My Best Friend's Sister
Disclaimer: Even though all of us at some point fantasize about owning Harry Potter alas I don't. So I'm just here to toy around with the characters to entertain you.
A/N: This is femmeslash so if you don't like don't read. This is a Hermione/Ginny pairing. I will get on with the plot next chapter. This whole story is in Hermione's POV. R/R please and No Flames!
I don't know how this happened. I am supposed to like guys, like Harry or Ron! But alas, I do not. I'm a lesbian, I'm in love with my best friend's sister, and neither one of them knows it.
I'm still quite in the closet. Oh, I told my parents a year ago, but they're the only ones who know. At first they were a bit uncomfortable with it, but they came to accept it eventually. Sure they're disappointed that they won't be having any grandchildren the 'natural' way, since I'm their only child, but I assured them there are other ways I can have children.
Coming out to my parents was fine, but to my friends is a whole other story.
Harry would more than likely understand, but I think Ron would definitely go starkers. In fact, Ron would probably go so ballistic that he'd tell the whole school! I have to be careful who I tell. Ginny wouldn't mind me being lesbian... But maybe she would if she found out I am in love with her. Its one thing to have your best friend be a lesbian; it's another thing to have her in love with you. If I told her of my deep passionate feelings, I'm sure she'd freak out and abandon me.
I don't know why I'm being such a chicken on coming out. Heck, about a quarter of Hogwarts students are gay, lesbian or bisexual. I guess it's because I'm constantly in the spot light of Hogwarts gossip. I never wanted to be in the spotlight but I always tend to get thrust there. I'm the boy-who-lived's best friend, a prefect, and I have the best grades in my year. The Slytherins would have a field day with it, I'm sure. I can imagine the smirk on Malfoy's face if ever found out. He'd be calling me a mud blood-dyke every chance he got. I can usually block out snide remarks, but if they get that personal I will probably break down.
Being who I am makes me an outsider. No one understands the loneliness of being a lesbian. You can't flirt with a girl like you would with guys. They'd be grossed out, tell everyone that you're checking them out, and people would immediately shun you. And some people have this stereotype stuck in their heads that if you're gay it makes you hornier or something, when in fact you're not. I don't go for every girl I see, just as everyone of the opposite sex doesn't go fawning after everyone they see. It's sheer nonsense.
Luckily, most of the time you have a sixth sense in effect of telling who the gay ones are and even if people think you're wrong most of the time, you're usually not. I believe the proper term these days is 'gaydar'. Amusing term, yes?
I study my ass off in school to keep my mind off of her. Heck, I'll even go weeks into advance to distract myself. The pain of love is temporarily forgotten and hurts less. I don't want to sleep anymore because Ginny haunts my dreams every night. They are good dreams, but I hate dwelling on them because I know they'll never come true. Despite my efforts, my thoughts drift to her anyway, and I hate my mind for it.
I need help. I need to get this out so I don't have to bear this burden and lie anymore. It gets so bad I wonder why I keep on living this pathetic excuse for a life that I have. People don't care about me. They come only for answers. They're not concerned about me. I'll always be a book to them. One you can pick up whenever you need it, and then leave it on the shelf for any period of time till it needs to be used again.
I hope that someday I can find someone. I want someone who can be by my side to help me survive the torment from the cruel people of this world. Someone who could make me feel special and needed. I need for her to help me become a better person. I wish that she would come along soon because I don't know how much more I can take on my own.
I will tell my friends soon. I'm sick and tired of hiding, so the next time I see them I'm going to tell them the whole truth. Except for the part about my infatuation with Ginny, that is. I don't wish for anyone to know that right now. All right, I'm set and focused and I'm not going to put this off any longer.
How I wish that I could find someone! But I think that if I do, it will be a miracle. I believe that there are some people on this earth that are meant to walk alone in life and right now..........
It feels as if I am one of them.