From: "Julia Webster" Date: Wed, 10 Nov 1999 14:31:03 +1100

Title: Monday Morning Blues

Authors: Cam and Julia

Disclaimer ::hides the Rachel, Frank, Helen and Jack dolls in her cupboard for later use:: they are MINE!

Author's note: we felt like writing something funny after our last collaborative effort.. enjoy!! Oh, we must also apologize to Hal, His Rachel Doll took quite a beating in this one and will be slightly ruffled on return!

Monday Morning Blues


Rachel Goldstein rolled over in bed, groaning as she heard the unmistakable sound of rain against her bedroom window. Glancing at her bedside table she caught a glimpse at the time


"Oh Shit!" she moaned. She was late, again. Stumbling over to the shower she tripped on a pair of shoes that someone had thoughtlessly placed in her path. Looking down she saw a dusty pair of men's dress shoes.

"What the hell?" she mumbled as she kicked them out of the way, she'd deal with them later.

Stepping out of her pajamas she turned on the shower and stepped under the water, only to find that it was COLD. Shrieking she leapt back out of the cubical, thinking back to last night she remembered she had used all the hot water having a nice relaxing tub. She grabbed her towel and quickly dried herself before catching a cold. Wrapping the towel around herself she walked back to the bedroom and looked for a suit to wear. Dang.. it was cold, and the only suit she had left was a skirt suit. Rummaging through her drawer she looked for some slate stockings to wear to try and keep herself warm.

After dressing in a hurry she ran down the stairs and out the front door, rummaging through her handbag on the way down for the car keys.

*No car keys*

She stood on the footpath in the rain, trying to find the DAMNED carkeys, glancing into the car, she found them, sitting innocently on the passenger seat. Sighing Rachel looked at her watch, it must have gotten wet in the rain, for it had stopped completely, the face fogged up with condensation.

"Aw SHIT!" She screamed in frustration. She quickly glanced around after her little outburst, making sure no-one was looking. She looked at the car keys again, they just sat there, almost glittering at her in mockery, daring her to do something to get them out. Rachel grabbed her mobile phone, and looked at the time on the screen.


*Great* she thought, realizing by the time she rang someone to get her keys out, she would probably have walked to work. She stalked off down the footpath, slinging her handbag strap over her shoulder, overbalancing and slipping on the slippery footpath.

"Ooooph" she grunted as her posterior make contact with the wet concrete. A passing car stopped.

"you alright lady?" its driver called out.

"yes, I'm perfectly FINE" she sulked, picking herself up off the ground. She examined her suit, her stockings has torn, the heel of her right shoe had broken off, the hem of her skirt had come undone, and there was a big wet patch on her backside. Groaning again, she took off her other shoe, grabbed the heel, and twisted sharply, snapping it off so it would look like the other one. Slipping it back on her foot, she straightened her suit as much as possible before continuing on her way to work.

Checking her suit once more Rachel stalked into the reception area. She looked a mess, she was drenched, had a large patch of something on her backside, the hem of her skirt was falling down, stockings laddered, and her expensive heels were no longer heels!

Helen Blakemore looked up from behind the desk at the 'thing' that appeared in her station.

"Rachel?" she asked? "where's the car? what happened??" a million questions zapped through her mind, the main one being what got her usually totally unrufflable detective in such a mess.

"Don't ask Helen" Rachel snapped as she stormed upstairs to find something to change into.

Rachel glared at Jack as he stared at her when she entered their office.

"well this is a look" he smirked as she threw her sodden bag on her chair. She grabbed her locker keys and stalked off to find her clothes. Wrenching the door open she rumaged through the contents, only finding her running gear hanging on the rail.=20

"Man this can't get any worse" she muttered as she ripped the gray trackpants, jumper and singlet of their hangers and disappeared into the Ladies changeroom.

Emma Woods looked up from her locker as she heard someone rather noisily opening their locker. Peeking around the corner, she saw Rachel, or rather, someone who looked like Rachel, but was having slight problems in dressing styles. She saw Rachel's face, and the running mascara, and burst out laughing. Muffling her giggles she turned back to her locker before Rachel saw her and came after her.

Once dry and in some reasonably warm clothes Rachel felt much better. Sooner or later though she's have to go back and face Jack and Helen. Fixing up her makeup she considered wringing Woodsies neck. She'd heard a laugh from the direction of the other woman's locker, but had thought better of violence at the time. She had to stop the rumor mill though, for Woodsy was well know for being an active member of the Water Police Rumor Mill.

Feeling much like her old self Rachel emerged from the Change room, and headed straight for the Diver's area. Approaching from behind the equipment locker, she heard Woodsy at work.

"you shoulda seen her, she had like this MASSIVE ladder in her stocking, and her heels were like flats now, and this HUGE wet patch on her bum!"

*That's IT* Rachel fumed *She's gonna get it BIG time*

Emerging from behind the equipment locker, Rachel stopped dead in her tracks at the sight in front of her. Gathered around the table was the ENTIRE dive team, in hysterics, PLUS Tayler and most of the other Water Police, minus the important ones such as Jack, Helen and Jeff. Emma looked up to see Rachel standing there in her running gear, the look of incoming death on her face. Tayler looked around to see what Emma was staring at.

"OOOOOooooo" she giggled as she evacuated the area, she motioned for everyone else to beat it as Rachel crossed the remaining distance to Emma in a few long stride. Rachel grabbed the front of Woodsies overalls, pulling the other woman close.

"Emma Woods, you are in DEEP, I repeat DEEP trouble. If you tell ANYONE else about this, you're a DEAD woman, you understand me?" She hissed. Releasing the other woman, Rachel stormed out of the area and back up to her office to sulk. Passing one of the large windows looking out towards the harbor, she saw something she thought she wouldn't see for a VERY long time.

The owner of the shoes in her house, expertly pulled the Footloose into the Wharf next to the Nemesis. He saw someone looking out the window and waved frantically, trying to draw some attention to himself.

Rachel stared out the window, Rachel saw a familiar figure emerge from the boat, waving his arms frantically. Rachel bolted down to the wharf.



They leapt into each other's arm, hugging each other so tight it was hard for either of them to breathe. Releasing Rachel, Frank smiled at her.

"Arch, I want you to meet Melinda"

Rachel peered behind Frank to see the big boobed, drop dead gorgeous Brisbane girl step delicately off the boat. Rachel's world fell apart, literally.

Frank saw Rachel waver, and caught her just before she hit the deck.

"RACH!" he laid her down and patted her cheeks, trying to get her to rouse.

"HELEN!!!! I NEED HELLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPP" Frank screamed in the general direction of the office.

*What the HELL is going on?* Frank thought. He had never seen Rachel do that before.

Helen heard the familiar voice come from the wharf, grabbed the first aid kit, and bolted down in the direction of the noise. The rest of the station had also heard the cry and were milling around the wharf, too shocked at the scene to do anything. Helen burst through, dumping the first aid kit by Frank's knees.

"What happened?" Helen asked as she tried to wake up Rachel.

"I dunno, I just introduced her to Mel over there.. and she just kinda passed out!" Frank motioned to Melinda, standing innocently by the boat while everyone else fussed over the poor woman.

Helen positioned Rachel in the coma position, making sure her airway was open so she would hopefully rouse soon. An idea popped into her mind.

"Tommy, come here would ya?"

A minute later Tommy re-emerged from the station, a giant bucket in his hands.

"Stand Clear!" he yelled as he walked over to Helen and the passed-out Rachel. Helen nodded to him, and he let fly, the icy Water cascading over the unconscious Detective.

Rachel felt the water, and yelped, bolting upright and pulling several muscles in her stomach. She looked around and saw the milling crowd around her, then saw Tommy's smiling face. She groaned and lay back down again, her head still swimming. This was too much to handle right now.

Helen edged back to Rachel, trying to not to get her knees wet as she knelt beside her.

"Come on Rach, ya gotta get up. You gave us quite a scare there, come on, we'll go inside and I'll get you a nice coffee or something." She got another groan in reply. Rachel was determined not to move, she was making this difficult for all of them.

Tommy came up behind Helen and whispered something in her ear. Smiling, Helen nodded and moved out of the way once more.

With little effort, Tommy picked up the curled up Rachel and slung her over his shoulder in a Firemans lift. Again She yelped in surprise and started belting his back in order to get him to release her from such an embrasing position. Once inside the station, he carried her up the stairs and into the Meal Room, before setting her down and backing into the following crowd to avoid grievous bodily harm.

Helen stepped forward to try and calm Rachel down, only to be pushed out of the way as Rachel stormed towards Frank.

"You BASTARD!" she screamed at him, not caring if anyone else heard her.

"how COULD you!" Rachel grabbed the front of his shirt and pushed him up against a wall.

"How COULD you come back with HER! You.. You... YOU!!!!" She yelled abuse in his face, shaking him until Tommy and Gavin pulled her off him

"Geez Rach, calm down!" they both exclaimed, holding her at a safe distance from Frank, who just looked bewildered.

"Aaaw Frank, I'm gonna rip your BLOODY tonsils out!!" she yelled, trying to break free from Tommy and Gavin but failing miserably.

"RACH!!!!" It was Helen stepping in front of her.

"You're making a fool outta yaself! Go home, calm down! You've had a crappy day..."

"FINE!!" she snapped, "I'll just go home then!"

"Do ya mind??!!" she yelled at Tommy and Gavin a second later when they hesitated to let her go.

"Let her go guys," Helen ordered, and they let her go at once, quickly squirting away. No one was meeting her glare either, seeming to look at anything but her.

Muttering another "you BASTARD!" under her breath, she stalked off. It would have been a better stalk-off if Jack hadn't showed up just then, and offered her a lift. For a second it looked like she was ready to eat him alive, but then she just shrugged a bit, and let HIM drive HER, leaving the rest of the gang looking shocked speechless.

And Frank just stared after her, looking like the lone survivor of a typhoon.

Of course, just then, the first lighting tore the sky and rain started to pour.


"Got up on the wrong side of the bed or somethin?" Jack asked after driving in silence for a while.

"No!" she snapped.

"Rach.. Frank's well, ya know, he and.."

"Shut up!"

"I'm just..."

"SHUT UP!" she yelled.

Finally reaching her place, she slammed the car door behind her loud enough to be heard ten blocks.

Noticing her car, Jack got a puzzled look. "But ya got your own car here, ya could have.."

A hard glare dared him to pass any further comment.

Reaching the doorstep, she searched her pockets for the keys.

"Crap! Aaaw, come on... CRAP!!!" Not that too.

"What?" Jack asked, still standing by the car.

"Forgot the bloody keys!!" she yelled. He sent her a quizzing look, then walked up to her, and turned the handle.

It opened without a sound.

"Oooops," Jack chuckled. She glared at him, red spots coloring her cheeks, but he just laughed harder.

"THAT'S IT!!!!" she exclaimed, "THAT'S BLOODY IT!!!"

She slammed the door in his face, almost catching his nose closing it. Would have served him right too!

Still cursing under her breath, she headed for the bedroom to change into anything dry. Unfortunately, that was the one thing she didn't have.

"Craaaaaaaaaaaaaap!" But unless she wanted to get sick, and she probably was going to anyway, she'd better get out of the wet clothes. Sighing, she pulled them off, throwing them into a heap on the floor.

And that was the moment Frank chose to walk in.

They both froze, eyes wide in shock. She recovered first, realizing he was getting the full view. Her cheeks were flaming and she dived for the bed, pulling the cover off and draping herself in it.

He was still staring, as if still digesting the sight of her stark naked. The bastard!

"......" she opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

Her face got a expression of pure horror as she realized her only weapon had been taken from her.

She had no voice!!

"Umm.. Rach?"

She shot him a mock glare.

"........!!" she tried again, then threw herself on the bed.

"Rach, I think ya got the wrong idea.. Melinda.. she's my niece.. from Brisbane. I wanted ya to meet her.. ya know, umm..."

Rachel's eyes bunged in horror. This couldn't been happening!! This day would come back to haunt her for years and years, she'd never hear the end of it.

Frank sat down beside her, taking her hand. She let him, after all, there was no way this could get any worse.

"How about ya borrow a shirt of me or somethin? I can go fetch."

She just nodded weakly.

He arrived shortly after with not only clothes, but pizza and beers. She picked up a notepad, writing "you're a lifesaver!" with big letters on it.

"Your wish is my command, Rachel Goldstein" he grinned and offered her a beer.

Much, much later, after him telling endless stories about sailing she let him out, still wearing his clothes.

"Thanks," she whispered hoarsely, her voice still not back to full strength.

"I missed ya Rach ya know," he said and kissed her lightly before turning to walk home.

"Umm.. Frank?" she called out.


Two shoes hit him squarely in the face.

"This time, take your shoes with ya!"