Sanzo-sama's Day of OOCness!
Disclaimer: I don't own Gensomaden Saiyuki. In fact, I don't WANT Gensomaden Saiyuki! Wait... NEVER MIND!! If you want to give Gensomaden Saiyuki to me then you can! Honestly!
Author's Notes: There is a way to explain this madness! HONESTLY!! A friend of mine randomly started acting like Goku, and for some unexplainable reason I decided to take up the Sanzoish role of hitting her with paper fans and saying things like "Say that again and you'll be eating my foot!" to her. So now I have this Sanzoish role in my group of friends (I'm also the voice of REASON, which means one thing: we're all doomed!). One day I was hyper, so I of course took said Sanzoish role and flipped it completely upside down! And that's where I got the idea for this!
WARNING!! THIS IS A PARODY OF AN EXTREME NATURE!! READ WITH CAUTION!!
Sanzo-sama's Day of OOCness
Genjo Sanzo, the great Sanzo priest who was traveling to India to fight a great and terrible demon there, was now asleep on the ground in his black sleeping bag. Or, at least, he was TRYING to sleep. He normally woke up at this time anyway, but today there was something different. He pondered over the strange dream he had dreamt last night. Though a dream, more like a nightmare to start out with, the strange fairy girl in it had given him some good advice: to keep Goku-the-ever-hungry and Gojyo-the-ever-annoyed-with-Goku off of his case for a while, all he had to do was act completely out of character. It was something he was willing to try, that was for sure. He sighed, and looked over at the rest of the campsite. Goku had haphazardly thrown himself to the ground exhausted last night, and had not moved from the spot he had thrown himself down yet.
"Ne, Sanzo? I'm hungry!" he mumbled. Sanzo gritted his teeth. Every single DAY he had to put up with this! Then he looked to the other side of the small, burnt out campfire. There was Gojyo, sleeping in a similar sleeping bag to his own.
"Come on, ladies, there's enough of me to go around," he muttered in his sleep. The pervert Gojyo had two purposes, or so it seemed: to get every single woman they came across mad at the group, or to annoy the hell out of Goku. Sometimes, he could do both at once, which kind of amazed Sanzo. Now if only the half demon would put his evil talents to GOOD use...
Sanzo turned his gaze to the last person in their little group of misfits: Hakkai. He had no problems with Hakkai. How he could manage to drive and keep a smiling face through all of the crap they went through every day was beyond Sanzo.
"Hmm...maybe I should let Hakkai in on the joke," he thought. He finally got up, and put his priest's robes back in place. He made his way over to Hakkai, who was sleeping in a brown sleeping bag with Haku-ryu sleeping peacefully on him. He nudged Hakkai with a toe, making the brown haired man wake up instantly. Unfortunately for him, he was a light sleeper, which spelt disaster and lack of sleep with this crew.
"What is it, Sanzo?" he asked, carefully placing Haku-ryu on the ground and sitting up.
"I'm going to try something new today..." Sanzo said. Hakkai looked confused.
"You're going to try Gojyo's cooking, after all?" he asked, looking afraid for Sanzo's sanity, or at least the little he had left.
"Not that. I had a weird, disturbing, but informative dream last night. In the dream some random fairy came and told me that all I had to do to keep Goku and Gojyo off of my case for a while was to act completely out of character," he said. Hakkai snickered.
"YOU are going to act out of character? This I MUST see," Hakkai said. Sanzo nodded.
"So, first of all, I'm gonna sleep in 'till noon. Don't wake me up," the blonde man said, and walked back over to his sleeping bag. Hakkai laughed under his breath. This was going to be a day that no-one would ever forget, that's for sure...
Goku awoke to the delicious smell of cooking food!
"FOOD!!!" he exclaimed, springing up from the ground where he had been sleeping. He saw Hakkai over at the campfire, cooking eggs in a frying pan. The young monkey demon scrambled over to the fire, panting hungrily like a dog.
"Morning, Goku," Hakkai said, cheerfully like usual. Goku's eyes got shiny and he swallowed some drool in his mouth.
"You're making breakfast, Hakkai?! You almost never make breakfast! It's always Sanzo with his fried potatoes!" Goku exclaimed. Hakkai smiled.
"Sanzo told me to cook today," he said, and gestured over to where Sanzo was still sleeping. Goku blinked, surprised.
"Sanzo's still asleep? But Sanzo never sleeps in! And he'd never tell you to cook..." Goku said, confusedly. Suddenly, something occurred to him. "Oh no! Is there something wrong with Sanzo?!" Goku cried, and rushed over to the lump of black cloth and blonde hair that was Genjo Sanzo. "Sanzo! SANZO!!! Are you all right?!" he demanded, shaking him. Sanzo stirred, and glared sleepily at Goku.
"I need to act out of character," Sanzo thought, gritting his teeth. Sanzo grimaced inwardly, but he smiled outwardly.
"Oh, it's you Goku! I'm fine! Can I sleep?" he asked. Goku instantly dropped the sleeping bag and backed a few feet away.
"What the hell are you and what have you done with Sanzo?!" Goku demanded, summoning his red pole. Sanzo turned back over so he was facing away from Goku.
"I just want to sleep!!" Sanzo whined. Goku stared at Sanzo for a while, afraid. Then he crept over to Hakkai.
"Hakkai, what's going on? Did Sanzo get kidnapped and replaced by a demon? Or did he eat some poisonous mushrooms, or something?!" Goku asked. Hakkai shrugged.
"Beats me," he said, and then shoved a plate of food into Goku's hands.
"Eat up. And don't complain that it's not enough," Hakkai warned. Goku devoured the entire plate of food in a matter of seconds and was almost to the point of eating the plate when a loud, long and very rude yawn caught his attention. Gojyo had finally woken up.
"Morning, water sprite," Goku remarked, handing his plate back to Hakkai.
"Oh, shut up monkey boy," Gojyo replied, and took his place around the fire...which was normally across from Sanzo. He blinked, and looked around the campsite quizzically.
"Where's Sanzo, guys?" he asked, then spotted the sleeping bag on the far side of their campsite. "Still sleeping? Is he all right?"
"I don't know! When I went to wake him up he acted NICE!!" Goku told Gojyo, as if it were the end of the world. Gojyo looked alarmed.
"Really? You don't think a demon replaced him or injected him with some weird venom or something, do you?" Gojyo asked. Goku suddenly gasped.
"What if Sanzo is DIEING and he is acting nice to us?!" he demanded. Hakkai was practically biting off his tongue to keep from laughing, and if you looked closely, you could see Sanzo's sleeping bag shaking as the priest laughed. Things were going as planned...
"Well, if he is dieing maybe you should let him sleep?" Hakkai suggested, accessing every last ounce of willpower to keep from bursting into insane laughter. Goku looked appalled.
"Hakkai! Don't joke about that!"
With a mighty yawn, Sanzo finally woke up, and stretched lazily, sitting up a minute later. Goku, Gojyo and Hakkai were sitting around the fire playing mah-jongg, when Goku and Gojyo suddenly looked over at him, and got relieved looks on their faces. He sleepily walked over and sat down at his place around the fire, to see a plate of food sitting there.
"What's this?" he asked, picking it up.
"We saved you some food, Sanzo," Goku said. Sanzo raised an eyebrow.
"That's way out of character for Goku...but it's good to know my plan is working!'
"Thank you, Goku!" he exclaimed, smiling, which made Goku and Gojyo back up (while they were still sitting) with freaked out looks on their faces. Sanzo smirked inwardly, and added "I was REALLY hungry!" Goku and Gojyo looked at eachother, and shared identical looks of scaredness.
"Umm...Sanzo? You didn't eat any strange looking fruits or mushrooms, did you?" Gojyo asked. Sanzo continued to smile, while eating.
"Whyever would you ask that, dear friend?" he asked.
"N-no reason..." Gojyo replied, shakily. Goku was silently whimpering.
"Sanzo-sama, if you're dieing, you can tell us!" he suddenly shouted, tearfully, glomping the older man. Sanzo's eyebrow twitched annoyedly, and an annoyed look ALMOST made its way to his face, but instead, he set his food on the ground beside him and removed the crying monkey demon from him.
"Of course I'm not dieing!" he said, patting the boy on the head reassuringly. Gojyo stared at Sanzo, bewildered. He was SURE that Sanzo was about to give Goku a concussion with his paper fan, but instead he just patted him on the head and set him back at his seat, picking up his plate of food and finishing eating as if Goku HADN'T just glomped him. Hakkai had been unable to contain his amusement, snickering into his hands while he bit a lip to keep from laughing. This was going to be an interesting day, but he had to act somewhat normal, or he would blow Sanzo's cover.
The campsite was packed up, and Haku-ryu had long become a jeep. It was now time to hit the road and head west! The group of travelers all took their seats in the jeep and headed off, with no other strange things happening during that time. Well, it WAS strange that Sanzo didn't beat Goku senseless with a paper fan over the course of that time, but other than THAT it was normal. Something occurred to Sanzo suddenly, who put down his newspaper.
"Guys, we've been traveling for a LONG TIME and we haven't reached our destination yet! AND we're traveling by jeep! Maybe we passed it or something?" he asked. That seemed like a perfectly normal thing to be said...but by GOKU, not SANZO...
"Sanzo, I don't think so..." Hakkai answered. Sanzo looked confused.
"Maybe we should still turn around?" he asked. Goku and Gojyo were meanwhile staring at the back of his blonde head, afraid. Where was their normal Sanzo? More importantly, who the hell was this that replaced him? What kind of plants was his replacement smoking? Ect.
"I really don't think-" Hakkai started, but Sanzo interrupted him, by grabbing the steering wheel and turning it violently to the right. There was a screech of tires and Hakkai and Sanzo both shouting curses at eachother, while Goku and Gojyo covered their eyes with their hands and whimpered in the back seat. The jeep suddenly came to a stop in the sand. Goku and Gojyo looked up, to see a fearful sight. Sanzo was smiling sheepishly and APOLOGIZING fervently to Hakkai. They just looked at eachother again, whimpered, and covered their eyes with their hands again. Maybe this was all a nightmare...?
The jeep and its contents started off West again, and Sanzo continued reading his newspaper in the ensuing silence. He was pleased to note that his plan was working, but he knew that the silence would not last much longer...so he decided to break the silence himself, and suddenly laughed. Goku and Gojyo looked up quizzically, as he continued to snicker.
"That Garfield kills me..." he said. Goku looked worried, and leaned forward to talk to Sanzo.
"Hey, Sanzo? Are you SURE that you're all right?" he asked.
"Why do you keep asking me that? I can assure you that I am quite healthy!" Sanzo replied. Goku shook his head.
"Not in the body. I mean, are you all right in the head?" Goku asked. Hakkai almost collapsed in a fit of snickers, but worked hard to suppress them. Sanzo smiled.
"My dear Goku, are you implying that I may be insane?" Sanzo asked, smiling as if he WAS crazy. Goku gulped and nodded. "I can assure you that I am quite sane." Goku gulped again.
"Good...'cause...I'M HUNGRY!!" he shouted. Goku was only testing Sanzo to see what his reaction would be. Sanzo KNEW that Goku was only testing him to see what his reaction would be. So he smirked evilly in his mind...
"Hungry for my love?" Sanzo asked, as innocently as he could muster, opening his arms in an offered hug. Goku squawked and jumped back into his seat, and settled into an awkward battle position.
"S-stay away from me!" he stammered. Gojyo gaped at Sanzo.
"Something is DEFINITELY wrong with him," the red head thought. Hakkai had almost slammed on the breaks when Sanzo said that, but, somehow, had managed to keep the jeep on course and at a normal speed. Sanzo pouted, and turned back to his newspaper abruptly. Goku was officially freaked out, and Gojyo wasn't far from it.
And so they traveled in silence. Every time it looked as if Goku and Gojyo would start fighting, Sanzo would turn around and want to hug one of them, which shut them up. Hakkai continued to drive in silence, occasionally laughing, though no one noticed because they were too busy either freaking people out or being freaked out.
Just as another fight/hug fest was about to break out, Hakkai slammed on the breaks, sending everyone into whatever was in front of them. Sanzo was fortunately able to grab onto his seat and kept from smashing into the hard dashboard.
"What the heck was that for?!" Goku demanded, standing up in his seat, followed by Gojyo. Sanzo and Hakkai also stood up.
"Well, I had to stop," Hakkai said, pointing to the front of the jeep. They looked there to find Kou-gaji standing there not an inch away from the jeep's grill. Yaone, Lirin, and Gojyo's older brother were standing behind him. Before any of the NORMAL members of the Sanzo party could speak, Sanzo spoke up.
"Hey! It's Kou-gaji!! Hi!!" he exclaimed, waving at the group. Kou-gaji blinked, and the remaining three members of his group sweatdropped. Kou-gaji turned to Hakkai.
"Umm, is he drunk?" he asked the brown-haired man.
"I don't...think so," Hakkai answered. Kou-gaji joined his group in sweatdropping, but then put on a challenging face.
"Whatever. It's time that we settle the score once and for all...Goku..." Kou-gaji said. Goku smirked and cracked his knuckles.
"You're on, pixy!" he exclaimed, getting ready to jump forward, but Sanzo held out an arm. Goku and Gojyo covered their eyes, not wanting to see what the insane priest was going to do next.
"We shouldn't be fighting at all! Can't we set aside our differences and talk through our problems in an organized discussion?" Sanzo asked. Everyone's jaws dropped as they stared at Sanzo, except Hakkai, who had abandoned the jeep and was now rolling on the sandy ground, laughing his ass off.
"Okay...how about no?" Kou-gaji asked, fearing that the priest had gone insane from prolonged exposure to the sun, or something. Goku, needing SOMETHING to be normal in this extremely abnormal day, lunged past Sanzo and summoned his red pole, slashing at Kou-gaji, who gladly accepted his challenge.
"Anything to get away from that weirdo..." Kou-gaji thought. With that, Gojyo leapt out of the jeep and rushed to challenge his older brother, also wanting to get away from Sanzo. Yaone shrugged and made her way over to Hakkai, to challenge him to spar. Unlike the other two, she didn't intend to kill Hakkai...she kind of liked him.
Lirin, meanwhile, hopped into the jeep and climbed onto Sanzo's shoulders.
"Got any meat pies?" she asked, hungrily. Sanzo looked around, to see Goku and Gojyo preoccupied with their fights, and sighed in relief. He roughly pushed her off of his shoulders and glared at her.
"No," he replied. She blinked.
"Why the sudden mood swing?" she asked.
"None of your business," he answered. She sweatdropped.
The fights continued like that. Sanzo and Lirin sat in the jeep in silence, until Goku or Gojyo was knocked to within hearing distance of the jeep. Then Sanzo would say something extremely out of character to Lirin, making them jump up and run back to the fight, scared.
"Maybe some time we can play dress-up!" Sanzo exclaimed as Kou-gaji threw Goku to the sand next to the jeep. Goku stared up at Sanzo, fear in his eyes. Lirin, having caught on to Sanzo's game by now, played along.
"I've got the PRETTIEST pink dress for you to try on, Sanzo!" she exclaimed. Goku looked back at Kou-gaji.
"Kou-gaji, PLEASE get your sister away from Sanzo!" he pleaded. Kou-gaji rolled his eyes and walked up.
"Lirin, Sanzo doesn't have any meat pies, so please stay away from him," he said. Lirin shook her head fervently.
"Sanzo-chan wants to play dress-up with me!" she exclaimed, defensively. "STOP ACTING LIKE A FIVE-YEAR-OLD GIRL!!" he shouted, smacking her on the head and dragging her out of the jeep and about ten feet away, plunking her down in the sand and telling her to stay there or no food for a week. He then stomped back to Goku and resumed their fight. Lirin pouted, and Sanzo had PRETENDED to pout as she was dragged away, but just pulled out his newspaper and began folding it into a bunch of origami animals. At this, Goku sweatdropped in annoyance and stopped fighting.
"Know any good psychiatrists?" he asked Kou-gaji. The older demon thought for a moment.
"Actually, I do! There is one in the next town, about twenty miles to the West of here," he suggested. Goku looked happy.
"I can't believe that I'm actually going to say this, but THANK YOU KOU-GAJI!!" he said, and almost glomped the demon, but then stopped and just coughed. "Now, will you take us to him?" he asked.
"And after you will fight?" Kou-gaji asked, with folded arms.
"And after that I will GLADLY fight, but psycho Sanzo is a REALLY big distraction..." Goku said, motioning over to Sanzo, who held up a newspaper cow.
"Look!! It's a cow!! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" he exclaimed, smiling brightly.
"I see what you mean," Kou-gaji said.
"And a duck!" Sanzo exclaimed, holding up a rather lifelike newspaper duck and quacking while shaking the duck around.
It had been a tight squeeze, but all eight people had fit into or on poor Haku-ryu, the jeep. It just so HAPPENED that Lirin was tied to the back of the jeep and Yaone was sitting on Hakkai's lap. (Hakkai didn't complain, but Lirin did...)
Finally, blessedly, they made it to the city, where they parked in the first convenient place and everyone jumped out of the jeep at once (except Lirin, she had to break free of the ropes first and THEN jump). They then followed Kou-gaji through the city to the house of Dr. Quackenstein, his psychiatrist.
At least, they TRIED to follow him. Sanzo found it more opportune and appropriate to stop at EVERY SINGLE food stand along the way and comment on the foods while wanting to purchase random snacks. Goku even joined in for a while, forgetting Sanzo's insanity in favor of feeding his empty stomach. Lirin of course joined in when Goku joined in. Finally, everyone agreed that they should stop for food FIRST. That was a BAD idea.
They stopped at a restaurant called the Nekohanten... (heh, a bit of Ranma 1/2 reference here. Deal with it!)
As soon as the eight of them stepped in the door they were greeted by a beautiful but definitely strange purple haired Chinese woman named Shampoo, who found them a table at which all eight of them could sit at, miraculously. Just as Goku was about to pull another smaller table up beside him for HIS food, SANZO did so. Just another strange product of a stranger day.
"May I take your order?" Shampoo asked with a heavily Chinese accent. Sanzo nodded, and handed her the menu.
"As much saké and shrimp fried rice as you can bring, sweetheart," he said. The contents of the table stared at him in shock, as Shampoo walked off. She would have hit him with her overly large wooden maraca things, but she saw a look of joking in his eyes, so she just accepted the compliment.
"Wait, what about our orders?!" Goku demanded. Shampoo turned around and looked at them quizzically.
"That just priest's order?" she asked. They nodded. "Ai yai! Busy day at Nekohanten today!" she exclaimed, and rushed back to the table. Goku, of course, ordered the whole menu, as did Lirin, and everyone ordered their respective dishes from the menu. Shampoo disappeared behind the doors marked 'kitchen' and shouted something in Chinese. Eventually, Shampoo brought some of their orders, assisted by a young man with long hair and glasses named Mousse. Gojyo made the mistake of hitting on Shampoo in Mousse's presence, and the poor half demon got the butt-kicking of his life by Mousse, the master of hidden weapons. Everyone laughed at his expense.
It had taken the staff of the Nekohanten quite a while to prepare and serve all of the food that was ordered, but they eventually got it done. It also took a while for the eight of them to finish eating said food because Sanzo was always saying or doing things that made them nearly choke to death. Finally they made it out of there alive and mostly in one piece, and had left a huge amount of money as payment for the food as well as in tips. Shampoo, Mousse and Shampoo's great-grandmother Cologne wouldn't have to work for quite some time after this!
Now that they were all fed, it was time to set off again for Dr. Quackenstein's house on the other side of town.
When they finally arrived, they found that Dr. Quackentstein's house was more of a large mansion. On the front door was a huge banner that said 'Dr. Quackenstein's House of Psychos" with an "Open for Business" sign below it. On the right side of the door a poster was hanging that said "Schizophrenics get double the discounts!"
Kou-gaji walked up and knocked on the door three times. A man who looked to be about thirty with very long white hair answered the door, and then squealed with joy.
"Kou-gaji! My favorite demon with mental problems! How are you? Are you here for treatment?" he asked, hugging Kou-gaji, who tried his best not to look annoyed.
"No, Dr. Quackenstein, I'm not here for treatment today. I brought a friend," he said, shoving the man off of him and carefully avoiding using the word 'smite'. He gestured to his group of seven people, with Sanzo in the center. Hakkai shoved him forward, and he waved cheerfully at the doctor.
"I like trees," he said. Everyone behind him smacked themselves on the forehead and grumbled in annoyance. Except Lirin.
"Me too!" she exclaimed, jumping up beside him.
"Really?!" he shouted, and prepared to glomp her, but Kou-gaji jumped in and shoved her away in the nick of time. "Aww..."
"So, this is the patient? And what is his problem? Is he obsessed with trees?" Dr. Quackentstein asked. Goku stepped up to answer.
"No. He's not acting normal. Usually he's a grumpy, pessimistic, annoyed, violent, growling... umm...violent person, but NOW look at him!" Goku exclaimed, pointing to Sanzo, who was now glomping a tree.
"The hills are alive with the sound of MUUUSIC!!" Sanzo sang, running from tree to tree and glomping each and every one. Dr. Quackenstein nodded and scratched his chin.
"I see. So somehow his personality has become completely reversed," he observed. Hakkai was rolling on the ground unable to contain his laughter as he watched Sanzo glomping trees. Lirin looked as if she wanted to join. Gojyo and Goku were looking worried for Sanzo's health. Gojyo's older brother was just being there. Yaone was bending down to ask Hakkai about Sanzo's, erm, "condition". Kou-gaji was restraining Lirin from rushing off and glomping trees as well. Dr. Quackenstein was observing the scene, sweatdropping.
"Well, come on into my mansion, everyone, and we'll have a group therapy session, as you all apparently need counseling," he said, and gestured for everyone to follow him. Goku pried Sanzo off of a pine tree and led him into the mansion after the others.
Once inside the mansion they managed to convince Dr. Quackenstein to counsel Sanzo first, as he was obviously the craziest of the bunch. So Dr. Quackenstein led the poor priest off alone to some room in the mansion. As soon as the door was shut, Sanzo pulled out a cigarette, sat down, and began to smoke.
"I'd like you to know that I don't have a condition. I'm just acting like this to scare my friends," Sanzo informed the doctor in his usual grumpy voice.
"I see. So what would you like to do?" Dr. Quackenstein asked.
"How long do you think it would take to treat me if I really DID have a weirdo condition?" Sanzo asked. The doctor shrugged.
"Anywhere from an hour to six hours," he replied.
"Let's make it an hour and a half. Now, doctor, can you play Mah-jongg?" he asked.
==8 & 1/2 PM==
Sanzo and the doctor emerged from the room an hour later. Sanzo had won several games of mah-jongg and a few games of capture the flag (don't ask). The doctor came out first, shaking his head.
"I'm sorry, but there is nothing I can do for your friend. His condition is beyond my treatments," he said, and walked into the room followed by Sanzo. Everyone looked at Sanzo expectantly, then hopefully when he didn't say anything.
"WHAT A PRETTY VASE!!" he suddenly exclaimed, rushing over to a pink and purple vase. Goku and Gojyo jumped up and promptly restrained the priest from glomping the obviously expensive (though rather tacky) pottery.
"Now I think we need a group therapy session. There is a good chance that Sanzo may be stuck like this, so all that we can do is get used to him in his current state," Dr. Quackenstein said. Goku and Gojyo drooped, Hakkai and Lirin snickered, Yaone and Kou-gaji looked appalled, and Gojyo's older brother was just there because we need someone to fight Gojyo.
"Everyone find a seat, please," the doctor continued. Sanzo immediately rushed over to a plush purple recliner with very soft fabric on it, and curled up in it. Everyone sweatdropped, and found seats on the couches or in chairs. Just because I feel like putting it, here's the seating arrangement:
Dr. Quackenstein, Lirin, Goku, Gojyo, Gojyo's older brother, Kou-gaji, Yaone, Hakkai, Sanzo. They were all in a circle for no reason at all. Except that the reason was so that everyone could hear Dr. Quackenstein. So I guess there WAS a reason.
"So, umm, what's the point to this 'group therapy'?" Gojyo asked.
"To work out your problems with eachother," the doctor replied.
"Do we have to pay?" Yaone asked. He nodded. Everyone looked at eachother.
"Well, we had a great time Dr. Quackenstein but if you can't cure Sanzo there's really no point to us staying any more...so...see ya!" Kou-gaji exclaimed, and everyone fled the room...except Sanzo. Goku looked back, sweatdropped, and fled back INTO the room and grabbed Sanzo, attempting to pry him away from the purple chair.
"NO!! MY PRETTY PURPLE CHAIR!!" Sanzo exclaimed. Goku sighed in annoyance and turned to the doctor.
"Can Sanzo please have your purple chair?" he asked. The doctor thought about this, and then shook his head.
"No. Now get out or I'll have to kill you," Dr. Quackenstein said. Sanzo growled menacingly at him.
"But, doct-" Goku started, but suddenly Dr. Quackenstein became a huge pulsating head with a bunch of intersection veins on his face.
"GET OUT AND LEAVE MY CHAIR ALOOOONNNNNEEEE!!!" he shouted, drop-kicking both Goku and Sanzo out of the mansion. Goku glared back at the mansion in contempt, and Sanzo looked sad at the loss of the purple recliner...until he noticed all of the trees he had yet to glomp!
"No you don't!' Goku exclaimed, restraining Sanzo from glomping any more vegetation. He dragged the blonde priest over to the rest of the group. "Now what?" he asked. They all shrugged. "WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE SANZO-SAMA LIKE THIS FOREVER!!"
"Just relax, monkey boy! We'll think of something," Kou-gaji exclaimed. Everyone sat down and started thinking. Except Sanzo. Sanzo got the remaining newspaper out of the jeep and started folding it into more origami animals.
Just when Gojyo's older brother who has not said anything yet and has been completely useless was about to stand up and tell them about a foolproof plan he had to cure Sanzo, Sanzo jumped into the middle of the circle they had made and shouted
"TADA!!" and with that he began to show off the spectacular paper hippopotamus and elephant he had made. Lirin found this very amusing. Gojyo's older brother sulked, as this interruption had made him COMPLETELY forget his brilliant plan! SO SAD!
"I've got it!" exclaimed Kou-gaji, who was sitting next to Yaone, who was sitting next to Hakkai, who was sitting next to Gojyo, who was sitting next to Gojyo's older brother, who was sitting next to Lirin, who was sitting next to Goku, who was sitting next to Kou-gaji.
"What is it?" everyone asked, except for Sanzo, who frolicked off to make a paper goat.
"Yaone, don't you have a potion that can cure someone of any ailment?" Kou-gaji asked the purple-haired girl he was sitting next to. She nodded.
"Yes, but I used my last one on Lirin...because she ate this poisonous toad or something. So if we want to use it we'll have go get all of the ingredients and THEN make it," she replied.
"That can't be too difficult, right?" Kou-gaji asked.
"No...if we're willing to travel all over China and into Japan to get the ingredients!" she exclaimed. Kou-gaji sweatdropped.
"Okay, we'll call that Plan B. Any other ideas?" he asked the group.
"How come YOU'RE the leader all of a sudden?" Goku suddenly asked.
"I'm the only leader of either of our groups here that isn't making origami," he stated, plainly. Goku nodded.
"LOOK!! AN ORIGAMI TREE!!" Sanzo shouted. Everyone turned to look to see him glomp an origami tree, which was promptly crushed because it was, after all, made of newspaper. He looked sullen at the loss, then tossed away the crumpled paper and made another one. The seven remaining demons just sweatdropped and looked the other way.
"What about you, older brother?" Gojyo asked his older brother. "Earlier you looked like you had a brilliant and foolproof plan." Gojyo's brother was about to tell them of his brilliant and foolproof plan, which he had remembered, but he was again interrupted.
"ANOTHER PAPER TREE!!" Sanzo shouted, which was followed by a crunch. "Aww, crushed it again..." Goku suddenly jumped up.
"I've got it! Let's ask the Merciful Goddess to turn him back! After all, it's not exactly in the best interests for the mission if he stays like this," Goku suggested.
"And we have a Plan A! Good job, monkey boy!" Kou-gaji exclaimed. Goku glared at him. Hakkai interjected, trying very hard not to look amused.
"Just one problem. How exactly are we going to contact the Merciful Goddess?" he asked. Everyone sat down again and started thinking again. Except that the only one standing was Goku, so it was really only HIM that sat down...
"Well, we could always have some psychotic monk stab Sanzo and have Goku's power limiter break again," Gojyo suggested.
"Yeah, right. How about we stab YOU?!" Goku exclaimed.
"We could always...go to church and pray?" Yaone suggested.
"Like THAT will ever work!" Lirin exclaimed.
"Well it's worth a try," Kou-gaji said, shrugging.
So they made their way back through town, stopping to buy some rope at a rope booth, and then they all climbed into the jeep again and tied Lirin to the back of it. Except that they remembered that there was a church in town!! So they all jumped out of the jeep, and Lirin broke her ropes AGAIN, and they all ran off to the church!
Eventually they made it into the church and sat in the pews and started praying and stuff. And then for no reason the 'hallelujah' chorus played in the background as the Merciful Goddess descended from the roof...and just as she was about to land on the ground, she abruptly fell to the ground clumsily.
"Ow..." she said, standing up on wobbily legs.
"So, I take it that you want me to restore Genjo Sanzo back to good mental health?" she asked. All of the rest of the group but Sanzo nodded. The Merciful Goddess stood there for a second, reading Sanzo's mind, and then the tiniest smirk appeared on her face.
"All right, I can do it, but you'll have to wait until tomorrow morning before the cure will fully take effect," she said, and held up a hand. A big bright flash of light lit up the room, and when it disappeared she was gone! Everyone looked at Sanzo. They all shrugged.
"So what now?" Goku asked.
"I say we tie Sanzo to a tree and finish our fight from earlier!" Kou-gaji suggested. Goku looked over at Sanzo, who was folding the comics page of the newspaper into another paper tree, and nodded.
So they all went and bought rope and jumped back in the jeep and tied Lirin to the back of the jeep just like before. Then they rode off into the woods and found a nice camping spot. They let Sanzo loose in the forest and made Lirin go with him so that Kou-gaji and Goku could fight, Gojyo and Gojyo's older brother could spar, and Hakkai and Yaone could sit in the jeep and be all romantical and stuff.
They fought/sparred/romanticized/glomped/origamied/swung from trees like tarzan/ect. long into the night, and then they all went to sleep in their sleeping bags or lack thereof.
**THE NEXT MORNING**
Genjo Sanzo reflected back on the previous day of oocness. It had been a long, weird day, that was for sure. He still wasn't sure WHY Kou-gaji and his minions had decided to camp for the night with them, but oh well.
"It was fun freaking out Goku and Gojyo, and surprisingly enough Kou-gaji, but now I think I need to go back to normal," he said, and with that got up and began cooking his ever famous fried potatoes for breakfast.
Hakkai was the second of the group to wake up, followed by Yaone and Kou-gaji. He and Hakkai explained to them what had happened yesterday, and they had a good laugh. Then Gojyo's older brother woke up and did nothing just like usual. Finally, Lirin and Goku woke up to the smell of the fried potatoes, and Gojyo of course woke up last.
"SANZO!! You're frying potatoes! Are you back to normal?!" Goku asked. Sanzo rolled his eyes.
"Yes, Goku, I'm back to normal now," he said.
And so the two rival parties had breakfast together and then went their separate ways, sure that they would try to murder eachother again. The Sanzo party set off in Haku-ryu...to the west!!
"Hey, Sanzo I'm hungry!" Goku exclaimed, leaning over the seat and making a pitiful face at the priest. Sanzo glared at the monkey, and considered death by paper fan for him, but then smirked evilly.
"Hey! Goku! I'M hungry!" he said. Goku blanched and leapt backwards.
"WAGH!! HE'S BACK TO BEING WEIRD!!" Goku exclaimed. He was then hit by a paper fan, and sighed in relief. It was only a trick...
Sorry to fans of Gojyo's older brother. At least I mentioned him! I was contemplating having him explode after that first fight, but I didn't...
And I really hope I spelled Yaone's name right. I seriously just guessed at how to spell it...
The Nekohanten, Shampoo, Mousse, and Cologne belong to Rumiko Takahashi and all of the owners of Ranma ½.
I own Dr. Quackenstein, but I don't want him...