Title: Don't eat the cheese

Author: Snacky

Email: onlinefishin@yahoo.co.uk

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate or any of it characters. I make no money from this fan fiction.

Summary: Daniel is having a very weird day.

Notes1: Response to ovalteenee's challenge:

1. Must have Jack dancing Saturday Night Fever at a disco.
2. Santa clause must come to the base and give out presents. (The real Santa)
3. There must be a Halloween party and everyone must dress up.
4. Teal'c must go a little weird and bite someone's arm 3 different times.
5. Someone must say 'you're hairy, like animal.'
6. Someone must also say 'Bubu is a very hungry serpent and you should treat him better.'

No romance - that would be stupid in a story like this!

Notes2: I couldn't get everyone in Halloween costume (I read the challenge wrong)

Notes3: Please read and review!

Notes4: I just wanted a note 4 :D!

Don't eat the Cheese

"Hey Daniel, Having fun?"

"Yea, about as much fun as you can have at a Halloween party"

"You haven't been to one of my Halloween parties then"

"No...Why is that?"

"Oh...OH! Paul's calling me!"

"Sam no ones... Hey!"

Daniel wasn't sure who had suggested this party, obviously the culprit wanted to stay anonymous, which he couldn't imagine why!

He was bored; he had been standing by the buffet cart, picking at little bits of food all night and was pretty sure half of it was out of date.

What he wouldn't give for something interesting to happen right about now. Preferably something to happen to jack as jack had told the naive Dr it was a fancy dress party when of course it wasn't.

Once Daniel had arrived at the SGC, donning his Hathor costume and had found to his dismay that not only was he the only one to come as a goa'uld but the only one to come as anything at all. There had been a tremendous roar of laughter and applause when he had entered the gate room. Jack had taken that moment to say over the inter comm. "Why Ms Hathor, how nice of you to join us" Which of course caused everyone laugh harder.

Back to the present where Daniel was currently smelling the cheese.

Teal'c, also now standing by the cart quickly snatched the cheese from Daniels hand and gulped it down himself.

"You must not eat the cheese Dr. Jackson!"


"It is poisonous"

"Then why did you eat it?!"

"I am Teal'c, it will not effect me"

"Are you ok Teal'c?"

"I am fine Dr. Jackson" With that Teal'c skipped away and Jack walked towards Daniel, seemingly unfazed by the skipping Jaffa.

"Hey Danny!"


"Hey sorry about the whole dress up thing but Hemmingway bet me fifty bucks I couldn't get you to do it"

"And of course you couldn't resist!"

"Of course"

"Have you noticed anything wrong with Teal'c?"


"Ok" Daniel then moved his hand back towards the food to grab a piece of pineapple when from nowhere Teal'c suddenly grabbed his hand and bit him Hard on his arm.

"OW!!!...Teal'c, what the hell was that for!"

"I did warn you not to eat the cheese"

"I didn't even touch the cheese"

"O'Neill has been teaching me aversion therapy Dr. Jackson"

Looks at jack "has he now..."


"I was talking to jack, Teal'c"

"O'Neill, You must answer Dr. Jackson!"

"Sorry Daniel...Yes"

"Never mind, I'm going over there to speak to a sane person...Santa?!"

Santa was sat on the gate ramp with Major Davis on his lap. Daniel knew he wanted something interesting to happen but this was ridiculous!

He turned back towards jack and Teal'c


"Why, How, Who?" Jack fished for him.

"What is Santa doing here? It's not very Halloween like is it!"

"No, I invited him; he just came through the gate"

"Did I pass out!?!?"

"No Dr. Jackson you have been talking to us"

"Ho! Ho! Ho!"

Daniel very slowly turned around, That Ho! Sounded a bit to close for comfort.


"I am sorry Dr. Jackson I thought you were going to eat the cheese!

"I'm no where near the cheese!"

"That is why I am sorry"

*Sigh* "Never mind!...Who are you?"

"I am Santa!"

"Oh yes now I see, Sorry, I thought you were the Postman!"

"I am here to Grant your wish"

"What wish..."?

Daniel forgot all about his question when suddenly the lights went down and when they came back up again every thing looked like, what could only be described as, a eighties style disco.

The spotlights quickly focused on a figure in the middle of a circle of people.

Daniel was considering he was in fact in his own bed, hopefully not wearing his Hathor outfit, Dreaming all this, as Jack O'Neill was currently doing his rendition of Saturday night fever in front of everyone.

He Thought that maybe he had eaten the cheese and his subconscious mind (Teal'c) was showing him his mistake.

Once Jack had finally finished his dance ha ran back towards Teal'c, Daniel and Santa.

"So Santa, what did ya think?"

"I'm very impressed jack, Who knew you could dance that well!"

Jack blushed "Does this mean I get presents this year?"

"I think you have it, But remember Bubu is a very hungry serpent and you should treat him better!"

"I'm sorry Santa; do you think I should buy him a present?"

"Oh yes defiantly"


"Good boy now I mist go spread the Christmas cheer!

"What a guy"

Daniel just stared at Jack as Santa walked away to mingle.

Sam, Carrying a giant teddy bear ran to Jack and quickly kissed him on the lips.

"Eiww Carter...You're hairy, like animal!" Sam just shrugged and ran away again, which was rather difficult given that she was carrying a five foot teddy bear that no-one understood where she got it from.

"You know Daniel that was disturbing"

"That's not the only thing that's disturbing"

"Your Mr. Grumpy tonight, what more could you want? You've got Santa, a party, your dressed as a girl...There's no pleasing some!"

Jack shuck his head and walked off. Teal'c looked at Daniel then copied Jack by shaking his head and walking off.

"That's it I'm going home!"


Daniel awoke to find himself in one of the infirmary beds.

"That's weird"

"Dr. Jackson you are awake"

Daniel looked up to find Teal'c looming over him.

"Could you hold this please?"


Daniel looked in his hand to find a small piece of cheese.

"What the...OW!!!"

"Do Not! Eat! The! Cheese!"

Teal'c walked out of the infirmary and Daniel, Still holding his arm, flopped back down into the bed.

"Ho! Ho! Ho!



Parody or not to parody that is the question.