Title: Blood Loss
Author: KeepTheFaith (Laura)
Feedback: May be provided here or sent to firstname.lastname@example.org
Disclaimer: Buffy is owned by Joss Whedon and ME, I'm just borrowing them
Spoilers: Set during season 4, after "Fear Itself"
Pairings: Buffy / Spike
Subject: More dancing between Buffy and Spike as they try to deal with the consequences of their mutual attraction, Sequel to Here and Now
Chapter 1 - It's Wrong
"Spike, this is wrong," Buffy stated. "We both know nothing can come of this."
Spike continued his assault on Buffy's senses. Since she was bloody well talking too much, he started with her wrist. She liked that. Gave him delicious little trembles, she did, while he kissed and nibbled on the inside of her wrist. Her bloody agile little fingers were never idle for long either, as they crept up his chest seemingly of their own volition.
"Mm... hmm," Spike murmured.
Buffy knew that his mumble wasn't any kind of agreement. Not with the way his lips kept creeping up her arm. They were practically at her elbow already. Oh, that felt good. This is so not of the good, she thought. "Spike, are you listening to me?"
Spike nodded and mumbled, "course I am pet." Meanwhile, his lips continued bestowing kisses up the length of her arm until he reached her exposed shoulder. "Love these halter tops you wear luv."
Buffy's brain was going into meltdown, just as it had every day for the past week. Every time she came to see Spike, with the intention of stopping this, she found herself in the same position. Well, not necessarily the same position. But some very interesting positions, never the less. Down Buffy, she told herself. "This has to stop."
"Did you say something pet?" Spike inquired, raising his head from the nape of her neck where he'd been licking his way up to her earlobes. And what pretty little lobes they were. Very dainty, but full of those tiny little hoops and studs she liked so much. Sometime he'd have to ask her to take them out, so he could finally give her ears the kind of proper attention he'd like to. But right now he was content to simply lavish his attention on those whorls inside her ears, like the convolutes of a conch.
Even though it was the last thing her body really wanted, Buffy gave Spike a shove, dislodging herself from his grasp. "Spike, we need to talk."
"Blood hell, Slayer. What are you playing at?" Spike asked.
Buffy kept backing away, as Spike stepped closer and closer. "Spike this isn't a game." Spike kept on coming. "I mean it. We need to talk."
"Fine. Let's talk," Spike said. He shook a cigarette out of a pack he pulled from his duster pocket, flipped open his silver lighter, and flicked the flame to life. A wisp of smoke from his first exhalation floated toward the ceiling.
"Do you mind?" Buffy asked, pointing at the cigarette.
"You're the one who wanted to talk luv," Spike said, cigarette clamped between his lips. "So, talk." He hopped up, so he was sitting on top of one of the tombs. "Have a seat if you like luv," he said, patting the surface beside him.
Buffy leapt up on the tomb opposite Spike. She didn't trust herself sitting next to him. In no time, whatever she'd meant to say would fly out of her head. As soon as he started to touch her, or look at her with those bone-melting, sky-blue eyes of his. He turned her into a little pile of slush with those eyes, all mushy and willing to do anything that he wanted.
"I'm the Slayer," Buffy said.
"Bloody well knew that one already pet," Spike pointed out.
"And you're a vampire."
"Once again, pointing out the obvious luv."
"Do you mind?" Buffy asked, clearly getting more than a bit cheesed off. "I'm trying to make a point here. Slayers and vampires aren't mixy things. So, what are we doing?"
"I'd say you're having the best shagging you're ever likely to get, or I'm sorely mistaken," Spike quipped, with a self-satisfied smirk.
"Is that all this is to you?" Buffy's green eyes shimmered with unshed tears at the notion she'd simply been a good time to the blonde vampire, but nothing more. Maybe all he wanted was an easy lay. And she had been. So maybe he would lose interest once he'd had his fill. It was taking longer than it had with any other man she'd been with, but still... that didn't mean much.
"You know it's not." Spike flicked the ash from the end of his cigarette onto the floor. "Bollocks."
"If it's more than just sex, what is it?"
"Don't rightly know, luv. Never thought much about it," Spike replied.
A quirk of one of Buffy's brows was enough to let him know she wasn't buying his load of bull. She sat silent, waiting for him to crack.
"Fine, I've thought about it... thought about it plenty. Just wasn't sure you had. You haven't been big with the talky talk, since this whole thing started between us."
"Neither have you," Buffy countered.
"Figured it was only a matter of time before you called the whole soddin' mess off."
Buffy shook her head in silent denial. "I don't think I can." When Spike vaulted off his perch and started closer, she held up her hand. "Even though I should."
"What do you want from me Buffy?" Spike asked.
"Spike, you're a soulless vampire. You kill people. You're one of the monsters I was called to destroy. But I don't know if I can anymore... no matter what you do. But there's one thing I do know," Buffy said, jumping off her perch to stand in front of Spike. "I can't be with you while you're killing people. So, I guess... this is goodbye Spike."
Buffy almost made it past Spike before he reached out to grab her arm. "Please... don't make this any harder," she pleaded, her voice catching as she choked back a sob. Buffy looked away and down at the rough cement floor of the crypt, rather than force herself to meet Spike's eyes after making her request.
Spike whirled her around, so she had to look at him. "What if I told you I hadn't killed anyone this past week." Spike's eyes were so clear and innocent in that moment, she could almost believe him.
Then she snorted. "You expect me to believe that? You, the Big Bad, all reformed? I suppose you haven't been feeding either?"
"Didn't say that. Just said I hadn't killed anyone this past week," Spike announced. "It's true," he reaffirmed.
"But how long will that last?" Buffy asked.
Spike shook his head. "Don't rightly know pet. As long as I need it to."
Curiosity overcame Buffy's natural reticence and she asked, "Why haven't you been killing?" The answer to this question suddenly became critical to her ability to breathe... to think... to reason.
"Cause I knew you wouldn't like it if I was. Least, while I was with you," Spike said.
Buffy's pessimism reasserted itself sharply. "And what if we have a fight? Or something happens between us?"
"What if the bleedin' sun should turn into a ball of fiery ash? I don't soddin' know do I? But as long as we're together, I know I can be good. As long as I know there's a fighting chance for us to be together, I can do it - for you."
To be continued...