The Alternate Daria Series:
"DARIA'S LANE"

Excerpt 01:
"Party me Hardly"





INTRODUCTION:
What if: Jane was born as a boy and Trent was born as a girl?

AUTHOR'S NOTES:
This fanfiction is modelled after the original Daria Episode 102 "The Invitation" written by Anne D. Bernstein. I have used/borrowed/stolen the transcript, without permission from "Outpost Daria". That is why certain dialogues and events are repeated, but not all.

OPENING SEQUENCE
MUSIC: "YOU'RE STANDING ON MY NECK" BY SPLENDORA

EXT. SIDEWALK IN LAWNDALE – DAY
Daria and Quinn are on their way to school. Daria is smirking behind Quinn.

QUINN: (annoyed)
Daria! You are following me.

DARIA:
You are not going anymore to middle school you know. Hence you have to share the agony of high school with your beloved sister, which includes walking in the same way to school.

QUINN:
And why were you smiling before? As if you knew I am going to be embarrassed.

DARIA:
I was only laconic.

QUINN:
Lactose… nic?

A boy, with red jacket, long dark hair and blue eyes, sneaks up behind them. It is Zane.

ZANE: (loud)
*BOO!*

QUINN: (frightens)
Eep!

DARIA: (nearly frightens)
Huh?

ZANE: (smiles)
Hey. Good morning Morgendorffers.

QUINN:
Eww!

DARIA VOICE OVER:
Hey… Zane.

DARIA:
Go to hell Zane.

ZANE:
And Daria is as cheerful as always.

QUINN:
Now listen… *Zane*, if you want to have any chance of dating me, then you should change your behaviour.

ZANE:
Perhaps, but I want to enjoy life before I undergo a lobotomy.

QUINN:
Lactose… tomy?

DARIA VOICE OVER: (chuckles)
Good one.

DARIA: (annoyed deadpan)
Why don't you molest some cheerleaders?

ZANE:
No thank you, but my collection of sexual transmitted diseases is complete.

DARIA AND QUINN: (shocked)
EWW!

Zane chuckles evil. He leaves them by walking faster. Quinn glares behind him.

QUINN: (outraged)
Captain of the Lawndale High track team or not… he is such a… such a…

DARIA:
Jerk.

QUINN:
Yes.

DARIA: (deadpan)
After 15 years we finally agree on something.

DARIA VOICE OVER:
His blue eyes sparkle like an ocean in space.

INT. LAWNDALE HIGH – ART CLASS WITH MS. DEFOE
Daria is sitting with Brittany on a table. Both are drawing sketches. Brittany seems to have problems.

BRITTANY: (talking to herself)
No not again! Ah! I have forgotten all about perspectives. How was it again? Lefties, Rightists…?

DARIA:
Centrists?

BRITTANY: (to Daria)
Uhm Daria? Can you help me? I think I forgotten everything about perspectives.

DARIA:
That is not the only topic.

BRITTANY: (starts sketching on her sheet)
I mean when… for example I am in the mall… and the way down the end is the… Cashman's department…

DARIA: (pulling some lines on Brittany's sheet)
Then everything is pointing to the entrance… this single spot on the horizon. That is the one-point perspective.

BRITTANY:
Of course! I remember again: The one-point perspective. And the two-point perspective is like a long street, which stretches from one horizon to the other. Just like in the "Road Runner" cartoons.

DARIA: (impressed by Brittany's regained knowledge)
"Jeopardy" here she comes. We still haven't had two-point perspectives, where did you learn it?

BRITTANY:
From Zane.

DARIA: (beat)
Zane?

BRITTANY:
Yes, Zane Lane. My *ex*-boyfriend.

DARIA: (beat)
Aha.

BRITTANY:
You know: It turned then out we had nothing in common.

DARIA: (beat)
Aha.

BRITTANY:
But at least he thought me how to draw.

DARIA: (bitter)
I think, that is not the only thing he thought you.

BRITTANY: (getting carried away in her memories)
Yes I know it is hard to believe, that I fall once for him, since he is the school-bully. Not that I have the hots for bad boys…

DARIA:
You mean jerks.

BRITTANY: (sentimental)
No I mean… he is the best athlete of our school and he has won a lot of prizes for the Lawndale High. He is a real track star. Further there is that certain cuteness, when he shows his rebellious side.

DARIA VOICE OVER:
Yeah.

DARIA:
Actually his behaviour is more revolting than rebellious.

BRITTANY:
You don't like him?

DARIA:
I never could consort with sport jocks.

BRITTANY:
Consort??? Well to be honest Daria you are not that kind of girl Zane would be interested in.

Daria glares at Brittany.

INT. LAWNDALE HIGH – CORRIDOR
Zane is pulling books out his locker. Kevin and Mack are about to walk up to him.

KEVIN:
Uhm Mack? Can you do me a favour and tell Zane he is not invited to Brittany's party.

MACK:
Why me?

KEVIN:
As far I know, he has never attack coloured people.

Mack glares at him.

KEVIN:
Uh I mean. Since he respects you as football captain, and you have more brawns than me…

MACK: (still insulted from Kevin's previous remark, he interrupts in a bitter tone)
Not to mention more brains.

KEVIN:
What about the brains?

MACK: (rolls his eyes)
Whatever.

Mack walks to Zane leaving Kevin behind.

MACK:
Hey Zane. Kevin says you are not invited at Brittany's party.

ZANE: (smirks)
Yes I understand. See you at the party then.

MACK: (smirks)
No way keeping "In-Zane" Lane from a party?

ZANE: (smirks evil)
Sure, "Mack-Daddy". I just can't disappoint my foes.

MACK:
How come?

ZANE:
I don't know, but I always keep trying.

MACK:
Well since you are tied to defend your bad reputation. We will see you at the party.

Mack walks back to Kevin.

KEVIN:
Hey Mack. Did he got the message?

MACK:
In a way: Yes.

KEVIN:
Cool.

INT. LAWNDALE HIGH – CAFETERIA – DAY
Daria is sitting alone. She gets join by Brittany.

BRITTANY:
Huh-huh Da-ri-ah! May I take a seat?

Brittany takes a chair and sits down.

DARIA: (sarcastic)
Sure. No need to be *reluctant*.

BRITTANY:
I was thinking…

DARIA: (annoyed and sarcastic)
You were thinking? We should celebrate this quantum leap, let's party.

BRITTANY:
Hey… How could you have guess? Because I will have a party on Saturday night.

DARIA:
Is it one of those parties you celebrate, when the parents are out of town?

BRITTANY:
Yes and you can come… I mean this one time… you know… to thank you for helping me out in art…
And since all the cheerleaders are invited, they expect that all girls are not more attractive then they.

DARIA: (deadpan)
Now, I really feel appreciated.

Zane walks up.

ZANE:
Hey Brittany.
(he notices Daria)
You sitting with her? I must have been dimension-warped into a parallel universe.

BRITTANY: (annoyed)
Oooww, Zane!

ZANE:
With your parents being out of town: It is Saturday Party Time! Okay, that I come uninvited?

BRITTANY: (bitchy)
Didn't Kevin say to you, that you are not invited!

ZANE:
In away yes. But, that is why I come uninvited! Even though *Daria* would be there too.

DARIA: (offended)
Since there will be plenty of people posing. You will find comfort and happiness.

ZANE: (teases her)
And you will find pain and sorrow. Can't resist it huh?

DARIA: (glares at him)
I am not nauseated by your chauvinistic stereotyping: Since you are popular, all unpopular people look alike anyway. No wonder preppy boys like you, ever bother to see things from an other perspective.

ZANE:
What makes you so sure?

DARIA:
Ever tried to see things from my point of view? I think not.

Zane snatches Daria's glasses away.

DARIA:
HEY!

ZANE: (imitating her voice)
Hi, I am Daria. Go to hell.

Zane smirks at her and gives the glasses back.

ZANE: (uses again his normal voice)
My voice is too high and my face is too expressive. It won't work… By the way: You look good without glasses.
(while Daria is embarrassed, Zane turns back to Brittany)
Until Saturday then, my ex-babe.

He walks off.

DARIA VOICE OVER: (still embarrassed from Zane's previous action)
He has seen me without glasses and said I look good… Brittany is staring at me.

BRITTANY AND DARIA: (looking at each other)
Jerk.

INT. LAWNDALE HIGH – MUSIC CLASS
The class is empty, except for a young woman, who sleeps at the teacher's desk with a guitar in her hands.
The door gets open by Daria. The noise wakes up the sleeping beauty named Trinity.

TRINITY:
Huh?

DARIA:
Hey Trinity.

TRINITY:
Hey Daria.

DARIA:
Sorry for disturbing you.

TRINITY: (she stretches)
No problem. I needed a break anyway. I have been practicing for 2 hours straight.

DARIA:
Sleeping with a guitar in your hands counts as practicing?

TRINITY:
As long as you don't drop it.

Both smirk.

DARIA: (she lays a tape on the desk)
I am just bringing your demo-tape back.

TRINITY:
What do you think of the songs?

DARIA:
Well, they have a beat and you can dance to it. If you have no shame.

TRINITY: (laugh-cough)
Good one Daria… I guess I am not doing that bad.

DARIA:
Please don't take this as an affront, but it is also hard to believe, that you are a high school substitute teacher.

TRINITY:
It is hard to believe, that you are a high school student.

DARIA:
I find the situation unbelievable myself.

TRINITY: (smiles)
You are pretty cool.

DARIA:
Thanks.

Daria has a Mona Lisa smile. She doesn't know what is was, but there was something in the aura of Trinity, that made her feel being understand and appreciated for what she was.

TRINITY:
You know what? You should see me perform this weekend at the Zon.

DARIA:
Is that important?

TRINITY:
I think more than 8 people would higher my motivation.

DARIA:
Of course I come… Damn, I am invited to a party.

TRINITY:
Never mind, an other time perhaps.

DARIA:
I could skip it.

TRINITY: (raises her eyebrows)
A teenager skipping a high school party?

DARIA:
Well… it would be boring anyway. On the other hand I can't disappoint my *beloved* sister.

CUT TO FLASH BACK
EXT. THE HOME OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – DAY

DARIA VOICE OVER: (in a teasing tone)
Wouldn't it be great if Brittany would invite me too? Maybe I should ask her…

QUINN VOICE OVER: (aghast)
You can't go! You will ruin everything!

DARIA VOICE OVER: (in an evil tone)
I think, as a good sister you should help me to broaden my social horizon.

QUINN VOICE OVER: (raised voice)
MOM! DAD! DARIA IS RUINING MY LIFE AGAIN!

CUT TO PRESENT
INT. LAWNDALE HIGH – MUSIC CLASS

TRINITY:
Is the party at Brittany Taylor's house?

DARIA:
How you know?

TRINITY:
My little bro goes to there too.

DARIA: (surprised)
You have got a little brother?

TRINITY:
Yes, he is about your age... I think you will like him.

DARIA:
Uh… and what makes you such a hasty conclusion about my preferences?

TRINITY:
He is into painting dark and violent stuff. So I think he would appreciate your insight.

Daria raises her eyebrows.

TRINITY:
And I have promised to give him a ride to the party. What do you think? I could pick you up on the way.

DARIA: (excited)
Why not?
(normal tone)
Uhm… I mean yeah.

The recess bell rings.

DARIA:
Well I must go now to my *self*-*esteem* class. Bye Trinity.

TRINITY:
Bye Daria.

After Daria has closed the door behind her. Trinity falls again asleep over the desk.

END CHAPTER 1

LA-LA-LA-LA-LA
COMMERCIAL BREAK
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA