret
Feather-like kisses trailed Draco Malfoy's neck from behind his left ear to the hollow of his throat and back up again on his right side, sending thrilling whispers of anticipation over his entire body. Those same lips found the shell of his ear and crooned,"How did I get so lucky, Draco? For you to notice me and want me is just so, well, unbelievable! You are everything I could possibly want."
Soft breasts pressed against his chest as that devious mouth moved from his ear and kissing him again, but now she was gliding along the length of his jaw only pausing to brush her lips ever so lightly over his. After she finished her way to his other ear, she continued her seductive confession.
"I am so in awe of you…how sexy you look, how smart you are, how incredibly clever…How could I have not seen you like this before? How blind I've been! Draco, please...I want you, I need you!
The woman who had draped herself around Draco brought her lips to hover over his once again and ran her fingers through his platinum hair.
"Oh, Gods! I love you, Draco Malfoy…kiss me, please…" she breathed the finale of her soliloquy against his lips as she slid her hands through his hair once more and then ran them unabashedly over his firm body.
Draco obliged her by grabbing her hair at the base of her neck with one hand while the other pushed her flush to him, and he kissed her deeply and somewhat roughly. She moaned in delight as he roamed his hands over her soft breast and squeezed tightly.
He began to unbutton her blouse methodically, kissing her skin as he exposed it. Just as he dipped his tongue between her breasts, he heard her deep voice call out, "Draaacoooo!"
Wait. Her deep voice?
Draco looked up and saw his rather archaic friends, Crabbe and Goyle, staring at him with blank, confused expressions.
Draco sneered at them, but inwardly cringed. He said nothing to his friends, but began berating himself under his breath as he turned his back on them.
'Fucking fantasizing about about her again! Gods! I can't stand this. I'm turning myself into some ridiculous Hufflepuff! Get a fucking grip!'
And just as Draco was getting a grip on reigning in his fantasies fate decided to cruelly stick it to him, because it was then that he noticed those too familiar curls blowing in the wind around the girl he just couldn't shake as she was walking along the lake's shore and laughing with her dimwitted friends, Potter and Weasel.
'There she is again!' Draco thought angrily as his hands curled up into white-knuckled fists. 'For Merlin's sake! Why can't that acid-tongued Mudblood just give me some bloody peace?'
He let out a shaky sigh as he conceded that he knew why. He knew it and hated both her and himself for it!
'She may be a Mudblood, but damn it all, she's nothing that I've been taught a Muggleborn witch is supposed to be!' Draco reminded himself for the millionth time.
Besides her obvious intelligence and the raw magical ability that she's not supposed to have but does, she'd grown into a physically breathtaking woman! She was more than a pretty face or some girl who cleaned up nicely for the Yule Ball. Plenty of girls were those things. Plenty of them had lovely long hair that contrasted golden brown perfectly to his platinum blond; plenty of witches had warm brown eyes that challenged his own icy grey ones; there were certainly any number of women who had the promise of a beautifully curvy soft body hidden beneath a bulky uniform. Yeah, there were probably others out there who have those things, but they just weren't Hermione Granger - she had all of those things, and just something more that he couldn't place. He didn't give a fuck about trying to reason out the unreasonable anymore!
So of course she was in his line of vision yet again. He just couldn't escape her presence anymore. She was either making a show of her brilliant mind in class, rambling with her mates in the hallways, reading feverishly in the library, meticulously doing her Head Girl duties, or tantalizing him as she ate in the Great Hall.
Right. The Great Hall. Today's outrageous display of typical Gryffindor outrage and self-righteousness at lunch is what put him in this ugly mood and had her vehemently planted in the forefront of his thoughts since. His frustration and anger had been strangely simmering. He was so dumbfounded by what happened, he hadn't been able to form a coherent sentence. Fantasies of Granger seemed to be one way of dealing with dangerously pent up fury.
It galled Draco, but she had bewitched him and he couldn't seem to snap out of it. He finally decided he was going to stop torturing himself by trying. He was giving in to his obsession after her brazen display in the Great Hall at his expense. He was done torturing himself. His decision on how to deal with the woman who plagued him was now made, and there was no going back.
"She has seen to that," Draco whispered as his mind played back that pivotal scene at lunch in which Granger pushed him one step too far:
Hermione heard the baritone voice of the annoying Slytherin ferret known as Draco Malfoy. 'Ugh!' she thought. 'Not again, Malfoy. Get a life!' She sighed as she resigned herself to deal with him.
"What do you want, Malfoy?" Hermione replied through clenched teeth without bothering to look up from her vegetable stew.
Draco slid between Hermione and Ginny causing both girls to finally look up from their previously enjoyable meals. He ignored Ginny and stared at Hermione with an evil grin as he reached out and began gliding his finger slowly along her jaw line. Hermione stared at him with disgust and both girls tried to squeeze him out. He was stronger, however, and stayed put.
"Come now, Granger…You can be nicer than that. I'm over here to give you something after all! After seven years, you must be truly tired of the Bores of Gryffindor known as Potty and Weasel. I know some interesting and…um…ienjoyable/i ways to break you out of your boredom. What do you say? It really is an offer of a lifetime."
Hermione's face twitched and contorted into a grimace that promised a less than favorable response. She was so tired of his lewd propositions and innuendo! Anger and disgust were bubbling over and finally she snapped.
Suddenly, Hermione shot out of her seat on the bench, stared down at the smirking face of Draco Malfoy, and slapped him squarely across his pale face.
Draco recoiled from the slap. He just stared at her in shock as his normally pale cheek flamed red.
Taking his silence as an invitation to add language to her physical response to his proposition, Hermione let her fury flow.
"Of all the idiotic, stupid, ignorant, stupid, delusional, STUPID ideas! You must absolutely desperate, Malfoy! What's the matter…is Pansy tired of you today? No more Slytherin slags to do your bidding? Or, have they all just finally come to their senses and told you to permanently 'sod off'?"
Hermione took a few deep breaths, but wasn't done with him. Receiving no response was all she needed to continue.
"Ha! You are really pathetic! I wouldn't be within 100 feet of you if I didn't have to go to school with you. You are a repulsive, sick, sadistic, narcissistic ferret!"
Hermione steeled herself with resolve while Malfoy, along with everyone else presently eating in the Great Hall, collectively stared at her with gaping mouths.
Hermione took this continued silence as an invitation to add to her unexpected tirade that, to be fair, was seven years in the making.
"And another thing, Draco Malfoy," she spit his name out with what everyone swore was actual venom, "if you EVER touch me again, I will hex you so badly your Death Eater family and friends won't even recognize you!"
And with that, Hermione grabbed her bag, turned sharply on her heel, and stalked out of the Great Hall while every set of eyes in the place were focused on her exiting form.
Then, slowly, the eyes that were so focused on an enraged Hermione turned their attention toward the object of her tirade…Draco Malfoy. He was still dumbounded and apparently frozen on the bench as he just blankly stared with glazed eyes at the spot Hermione Granger just vacated next to the foreign Gryffindor table.
Just as Ginny Weasley started to push him away the frantic whispering began, and just as it grew into a soft frenzy, Draco remembered himself and what had just happened. He summoned his cool, poised Malfoy dignity and allowed that to carry him out of the Great Hall without so much as looking at or speaking to anyone.
It was only a matter of needing to maintain strict control that gave him the ability to ignore those who had the audacity to chuckle and snicker at what just happened. Those idiots didn't matter, because there was going to be hell to pay and finding a way of making Hermione Granger, the sole debtor, was all that did.
Malfoy blinked a few times as he brought himself back to the present. That fiasco was mere hours ago and now he was up in the Astronomy Tower fantasizing about Granger yet again and, adding insult to injury, watching her stroll along the lake laughing and chatting them up animatedly as if she had not a care in the world. Draco's pale face slowly reddened again.
'No, this won't do.' he thought. 'She's not going to make a fool out of me, no matter how much I want her.'
"I know what I have to do!" Draco declared to no one in particular.
Crabbe and Goyle, who were sitting over on a bench greedily eating stolen cakes from the kitchens, just stared at him, then each other, and shrugged.
Draco didn't pay them any attention. His plan was rapidly taking shape and he could see it clearly with his mind's eye. He was going to have Hermione Granger…own her. Not only that, but he was going to make her beg for his help, make her need him and only him! He would string her along, get whatever it was he wanted from her, and then finally be done with her once and for all. 'Whatever state I happen to leave her in will really be her own doing, her self-inflicted comeuppance,' Draco decided with rigid finality.
He was a Malfoy, damn it! She would regret ever crossing him and he would make her pay her debt with everything she had.
Hermione Granger had no idea to what level of hell she'd descend, but he was only more than happy to lead her there. Finally.