Standing in the Rain

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure you must be getting tired of me saying I don't own these characters.  I haven't done a songfic in a long time and I thought this was somewhat appropriate.  The song is called 'Stand Off' and it's by the Mighty Mighty Bosstones.  These guys are my favorite band of all time and I urge you to check them out.

            It's funny sometimes what music does.  It's weird how you can be listening to a song and know that you can relate exactly to what it says.  That's what I was doing a little while ago.  I was laying on my bed thinking about how insane my life has suddenly become.  I mean I guess I should feel happy that my sister's back but she's so different, so angry.  She's not the only one who's changed though.  I've changed too.  Anyways, Toad was listening to his stereo and this song came on.  I don't know who it was, he has weird taste in music, but the song almost made me cry.  That's why I had to come here.

            I actually walked all the way here.  Yes, Pietro Maximoff walked somewhere.  Not ran, not jogged, not even power-walked, just walked.  I guess this whole thing is affecting me more than I thought.  I guess this is something I can't run away from, that I have to deal with and face.  It doesn't really matter; I'm tired of running anyways.  Whatever the reason, I walked here to this spot where my life changed eight years ago.  I now stand in the exact same place I stood on that night and I stare at the foreboding brick building where they buried my sister's soul.

            I stare at the asylum where Wanda was kept.  I can feel it creeping back up on me, the deadness in my legs.  I slip my headphones on and take the CD I borrowed from Toad out of my jacket pocket.  I pop the little disc in the player, set it to continuous loop, and push play.  Then I do perhaps the hardest thing of all, I remember.

I couldn't be more confused

But more than that I'm upset

We once stood side by side

We were young when we met

We'd always stand together

That's how we had it planned

Where do we stand?

I can't stand the pain, guess I don't understand

I just don't understand this stand off

        The first thing I feel as the raspy lyrics course through me is the rain.  It soaks straight into my heart, past all the impatience and the arrogance.  I've never enjoyed rain since that day.  I feel its cold bite gnaw at my soul.  I hear the ominous crash of thunder.  It was like a decree of judgment from God that day.  It was like He too convicted my sister to a hell I can only have nightmares about.

There's a lot I don't understand

We're apart and don't have to be

What went wrong I don't know offhand

I only know this is killin' me

        I hear her screams next, her cries for help.  She never asked for this, never knew it was coming.  How could she know it was coming?  How could she even conceive that the people she loved would do this to her?  How could we have been so wrong, so heartless?  All she asked was for us to love her and take care of her.  How could I have let this happen?  It shames me, rips me apart at the very seams of my being, to watch the scene replay in my mind.  I hear her terrified pleas for help and yet I just stand there in the rain.

So I called your bluff

Said I'd see ya around

You stood tough, you stood your ground

Now I'm standin' by, tryin' to stand tall

I'm standin' alone, don't understand this at all

I just don't understand this stand off

        The next sensation I remember is father's hand on my shoulder.  It's almost as numbing as the cold of the rain.  His grip numbed a lot more than my body though.  His hand, like an iron vice, numbed my heart and my soul.  In seeing my sister as she is now I realize all that talk he fed to me was bullshit.  This wasn't for the best.  He just figured I was too little to understand, to question his authority, so he fed me some lines to excuse the fact that he murdered my little sister's innocence.

There's a lot I don't understand

We're apart, do we have to be?

What went wrong I don't know offhand

I only know this is killin' me

        As bad as the feeling of father's hand on my shoulder is it's nothing compared to the feeling I felt on that day.  It started in my heart, an ice cold chill that froze my blood as it spread through me.  It worked its merciless way to my legs and ceased any and all functioning in them.  It kills me to think about it now.  It tears me up to think about how much I love to run and yet all I could do that night was just stand there.  I didn't even try at all, I just stood there frozen and numb.  I'm as responsible for what's happened to Wanda as Father is.  He may have killed my sister's soul but I was an accessory to this crime, the most heinous one I could ever commit.

Now I'm standin' by

Watchin' myself die

Right beside myself like it isn't me

It's some other guy

        The lyrics of the song pound into my head over and over again along with the cold, hard truth.  I turned my sister into a walking time bomb.  I took away all the smiles and laughter and replaced it with sneers and scowls.  I did this to her by doing one little yet very important thing.  I did all this by doing absolutely nothing.  Pietro Maximoff, speed demon extraordinaire, just stood there in a green, hooded sweatshirt and jeans.  He turned deaf ears and numb legs to his twin sister and simply stood in the rain.

And time stands still

And I'll stand here until

I understand or you come back

I really hope you will!

        I just stand there now, in the present.  Eight years later and I'm still standing here.  Things have changed, we've changed.  It hurts me to see just how much we've changed.  I may be standing here now as a seventeen-year-old but a part of me, the nine-year-old I was then, has never ever left this spot.  He's still letting the rain soak him, drown him, and he's still letting his father's grip choke the life from him.  He's still standing here watching, over and over again like a twisted home movie, his best friend in the world leave him.

I don't understand where we went wrong

I don't understand how we fell apart

Did I wait too long to write this song?

I always thought I was smart

        The little kid I was then isn't the only one standing here now on this God forsaken sidewalk.  The person I am today is also standing here with him, standing in the rain.  I guess I'll always be standing here in the cold and in the rain.  I'll keep replaying what happened over and over again and I'll still feel the cold of the rain and the numbness in my legs.  I'll keep standing here until Wanda lets me back in, until she forgives me.  I know she's too busy being angry at me right now to see how sorry I am for all this.  That's alright, she can see it when she's ready.  I'll always be standing here in the cold, waiting to find a place to get out of the rain.  I just hope that someday that place is the spot in her heart that I once occupied.