A/N: Inspired by Sunfreak and Kenhime. Set on my other story, Haruka Kanata, though it doesn't have any affect on the storyline. You can read this without reading the other story and still understand everything. My first one-shot and I'm still gaining experience on that line but have written several other ones. Anybody willing to betaread?
I Watch You Here
I watch you, silently, from the corner of my eye. Your face glows and your eyes reflect the fire in front of you. You stretch out your hands to make them warmer and your breathing creates small puffs that linger in the air and disappear only a second after. You rub your hands together, trying to warm them in this cold winter night. You sit there, legs crossed on the hard ground where even grass doesn't grow. The fire flickers, deepening the shadow behind you and making your face look more alive than it does when you smile.
You were there. You sat next to me. So you were there.
But I still don't believe it. I cannot trust my eyes, the eyes that have betrayed so many times. Maybe they betray even me. I have to bring my hand to you, to run my white fingers down your back, then up again and entwine your pink hair in my fist. I feel the muscles on your back tense and then relax forcibly. I run my fingers down the side of your slender throat and as far down your arm as I can reach. I want to feel all of you, just to make sure that there is one thing that does not betray me.
I can feel you. So you must be there.
You don't say a word. The whole forest is quiet as grave, holding its breath. The only sound is the fire's crackling. I can't even hear your breathing. I wonder if I have any affect on your breathing. Maybe I make you breathe faster, deeper, maybe not. I can't be certain because I can't hear it. But I want to hear. So I turn you to face me, and you furrow your eyebrows in slight irritation. The tip of your nose glows in the firelight, and your eyes are hooded in the shadow your starved cheek makes. Your pale lips are parted and you cannot breathe with your nose because the air is so freezing.
I bring my hand to your throat and press it on your windpipe, feeling the air go in and out of your lungs. In and out, in and out… I can feel your breathing against my face. Then I reach lower, tracing the line of your collarbone under the thick cloak you wear. Even lower, I can feel the softness of your body. And I am rewarded with what I wanted to earn. I hear your breath, slightly heavier than usual. I make you breathe like that. I wonder if somebody else has made you breathe like that.
I hear you. So you have to be there.
I let go of you, and without saying a word you turn back to the fire. The flush on your face is almost invisible and I nearly believe that it is my eyes that are betraying me again. Nearly, but not just. Sometimes I still wonder why you are here. You have a place to return to, but still you are here. With me. Is that what you want? You gave everything to be here. But where is here?
I can see you. I can feel you. I can hear you. So you are here.
You were next to me. You were in front of me. You were behind me. You were around me. You were on me. You were beneath me. You were here. You would always be here. That was something I could now believe in and I know you won't go away. If you would, you would have done so a long time ago. But you always remain.
And now I realize that I am never truly here.