Alrighty, here's a little tale about the crew of the Outlaw star going on a new, fun-filled quest. It's pretty funny, I think. I do not own Outlaw Star, Gene, Jim, Melfina, Aisha, or Suzuka. Or anyone else in this story. Except for the fat guy. He's mine. PLEASE R&R!


It's the average day at Starwind & Hawking Enterprises and Gene and Jim are hanging out and waiting for something to happen. Nothing too out of the ordinary is going on-HOLY FREAKING MOTHER OF GOD NO! IT'S LORD HAZANKO! HERE TO FINISH OFF OUR HEROES! OH SWEET JESUS WHY!?! READY THE CANNONS AND MAKE AMENDS OUTLAW STAR PEOPLE, THE KEI PIRATES ARE HERE TO FINISH YOU OF-Oh wait, that's just a bird.


It was far away okay?! Jeez! Anyways, all is cool unless Hazanko is sending in robot birds to assassinate everybody.

"Wow, I'm amazingly bored!" said Gene, lounging in a deck chair, even though he was inside and all the curtains were drawn.
"I've got it!" said Jim, momentarily pausing from sweeping up some trash from an intense party the night before (Despite what you may think, Suzuka's a real party animal!), "Let's hop in the Outlaw Star and zoom around the galaxy! We'll see the universe and live free amongst the stars, having slapstick adventures tinged with comedy and romance! And we'll paint the Outlaw Star multicolored and rename it 'The Party Ship'! Whaddaya say?"
Gene sat up in his chair and looked at Jim, "That is the coolest idea EVER! I'll call the rest of the crew!" Gene jumped up and ran over to the phone, tripping over various objects. "No wait..." he stopped, "Multicolor paint is too expensive. Forget it."
"Oh yeah." said Jim, disappointed. There was a dull silence in the room for a while. Gene casually sat back down in his deck chair, and Jim began sweeping again. When suddenly... "I'VE GOT IT!" yelled Jim so loud that Gene fell out of his chair. Which kinda sucks considering his chair was right next to a long flight of stairs with a variety of breakable vases at the bottom. "We'll do all that stuff I said, but we'll make the ship GREEN!"
Gene stood up, pulling shards of broken glass out of his chest and face. "Brilliant! No THAT'S an idea I could go for!" Gene once again ran over to the phone, tripping over tons of clothes-staining foods and sharp objects until he reached the phone, calling the rest of the Outlaw star's crew.
"What's all the yelling about?" Came a gentle woman's voice from behind Jim.
Jim turned around. "Dammit Gilliam, stop pretending to be a girl. It's creepy."
"I don't see anything creepy about it," said Gilliam, back in it's usual monotone, "I'm merely in touch with my feminine side."
"Whatever Gilliam," Gene shouted from the phone, "Where's Melfina?"
"I'm right here." Gene then turned around to see....LORD HAZANKO! ON HELIUM! Heh, did I scare you? No seriously, it's just Melfina, "So what's all the commmotion?"
"I'll explain when everybody else gets here," said Gene, scrathing his arm.
"We're already here," said Suzuka from behind him.
"So what's the big deal?" asked Aisha. So Gene explained to them everything that Jim said before because I'm too lazy to type it all again.
"Woooo! That sounds great!" yelled Suzuka, "I'll head out to the store and pick up some grog!" She composed herself, "Ahem, I mean: This journey sounds difficult. Shall I head out to buy some beverages for our long hard journey?"
"Sure," said Gene, "Pick up some grog!"
"Woohoo!" yelled Suzuka, running out the door, "Meet you back here at sunset, 'kay?" Everyone watched her head out.
"Aisha, when are you going to hide your Ritalin someplace that Suzuka can't find it?" asked Jim, tossing out an old comic book covered with a sticky substance he couldn't quite identify.
"I dunno. She always finds it, no matter what I do," Aisha looked up at Gene, "So what's my extremely cool part of this mission?"
"You hang around here until Suzuka gets back with the grog. That's really all we're gonna need," yawned Gene.
"Shouldn't we patch up all the holes in the hull?" wondered Jim, looking up from his work.
"Nah, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Or rather, when it's threatening our lives with asphyxiation," answered Gene, pulling a shard of glass out of his face which he didn't notice before, "You guys just leave everything to me!"
Just then, Suzuka returned with armloads of grog. "Welp, here we go. I got a 48-pack for each of us. That oughta work, right?" she asked, setting her load down.
"My calculations tell me that 5 48-packs of booze will not be enough to sustain you all on a journey of this stature," said Gilliam, "And I must say that's a very charming dress Melfina. It really matches your eyes. Perhaps with a little rouge we could-"
But before he could finish Gene punched him. "Just because you ARE pink doesn't mean you have to ACT pink!"
"It doesn't?" wondered Gilliam.
"No. It doesn't."
"And besides," said Aisha, "It only needs to last us until we can get to a new planet! Then we can buy more food as we need it!"
"Wow, we're efficient!" said Gene, proud that he helped think of something, "So Gilliam, are we ready for launch?"
"Not really," said Gilliam, it's light flashing 'YOU'RE A HOMO' in morse code, "There's still a few minor repairs that need to be done. You know, the engines...big gaping holes in the hull...You may want to see the city before we leave. I have a feeling that we won't be returning here for quite some time. I'll fix the ship up while you're gone."
"He's right," said Melfina, "Should we go for a final lobster dinner at that Red Lobster down the street?"
"Let's get a final beer at Clyde's Bar!" laughed Gene happily.
"Oh, and you won't get a chance to make sweet love to Fred for a while," said Aisha, who was obviously a big fan of yaoi, "You might want to stop there before you leave, Gene." On second thought, maybe she was just saying it to piss him off. Who knows.
"Rarr!" yelled Gene, who was very pissed off, "Don't joke about things like that!"
"Who's joking?" wondered Aisha.

15 minutes later....

"Oh no! We're lost!" sobbed Gene hysterically, "We're doomed!"
"How can we be lost?" asked Jim skeptically, "We've lived here on this block for like 12 years. Plus, we're maybe 3 houses away from our HQ..."
"Pull yourself together Gene!" shouted Suzuka bravely, pulling Gene up to his feet, "It's only a few more blocks to Fred Luo's place! We can stop there to ask for directons!"
"I'll go on ahead!" yelled Aisha, "You guys take care of Gene! I think it's frostbite!"
"Can you guys stop yelling?" asked Melfina, "All the normal people are staring at us..." It was true. All the innocent civilians were coming out of their houses to see why the hell some guy, a little kid, a robot chick, a sword lady, and a cat girl were screaming at the top of their lungs.
"No! Return to your homes!" yelled Gene, "You're only putting yourselves in danger!"
"Argh! My toes are frozen!" yelled Aisha, collapsing to the ground in pain, "I can't feel my legs! ARGH!"
"No! Aisha!" Suzuka the fell to her knees and embraced Aisha, singing lullaby songs to her, "Hush little baby don't you cry, mommy's gonna sing you a lullaby..."
Aisha immediately fell asleep because Suzuka was very good at singing. "NOOOOOOOO!" yelled Suzuka, "She's, she's....DEAD!" Suzuka then burst into tears.
"I need a trumpet over here, STAT!" yelled Gene at the top of his lungs. Some fat guy came out of his house and gave him his trumpet. Gene proceeded to play that one military funeral song on the trumpet. It sounded terrible because he had never used one before and he was blowing into the wrong end.
"Will you guys all just shut the hell up?!" yelled Jim incredulously. Gene's head almost exploded because he didn't know what incredulously meant. Then a police officer walked up to them.
"I've gotten about 57 reports of you guys running around yelling at the top of your lungs. And that's just for today. You guys are coming with me." said the cop, writing something down in his notepad.
"Please officer..." croaked Aisha, grabbing onto his leg, "I'm frozen from the waist down...I need medical *cough cough* attention."
"No you don't," said the cop, "It's about 90 degrees outside."
"....I have sensitive skin?" tried Aisha, still collapsed on the ground.
"That isn't gonna work on me again! Now all of you, come with me!" said the cop, proud of his authority.
"HOLY SHIT! TRICERATOPS AMBUSH!" yelled Gene at the top of his lungs. The officer looked over his shoulder. There were no triceratops in sight.
"Nice try, you troublemakers!" said the cop, turning back around, but Gene and the rest were already running away. They ran back to their base.
"Alright Gilliam, we're blasting off!" yelled Gene, climbing into the pilot's seat.
"But I"m not finished repainting the ship yet!" protested Gilliam. The ship was currently half red and half green.
"I don't care!" yelled Gene, "Start the startup sequence!"
"But red and green are such clashing colors..."
"Fine, fine," muttered Gilliam.
"Is everyone on board?" asked Gene.
"Yeah!" yelled Jim.
"Yep!" yelled Suzuka.
"All systems green!" yelled Melfina. It was weird hearing Melfina yell so everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at her for a little while. Then they blasted off.


So there you have it. Not too shabby, right? Please please please R&R. The more reviews I get, the more I get the feeling that people care if I update. And that means a bigger chance that I actually WILL update. So, it's a win/win scenario. Although, I'd probably update this story anyway since I have some great ideas for it. But your feedback is valuable anyway.