Love Potion No. 9

Author's Note: This was an indulgent comedy that I wrote for my sister for her birthday. Hope you like it as much as she did.

"Come on Harry. Do it! You'll be a legend!" Fred whispered.

"But..." Harry said while looking at the three Weasley's excited faces. 'I survived Voldemort only to find that these three can talk me into doing anything', Harry though as he shook his head. "Fine, fine. I'll sneak into the Potions store room. I'll go tonight at midnight."

Hermione looked over when she heard Ron and his brothers telling Harry to go into the store room.

"Stupid," she said to herself, "Don't they realize that if he gets caught he'll probably be expelled?"

She looked up again to see what harry's response would be, when her other half took over. Sighing, Hermione sat her quill down, and as her eyes glazed over thought, 'Harry is SO brave. And Handsome. Not to say that Ron isn't, but he has a temper. Oh Harry I wish I knew how perfect you are.' She closed her eyes and started to think some more. ' I wish I could tell him,'




'It's Harry! Be NORMAL, Hermione'

"Hermione?" Ginny said for the third time. She reached over and started to shake her.

"Huh?! Oh, Ginny, what do you need?" Hermione said trying not to looked embarrassed at being caught fantasizing about Harry.

"Well, I some help with my Potions work," Ginny responded timidly.

"Oh sure. Grab a chair and I'll help."

The two girls sat there for awhile, after Ginny's work was done, talking.

"Hermione, is there such a thing as.... a LOVE potion?" Ginny whispered as her face went as red as her hair.

"Yeah. I read about it in one of my Potions books."

"Is there a recipe?"

"Nah. No that I've seen."

"Oh. Okay," the youngest Weasley said, obviously disappointed. "Well, um, I'll see you tomorrow, then. It's getting pretty late."

"all right, Ginny. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

" 'Night."


After a while the Gryffindor common room emptied, and many of the lights were put out.

"I better hide out down here and make sure that harry gets back okay," whispered Hermione to no one as she, Ron, Fred, and George were left in the common room to wait for Harry's return. Ron started to yawn as he looked over toward the clock.

"Hey it's been an hour. Maybe we should see if he's all right," said Ron.

"Yeah I guess your ri...," George started when the portrait hole opened up and an untidy mop of black hair popped through.

"Harry, what happened? What did you see?" Ron asked as he helped him through the hole.

George pinched Fred's ears to wake him up before the two scrambled over to find out what Harry saw. As they questioned him, Harry looked around the room to make sure they were alone. Hermione crouched farther into the shadow that she was hiding in just in case he tried to look too closely at her spot. When Harry was confident that that no one was there he started to laugh. Ron and Fred looked at him in disbelief as he sank to the floor clutching his sides and laughing so hard that he started to cry.

"Harry," Ron said, "are you all right?"

"he's flipped his bloody lid," George muttered as Harry started to sputter words out.

"Snape... Ha-ha-ha....Snape's got a....chortle...a...a LOVE POTION!" Harry finally managed to say.

George, Ron, and Fred looked at each other and immediately started to join in the laughter.


"He'd need it! Ha-hee-hee!"

After the four of them regained some composure, they got up and started toward the dorms still laughing and talking about the love potion.

The boys didn't look around the room as they went to their dorms. For if they had they would have been surprised to see a pair of wide eyes in the shadows. Hermione leaned back against the wall thinking about what she had heard. 'A love potion,' she thought, 'that's worth it's weight in gold.'

"If I had that," Hermione whispered with a look of excitement on her face, "Harry would be mine. I'd never have to worry about having competition anymore."

And as she sat there gazing at the fire, Hermione formulated a plan that needed to be executed early that very morning.

Hermione Granger didn't go up to her dorm that night. She paced around the common room instead, going over her plan. Rethinking, reformulating, going over the calculations, and deciding when to act. Looking out the window she saw the sun breaking over the horizon to mark early morn. A quick glance at the clock told her it was 6:15 A.M. 'Time to go to work,' Hermione thought as she approached the boys dormitory with her wand drawn.

"Accio invisibility cloak."

Less than five minutes later she was out of the portrait hole and stealing through the castle to the dungeons. After a while Hermione came to the store room and listened closely to hear if anyone was in there. Quietly as a mouse, she unlocked the door and snuck inside.

"Wow," was all she could mutter as she stepped inside and gazed around her at the various concoctions that lined the walls. With each step she took, Hermione looked carefully around making sure that she didn't bump into anything. Suddenly Hermione looked in front of her, rushed forward, and clutched at what she had come for. She looked at the tiny, crystal bottle marked 'Love Potion No. 9' in yellowed parchment. 'It doesn't look like much,' thought Hermione, 'Like purple water-color paint.'

Just as she began to doubt it's potency and considered leaving it she heard footsteps.

"McGonagall will probably want some damn tea when she comes to bitch about my house," Snape spat out as he opened the door.

Hermione having no other choice climbed up onto Snape's filing cabinet next to his desk; hoping that he wouldn't try to get the papers that she was sitting on. Snape continued to mutter as he poured two cups of tea then sat down to wait. Professor McGonagall came quickly after, thoroughly angry with Snape for the behavior of his students in her classes.

"Severus," she said sternly as she sipped at her tea, "your students behavior is completely unacceptable. They do not pay attention, insult me, insult my House, and it doesn't matter how many points I take away they just keep on..."

As McGonagall continued to tell Snape about his rotten job of controlling his House, Hermione leaned forward to listen better. 'I can't see anything,' she thought as she put her hands down on the edge and leaned farther. Hermione didn't notice the potion bottle dripping until it was too late. As she heard the slight drip over the noise of the shouting professors, she realized that she had tipped the bottle. When she looked back the tea had small swirls of lavender on the top. She realized that they would drink it and there was nothing she could do to stop them.

"Dumbledore will be the judge then," Professor McGonagall hissed before she finished her cup.

Snape followed suit and they strode quickly to the door. 'Maybe it doesn't work anymore,' Hermione thought with hope as the door slammed shut.

"Why Professor McGonagall you look radiant in this light. Can't we go for a walk and resolve our differences?"

"Oh, Professor Snape that would be splendid!"

"Or not," Hermione sighed as she smacked her forehead.

It was a lot quicker getting back to the common room than normal. It seemed like it took less than a minute because her mind was elsewhere. 'Oh well,' she thought as she muttered a spell to send Harry's cloak back, 'it'll wear off quick; only a couple of drops.' Finally she came to her bed collapsing, exhausted and dismayed at the incident in Snapes office and she slept.

Ron was looking worried when they didn't see Hermione at breakfast. By the time 10:30 A.M. Rolled around he was flipping out.

"What if she got sick? Maybe somebody cursed her. Maybe she can't tell anyone!!" Ron said in a quick and violent whisper.

"She's probably just sleeping in," Harry said trying to calm Ron down. Seeing that hadn't worked he said, "Hey Ginny! Could you come here a minute?"

All of the sudden a head of flame-red hair popped over the top of a book, looking thrilled to have been called by Harry Potter. She leapt up and bounded over to him saying, "Yes, Harry?" in a breathless voice and a dreamy look on her face.

"Uh, yeah. Could you run up and check on Hermione? And could you see if she's coming to the Quidditch match today?"

"Of course, Harry. Anything," she said as she turned towards the stairs and walked off.

"He talked to me, he talked to me, he talked to me," Ginny sang softly as she climbed the stairs and entered Hermiones dorm.

She walked quietly over to Hermione's bed where she lay snoring.

"Hermione, time to wake up,"Ginny whispered.

She leaned over and tried to shake her awake when she saw Hermione's hand wrapped around something. 'Wonder what that is?' she thought as she pried the package away and held it up.

"My Lord."

Ginny's eyes get huge as she read the piece of parchment that said 'Love Potion No. 9'. She trembled as she reread the tag and gazed at the purple liquid. A thought hit her so hard she could have collapsed. 'I can give this to Harry! Then he'll be mine," she thought with a glimmer in her eyes. With the potion in hand she tiptoed quickly out of Hermione's dorm and went to her own. Quickly she found her water bottle and filled it up.

"Harry will be thirsty after the match. I'll give it to him then," she muttered gleefully as she poured a few drops into the bottle.

And so, with the cap screwed on she went back to Hermione's room. Ginny put the potion back into Hermione's hand and, as soon as she stuffed the bottle into her robes, she yelled,



"Sorry it was all I could think of to wake you."

"It's all right," Hermione said, "I'll be down in a minute. Gotta change. Gotta clean up."

"all right Hermione. Ron and I will wait for you." Ginny said in a saccharin-coated voice, while she made he way down the stairs.

A few minutes later Hermione was down the stairs and out the door with Ron and Ginny. As the three made there way to the Quidditch field, Ginny held on to her bottle with a death-grip.

"Is that that nasty, old bottle you got when you were six?! What are you gonna do with it?" Ron questioned.

"It's for Harry after the match," she replied lightly with a satisfied look on her face.

Puzzled by Ginny's straight forward, proud response Ron and Hermione walked behind silently into the stadium.

The match was Slytherin against Gryffindor and it was tense indeed. In the few hours that had passed since the incident in Snape's office, the whole student body saw that Snape and McGonagall were walking hand-in-hand while whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears. It was disgusting and Slytherin was determined to regain some dignity after getting told that their Head of House was a Nancy-Boy. Unfortunately for them they lost. And as Gryffindor students stormed the field, Ginny broke away from Ron and Hermione and ran toward Harry.

"Hey Harry!" Ginny yelled while waving her water bottle. "I have a gift for you..."

She didn't finish because a pale hand grabbed the bottle from her.

"Hey Weasley, granted we didn't win thanks for the water," a pale, white-blonde boy said. "You know if you need a job come and see me," Draco Malfoy began kindly, "We could use a new house-elf. Your about the right size, too." Malfoy sneered as he opened the bottle and raised it to his lips.

"GIVE THAT BACK, DAMN IT!" Ginny yelled at the top of her lungs, when Cho Chang, pretty Ravenclaw, came to help.

"Malfoy, what do you think your doing? Leave the kid alone," Cho said as she narrowed her eyes and crackled her knuckles.

Draco got a nasty look on his fact and said "And what are you gonna do about it?"

"Leave them alone Malfoy," Harry spoke in a cold voice.

"Get the Hell away from my sister!" Ron yelled as he left Hermione behind in a sea of people.

Unfortunately, in the rush to help his sister, Ron caught Neville's robes and dragged him into the fray.

"Well, well, well. Look at the motley crew that's come to that pathetic saps rescue," Pansy Parkinson crooned to Draco as she slipped by his side.

At that moment Draco grabbed the water bottle and sprayed Ron, Ginny, Harry, Cho, and Neville. As Draco and Pansy stood there laughing, Ron snatched the bottle and squirted it into there jeering mouths.

"Parvati, lookout!" squealed Lavender as she stopped walking to avoid getting sprayed.

But it was too late, Parvati got a full blast in the face as Pansy did a spit take. So there they stood, all eight of them, soaked and licking their lips to remove the water. Pansy and Malfoy looked ready to kill. Harry and Ron were worried about Ginny and Parvati, as Cho helped Neville get up from were he slipped. Then everyone stopped and a strange glimmer was caught in their eyes.

Harry looked over and muttered, "Pansy I am so sorry. Here let me help you."

"Oh no, Harry I should be sorry," Pansy wailed as she threw her arms around him. "I shouldn't have done that! Can you for give me?"

"Of course, "Harry said as he placed an arm around her and the two walked off.

"Neville, you're so dashing and handsome! Would you go out with me?" Cho asked while batting her kitten-eyes.

As Neville led Cho of the field accepting her affections, Parvati seized Ron's arm and kissed his cheek. All the while Draco and Ginny stood and stared at each other, realizing the hatred that burned at each other had turned into flames of passion. Draco closed the small gap that was between them and put his arm around her waist.

"I Love you," was all he said before he put his other arm around her waist. " I love it when your angry. That's when your eyes flame up," he whispered to her with a sly look.

"Well, your eyes are cold and you feel like ice," she said coyly, "Maybe I could warm you up."

Draco looked surprised, then smiled and put his arm around her shoulders.

"Come on baby, light me fire," he said as they walked off.

Hermione, along with the rest of the school, stood there in awe at what had just happened. Slowly, she made her why forward and picked up the bottle. Just as she suspected. Hermione saw a faint, purple residue on the sides of the bottle.

"What have I done?"

Hermione spent every available moment for the next week in the library. Books of potions and antidotes stacked up without divulging any information to the infamous 'Love Potion No. 9' or an antidote. She could find nothing to help her; making her sullen and bad tempered. Her mood didn't improve at all as she kept on seeing the most unlikely couples of Hogwart's walking side-by-side every time she left her dorm. But the final straw came in Transfiguration when Professor McGonagall made a startling announcement.

"Class," she shouted cheerfully as she clapped her hands, "Pay attention! Professor Dumbledore has left for a meeting with the Ministry of Magic and I am in charge until he returns. Now, Professor Snape (sigh) and myself have organized a school dance to be held in the Great Hall tomorrow night. It will start as soon as dinner is over."

As the rest of the class buzzed with excitement Parvati squealed "Ron! Sugarlumpkins, please take me to the dance."

"Honey, I'll take you," he said. "Just call me Casanova Weasley."

Just then Neville puffed out his chest and said "I'm taking Cho to the dance."

"Pansy's coming with me," Harry said proudly.

Hermione blew a fuse when she heard Harry talking about Pansy and flew out of the class room like a rocket. As she raced to the library she was waylaid only one time, but it was a pleasant distraction.

"A! Hermione!," George Weasley said as she raced past the portrait of the Fat Lady. " Wanna go to the dance with me?"

She managed a grin as she replied, "Sure. I'll meet you in the common room tomorrow then we can go together."

"Great! I'll see you tomorrow."


Just the same as the night one week earlier, Hermione didn't go to her dorm. This time she was trying to rectify the situation that had been created the last time. Even so books or no books, she found no antidote and started to despair. 'What if ti never wears off?' she thought as she climbed to her dorm. 'I could be stuck hearing Harry gush about Pansy and Ron telling Parvati about his made-up adventures of the mysterious...Casanova Weasley,' she thought with disgust as she rolled her eyes and fell asleep.

There was no one in the dorm the next morning when she woke up the next morning. The day passed quite uneventfully until it was time to prepare for the dance. Ginny was running around asking girls if they thought Draco would like her outfit. Parvati was giggling while she spilled to Lavender about Ron taking her for a stroll in the moonlight. This was enough cause for Hermione to leave the dorm to meet George. They got to the Great Hall and sat through dinner along with all of the other couples in the room. After dinner, Professor McGonagall stood up along side Snape and waved the tables away.

"Pumpkin," Snape said in a sickening tone, "Shall we start the dance?"

"By all means, Pussycat. Let's dance."

Snape and McGonagall took off to the melody and everyone else started to dance. George grabbed Hermione's hand and twirled her around, causing her to forget where she was. The night wore on and suddenly, near the end, funny things began to happen. Hermione saw Harry and Pansy out of the corner of her eye. When she got closer she could hear them talking.

"Pansy, I really care about you. I think that I want to have my first kiss with you."

"Oh Harry!" Pansy said.

Hermione turned, terrified to see Harry and Pansy leaning closer when they opened their eyes.

"Oh MY GOD!" Pansy said and let go of Harry in disgust.

"I would have had to shoot myself had that happened," Harry muttered as he went to get a drink.

"Yes! It's wearing off" Hermione said to herself.

The next couple to go was Ron and Parvati. When she saw the Parvati was tired of Ron's 'Casanova Weasley' stories Hermione knew it would be all right in a short time. Neville and Cho stayed with each other for the remainder of the dance, because Cho didn't have the heart to crush Neville's ego in front of the whole school. 'Only the last two couples to split,' Hermione thought. Hermione moved closer to Draco and Ginny so she could hear them talk while they were dancing.

"I love you, Baby. You're my fire witch. Hotter than a phoenix," Draco said to Ginny as they danced. "I'd do anything for you! Just say you'll be mine forever."

"Oh Draco!" Ginny said when she suddenly looked like she swallowed a toad.

"Draco Malfoy," she uttered.

"Ginny Weasley," He said disgustedly.

They looked each other up and down, not sure if they still liked or hated each other.

"Hey, you're not that bad lookin' now are you, Weasley?" He said with a grin.

"Let's hang out for the night and see where things go."

"Sure, why not."

And with that they continued to dance while Hermione walked off wondering if the potion had lingering affects on the two. Finally, the last dance came, and everyone watched as Snape and McGonagall took the floor and started to waltz. The two talked to each other in hushed voices.

"Minerva, I have never felt this way about anyone."

"Me neither, Severus."

"Minerva, will you marry me?"

"I thought you would never ask."

On that note Severus whirled Minerva into a dip and they kissed passionately in front of the whole student body. A collective gasp arose as the students watched in horror as the opposing House Heads locked lips. Then Hermione noticed that Snape and McGonagall's passion faded. Their eyes snapped open and Snape dropped McGonagall on the floor. Their eyes met one final time and when they realized what had just happened they both let out shrieks of terror.