-Defining Moments-

A/N This takes place the summer Buffy is in LA between Prophecy Girl and When she was bad. Buffy's POV. I couldn't find a transcript of the movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The only name I could remember for sure was Tyler so I made up her friends names.

-Buffy-

I feel useless here. I don't do anything. I shop, I go to the beach. I lay out and get a tan. I go shop some more. Was this ever my life? Was I ever really one of these girls? I mean really, what do I have in common with them anymore? Charrity asked me last night what I did this year. I shrugged and said nothing interesting. What was I supposed to say? I prevented some apocalypses, defied prophecies, fell in love with a 241 year old vampire and died. How was your year? And Dad wonders why I don't want to go out more.
I started the summer by going out. I went out with Tyler. Was he always a 12 year old cretin? It's sounds trite but he's a boy and I don't want a boy anymore. I sigh. Who am I kidding? I don't even want a man. I want an Angel, the dark and shadowy brooding kind that doesn't show up to take me to coffee but does show up when I'm crying my heart out in my room. I'd lay bets if I started sobbing like that Tyler would run for the hills.

"Buffy!" My dad yells from the living room. "Want to go shopping?"

Who'd have thought I'd get tired of shopping? Dad doesn't know what else to do with me, so he takes me shopping. We sit in the car and listen to a CD of music he would have been screaming at me about last year. I feel guilty. He doesn't know what to talk to me about and I really don't know what to say to him. So we sit and listen to music. We went over the how's work, work is good, how's school, school is good, ok so I lied. I can't tell him about any of the important things in my life, like slaying, or Angel. I tried to tell him about my friends, Xander and Willow that just let to questions about what we do together outside of school. I told him we go Bronzing. I can't tell him that I spend half my life in the library and the other half walking through graveyards. He and Mom would put me back into the mental institution for sure. And that's a place I so don't want to visit ever again.

*

I slip off my new black heeled sandals and lay down on the bed. Tears come to my eyes. I don't know why I'm crying. I went with Charrity and the other Hemery High Cheerleaders to a party tonight. Tyler was there. I spent half the night avoiding him and the other half trying not to gape at the kids there. My old friends make Cordy look almost human. I can't believe this was ever me. None of these girls ever worry about anything outside of their own little world. I guess they don't have to, there are people like me to worry about the world and the save-age of said world. It makes me admire Xander and Willow and even Cordelia more. They don't have to help. They could stick their heads in the sand just like all my LA friends did, even though they saw the vamps, they saw me burn the gym down. It's easier to just not believe I guess.

I put my pajamas and open the window. I know Angel won't come through it. He's in Sunnydale. I close my eyes and try to remember that little tickle tingle that starts in the base of my spine when he's around. I can't remember what it feels like. I get his jacket out of my closet and wrap it around me. I close my eyes and breathe in the smell of him and that brings more tears to my eyes. I lay down on the bed and face my very empty window. I close my eyes and imagine he's going to watch over my sleep, my guardian angel.

1 week and 4 days until I go back to Sunnydale. I wonder if he's counting the days, or if he cares. I'm scared to go back. I mean I died there. It's creepy. That's my life though, and I don't fit in this one anymore. I can't close my eyes and pretend that things don't go bump in the night. I wish I could. It'd be so nice to be a normal girl, not like the girls here, but a girl who doesn't have a destiny, who doesn't have to do this until she dies, again, a normal girl, who just happens to have a cradle robbing creature of the night boyfriend. Angel, boyfriend same thought, a goofy grin spreads to my face.1 week and 4 days until I see Angel.