A/N: Script form seems to be the new trend so I figured I'd give it another go. I don't know where the hell I got this idea. Infact… there was no idea involved. Just… Boredom. I assume most humour fics are the product of boredom, aye?
**Disclaimer** Tekken is not mine.
Story Number One.
Narrator: Here you see… Uh… Kazuya on a quest.
(Kazuya walks around in the forest.)
N: It is a noble quest. A quest for a young girl's heart. A young girl named… Ling Xiaoyu!
Kazuya: HEY! I'm no pedophile! Someone else!
N: Oh fine. A young girl named… Anna Williams!
Kazuya: AHHH! No! She's irritating!
Anna: I resent that!
N: Yesh, well then… A young woman named… Lee.
Lee: Woman? I HATE YOU! (cries.)
Kazuya: He's my sister!
Lee: (sobs harder)
N: Will everyone get lost! You're not in my story yet!
Lee + Anna: Ok! (Skips away)
N: Thank you. Ok… A young woman named… Nina Williams.
Kazuya: Have you not heard of Jun?
N: Yes. I agree it's a beautiful month, but you can hardly search for a month.
Kazuya: JUN KAZAMA! (Turns into Devil)
Jun: Yes dear?
N: GET LOST!
Jun: AHHHHHHHH!!!! (Runs away screaming)
Kazuya: I meant Jun Kazama…
N: I don't care. It's not very interesting if you want her, because that's what people are used to.
Kazuya: People write about me and Nina too…
N: Fine. Michelle, Kunimitsu, or Christie. Take your pick.
Kazuya: … Kunimitsu (snickers) good luck finding her.
N: It won't be me searching for her, weirdo.
N: So Kazuya embarked on his quest for love. He searched everywhere, high and low, near and far…
(Kazuya walked into a bar and ordered some beer. He peered into his mug.)
Kazuya: Nope, not here.
N: Bah! I quit!
Lee: GOOD! (Still crying)
N: Hey… I didn't insult you Anna, that was Kazuya.
Anna: Oh… Well take Kazuya with you!
N: No. I've decided not to quit.
N: One day when Kazuya was getting beaten in chess by… Gon…
(Kazuya's suddenly at a chess table with Gon.)
Kazuya: What the hell! Beaten by this child's toy?
Gon: (animal noises.)
Kazuya: Yeah screw you too.
Gon: (sticks out tongue.)
N: Uh… ok… Anyway… He was getting beaten when suddenly, an angel appeared.
Kazuya: (turns into devil) Hey baby!
Angel: How'd I get here?
N: And she had some worldly advice for him in his quest to find his love.
N: Give him ADVICE! And Devil! Give Kazuya back. This isn't your story!
Devil: FINE! (Turns back to Kazuya)
Angel: Advice… Advice for love quests? (thinks) hmm… Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has courage to lose sight of the shore.
N: Damn incompetence! Get lost, Angel! You're fired!
Angel: You can't fire me. You're not THE Goddess!
Angel: The author.
Lee: (snorts) she's hardly a goddess!
Kazuya: I wouldn't say that…
Lee: Why? (get's hit by lightning) AHH! What the hell! I'm IN DOORS!
N: Both of you get lost!
Kazuya: Ok (leaves)
N: Hey… not you…
(Kazuya appears back at the chess table)
Kazuya: What the… How'd that happen?
Angel: (Shrugs and disappears)
Kazuya: Where'd she go?
N: It was Author magic.
Kazuya: Whata what?
Jun: Hey… This isn't like THE Goddess.
Lee: Why do you call her that?
Jun: So she'll go easy on me.
Kazuya: What isn't like her?
Jun: My son isn't in this yet… Neither is Hwoarang… It's just unlike her… I'm scared.
Kazuya: Narrator! Say something about Jin being here.
N: … Ok… Uh… And SUDDENLY Jin runs in the room with a important warning…
(Lei runs in)
N: I SAID JIN!
(Lei disappears and runs in again)
N: Uh… I mean Hwoarang…
(Bryan runs in)
Bryan: Hey everybody! Be warned… the church next door is burning and there are children and old people locked inside, and it could quickly catch onto this building… whatever it is.
Jun: (Gasps) Is my baby in there?!
N: I dunno.
Kazuya: What the hell is going on? Where's my son?
Lee: Christie isn't in this either and that's the Author's fav person.
N: Christie suddenly ran in topless.
N: I can't be a pervert. I'm just a voice.
(Ganryu runs in topless and everyone screams)
Ganryu: Where's Michelle?
N: And Michelle ran in.
(Michelle runs in)
Jun: (Blair witch camera style) I'm so scared…
Kazuya: (smashes the camera and hugs Jun) Don't worry… The "goddess" is just playing games with us.
N: HEY! HANDS OFF! You're on a quest for Kunimitsu's love and you're cheating on her before you even found her!
Kazuya: I'm just comforting her! It's hardly cheating!
N: Ok… So Kazuya continues on his search for love. The quest brings him to a haunted mansion.
(Kazuya appears in a mansion.)
N: And he sees the ghost of his dead wife.
Jun: Ghost? Me?
Lee: uh… (Raises hand)
N: What Lee?
Lee: They're not married.
N: Don't make me sick the author on you.
Lee: Sorry (disappears)
Jun: (suddenly translucent) Uh… Hi Kazuya.
Kazuya: Hey. How you doing?
N: NO! Kazuya you're overwhelmed by intense emotions like the feeling of loss and anger!
Kazuya: But she's right here.
N: Yeah but she's DEAD!
Kazuya: But I'm part devil so that shouldn't matter…
N: You're not that kinda devil!
Kazuya: Yes I am!
N: No you're not! GODDESS!!!!
(Kazuya gets hit by lightning)
Kazuya: OW! (Turns into devil, flies into the air, and shoots lazers at the ceiling.) Come out here and fight me like a … woman!
N: She can't come into your world without taking someone's body.
Devil: She can have my sister's.
Jun: Uh… I don't like being see through… It's creepy.
Bryan: Holy crap you're a wimp!
Jun: Am not!
Bryan: You are too, wimp!
(Bryan and Jun start making out)
Kazuya: Hey! That's my woman!
N: No you're after Kunimitsu!
N: Shut it!
(Heihachi appears in a football jersey with a BIG hand over his… hand.)
Heihachi: Hey… Who stole me away from the game?
N: Uh… Does this mean I have to add him in the story?
Lee: Yes. (Gets hit by lightning) AHH! What did I do?
N: Ok.. Uh… So Heihachi suddenly appeared and coughed up his plans for world domination.
Heihachi: (chokes and eventually coughs out a notebook) Ow…
Kazuya: That should have killed him. (Gets hit by lightning) GOD DAMNIT!
N: heh heh… Ok so Kazuya was so overcome with emotion that he couldn't bare it any longer. He left the place with his wife and went on a spaceship.
(Kazuya appears on a spaceship)
Kazuya: What about Heihachi's plans for world domination?
Heihachi: ( burns the notebook) What plans?
N: Suddenly the spaceship was raided by the manji clan!
(The manji clan appears.)
Yoshimitsu: (looks around and says something in a really trippy voice)
Kazuya: I don't know man… Something about "Author powers"
Yoshimitsu: (says something else.)
Kazuya: No you're raiding my ship.
N: Ask him about Kunimitsu, you moron!
Kazuya: Oh Yoshimitsu! Where is my love, Kunimitsu! Doth thou have her?
Kazuya: Guess not… Let's go shoe shopping!
N: Think again. Ok then suddenly Kunimitsu showed up!
Kazuya: Now can I go shoe shopping?
Kunimitsu: What the hell am I doing here? AHH YOSHI! (goes into fighting stance.)
Yoshi: (Scratches his back with his sword.)
N: And then they kissed and lived happily ever after.
Kazuya: No way.
Kazuya: Not very damn well likely!
N: Do I have to show you Bryan and Jun again?
Kazuya: My baby… FINE! (Kisses Kunimitsu's mask)
Kunimitsu: What the…
Kazuya: SHUT UP! (Turns into devil and shoots everyone with lazers.)
Lee: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SEXY! STOP HURTING ME!!!! (cries)
N: you people are morons. I can't work like this!