Title : From the Lopsided Desk of Julia Webster Author: Jules Disclaimer: hell there's too many to disclaim.. I own them all.. NOT! hang on.. I own Rat.... and me! Authors Note: Hell Cam's gonna wish she NEVER dared me to write the sequal.. revenge is SWEEEEEEEEET ::takes a whiff of whatever the frig Cam was on when she wrote the last one::

>From the Lopsided Desk of Julia Webster


Colonel Kira sighed wearily, flopping into one of the chairs in ops as her shift drew to a close. Glancing around she noticed nothing new, everything was working normally, rather boringly in fact, if only something interesting would happen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Flash

"Jules Jules Jules.. trying your luck at Ds9 now?" " Cam.. if YOU can do a Voyager one.. I can do a DS9 one.. so FNERRRRRRRR to you too. Hey.. behave or I'll have Morn come after ya!"

Flash ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ " Anything interesting Jadzia?" Kira asked as yet another anomalie turned up on their sensors. Then again, being this far from the centre of the Federation, and being this close to the Wormhole was cound to cause a few strangities. " Nothing terribly new Kira, just your usual Gamma waves, Omicron particles and theta radiation. We shouldn't have any problems." " Righto"

Meanwhile in holosuite 4 Capt Ben Sisko was having a nice chat to several young ladies in the stands of the baseball stadium. He seemed to meet the strangest people in the stands, which was one of the main reasons he hung out there sometimes. Turning back to the girl closest to him he glanced at her notebook. " Whats that? If you dont mind me asking" he said, trying to create a conversation with the pretty 19year old from Norway. " Its my notebook, I'm an author, it never leaves my sight! You know you get inspiration in the weirdest places, right girls?" a chorus of yes's, yeahs, and I forgot mine can I borrow your's echoes around the otherwise near empty stands. " So you ALL write? Wow! thats really great. My son Jake is a writer, a journalist in fact." Ben said proudly, ever looking for the chance to take pride in his son. " Well we're not like REAL authors or anything, we just like write Fanfic" another older girl said. " Yeah Jaye's right, as much as we'd love to write like that, all we do if write fanfic.. although some of us are pretty damned good!" another said as she pointed back to the one with the open notebook. " If you dont mind me asking, I know it sounds silly, but what's Fanfic? I'm not from around here you see" Ben explained, eager to work out why a bunch of bearly 20's girls would be writing about in baseballs stands. " well is like we all LOVE this Aussie show called Water Rats, and like we write stories using its characters and events and stuff. Hell most of us are aussies ourselves, part from Cam and Hilde over there, they're from Norway, and Rachel over here, she's from Canada, and Liz and the Other Rachel over there are New Zealandites" the one called Jaye explained. Cam handed Ben a small pile of printed paper. " Here" she said, " This is some of our stuff, read it if ya like, some of its pretty good!"

~~~~~~~~~ Flash

" Jules.. JULES.. snap out of it.. where ARE you going with this? I mean..... you're not.. are you?" " My dear Cammy... you DID say you were a flirt didn't you" " yeah but.. oh no..... "

Flash ~~~~~~~~~~ " Should we inform Ben?" Jadzia questioned, there was something in this anomalie what worried her, something she couldn't pinpoint. Maybe it was something her symbiont had seen before, maybe not. She wasn't sure either way. " Nah, he's in the holosuite relaxing for once, besides you said it should be nothing we cant handle" Kira replied, thankfull for a releif in the bordom that had consumed her all day. " Well we'll soon find out... here it comes" Jadzia announced, subconsciously wrapping her legs around her chair, just in case.

Ben Sisko was half finished some strange story called From The Desk of Camilla Sandman when everything went black. Automatically raeching for his combadge, he tried to get his bearings in the pitch black room. " Sisko to Dax, what the hell just happened? The Holosuites gone black and I cant get the doors open." He annouced, slightly peeved that he was stranded in a holosuite. All of a sudden the lights returned. " That better Banjamin?" Dax's voice echoed around the small chamber. " Umm Dax.. I've got a slight problem" he said, staring at the small gathering also in the room with him, all unconscious.

~~~~~~~~ Flash

"JULES! Quit being MEAN!" " Nup.. mean is FUN! Hell you're gonna pay for the Tellytubby Land thing!"

Flash ~~~~~~~~~~~ Dr Julian Bashir was chatting with the pretty young ensign from Hydroponics when the call came in. " Sisko to Bashir, Medical Emergancy in Holosuite 4. Report with Medteam at once!" the Capt's voice erupted form Julians combadge, sourly ruining any progress he'd made with the young ensign. " Bashir here, on my way sir" he said, getting to his feet and hurrying off to the Infirmary to collect his things.

~~~~~~~~ Flash

"Jules.... you arn't a STEAM writer? whats with the sexual inuendos there?" " Cam.. 'member what I said before about behaving?" " Yep.. right-o.... but cant we have a little more smut... PLEASSSEEEEE" " Fine.. fine fine fine fine"

Flash ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In the romantic quarters of Ensign Palmer, sounds of pleasure drowned out the softly playing music. " oh Harry, oh god yes..." she moaned as his lips found her pleasure spot just below her right ear lobe. She buried her hands in his hair, letting them move down his neck and pulling him closer to her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Flash

" okayokayokay you've MADE your point.. can we get on with this now?" " well you wanted STEAM! so you GOT steam..."

Flash ~~~~~~~~~~~ Dr Bashir skidded into the now crowded room and dropped to his knees beside the small pile of people and.. animals????? on the floor. Pulling out his scanner, he knelt down to the closest person, quickly scanning her before moving methodically around the group. " They're alive, all of them, just unconscious." He picked out a hypospray, adjusting its controls slightly before turning back to Sisko. " I can bring them out of it with this, with your permision Sir" " Do it. I want some answers" Ben said, looking at the small group agian. Taking in the faces he noticed something different. There were all the girls from the stands, but there were two others as well, a tall dark haired woman in an old fasioned business suit, and a tanned, slightly balding older man, also in a suit. In addition to these extras, there were two cats! Sighing Ben massaged his temples, trying to ease the headache he could already feel growing there. Starfleet Headquaters were gonna LOVE this. Hearing a moan he looked back at the group, seeing one of the girls shifting as thought she were waking. " argggghhh Jaye... no more Baileys.. PLEASE.... my heads killin me" soon after more sore heads emerged. " awwwwwwww too much booze... Jaye.. quit handing out Baileys...." " Suz... how much did I drink last night? my head HURTS!" " I dunno Sim.. Ness??? you up yet? hungover? yep.. join the club." " holy SHIT.. FRANKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK" Everyone turned to the high shreik that seemed to echo around the small chamber. The dark haired woman slowly got to her feet, staring at the strange people in the weirdo costumes while backing into the nearest convient corner. The man seemed to follow her, concern seeming to outweight reality for the moment. " Rach.. settle down.. yep.. thats it. settle down... everythings gonna be fine.." he soothed, wrapping her in his arms as he found her corner. " Frank.. just look over there and tell me what ya see will ya?" the man seemed to regard the Starfleet crew. " I see.. I see.. a whole bunch of people wearing funny looking pajamas over there, and a whole heap of sheilas.. and IT.. RAT! Come here ya buggers!"

~~~~~~~ Flash

" Jules.. you aint gonna be mean again are ya?" " Cam.. you know me better than that!" " yeah.. true.. I KNOW you're gonna be mean!"

Flash ~~~~~~~~

Rachel Goldstein had seen alot of things in her life, but hell, nothing even came CLOSE to this. She stared wide eyed at the pajama people on the other side of the room, trying to force her mind to comprehend what might have transpired. Seeing Rat bolt up from the arms of one of the Pajama people she decided to focus on one thing she knew, how to love her cat!

~~~~~~~~ Flash

" Jules.. you DAG!" " Suz.. shut up or I'll do something MEAN to ya!" " UTB's been updated! Dont they ROCK???" " yeah yeah now BEHAVE!"

Flash ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suz looked up from the funny coloured stripey floor to see Rachel and Frank in the corner. " OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!!!!!! Rachie.. Frankie!!!!! OH MY.. " She flopped to the ground with a thud, Julian Bashir by her side in an instant, peeking at his tricorder before rising again. " She's just passed out.. she'll come out of it soon" he said, slightly ruffled as to who the HELL these people were and why they were acting so strangely. One of the other girls giggled at the sight of Suz. " Hey Sim... I think she like overdosed on Frank and Rach over there"

~~~~~~~~~~~ Flash

"See I told ya I'd be mean if ya didn't behave!"

Flash ~~~~~~~~~~

An hour and many still sore heads later, the entire group, including the cats, were assembled in the Briefing Room, mulling over what had just transpired. The Starfleet and Bajoran personnel all nodded their heads as Jadzia explained the turn of event, leaving all the newcomers giving blank looks and heading for the replicators. " Hey Sim.. remember these? Booze! umlimited BOOZE!" Cam shouted, ordering the replicator to produce several large pitchers of beer, champagne, Baileys and everything else alcoholic on the menu. " Excuse me, EXCUSE ME!" Ben shouted, trying to get the attention of the crowd by the replicator. Sim looked up from her Baileys, giving him a questioning look. " Hey did you know about the replicators? I mean they dont have them in the 20th century." Ben said, stil trying to figure out how the knew EXACTLY what to go for. " Sure we dont HAVE them.. dont you guys ever WATCH StarTrek? They have replicators all the time!" Cam replied, turning back to her beer. Seeing Rat and It she felt inclined to replicate some milk or something or them, however, the need to have another beer became overwhelming so she dropped half a glass on the floor, thinking booze was better than milk anyday!

~~~~~~~~~~~ Flash

" Hey Jules.. can I have Frank? pretty PLEASE???? I'll be nice to ya in the next fic!" " hrmmmm bribery.. I'm IN!"

Flash ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue light filled the briefing room, blinding everyone until the glow subsided. " EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK Cam's Gone!" " FRANNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKK"

Meanwhile in the 'honeymoon suite' in the backlots of Quarks Bar, steam was just about rising out the windows of the expensive hotel room. Frank's eyes were glued to Camilla's as she butterfly kissed his nose, slowly working her way down his neck and across his chest. Moaning he captured her mouth in a kiss, thanking her for her efforts and eager to return the favour.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Flash

" Happy now?" " Hell yeah! WOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!" " Come on Jules.. Give him back to Rachie now" " okayokayokaySim... I'l give him back... just.. hang a mink will ya!?"

Flash ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Another flash filled the room as suddenly as the first one, revealing two entwined people. " FRANK! GET OFF HER!" Rachel yelled, jealousy exploding from within her. Frank looked around, then down at Camilla. * Holy shit!* he thought, gathering all the innocence he could muster to face Rachel. Starfleet and Bajoran officers alike grew quite in anticipation for the fireworks.

~~~~~~~~~~~ Flash

" ahh shit Jules.. I gotta run.. bro.. you know the drill" " yeah yeah Cam.. off ya toddle, this means you dont get Frank though!"

Flash ~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue light filled the room, this time only removing one occupant. " Hell.. where'd she go this time?" " I dunno" " Hey.. hang on.. everyones here.. except ONE person..." " Yeah.. good point..... JULES.. I bet SHE'S behind all this..." " Who's Jules, and what does she have to do with stealing me and my cat!" Rachel announced, turning from her viewpoint of the stars to face the 'working it all out' group. " She's writing this.. you know.. making this happen, like what Cam did in From The Desk Of Camilla Sandman. She's taking control of events!" Something seemed to twig in Rachels mind. A vague memory of being on a spaceship, with a Jules, and a Sim, with Frank, It and Rat, then someone called Cam controlling everything. " Is SHE the one whos been belting the CRAP outta me lately?" she asked, peicing together the peices. " Yeah, she did the car crash, the mental breakdown, the riding accident, your Bad Day.. you name it.. she's the one behind it. She also does bloody good fluff as well!" " Fluff?" " Yeah you know, like when you and Frank got bored and played those pranks, and Stress Less Day, and you and Frank being drunk, and hell she even GAVE you Rat!" Rachel shook her head.. surely not, surely one person could not hold so much power. Turning she screamed out to noone in particular. " TAKE ME HOME! You.. you.. you.. PERSON you! I'm SICK of you belting the CRAP outta me all the time! Just LEAVE ME ALONE!" Seconds later an evil laugh filled the room, seeming coming from nowhere.

~~~~~~~~~~ Flash

::yawns:: "Hell Sim.. I'm getting tired..." " yeah Jules.. you better go to bed then" " yeah yeah.. I'll whip this up though"

Flash ~~~~~~~~~~ Another bright light filled the room, whisking away all the strange people from the holosuite.

Moments later, many ICQ's erupted from different computers around the world. " OMG I had the most like FREAKY dream!" " Yeah.. me too.. totally whacko!" " did you lot have the weirdo spacey dreamy thing?" " Hey.. are you the lot of authory people that just had the same strange dream as me and my partner?" " MWAAAHAAAHAAAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa"

Finis.. hell its weird.. but Cam wanted it weird!