Life: Hi. I'm being unusually solemn because this is the very last chapter of The Hassles Of Big Lunches. So, here is the final chapter of my story...

Eight: After-Lunch Combat

"Aw, you're leaving?" Ash complained.

"Sure am," Jenny said. "I'm on a busy schedule, and there's enough tension in the air to cut and serve. So, I figure I'll be on my way," she told him.

Ash pouted, sticking out his lower lip. "Mmmmm..." he whined. "Do you gotta go now?"

Jenny patted Ash on the head. "Ash, I am only a person," she reminded him. "I'll see ya. And the rest of you weirdos, including you, Misty, let's not cross paths again." She left.

Misty's face turned red. "If I never see her again, it'll be too soon," she muttered.

"Actually, I have to run, too," Maia said, yanking up the sleeve of her hoodie to check her watch. "I have to pick up my designer hoodies from the dry cleaners, and then I have to buy myself some jeans, and then I have to plan the downfall of one of Gary's cheerleaders--I mean, plan the dinner menu, so, I'll see you guys!"

"Bye!" Everyone said as Maia left and went in the opposite direction Jenny had gone in.

Brock cleared his throat. "I have to go, too," he said.

"Why?" Ash asked.

Brock's face turned romance red. "Because I just realized that Maia is my true love!" he said. He skipped out the door on his tiptoes, hearts in his eyes and swirling around his head.

Ash, Misty, Gary and Pikachu stared after Brock with a poor-Maia-I-hope-she-gets-away look.

"Do you have to go, too?" Ash asked Misty and Gary.

"Nope," Misty said. "I'm leaving for Cerulean City in three days."

"Nah," Gary said. "Might as well torment you a little longer, Ashie Boy."

Misty shoved Gary's legs off the couch and sat down.

"Whaddya mean, 'torment me a little longer'?" Ash asked suspiciously, his eyes narrowed.

Gary snickered. "Ash, go change your pants before the burger grease soaks into your underwear," he said in a fake motherly voice. "Better yet, do it out here so we can laugh at you!"

"Hey!" Ash cried. "That isn't funny!"

"Sure it is!" Gary said. "Remember, Ash, if you don't remember to wear clean underwear every day, I'll give you a spanking!"

Ash glared at Gary. "Aw, shut up, Gary," he growled. "I hate you and your sausage-waffle-and-cheeseburger-stealing ways."

Gary went on. "I told you to buy some Slim-Fast, but no, you refuse to stop eating all my food. Did you know I filed bankruptcy yesterday because I have a $320,237,185,758,246 food bill?"

That was it. It was war. "GARY!!" Ash screeched. He grabbed a sofa pillow and attacked Gary with it.

"Hey!" Gary cried. He grabbed another sofa pillow and began to defend himself.

Boys are so stupid, Misty thought.

Human boys are so stupid, Pikachu thought.

Gary started to hit Ash with his sofa pillow. "Ash and a milkshake, sittin' in a tree," he began to sing. "K-I-S-S-I-N--"

Ash shoved his pillow into Gary's face and knocked him down.

"--G," Gary continued after he stopped Ash from nearly smothering him. "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes--"

Ash beat Gary over the head with his sofa pillow. He chased Gary all around the living room.

I wonder what comes after marriage? Misty thought idly.

Gary dived behind the sofa for cover. When an infuriated Ash didn't come sailing over it to get him, he peeked up over the top.

Ash flung his pillow into Gary's face.

Gary fell on his back. "Big mistake, Ashie Boy!" he sang out. "Now I have your pillow and you have no weapon!"

There was silence. Then Ash leaped over the sofa with a sofa cushion in his hand.

"Whoa!" Gary rolled over just in time to be missed by the flying cushion. He grabbed the pillows and stood up.

"Take back what you said!" Ash yelled at him.

"Take back what?" Gary asked.

"All the stuff you said!" Ash told him.

Gary shrugged. "You want me to take back the truth, Ashie Boy?"

Ash jumped at him and whacked him in the face with the sofa cushion. Gary fell back.

"Stop it! I said stop!" Misty yelled.

Ash and Gary turned and stared at her.

"If you two don't cut it out, you'll break something. Like each other's necks. Or some of Miss Ketchum's stuff," Misty warned. "So cut it out!"

Ash glared at Gary. Gary sneered back.

I take that back, Pikachu thought. Human boys aren't stupid. All humans are stupid. I'm glad I'm a Pikachu, because I don't see why trying to harm somebody would be fun.

Life: Finished! All finished! My story is over! takes snacks from readers

Kelly: Aren't you sad.

Life: Hee hee! Well, yes, this is the end. So sad it had to end! But who'd want to read a funny story with, say, 320,237,185,758,246 chapters, hmmm?

Kelly: A story that long would take forever.

Life: If they updated it every day, it would only take 320,237,185,758,246 days!

Kelly: Boy, you're smart.

Life: And that would take 877,362,152,762 and one-third years!

Kelly: Are you sure about that estimate?

Life: Nope!

Kelly: Thought so.

Life: Oh, one more thing. I love to write stories, therefore, I'm taking a stab at the serious stuff. The story has yet to have a name, but you'll know it's mine; it'll have my pen name beside it.

Kelly: Well, this story has to end. So bye.

Life: Everyone who reviewed...YOU MADE THIS POSSIBLE!! If not for you, I would have quit this thing long ago. I thank you profusely! See ya! Bye! And have a nice lunch!

Life v