Title: A Valentine Disaster

Character: Lily, James, Remus, Sirius & OC's

Rating: PG



Summary: There's a valentine dance coming to Hoggy Warty Hogwarts, and it's going to be disastrous, or is it?



Disclaimer: I don't own what I don't own, which includes:

Shakespear' Julius Caesar

The princess Bride by what ever his name is.

And all J.K rowling and Warner Bros...



But I Do own the Marauders! Ha let's seem them do something about that! Suddenly out of nowhere appears two policemen from the J.K.R.A.W.B.A.O.P.I.B.O: which is the Joanne Kathering Rowling And Warner Brothers And Other Publishers Including Bloomsbury Officers. Oh crape! Hey fellas it was only a joke, I DON'T OWN THE MARAUDERS! There happy?

J.K.R.A.W.B.A.O.P.I.B.O #1: very

J.K.R.A.W.B.A.O.P.I.B.O #2: good day miss, just be happy we didn't use the tickling stick.

Well that's a long disclaimer oh ya and I own this insanity. Now on with the story before the creepy winged dragon ridder thingy's come and get me. Wait that's LOTR, 'fiew' I'm fine then. See's a winged gragon ridder thingy, screams and heads for cover, winged gragon ridder thingy takes mask off to reveal Sirius on a dragon.



A Valentine disaster

A fic by: Josie G. Evans



"I am pleased to announce the upcoming valentine's day dance, as your all aware of by now, classes will be cancelled upon that date, due to the dance and hogsmade trip, were I encourage the girls to stop at miss rosenbuds garb store to purchase the new order of dress robes that have just arrived, also the weird sister will be performing, and last but of course not least, rendezvous aren't necessary. That means dates for those of you who are confused." Dumbeldor added while looking at Sirius's comical face at the word rendezvous. "That is all, please continue on with your dinner."



"Hey moony, got a date yet?"asked Sirius trying to hide his real meaning to the question. "No, and No I'm not going with some girl whose this really hot girls best friend just so you can go out with said hot girl and possibly make out all night or get lucky, and leaving me with the boring best friend who has but one interest or talks all night or possibly jumps on me and kisses me madly." he said in a bored monotone voice as if he had rehearsed or said the speech a hundred times, which he had. "Ah, your acting as if that last one's bad, besides it's not my fault if girls go positively wild around a werewolf, but is there some secret werewolf pheromones you haven't told me about yet, cuz if you do have secret werewolf pheromones, BITE ME baby, BITE ME!" he said lifting his eyebrows seductively. "Sirius! Will you stop saying the W word!" Remus said so low you practically couldn't hear him. "What W word are you talking about, oh, oh, oh you mean the Wasps word, that W word, gosh I'm so stupid, I'll stop saying Wasps from now on." a big pause follows suite.



Sirius: Wasps 'pause'

Wasps 'pause'

Wasps 'pause'

Was...



"Shut up will you, you moronic, idiot, quaffle headed jock." it was James Potter who spoke, you heard me James Potter, that's right James Potter, you hear me James Potter, Jam.. Um right back to the story. "What did you call me Potty mc Pot head, that's pot as in the shape of your head, which is the shape of an oval cauldron, a pot. I was just translating that for your quidditch , nothing else goes through there homosexual head." said Sirius an evil smirk crawling on his face like a spider. "Wow! Bravo Sirius is that your word of the week or just the biggest word you new? You block, you stone, you worst than senseless thing!"James answered, now also smiling.



"Ok, shut up both of you and James you really got to stop quoting from Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, I'm never lending you an other muggle book, last time you borrowed "the princess bride" you would only answer by quoting something from the book, and most of the time you couldn't remember anything form the book to help you answer so you would just say: as you wish and rodents of unusual sizes? I don't think they excise and then would mutter something like :ya right, don't exist, have you been in Sirius's room when he doesn't clean it?" Remus said now trying to catch his breath, he has a really talented mind, it doesn't forget easily, especially with James and Sirius around who are more annoying than my sisters. "Righto, hey Lily," screamed Sirius to Lily Evans who was halfway across the room. "Do you have a date yet?"



"The dance has only been announced for less than ½ an hour what do you think?" she screamed back. "Hey women now don't be going all smart on me, all I do is ask a simple question, you can always answers with a yes or a no, you know, or even a well I don't know, I'm keeping my options open, but I hope James Potter asks me out!" yelled back Sirius in a mock Lily impression which was pretty good considering he was yelling, but at that reply he had to run for his life, literally. " I would never go out with that egoistical big headed pompous jerk of an ass, whose also arrogant, conceited, naive, incorrigible, cocky with an inflated head who thinks he can have every girl in the school." wow, what a mouthful.



"Sorry mate, guess that means no." Sirius said to James who was looking depressed. Suddenly cameras and school reporters appear around Lily and start asking question like: Lily, why do you hate James so much? Lily, what colour is your bed sheet? Do you sleep with your diary under your pillow in fear of the marauders stealing it? Have you ever kissed James before? How fare do the two of you go? Lily, Jones from Charms says you wear pink frilly knickers with I heart Orlando Bloom on them, who is this Orlando Bloom and how fare do you see this going? And Lily is this your list:



Lily's list



purple pj's..........check

giant bean stock....check

doorknob.........check

taking over the world.....in progress

dance like a crazy hippie girl......in progress

hit Sirius on the head with a giant drumstick while he's sleeping....check

dye James hair pink.......in progress

turn nice, cute, and smart little ol' Remus into a flower loving hippie...in progress



At that precise moment James hair turned pink and the 'in progress' next to dye James hair pink was changed to 'check'. "Wait a minute I thought that giant drumstick hitting me repeatively over the head while I sleeping was a dream, no wonder I woke up with a stack of bones next to me in the morning."



"Wait that means if, James's hair is pink and Sirius woke up with a stack of bone next to him, which doesn't mean it was a giant drumstick stack of bones, you might have ate Peter which would explain why we haven't seen him in over a month, that mean's I'll turn into a flower loving hippie, I don't think so." as Remus said this his hair was slowly growing and magical flowers appeared out of nowhere forming necklaces, and the earing on his left ear lob, turned into a flower "groovy, I say we sing a song, songs heal the soul and mind and we can all thank mother nature for these flowers and trees." he said getting on the table and started singing Roxanne by Police. Sadly it's the only song he could think of and was acutely a really good singer and sang the same notes at the right moment.



"Shut up you tree hugging freak!" yelled a girl by the name of Roxanne and started crying. "It's alright Rox, he's not talking about you." said her friend Pricilla while patting her back "Shut up Pricilla, what would you know?" but this story isn't about Pricilla and her very emotional and crazy friend Roxanne now is it? Well it isn't. So the turn nice, cute, and smart little ol' Remus into a flower loving hippie on Lily's list turned from 'in progress' to 'check', and at that Lily started cackling evilly.



The Near End



Wait, you didn't seriously think this story was about a valentine dance did you? Well it's not, and what are you still doing here reading what I'm writing, your supposed to be clicking the Review button and Reviewing, now go, click the button and write a little message, that's right click it, click it, click it, click it. I'm warning you I could go on all day, click it, click it, click it, click it. But I wont, click it, click it, click it, click it, or will I? Click it, click it, click it, click it, click it, click it.