"Gene Starwind. Aisha ClanClan. Twilight Suzuka. Melfina. Ron
MacDougall. Harry MacDougall. Hot-Ice Hilda. The Arby's Mitten. Ninja
Monkey Yah Hoo Hah. Kick Pow Smack Poof. Gwen Kahn. Hazanko. Dave The
Sunglasses Guy. Hamushi. Tobeigera. Iraga. Hitoriga. Toby. Jukei.
Leilong. Hanmyo. Fred. The Party Ship. The Geomancer. The Lovin'
Spoonful. Very well then, the cast is assembled. I will show you what
the Galactic Leyline is-"
Okay Aisha, that's enough.
Aisha: What? Bust I was just getting starrrteeeed! (whine, complain)
Sorry, but Jet just does it with...more pizzazz. Thanks anyways.
Aisha: Well, okay.
You ready? This is the big final episode. Know your part and everything?
Aisha: Boy, do I!
I don't like the sound of that. Did Suzuka make another last-minute change to the script as a practical joke, not telling me about it?
Aisha: Psh. NAAAAHHHH.
Okay, good. Well folks, this is the big one. The doozie. The last of all lasts. After this ends, it will be over. Yeah. I know I should say something heartwarming here, but we'll save that for a little later. For now, just enjoy the feature presentation, and thanks for reading.
"ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN!" yelled Gene, stepping off the Party Ship and onto the Galactic Whatever. "ONE GIANT LEAP FOR KIND MEN!"
"It's 'mankind'." said Suzuka.
"Psh, your FACE is mankind!" said Gene, insultingly.
"Ouch! Total diss!" said Aisha.
"OOOOooooooooo..." said Ninja Monkey, in a 'Golly, that was below the belt!' sort of way.
"Oh, oh yeah! Well, YOUR face is...is..." Suzuka said, glancing around. "AISHA'S face!"
"OOOOOoooooooo..." said Aisha. "You gonna take that, Gene!"
"Hell no, I'm not gonna take that." said Gene, gritting his teeth. He put some boxing gloves on. "You and me, Suzuka. Right now. C'mon, let's go! Hooh! Hah! Fwa!" He swung some punches that were 20 feet short of hitting Suzuka.
"Alright people, let's not get unruly." said the Arby's Mitten. "We're at the Galactic Leyline but our troubles aren't over! We need to be on the lookout for Kick Pow Smack Poof at all times!"
"He's got a point." said Ninja Monkey. "We should set up camp here for the night. Suzuka, you and me will pitch the tents. Gene, go look for firewood. Arby's Mitten, hunt us some wild animals to use for food."
"Hey, we've got food and provisions in the Party Ship." said Suzuka. "Extra beds too, why don't we all just stay in there?"
"Sh! Sh!" said Ninja Monkey quickly. "You hear that?"
"No. What do you hear?" whispered Suzuka.
"Sounds like...People playing backgammon in the nude." said Ninja Monkey slowly. "Strange..."
"We'd better go check it out." said Suzuka, readying her sword.
"Yes. Let's g-" said Ninja Monkey, but just then Hitoriga and his good buddy Toby came crashing out of the huge steel bush whatevers that grow specifically in The Galactic Leyline. They were totally nude.
"Heh heh!" said Hitoriga, being all tough. "I THOUGHT I heard some young fool interrupting our nude backgammon competition! Toby!"
"You said it Hitoriga!" said Toby, acting tough as well. "Little kids like these shouldn't mess with the Laramie Clan! Huh huh!"
"This is really, really stupid." said Suzuka. "What in tar's name are you doing here, sackhead?"
"Why, if it isn't Suzuka!" said Hitoriga. "Kiss me!"
"No! Yargh!" said Suzuka, cutting his head off.
"...Uh. Wow." said Gene, as blood shot out of Hitoriga's neck all over Suzuka, Ninja Monkey, and Toby.
"No! My good chum!" said Toby. He stood up and glared at Suzuka.
"You'll pay for this, you coldhearted wench!"
"And just who are you?" asked Suzuka mildly.
"Bah, you fool!" yelled Toby. "I am TOBY! I am the only person alive who has ever been to hell and back! I am the master!"
"You suck! You're nobody's master!" said Suzuka insultingly.
"Argh! Well I never!" said Toby, stapling Hitoriga's head back onto it's body. "There you go buddy! Good as new, except for how you're not as good as you used to be and all that!"
"Thanks dude, I owe you." said Hitoriga, his head now attatched a little crookedly.
"No problem." said Toby. "Now let's show these little punks what happens when you intrude on LARAMIE TURF!"
"The fight has truly begun!" said Hitoriga, turning his baseball cap backwards and getting all tough.
"You look stupid in baseball caps." commented Gene, stroking his moustache. "You look like a 6 year old at a baseball game."
"I do not!" said Hitoriga angrily. "PAGAWAFJEIFHSLR! PAGAWAFUDDRUCKERS!" Hitoriga transformed into Rosie O' Donnell.
"Oh my god!" yelled Gene, puking.
"ARGH!" yelled Toby, putting Hitoriga's sack back on. "I know you love your vicious ability of looking like scary people...but that was uncalled for."
"Fine then." said Hitoriga.
"And give me the baseball cap, dude." said Toby slowly.
"NO! I LOOK BADASS WITH BASEBALL CAPS!" said Hitoriga, freaking out.
"Calm down and give me the cap, man." said Toby in a talking-to-looney-people voice. This was perfect, considering he was talking to a looney person.
"Whoa! It's the Geomancer!" said Hitoriga, wisely changing the subject so he could keep his hat.
"NO! LEILONG, LEFT! LEFT! NOW BACK UP! NO NO NO NO!" came Hazanko's terrified voice from inside the airborne Geomancer, which was currently swaying around and swirling stupidly. "Put the cell phone away! And stop shearing sheep! You can't do both that and driving at once!"
"Great, now he's got ME doing it!" moaned Hamushi, amidst sheep shearing buzz noises.
"Oh, well this is just swell!" sighed Jukei, as more sheep shearing noises kicked in. "Just when I finally kicked the habit!"
"How are we hearing all this from the planet's surface?" wondered Gene.
"I don't really care to know." said Suzuka with a sigh. Somehow the Geomancer landed and the Anten Fellers Union emerged with thousands of sheep.
"That's the last time I let Tobeigera do the shopping!" said Hazanko as the sheep swarmed over him.
"They were on sale!" whined Tobeigera.
"Well this is HORRIBLY PLOT CONVENIENT." whined Aisha. "Jeez, I'm sure JHeman can do better than this! REWRITE! I DEMAND A REWRITE!" Go away Aisha. My story. Hey, I think I'll do it again just to spite you.
"I hate you." said Aisha, as The Lovin' Spoonful crashed next to her and the MacDougalls and Hilda emerged.
"Nice planet ya got here!" said Ron, overjoyed.
"ARRRRGH!" yelled Harry, as a sheep ate him. "Oh wait... I'm not really dead after all! Ha ha! (cough)"
"I hate it all." said Aisha grumpily.
"Okay, if all the wildly improbable plot holes are over..." sighed Ninja Monkey impatiently. "Can we just please get this chapter over with?"
There was a long silence. An escape pod crashed next to them and Melfina emerged. "Hey guys!" she said cheerfully. "Happy to see me?"
"This is just ridiculous." said Ninja Monkey.
"AND MAYBE A FEW MORE FOR GOOD MEASURE!" I said insanely, as Dave The Sunglasses Guy and Fred popped out of thin air.
"I say we declare a mutiny." said Suzuka. "This is the shoddiest writing of all time. What kind of lame finale is this?"
"Okay, that does it." I said. "I'm changing your ending, Suzuka."
"You wouldn't do that." said Suzuka confidently.
"I'm writing it down right now in my notepad." I said. "Suzuka...dies...of...breast cancer."
"Hey!" said Suzuka. "That's not cool!"
"Then no more complaining." I said, tearing the sheet off my notepad and crumpling it up. "Carry on about your business. Pretend like I was never here." My voice from the heavens died down.
"Uh, yeah. Anyways...WHY DOST THOU RETURN?" asked the Galactic Leyline Chick.
"What the heck's that?" asked Aisha.
"It's the voice of the Galactic Leyline." whispered Tobeigera, awestruck.
"Whoa, awesome!" said Leilong, turning to him.
"How'd you know that?" asked Ron. "You been here before or something?"
"...You guys are all idiots." said Tobeigera.
"WHY DOST THOU RETURN?" asked the Galactic Leyline, snatching up Melfina with it's lasers and taking her away.
"Eeeeeeeeeee-Whoa! I'm high up! Tee Hee! EEEEEEEEEEEK!" screamed Melfina.
"OKAY, FIRST TO MELFINA WINS." said the Galactic Leyline.
"What do we win?" asked Hazanko.
"PRIZES. A WISH OR SOMETHING." said the Galactic Leyline. "I'LL ONLY GRANT A WISH TO ONE LUCKY, LUCKY WINNER."
"Alright!" sounds great!" said Aisha, kicking a sheep and making it explode in her excitement.
"YEAH. KEEP IT HIGH-ENERGY, THIS IS FOR REALITY TV." said the Galactic Leyline. "GO."
"Go?" asked Ron.
"YUP. GO." said the Galactic Leyline. "HERE, I'LL TELEPORT YOU TO RANDOM PLACES IN GROUPS TO BE MORE CONNECTED TO THE ORIGINAL SERIES, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE WAITING FOR."
"Yeah, that'd be nice." said Suzuka. And so the Galatic Leyline teleported them, in groups of two, to different parts of the planet. The race! Was! ON!
"Cuh...cuh..." said the little girl slowly, reading off the blackboard.
"Cuh-up." said Satan warmly, pointing at each part of the word as he spoke it. "Cuuup. CUP."
"Cuh, cuh..." said the little girl, trying with all her might to say the word.
"Come on Emily, you can do it!" said Satan supportively. "I know you can! Cuh-UP! Cup!"
"Cuh...Cup!" said Emily happily, finally getting it right and breathing a sigh of relief. "CUP."
"Good job, Emily!" said Satan proudly, hugging her. "I knew you could do it! Let's go get ice cream to reward you for doing such a great job!"
"Yaaay!" giggled Emily, skipping around.
"Awww, isn't that sweet!" said Emily's teacher. "Mr. Satan, I don't know how I can thank you enough for always coming down here."
"It's really nothing, Ms. Johnson." said Satan. "You don't have to thank me, really."
"Yes I do!" said Ms. Johnson. "The kids LOVE you, Satan! They're learning so much with you around to teach them, and it must be tough for you to squeeze your volunteer work here into your tight schedule!"
"It's not really that tight, I have all eternity to get things done." said Satan. "But really, I love doing it. The kids are great, and I
love being able to help them like this. There's so many people out there who have to suffer, it's really unfair."
"That's kind of your fault, no offense." said Ms. Johnson.
"None taken. In fact, that's exactly my point." said Satan. "I should be thanking YOU for giving me this opportunity, not the other way around. I mean, most people wouldn't like the Lord Of All That Is Sinful hanging around with their children. I like that you've given me a chance."
"Oh! Well, um, no problem!" said Ms. Johnson, slightly taken aback by Satan's short speech.
"Story, story!" yelled Johnny, a little boy. "Read us a story!"
"I will when I get back, right now I have to take Emily to the ice cream stand!" chuckled Satan cheerfully.
"Yay!" yelled Emily, hugging Satan. "I wuv you!"
"Awwwww, that's so cute!" said Ms. Johnson. Suddenly a pillar of fire erupted in the middle of the room, and out stepped a greasy demon businessman.
"Sorry to interrupt you during your volunteer work at Heiphon Elementary For Disabled Children, Lord Satan." said the greasy businessman. "But we have located the two escapees, Toby and Hitoriga."
"Oh have you?" asked Satan glumly, looking down at Emily.
"Yep, they're in the Galactic Leyline." said the businessman. "I believe that it's close enough to hell, dimensionally, for you to travel to without complication."
"You don't say." sighed Satan. "Can't we just let 'em go? I mean, hell is a pretty nasty place and they were both very nice people, deep down..."
"Um...Good one?" wondered the businessman, unsure of whether Satan was making a joke or not. "Go get 'em, pal." He disappeared into another column of fire.
"I'm really sorry kids, but I have to go now." muttered Satan regretfully. "Duty calls."
"When'll you be back?" asked Ms. Johnson.
"Real soon. Real soon." said Satan mysteriously, and vanished with a whoosh of his cloak.
Aisha fizzled and appeared on a pathway. "Awesome! AWESOME! That was beyond awesome! It was...it was...so, SO awesome!"
"Nooo! Kitties, come back! We must've been separated! Waaaaah!" cried Hanmyo, hopelessly lost without her kitties.
Aisha looked at Hanmyo sadly, then walked over and put an arm around
her. "Don't worry kiddo, your kitties are in a better place now." she
"R-really?" sniffled Hanmyo, wiping her tears.
"Yes, my stomach." said Aisha. "They were very tender, I can tell you loved them a lot and took great care of them."
"They were my...only true friends." said Hanmyo sadly.
"If that's the only problem, then I'll be your new friend!" said Aisha happily, helping Hanmyo to her feet.
"Really?" asked Hanmyo, overcome with happiness.
"Of course!" said Aisha cheerfully. "Let's go to the Leything, new best friend!"
"What are we gonna do there?" asked Hanmyo, excitedly writing about her new friend in her diary.
"Glad you asked!" yelled Aisha, whipping Jim out of her pocket and shoving it into Hanmyo's hands. "That right there's my first true love, and I'm going to ask the Galactic Leybabe if she can bring him back to his human form!"
"That's so romantic!" said Hanmyo dreamily. "I was in love once, you know! I only wish I knew his name..."
"Yeah, yeah, that's great." said Aisha quickly. "I'm happy for you. I almost care. Now let's get outta here! We're losing valuable time!"
"Yes sir, best ma'am friend!" yelled Hanmyo, and they took off running down the path.
"AAAAAAHHH! AAAAAAAAHHHH!" yelled Hazanko, careening down a steep, rocky slope. He bashed against rocks and trees and sheep and lumber and anything else nature could throw at him.
"OW! ARGH! OUCH! PAIN! OW! LEG! OWIE!" yelled Tobeigera, doing the same. They fell in that fashion for quite a while, stopping only when they rolled over a cliff and into the ravine below. They moaned, clutching their broken organs as they got up to their feet.
"WHAT KINDA STUNT WAS THAT, YOU DERANGED MANIAC! TELEPORTING US TO
AN OUT OF CONTROL ROCKY MOUNTAINSIDE! YOU OUGHTTA BE ASHAMED!" yelled Hazanko to the Galactic Leyline. He looked at Tobeigera. "AND
TOBEIGERA AS MY PARTNER! IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF A SICK JOKE?"
"Lord Hazanko...I think my tummy is bleeding on the INSIDE." moaned Tobeigera, clutching his stomach in agony.
"Psh, whiner." said Hazanko. "Come on, you sad sack of poo! We've got to get there before the bad guys do!"
"But Lord Hazanko, what happens when our luck runs out?" asked Tobeigera. "We've had pretty good luck so far, but what-"
"Good luck!" yelled Hazanko. "YOU CALL FALLING DOWN A ROCKY PRECIPICE GOOD LUCK!"
"No, but I call surviving it good luck." said Tobeigera.
"There is no one as lucky as I." said Hazanko, walking under a ladder. "I'm the king of good luck. You're in safe hands with me."
"Are you sure?" asked Tobeigera, as a black cat darted out in front of them.
"I sure am sure!" said Hazanko, emptying 13 shakers of salt as they walked. "You're just way too superstitious."
"Well, if you say so." said Tobeigera. "Should I step on these cracks in the pathway?"
"Sure!" said Hazanko, trampling the cracks firmly. "That'll teach 'em!"
"We're in a river!" yelled Ron, being washed downstream through some rapids. "We're in a river!"
"Pop quiz! Who's in a river?" asked Hilda, accompanying Ron down the river.
"Us!" shouted Ron, gasping for air.
"Good job, you got it right!" said Hilda giddily.
"Hey guys, how ya doin?" asked Gene, sounding relaxed, driving up to them on a steamboat.
"Gene, let me on the boat!" yelled Ron.
"Why?" asked Gene, sipping lemonade and watching Ron drown.
"Because I'm drowning!" said Ron.
"Well, because of that little remark, I don't think I'll let you on!" said Gene indignantly.
"I didn't make a remark!" gubbled Ron.
"Come on Hilda, climb aboard." said Gene, grabbing Hilda's arm and pulling her onto his steamboat. "Whoops, mind the moustache!"
"Thanks Gene, you're the best!" said Hilda happily, hugging him.
"Hilda dear, you're shivering!" siad Gene, taking on a 1920s era upperclass southern accent. "Why don't you go inside and warm yourself up in the ballroom? I'll have Bunsen make you tea."
"You're such a gentleman!" said Hilda dreamily, as Gene escorted her inside the yacht's cabin.
"I hate you both!" yelled Ron. "You're both horrible people! Why, I-OH NO, A WATERFALL! AAGAGGAGAHHHHHBLBLBLBLLBLBLBLAL!"
"Did you hear something, Jameson?" inquired Gene of one of his butlers aboard the yacht.
"Probably a squirrel, sir." said Jameson. "Another crumpet, miss?"
"Gladly!" said Hilda, taking a crumpet off the silver platter. "Well then Gene, how is the plantation running?"
"Splendid as usual, miss Hilda." said Gene, putting on a top hat.
"Okay, spread out." said Ninja Monkey. "He has to be around somewhere!"
"What about the Leyline! I want wishes, damn you!" yelled Toby.
"Destroying our enemy is priority one." said the Arby's Mitten. "If we don't get rid of him, the entire universe is in jeopardy!"
"Psh, I'm ABOVE the universe!" said Toby. "Do you know who I am! I'm Toby! I could destroy you in the blink of an eye if I so desired! I posess dark powers of Satan, ones which you could only dream of! Whoever this enemy you're obsessing over is, I am bigger! I want wishes!"
"Then go and get wishes." said Ninja Monkey. "We're not stopping you."
"Never! I shall stand here and rant at you for as long as I please! For I am TOBY, and my personal desires are all that matter!" yelled Toby.
"Glad to hear it." said the Arby's Mitten.
"Aha!" yelled Kick Pow Smack Poof, dropping out of the sky and landing in front of them, with a rumble that shook the planet. He was more machine than human now, a horrible cyborg-sumo with the strength of thirty men.
"Kick Pow! You are even more grotesque than when I last laid eyes on you!" said Ninja Monkey insultingly. "Do you really expect your body modifications to assist you in battle?"
"Brave words, Ninja Monkey! Brave words indeed! Words you shall soon be eating!" said Kick Pow. He looked at the three of them. "Ah, so good to have my three greatest foes gathered together for me to easily slaughter!"
"You're a fool to put so much false confidence in your abilities-" said the Arby's Mitten. He cut his sentence short and stared at Toby. "THREE greatest foes?"
"Yes, indeed." said Toby, looking at Kick Pow Smack Poof with hatred.
"We meet again. Going by Kick Pow Smack Poof now, are we? I kind of liked Howard."
"I no longer go by that name." said Kick Pow Smack Poof. "And no one, certainly not a flea like you, will call me that."
"This is certainly awkward." said Ninja Monkey. "How do you two know each other?"
"I battled Howard here in the old days." said Toby. "That was over 1000 years ago. I was good, and he knew it. He knew he could never beat me, and that I'd always ruin his plans of universal domination. So he decided to take the easy route in destroying me."
"Easy route, my foot." said Kick Pow. "Your father was nearly as great a warrior as you."
"He killed my family. My father, my mother, and my little sister." said Toby, his eyes watering up. "He knew how important they all were to me, and he killed them, figuring I'd be in a weakened state in my grief."
"Hah!" said Kick Pow. "And my plan worked a little too well! I didn't expect you to kill yourself over it! All the better. It certainly surprised me, though. Who'd have thought that the great Toby could be so weak?"
"Shut up." said Toby, clenching his fists.
"That stings, doesn't it? The great Toby was always heralded as an emotionless defender of justice, and the way you went out still haunts you. What was it you were telling people in hell? That you overdosed? Silly, silly." said Kick Pow. "I'm sure you saw your mother there. Do you think she'd be proud of you? Toby the Weak?"
"Bastard!" yelled Ninja Monkey, drawing his sword.
"No." said Toby, putting an arm in front of Ninja Monkey. "Leave this to me."
"Hahahahaha!" laughed Kick Pow cruelly. "Do you really think you can beat me? A millenium of torture hasn't exactly suited you well. You're thin and gangly, nothing like the brawny Toby the Weak I used to battle."
"Soon you'll learn..." said Toby, his fists starting to glow with a green flame, "That muscle isn't everything." Whoa, how totally badass and/or cheesy as heck.
"Ugh, this new body isn't very well suited to hiking long distances." said Iraga, panting.
"Yes, you really didn't design the 'new you' with your occupation in mind, did you?" Gwen Kahn joked.
"You're unfunny and stupid." said Iraga. "Are you trying to tell me that this was a BAD IDEA? Look at me! I'm gorgeous!"
"Well, SURE." said Kahn, like Iraga was the dumbest person alive. "But you're also a mere shell of what you used to be! Don't you remember Iraga the firece fighter? The brutal competitor? Now you're a daisy."
"A very SEXY daisy." said Iraga, whipping a mirror out of her trousers and admiring herself. Suddenly this cabbage flies out of nowhere and hits Iraga in the noggin!
"Argh! Who's throwing produce!" yelled Iraga angrily, wiping chunks of soggy lettuce out of her eyes.
"It's an ambush!" yelled Kahn, getting hit from behind with an eggplant.
"Heh heh! Got 'em!" said Dave, slinging a grapefruit at Iraga.
"Good one, Joshua!" agreed Hamushi, and they high fived.
"Hey, what the heck are you idiots doing!" yelled Iraga, turning to face them. "His name's not Joshua!" "We know, but that's not stopping us!" yelled Hamushi, firing a cauliflower at Kahn from her Cauli-crossbow.
"Argh!" yelled Kahn, collapsing with a slice of cauliflower embedded in his side.
"No! He's down!" yelled Iraga, whipping a chunk of solid beef out of her pocket and hurling it at Dave and Hamushi.
"PROTEIN! RUN!" yelled Dave, and they scattered as the beef exploded on their vantage point.
"There, I think that disoriented them." said Iraga. She ran over and helped Kahn into a sitting position. "Are you okay!"
"P-pull it out..Agh..." moaned Kahn, blood oozing from his wound.
"Oh my god, oh my god..." stammered Iraga, gripping the razored caulidart and pulling on it.
"AAAAAIGH!" yelled Kahn in pain. Iraga let go of the caulidart immediately, still embedded in his side.
"We need to get you to a hospital!" said Iraga, terrified.
"Yes, yes indeed. Y- (cough) yes. Yup Y...yes." moaned Kahn, coughing up blood.
"Ha ha! We sure mortally wounded THAT loser!" chuckled Dave.
"You said it!" laughed Hamushi, and they high fived. Hamushi got serious. "You know Dave, I think it's time we had a talk about...us."
"Look Hamushi, there's nothing to talk about." said Dave. "We're through, and that's all there is to it."
"Let's make love." said Hamushi.
"Well, okay." said Dave. He shook his head and stepped back. "Wait, no! You can't tempt me with your rotten ways!"
"Well then, can we have a picnic by that river?" asked Hamushi, pointing to the river. "Nice and peaceful. Romantic. Perfect for seduction."
"Seduction, huh?" said Dave appraisingly, putting his hands on his hips and looking at the river. "Think anybody'll seduce us?"
"I'll ward them off, sexylumpkins." said Hamushi, seducing Dave.
"Okay, that's good." said Dave, and they sat by the river. "What do we have to eat for our picnic?"
"The main dish is...ME!" said Hamushi, stripping off all her clothes. Dave stared at her.
"Your seduction techniques are amateurish and stupid...Yet I can't refuse." said Dave, enchanted.
"Yes! Yes!" said Hamushi, hugging Dave. The collaspsed by the river and began making out. All seemed great until...
"GLARGH!" yelled Ron, popping out of the rapids and gasping for air. He grabbed Dave's hair and pulled himself up onto shore.
"Ow!" said Dave, clutching his wounded scalp in agony.
"Thank god your ugly surfer haircut was here to save me!" said Ron.
"Go away! We're trying to fornicate!" said Hamushi, irritably.
"No!" refused Ron. "Let's hurry up and get to the Galactic Leyline!"
"Go there yourself, we don't even know who you are." said Dave.
"Oh come on, Hamushi knows me." said Ron. "The Anten Seven and the Macdougall brothers are good friends. We play canasta sometimes."
"I've never seen you before in my life." said Hamushi.
"That's because you can't see!" argued Ron, pointing to her helmet.
"Trust me, you guys. Galactic Leyline. Now. You can be grosso all you want later, right now this is a matter of LIFE AND DEATH! WISH AND NO WISH! You see what I'm saying?"
"God, fine. Fine." said Dave. "Anything that will help the plot along." Hamushi sighed and put her clothes back on. "You'd better not be wrong and doing something stupid."
"Of course I'm right!" said Ron, walking down the path. "When have I ever done something stupid?"
"Haha! Good point!" said Dave cheerfully. "By the way, you're going the wrong way."
"Right you are!" said Ron, turning around and heading the other way.
"And you put on my shirt instead of yours." said Hamushi, pointing to Ron's shirt.
"Aha! Keen eye, Hamushi!" said Ron, taking her shirt off.
"Plus your shoes are on backwards." said Dave, pointing to Ron's feet.
"Shut up." muttered Ron, taking his shoes off and correctly replacing them.
"So..." said Hitoriga, walking behind Suzuka. "I don't recall ever getting an apology from you for cutting my head off and all that..."
"Shut up." said Suzuka, doing her best to ignore him.
"Hey, I'd apologize to you if I happened to cut YOUR head off!" said Hitoriga indignantly.
"I'm not apologizing to you for anything." said Suzuka. "Quit following me."
"Never!" said Hitoriga. "I'm determined to find why this relationship isn't working! Why won't you accept me?"
"Could be that you detroyed my whole family... Or that you're a weirdo stalker..." said Suzuka, rolling her eyes.
"I'm nothing of the sort!" said Hitoriga. "I'll give you the family killing though. Yeah, that was kind of... mean. But people do crazy things when they're in love, Suzuka! You've got to understand that!"
"Is that why you did it! FOR LOVE!" yelled Suzuka emotionally, turning around. The orchestra swelled to an emotional high, the sky darkened, and the camera zoomed in on Suzuka's face to catch every hint of emotional intensity and drama. Every heartstring in the theater was tugged by Suzuka's tear-jerking performance. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. Soon, everyone on the street was raving about Suzuka's brilliant performance, and she raised the bar for acting to levels that audience goers would come to expect for centuries to come.
"Whoa." said Hitoriga, backing up.
"Sorry." said Suzuka. They continued on their quest. They walked for miles and miles, before being confronted by a horrible monster.
"Hi guys! What's up?" asked Susan.
"Susan!" said Suzuka, horrified. "What're you doing here!"
"What kind of question is that?" asked Susan. "I'll always be by your side! It's so, so good to see you." She hugged Suzuka tightly.
"Good to see you too." sighed Suzuka, giving Susan a cautious hug back. "You can tag along if you want, but we're going to be moving pretty fast if we want to get to the Galactic Leyline thing first."
"Actually Suzuka, this is where I'm stopping you." said Susan sadly.
"What?" asked Suzuka.
"You're not going a step further until you tell me something." said Susan firmly.
"And you're going to stop me?" asked Suzuka, amused.
"Yes, yes I am." said Susan.
"Suzuka, who is this scary chick?" asked Hitoriga, whispering to Suzuka.
"Old friend." said Suzuka simply, biting her lip.
"Now Suzuka, tell me you love me." said Susan. "That you still love me, regardless of what your foolish decision said about your feelings." Susan gripped Suzuka's hand. "Tell me you still care about me more than anything else."
"I won't." said Suzuka, drawing her sword. "Becuase it isn't true."
"Hey, no need to get violent." said Susan calmly, still holding Suzuka's hand tenderly. "All you need to do is say it."
"Suzuka, don't say it!" said Hitoriga.
"Be quiet." said Susan, looking at Hitoriga. "Suzuka has no love for you."
"Who do you love, Suzuka!" asked Hitoriga. "Me, or this lesbian childhood friend of yours!"
"I...I..." said Suzuka, her grip becoming weak from Susan's contact and her sword falling to the ground. She collapsed to her knees. "I don't know..."
"You love ME, Suzuka." speaking softly into Suzuka's ear.
"Why? What makes you think she loves you so much!" said Hitoriga angrily.
"Because I am her." said Susan. "And everyone loves themself."
"What do you mean, you ARE me?" asked Suzuka, looking up into Susan's eyes.
"Just what it sounds like." said Susan, their faces only inches apart. "Or rather, a part of you. You see, I am your homosexual side. The living incarnation of your thoughts and fears."
"Wh-what do you mean?" asked Suzuka.
"I was created from your imagination when you were only a child and given life as a real human being, still maintaining the shape of your fear." said Susan. "You'd just been through a trauma. Your emotions were getting out of hand. I was created to be your companion, and to provide balance to your emotions by holding them inside myself."
"And that trauma..." said Hitoriga, disbelieving. He kneeled before Suzuka. "Was that when I killed your family?"
"No. That was when Suzuka did." said Susan.
"WHAT?" asked both Suzuka and Hitoriga.
"You were neighbors. Hitoriga was easy to blame. You couldn't believe you'd done it, so you accused him. Soon, you both started believing it was true. The real truth of what happened was lost to everyone in existence. Except for me, because I never really existed." said Susan solemnly.
"And why do you want me to say I love you! Why do you want me to kiss you and hold you in my arms!" asked Suzuka. "I've done it countless times before, why does now make any difference?"
"Because, Suzuka. I have made the ultimate sacrifice in my attempt to make you admit what's deep down in your soul." said Susan.
"Sacrifice? What sacrifice?" asked Suzuka. Susan sighed and pulled her hair to the side, revealing bare skin where ears should be. "No! Not your ears!"
"Yes." said Susan. "I gave up everything. My left ear, my right ear...Everything important. Now love me like you did before, and you can put all of this behind you. Just admit that I, your lesbian side, exists. Once you do I will cease to exist, since that confused attraction will be housed inside your body once again."
"You're not gonna actually do it, are you Suzuka?" asked Hitoriga, trembling.
"Yes. I am." said Suzuka softly. "Susan, I love you. I know my past actions haven't been very indicative of it, but there's really nothing that means more to me than you." Suzuka put her hand on Susan's cheek.
"I made the wrong decision that day. Incredibly wrong. I should have gone with you, but it never happened. I wish I could go back and change it all, but that can never be."
"Oh, Suzuka. All is forgiven." said Susan, and they shared a passionate kiss. Immediately Susan exploded like a wet paper bag, showering gore and chunks of internal organs over Suzuka and Hitoriga.
"Whoa! Mood killer!" said Hitoriga.
"I thought she'd disappear with a little more... mystique and beauty." said Suzuka, pulling Susan's disembodied tongue out of her mouth. "Oh well, that's Susan for you."
"So, are you a lesbian now or something?" asked Hitoriga. "Cause that whole thing didn't really make sense to me."
"Yes, I am." said Suzuka with a smile, looking up at the sky. "I don't need to hide it anymore. I have achieved the utmost comfortability (if I may be so groovy as to invent words) with my sexuality. I'm proud of who I am now. And what I am is officially lesbian."
"So now there's absolutely no hope of me getting with you?" asked Hitoriga.
"Yup." said Suzuka proudly.
"Dadgum it." said Hitoriga, snapping his fingers in defeat.
"Gasp! Wheeze!" said an exhausted Tobeigera.
"Gasp gasp wheeze!" answered Hazanko, keeping with the rhythm.
"A wheezy wheezy gasp gasp boop bop a sneeze." said Tobeigera, not
missing a beat.
"Gaspa wheezy be bop a shooba dee do! A wheezy wheezy clam ham
soupity boo!" said Hazanko.
"Damn, I've met my match." wheezed Tobeigera. "Are we almost to the
"Nope!" said Hazanko. "Don't be silly!"
"Why are we taking the route that goes through tons of hills and
mountains?" asked Tobeigera, about to collapse from fatigue.
"Don't ask stupid questions." said Hazanko gruffly.
"Okay." said Tobeigera. He heard the sounds of combat just ahead of
them. "What's that sound?"
"Hey, hey! WHAT'D I JUST SAY!" asked Hazanko angrily.
"Sorry." said Tobeigera as they crashed through some bushes and into
the scene of the battle. It was chaos. Kick Pow Smack Poof and Ninja
Monkey were battling, using the height of their ability. The Arby's
Mitten lay on the ground, unconcious. Toby was also not moving, and
had blood dripping from a wound in his side...
"What the hoppin' hefferson haskatchewan is going on here!" yelped
Hazanko, hopping up and down like an angry zeppelin.
"Good question!" said Tobeigera.
"Shut up!" said Hazanko, sneering at Tobeigera like he's never sneered before.
"To answer your question, Hazanko, we're in the middle of a great and
historic battle." said Kick Pow Smack Poof, casting a defeated Ninja
Monkey aside. "Oops, actually, it just ended."
"You rotten guy! To arms, ye knave!" said Hazanko, pulling out his
spear and climbing onto a horse. "Justice is my sword and truth shall
be my quiver!"
"Aha, I see ye are of noble blood." said Kick Pow Smack Poof, also
mounting a horse and readying his spear. "But I shall vanquish thee,
to reclaim the honor of my brother whom thee hast murdered. Prepare
And so they jousted. Both their spears broke on impact and they drew
their swords and continued the battle on foot. The fought for two long
hours, until Kick Pow knocked Hazanko to the ground and straddled him,
untying his helmet and preparing to behead him.
"No! Do not slay me!" said Hazanko in fear. "For the sake of my fair
lady, spare me, for you are a most noble knight indeed. You will have
me, and my entire army of knights at your control."
"Very well." said Kick Pow, standing up and resheathing his sword.
"Thee and thy men swear allegiance to the great King Arthur from this
"It will be done, noble knight." said Hazanko. "This is stupid. You
win. I'm gonna go sit over here." He walked over and sat on the ground
next to Ninja Monkey's gangrenous body.
"Har har!" said Kick Pow, done with being a noble knight or whatever
the hell that massive chunk of the story I just wrote was about. "Now
there is no one to stop me!"
"Oh yes there is!" said Tobeigera, standing proudly in front of Kick
Pow. Everyone stared at him, then burst out laughing.
"What the heck do you think you can do to me, you little
clowny-headed-prince-of-the -uglies?" asked Kick Pow. "Cut me with your
pansy little blades? Or are you gonna BAD PUN me to death!"
"No, none of that." said Tobeigera smugly and confidently. "But I'll
tell you what I WILL do..."
"And what's that?" asked Kick Pow, with a smirk.
Tobeigera whipped out a massive inflatable sumo suit. "I'm gonna
fight fire...with FIRE!"
"No! You can't make it!" said Hazanko. "You can't even inflate the
inflatalbe rafts out on the Geomancer! What makes you think you can-"
"I have confidence in myself, Hazanko!" said Tobeigera. "I CAN DO IT!
All my previous inflating experiences have been building up to this
climatic moment! And it will all! Pay! OFF!" He immediately started
blowing into the suit.
"N-no!" said Kick Pow. "It can't be...After all the work I've done,
this can't be all it takes to defeat me!"
"Wheeze! Wheeze!" breathed Tobeigera into the suit, which was slowly
growing larger. Halfway there, starting to get lightheaded...3/4ths
there, turning blue in the face... Almost done, losing
conciousness...Until, just barely...
"You did it!" yelled Hazanko, jumping up and down like a whirling dervish.
Stunned, Tobeigera capped the mouthpiece of the suit, and wiped some
tears of happiness from his eyes. "I...I did it!" He put the suit on,
and flexed his inflated muscles. "Now, let's show this punk who's
"Now now, let's talk this over!" stammered Kick Pow Smack Poof.
"No way, Jose!" said Tobeigera, punching him in the noggin and
exploding his head, sending meaty chunks of gore everywhere. "Hooray!"
Kick Pow's hulking body slumped to the ground, dead as a doornail
that has ceased to live.
"You did a good job, Tobeigera old pal." said Hazanko, patting
Tobeigera on the back.
"Thank you, sir." sniffled Tobeigera, as happy as can be.
"H-he's finally dead?" asked Toby, standing up and clutching his
side. "Th-that's good. He was a real b-bastard, wasn't..."
"Don't talk anymore." said Hazanko, rushing to support Toby. "Let's
just get you to someplace with nurses."
"Hey, what about Ninja Monkey and the Arby's Mitten?" asked
Tobeigera, turning around to where they once sat.
Their conciousness was regained, and Ninja Monkey was climbing onto
the Arby's Mitten's back. "Our work here is done." said Ninja Monkey.
"You all go on to the Galactic Leything by yourselves."
"Huh? B-but, where will you all go?" asked Tobeigera.
"Wherever the galaxy needs us." said the Arby's Mitten simply.
"Goodbye!" called everyone, as the flew off into the distance.
"Hang on." said Iraga, supporting Kahn as they walked. "I think we're
almost to the Leything."
"Wait, what's that noise?" asked Kahn, as they heard a strange
rumbling noise int he distance and getting louder.
"It sounds like a... a..." stammered Iraga.
"Like a what? A WHAT!" yelped Kahn, gettinge nervous.
"A STAMPEEEEDE!" yelled Iraga, diving to the ground as a sheep
stampede crashed by them. Suddenly the sheep doubled back and formed a
circle around them.
"Oh my god! We're cornered!" yelled Kahn. The sheep slowly began
closing in on them. "Do something, Iraga!"
"Like what?" asked Iraga.
"Turn into a dog or something!" said Kahn. "They're getting closer!"
"I can't! Then my, my expensive plastic surgery would no longer be
intact!" said Iraga. "I'd be grosso Iraga again!"
"Iraga, you have to make a choice!" said Kahn. "What's more important
to you? Your looks, our saving the life of your one true love?"
"You're not my true love! Just because I did that ONE little 'favor'
for you in middle school so you'd raise my grade in Art a little
bit..." said Iraga.
"Shut up and advance the plot, you maniac!" yelled Kahn, as the sheep
were now close enough to reach out and touch.
"I...I can't..." said Iraga. "I'm beautiful now! My whole life I've
been ugly and disgusting, and I can't go back to that now!"
"Iragaaaaaaaa!" yelled Kahn as the sheep began devouring him.
"Nooooo!" yelled Iraga, transforming into her doggy form and eating
all the sheep.
"Noooooooooo! Why couldn't they LIIIIIVE!" sobbed Louise dramatically.
"Who are you?" asked Kahn, pointing to Louise amidst the sheepy carnage.
"Um, I shouldn't be here." said Louise, bouncing on a trampoline and
launching up into the stars and far far away.
"Wow." said Iraga, now back in her human form, one again looking
disgusting. "I guess I made the right decision, right when it counted.
But still...I wish I-"
"Don't say another word." said Kahn. "I love you for who you are,
Iraga my sweet. To me, the original Iraga is the only true one, and
the only one I love."
"Awwwwwwwww." said every girl in the audience. I cover my ears.
"We're he-ere! We're he-ere! We're great, we're fine, we're keen!" sang Ron.
"Sure thing." said Dave. "Can we be raunchy now?"
"Fine, fine." said Ron."If you must."
"Yay!" said Dave and Hamushi, getting raunchy.
"Well then Galactic Leyline, it would appear that I have arrived
first!" said Ron with a chuckle. "How about that wish?"
"WELL, OKAY THE-" started the Galactic Leyline. "WAIT A SECOND,
YOU'RE THAT GUY! I'M NOT GIVING YOU ANYTHING, ASSHOLE!"
"Huh? What the hell?" asked Ron. "What are you talking about?"
"Schwing!" said Dave, staring at the giant Galactic Leyline head in
awe. There was a long pause.
"Do you mind! We're in the middle of a conversation!" said Ron.
"Plus, she's a giant floating face, you sick maniac!"
"Sorry." said Dave, ashamed.
"Anyways, explain yourself." said Ron, pointing at the Galactic Leyline.
"YOU TORTURED AND TORMENTED MY PHYSICAL FORM FOR OVER A YEAR. IT WAS
NONSTOP PAIN AND SUFFERING." said the Galactic Leyline. "NOW I'M NOT
GIVING YOU ANYTHING AT ALL, SO HAHA TO YOU."
"What? I did nothing of the sort!" said Ron. "What did your physical
form look like."
"THIN, PRETTY, HAD A JOB AS A BABYSITTER, YOU KNOW HER." said the
"No. Way." said Ron.
"YES WAY." said the Galactic Leyline.
"That was my little brother's fault! I swear! I had nothing to do
with it!" said Ron.
"FORGET YOU, JERK. IF I HAD ARMS I'D PUNCH YOU AND STRANGLE YOU."
said the Galactic Leyline.
"Waaaah! Don't hate me for my brother's crimes!" said Ron, being a baby.
"SAVE IT. NOW GET OUTTA HERE!" said the Galactic Leyline.
"Hi guys, are we too late?" cheered Aisha, cartwheeling up the steep
and rocky hill to the Galactic Leyline.
"Wait up! Wait!" called Hanmyo, running after her.
"AH, HERE COME THE TRUE WINNERS!" said the Galactic Leyline. "AND
WHAT DO YOU WISH FOR, LADIES?"
"Bring our sexy pal Jim back to life!" said Aisha, placing the little
ball on the ground in front of the Leybabe.
"OKAY." said the Leyline, focusing all her power on the ball. With a
loud pop, Jim became himself once again.
"Whoa, where am I?" asked Jim.
"JIMMMYYYYY!" squealed Aisha, tackling Jim to the ground and kissing him.
"Ugh! Blargh!" yelled Jim.
"Oh my god!" said Hanmyo, shocked. "It's...it's you!"
"Huh?" asked Jim, shoving Aisha off and looking at Hanmyo. "I thought
I'd lost you forever!" They hugged and were happy.
"Wait...Jim, who's this?" asked Aisha.
"This is my long lost sweetheart!" said Jim happily, a big smile on
his face. "I can't believe it! Wow!"
"Let's get married!" said Hanmyo.
"Okay!" said Jim.
"But Jim, what about me!" asked Aisha.
"Look, Aisha..." sighed Jim. "I love you, but...Bot in a raunchy and
sexual way. You understand, don't you?"
"Please, Jim." said Aisha, eyes welling up with tears. "I desire,
nay, I LUST for your little boy meat."
"Whoa! WHOA THERE!" said Ron, holding up a strange device. "The
raunchymeter has OFFICIALLY OVERHEATED!"
"Jimmy, love me the way only a child can." said Aisha, reaching a
hand down Jim's pants as the Raunchymeter exploded in Ron's hands,
lighting his forearms on fire.
"Whoa, did we arrive at a bad time?" asked Gene, escorting Hilda off the boat.
"Gene, Aisha's trying to molest me!" yelled Jim.
"Um, no I'm not! I was looking for my car keys!" said Aisha, thinking quickly.
"There, crisis solved." said Gene happily. "Now Aisha, if you don't
mind, could you use your preacher power to marry Hilda and I?"
"I've got nothing against marrying Hilda but there's no way I'm
marrying you." said Aisha, crossing her arms.
"Ho ho ho ho ho!" laughed Gene, Frenchman style. "You misunderstand!
I want to marry Hilda and I want YOU to perform the ceremony!"
"You could have just asked me to marry the two of you, I would have
known what you meant." said Aisha, rolling her eyes. "But anyways.
Gene, do you take this one-eyed, monstrous barbarian to be your
lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, until death do ye part?"
"I do." said Gene warmly, staring into Hilda's eyes.
"And Hilda, how about Gene? Nice guy huh? Strange weather we're
having, isn't it?" asked Aisha.
"I do." said Hilda happily.
"Then, I now pronounce you husband and wife." said Aisha. "You may
put your tongues into each other's mouths." They did so.
"We're here! We're here!" panted Suzuka. "Are we too late?"
"Of course we're too late!" said Hitoriga. "Damn that monster! Damn her!"
"You're not too late for the wedding reception!" smiled Gene broadly.
"I love weddings!" said Suzuka. "But let's celebrate later. I'm
afraid I've got something important I must confess to everyone-"
"What's new pussycat!" yelled Hazanko, marching up to the Leyline.
"WHOOA WHOOA WHOOA WHOA WHOA!" sang Tobeigera, jogging along in his
massive sumo suit.
"Wow, everybody's back together!" sniffled Hamushi. "We're all one
big happy family again."
"Dang right!" said Iraga, and they high fived.
"What the hell? You're no longer pretty!" yelled Hitoriga. "WHAT CRAP
"I realized, that the best person to be in the universe is yourself."
said Iraga cheesily.
"How lovely." said Kahn.
"Well, I guess we can all go home now!" said Toby, his wound all
healed. "That sure was fun!"
"Um yes, well, as I was saying-" started Suzuka.
"No home for you!" yelled Satan, appearing out of thin air. He
grabbed Hitoriga and Toby by their collars. "You two are coming with
"Nooooo!" yelled Hitoriga.
"Nooooooooo!" yelled Toby.
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" yelled Hitoriga.
"Alright, fine." said Satan. "Stay here, I don't really mind. I'll
let you off the hook this once."
"Yay!" said Hitoriga.
"You're the coolest, Satan!" said Jim happily.
"You bet!" said Hanmyo.
"Haha, I sure am!" said Satan cheerfully. "Remember kids, sacrifice
someone and listen to death metal every day!"
"We won't forget it!" said everyone in unison as Satan disappeared.
"ANYWAYS, if there are no further interruptions..." said Suzuka.
"Hi guys, I have an announcement." said Harry, walking up to them
all, holding Fred's hand. "Being teamed up with Fred in this race has
given him time to convince me that I am, well, gay."
"SHUT THE HELL UP AND LET ME TALK!" yelled Suzuka, slicing Harry in half.
"NO! NOOOOOOO!" yelled Ron, collapsing to his knees and holding
Harry's pieces in his arms. "Maybe, we could bring him back to life as
a robot...or...or maybe, um..."
"No Ron, I think we've done all we can do." said Hilda, placing a
hand on his shoulder.
"WAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" cried Ron.
"I'M A LESBIAN! JESUS CHRIST, CAN'T ANYONE TALK AROUND HERE!" yelled
Suzuka. Everyone stared at her.
"This...This is huge." said Gene. "It's not like I didn't know it all
along, but...holy cow. Jim?"
"I'll get as much of her antics on tape as I can, Gene." said Jim solemnly.
"It must have taken a lot of courage to come out and say that." said Aisha.
"It did indeed, Aisha. But what I'm about to say is going to take
even more courage." said Suzuka, dropping to one knee and pulling a
ring out of her pocket. "Aisha ClanClan, will you marry me?"
"Whoa! Holy moley!" remarked Hazanko.
"This is incredible!" remarked Kahn.
"HARRY! OH GOD, HARRY! COME BACK TO ME!" remarked Fred.
"I wonder what she'll say?" remarked Iraga.
"Oh Suzuka, of course!" said Aisha, and they kissed. WOOOOOOWWWW!
HOLY COW! Don't worry Sarge5, they used lots of tongue.
"So, are you guys going to broadcast your honeymoon lovemaking on
national TV too?" asked Hazanko pervertedly.
"What?" asked Aisha, confused.
"You know, when you two did the nasty when you were controlled by
that psychic cactus?" asked Hazanko.
"Oh yeah! I see what you're talking about!" said Aisha. "But that
cactus wasn't controlling me! That Suzuka seduction was allll me!"
"Hey!" yelled Suzuka.
"You guys have been sitting here THE WHOLE TIME!" yelled Hazanko.
"Yep." said Jukei, kicking back in a reclining chair.
"Nothing but us and the library of porn we have nestled in the
basement." sighed Leilong contentedly, taking a swig of Dr. Pepper.
"Did you make yourselves useful...In any way at all?" asked Hazanko calmly.
"Not really." said Jukei. "Unless you call exploding stuff in the
"Oh yeah, we did get a call though." said Leilong. "From the Heiphon
library. Something about a massive overdue book fine."
"Oh yeah, our plan!" said Tobeigera, remembering. "Let's go bring
them books back! Soon that library will be fit as a fiddle once again,
with the fines the collect from us!"
"Splendid!" said Hazanko. "How much is the bill?"
"4.6 billion dollars." said Leilong.
"Oh yeah, that'll fix up their place for sure!" said Hazanko happily.
"Let's get going!"
"God, I guess it's just me." sighed Ron, boarding the Lovin'
Spoonful. "Harry's dead. Hilda's gone off with Gene and his gang. I've
got nothing left."
"Hey there, I'm your new ship's computer!" came a voice from the
"Harry! Wow, Harry, is it really you!" asked Ron, unbelieving.
"Harry? Who's Harry?" wondered Susan, from the computer screen.
"Where's that sexy Hilda you always hang around with?"
"NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Ron, collapsing to the gorund and
clutching his head.
"Hey, what's this?" wondered Reno, picking an ear up off the ground.
"Looks like an ear!" said Keith. "You're so lucky, man! Try it on!"
"Haha, alright!" said Reno, attatching it to the side of his head.
"How do I look?"
"Hm, something missing." said Kevin. "The other one has to be around
"Ah, here it is!" said Reno, picking another ear up off the ground
and putting it on the other side of his head.
"Much better. You look great, man." said Keith.
"With this many ears, I could be the greatest musician in the world!"
"Hey, I found a nose!" said Keith, attatching a nose to his face. "I
could be the world's greatest florist!"
"Hey, here's a tongue!" said Kevin, putting it in his mouth. "I could
make a fine and dandy lumberjack!"
"To the rest of our lives!" cheered Reno.
"Alright!" yelled the batch of mutants in unison.
"We are gathered here today, to mourn the loss of Harry MacDougall."
said Ron sadly to a crowd of people. "He was a kind man. A gentle man.
A man who was tragically killed-Hey, quit doing the wave! You guys are
"Sorry." said the crowd, taking their seats.
"Well, that was a lovely funeral..." said Aisha, shoving Harry's
coffin off the stage. "But now it's time for the wedding!" The crowd
cheered. Reno began playing the wedding the march on his double-necked
electric guitar, which was kind of cool except he kept losing control
and going into badass solos.
Suzuka walked up onto the stage. "Twilight Suzuka, do you take me to
be your lawfully wedded wife?"
"I do." said Suzuka.
"Me, do I take Twilight Suzuka to be my lawfully wedded wife? I do. I
may kiss the bride." And so they did.
"They all forgot to rescue me." muttered Melfina, chained to a pillar
out in the Galactic Leyline.
"I'M SURE THEY DIDN'T REALLY FORGET YOU, YOU'RE A VERY LOVEABLE
PERSON." commented the Galactic Leyline.
"You really think so?" asked Melfina, happily.
"NO. WELL, SURE, YEAH. I GUESS?" wondered the Galactic Leyline. Melfina cried.
Just so everyone knows, I don't actually have a lesbian fetish at
all, I never have, and I have no clue why this story evolved the way
it did. It just...happened. Bizzare. Maybe it's a subconcious thing.
So anyways, that's it! And before I go, I'd like to give a special
shout-out to the people who made this story possible! HOWDY! Okay,
there we go.
By the way, it would be great if everyone who read this last chapter
could write a review, not just of this one but one overall review, of
the whole series. I want to see your complete, total impression of the
thing as a whole, if it's at all possible. Thank you very much, the
info of what you liked and didn't like will definitely be used in my
Thanks everybody, and check out my all new fanfic, the first chapter
of which will be posted in the Anime Crossover section ASAP! Go check
that shizz! And remember: Wherever you go, whatever you do...KEEP ON
Jet: (from far off) YOU BASTAAAAAAAARD!
Wow, he must have really strong lungs? How did I hear that if he's
off in Sea World? Oh, and now, the vietnam-war-movie-style closing
GENE bought a nice house with Hilda, where they lived happily for the
rest of their days. He got a job as one of those guys who greets you
when you enter Wal-Mart.
JIM continued his education and went to college, becoming a
professional computer genius. In his later years, he developed a nasty
case of the cold, which he still has to this day.
SUZUKA lived happily with Aisha for many, many years. They had 19
children together, not letting the fact that they were both women keep
them from having kids. How rebellious!
AISHA was hit by the Bon Jovi tour bus, but she's okay now. She got a
ton of cash for suing them though, and she and Suzuka lived in wealth
and prosperity for the rest of their days.
FRED got a job on Blue Heaven as a pole dancer after his porn star
success faded, still managing to rake in tons of cash.
GILLIAM got a job on Blue Heaven as the pole.
HARRY is dead. They say that every year on Halloween, the ghost of
Harry comes out of the grave and throws a parade. It happened a couple
times on Arbor Day too.
RON talked in rhyme for 20 years before someone told him he was being annoying.
HILDA loves making faces at people while they sleep. It is currently
her favorite pastime.
HAZANKO got his own exercise program: "Gettin' Fit Wit' Hazanko". It
was on TV for 6 seasons and won an emmy for 'Best Exercise Program On
ABC At 4 AM.'
JUKEI became the first man to juggle 17 chainsaws while riding a pony,
using his feet. No one cared.
LEILONG once had an erection for 12 days. He wrote a book about the
experience, titled 'Me And My Boner', which was on the New York Times'
bestseller list for 3 straight years.
HITORIGA was told by a telephone psychic that he was Bob Saget in a
past life, and he comitted suicide.
HAMUSHI was soon married to Dave The Sunglasses Guy, overcoming their
past differences and finding love in each other once again. They
enjoyed 7 happy years of marriage.
DAVE THE SUNGLASSES GUY wasn't too happy about that, because only 7 of
their 40 married years were happy ones. He also signed a contract with
me for two cameo appearances in future stories! Congratulations!
HANMYO was happily married to Jim all her life, even after some mafia
hitmen cut off her hands due to some large gambling debts she racked
up around age 30.
IRAGA is playing Freddy Krueger in an upcoming remake of Nightmare On
Elm Street. The director has stated, quote: "She was the prime choice,
because this way we don't have to buy any makeup."
TOBEIGERA won the lottery, only to lose it all by feeding it to the
jungle goats on his father's ranch.
KAHN was banished from the High IQ society forever after word spread
about his sexual history with the middle schoolers he taught art to.
He spent the rest of his life in solitude, memorizing the scripts for
every episode of Thirtysomething ever made.
THE GALACTIC LEYLINE, being the most intelligent thing in existence,
has great respect for Wheat Thins. She feels everyone should eat them,
because they are so damn tasty, and quasi-healthy! She's right.
Everybody, eat Wheat Thins today.
NINJA MONKEY YAH HOO HAH got a job as Bruce Vilanch's stunt double,
until people discovered he looked nothing like Bruce Vilanch, and also
that Bruce Vilanch doesn't do any stunts.
KICK POW SMACK POOF is dead as far as I know. Or will he return! DUN DUN DUN!
THE ARBY'S MITTEN continues to make crappy commercials that everyone
hates to this day. He hung up his superhero cape a long time ago
though, choosing to live a life of peace and serenity after the defeat
SATAN continued to bring joy and warmth to the hearts of America's
children. Such a nice man.
TOBY went to this party once, and was really mad because no one was
serving crab cakes. You should have seen him, he was really REALLY
RENO fought in the war of 1812. Okay, actually, he remarried to a
human girl named Charlene. He loves how she's intelligent, funny,
dependable, hard-working, and has a great personality. She likes his
KEITH is now a world famous chef. He and Emeril had a duel on top of
the Empire State Building for the title of 'Greatest Chef Ever', which
lasted 37 years and ended in a tie, much like World Cup Soccer.
KEVIN...Um...I think Kevin had a sandwich last night that he really
enjoyed. He plans on having another very soon.
DOCTOR DEFRET thought he saw Johnny Depp at an airport once, but it wasn't him.
BARLEY AND JAKE stopped being cops. Jake got promoted for his hard
work and became a member of the secret service. Barley became
president of the Heiphon system, being the only man dumb enough to
want the job.
SUSAN finished high school like a good kid and eventually married me.
At least, I predict that's what's ahead. Did I ever tell you that
Susan is based off a real live friend of mine? Really? I didn't? There
is no difference between the fake Susan and the real-life Susan,
seriously. We're totally a couple now. How's that for gossip? Did I
ever ALSO tell you that Dave is based off one of my friends as well?
How 'bout that? The sunglasses-selling life doesn't treat the poor guy
well, I'm afraid. He's cool though.
BABYKILLERTRON is a linebacker for the Baltimore Ravens.
JHEMAN sat himself back down and started brainstorming ideas for his
next project. What's next for me? Who knows? Actually, I know, but
you'll have to find out for yourself. Just go check, the first
chapter's gonna be up real soon.
JET...What about Jet? Has anyone seen him? Where's Jet gone? Please
tell me if you find him, because I miss the big lug.