Dreamwalk With Me

A Ranma Nibun no Ichi FanFic by Anansi42

Disclaimer - This is a story based on characters created, owned and copyrighted by Takahashi Rumiko, Shogakukan Publishing, VIZ Communications, members of the Diet, Kitty Film, Fuji TV and other associated parties.  I'm only borrowing them for a bit without permission.  This story is written expressly for entertainment purposes.

Day Two

When Xian Pu awoke in the futon.  She could feel her husband's warmth behind her and his arm as it draped over her side.  She gently shifted on the futon, moving to where she could watch Ranma sleep.

She hadn't told him, not even in the three-and-a-half years they had been married, but she loved how Ranma looked while asleep:  the expression on his face softened, the slight worry lines he'd developed from teaching faded, and he looked much more like he did when they first met.

What a surprise he was.

When I came to Japan to find and kill the red-haired girl, I managed to follow the trail all the way to the Tendo family home without opposition.  The girl I met inside, Akane, was not the one I was after.  She was stubborn, and insolent; but she wasn't a threat like the red-haired girl.  She was just stupid to oppose me.

I toyed with her instead of killing her outright; the hunt had been long and tiring, and I just thought to have some fun.  That was when I first met him.

He was foolishly trying to talk me out of my fun with the stupid girl.  He was silly to do that but that is the way men often are.  I barely paid him any mind, wanting to deal with the woman first, the natural opponent.

He lashed out with a foot, surprising me.  It surprised me more when he actually broke one of my bonbori, the heavy end falling on my head, knocking me out.  When I came to he was still there, along with others.

I was not pleased by my predicament.  For the second time in my life I had been defeated, this time by a MALE.

I was thankful that I hadn't lost to him in a tournament match, for that would have left me no option but marriage.  I looked at him, wanting to know more about the man who had beaten the best fighter of the Joketsuzoku.  Beaten me.

He was pleasing to look at:  that was my thought at seeing him clearly for the first time.  His eyes were a striking blue, the color of sky reflected in a mountain lake.  He was dressed in clothing much like what I had seen in China, and I found that I appreciated the reminder of home in an unfamiliar land.  By the time someone pushed him into my arms, I had made my decision:  I liked this man; I would make him mine.

I called him 'Airen', beloved, and I meant it.  The Kiss of Marriage was freely given; but not so freely received.

I couldn't understand why he resisted my advances.  At home, families willingly, gladly sent their sons in the hope of gaining an Amazon wife through tournament bout.  Some foolhardy souls, outsider and Amazon alike, made the attempt outside the tournament; but such challenges could be rebuffed or, barring that, the challenger could be killed outright regardless of the outcome of the match (a fate the foolish Mu Tse tempted so many times).  For someone to be chosen outside of a tournament was a rare honor for any man, Amazon or outsider:  why did this one resist me?

When I first observed how he lived I thought that the stupid Japanese girl had already married him:  she certainly treated him the way some Amazon wives treated their mates, though I frequently couldn't see what he had done to deserve that.

Further observation revealed that the stupid girl wasn't married to him, just betrothed.  I was glad; that made the violent girl only a rival, an obstacle for killing.

Observation also revealed some problems.

One major problem:  the man had a curse.  The red-haired girl I had chased to Japan and the man I called 'Airen' were one and the same.  That was certainly one reason for his reluctance:  I had undoubtedly gotten off on the wrong foot by trying to kill him, well… her at the time, when I didn't know his situation.  Jusenkyo curses could certainly be frustrating things, as I would later learn to my own personal regret.

Oh well, live and learn.

When I received punishment at the Jusenkyo springs for my failure to kill the red-haired girl I encountered a second major problem:  the man had been trained in the Cat Fist, albeit poorly, and was deathly afraid of cats as a result.  The punishment I had hoped might give me something in common with my Airen had only made my quest that much more difficult.

One minor problem surfaced:  the man I had chosen, MY Airen, had feelings for the stupid, violent girl.  I could not begin to understand why he did; but his feelings were there nonetheless.

Other minor problems appeared in time:  his incredibly stupid father had betrothed my Airen to several women (just proof that the Joketsuzoku restriction of matchmaking to the circle of matriarchs had been a wise policy), and another woman had included herself into what was rapidly becoming a crowded competition.  My rivals now included a psychopath in a leotard and a girl who fought with food, of all things.

I fought them all, like any Amazon would to defend her rightful claim.

Ranma did not help the situation with his shyness.  That coy behavior was charming in a way but could be so exasperating at times.  His heart was tugged in many directions before he finally made his choice.

When he chose, I had never felt more proud.

Or been happier.

"What are you thinking about?"

Xian Pu was startled out of her reverie.  I didn't notice him wake up.

Ranma was still on his side, now looking at her with a small smile on his face.

"I was just remembering about when we first met, and afterward."

"Those were fun times; but I'm happier now."

She brushed his arm with her fingertips, raising goose bumps on the exposed flesh.

"Really?" she teased.  "Do you mean that?"

Ranma gently moved his hand along the bare skin of her hip, her side, and elsewhere, teasing her in return. 

"Maybe I should show you?"

He did.

Xian Pu shivered under his touch and sighed.  I have to admit I'm happier too, especially now that he's overcome that peculiar shyness of his.

------

"Granddaughter!  Wake up!"

Shampoo yawned.  She had actually fallen asleep at the table, facedown in a book.  Cologne had gone to bed earlier, but now it was morning.

How long was I asleep?

"We're going to see Son-in-Law."

Shampoo yawned again before speaking, drowsily, "But Hibachan say Shampoo must avoid Airen for now.  Make Ranma chase Shampoo, not other way around."

"Something happened yesterday and Son-in-Law is in the hospital.  I need to go examine him and want you to come along."  Shampoo was fully awake in an instant.

"Aiyah!  Shampoo go now!"  She bounded out the open window.  Cologne just shook her head and sighed.

"SHAMPOO!!"  Cologne bellowed.  The young Amazon leapt back through the window.

"Hibachan?  Where hospital that hold Ranma?"

"First, are you alright?  You don't typically fall asleep at the table."

"Shampoo fine, Hibachan.  Feel little tired; but alright."

"Did you find out anything last night?"

"No, Hibachan, but Shampoo not know Ranma affected.  Shampoo maybe look at different things if know this."

"You can continue your reading when we return.  We may learn more things to help your research at the hospital."

------

Akane was taking her morning jog through the streets of Nerima.  She would normally have been disturbed that the hazy skies prevented her from seeing Mt. Fuji; but had other things on her mind.  She didn't want to admit it, but she was worried about Ranma; even if what had happened to him was probably his own fault.

Ranma no baka.

Those Amazons managed to get him again.  I just know it.  They slipped him a potion or used some pressure point, probably named the 'full body cat-nap' or some other daffy Amazon title; then, when we've exhausted ourselves trying to fix the problem, the old mummy will show up to offer the cure… for a price.

If that idiot had just told the bonbori bimbo where to go none of this would be happening but nooo, he has to pull a timid routine around her.  That creep MUST like her, being so nice and all; he's not that nice to ME, insulting me and all that I do.

Ranma no ba-

She was so lost in thought that she almost missed seeing Ranma walking calmly down the street.  She jogged over to him.

"Ranma!"

The man turned to look at her, and Akane wondered for a moment if she had found Ranma or not.  He was taller than Ranma by a good fifteen centimeters, and broader in the shoulders.  His black hair, while in a familiar pigtail, was much longer; it reached past the middle of his back.   His face was like Ranma's, save for the neatly trimmed moustache; the lines of his face were also more angular, a little like Genma's, or even her father's, but where the elder Saotome's face usually had a furtive look, the look of hiding something, this man's face was open and honest.  The eyes were the giveaway; they were Ranma's for sure, even if they held a look of curiosity instead of recognition.

"Ranma?  Saotome Ranma?"

"Yes?  Can I help you, miss?"

"Miss?  Don't you know me, Ranma?  It's Akane!"

A confused look crossed Ranma's face before his face brightened in a smile, "Akane!  Sure!  It's been a while, but you look great!  I almost didn't recognize you."

"What are you talking about, Ranma?  We spoke yesterday!"

"Yesterday!  Akane-san, are you sure you're all right?  I didn't even know you were back in town until just now.  And where are Ryoga and Kaneda?"

Huh?  Akane-SAN?  "What are you talking about, you baka?  I've lived in Nerima all my life!  Why should I even care where Ryoga is?  And who the hell is Kaneda?"

Ranma took her by the shoulders, a concerned look in his face, "Granted, you'd have a difficult time keeping track of Ryoga, he's more slippery than a greased pig; but Kaneda?  Something must be wrong if you can't remember your own son."

Akane's jaw dropped in shock,  "SON?  What the hell is going on?  Um, wait.  You said 'my' son; not 'our' son?"

Now it was Ranma's turn to go into shock.  "OUR son??" he coughed.  "No, Akane.  Kaneda is your son.  Yours and Ryoga's"

"…what?…"

Ranma continued, "Akane, you and Ryoga have been married for over two years."

Akane had to sit down, her heart pounding in her chest.

Ranma sat next to her on the bench, a worried look in his eyes, "We'd better find Ryoga.  We need to get you some help."

"Tofu-sensei…"

"Out of town on his honeymoon.  It took him long enough, but he and Kasumi married last week.  He's gotten a lot better, but I heard it still took five tries before he could say 'I do' without going berserk and dancing with the priest."

"Married…"

"Oh, yes.  I was away on a training trip with some students or I would have been there.  It was a surprise affair for most of us.  Xian Pu and Ucchan told me about it later."

"No.  Married… me… and… Ryoga."

"Well, yeah.  It was a bit of a surprise to me too; but we'd broken up over a year before.  I actually thought that you'd get together with Mousse."

"With Mousse?"

"Yeah, Xian Pu had been pushing him to it, and he and you--"

SPLASH

Ranma was wet, but otherwise didn't look any different.  He looked over at the ladle lady with amused annoyance.  "You know, even cured I still get doused with water ten times a day.  I guess it's just a lingering side effect of Jusenkyo," he chuckled.

This was rapidly becoming too much for Akane.  She could start to feel her head start to spin.

"Cured?"

"Oh yeah!  And let me tell you, it's great!"

"How?"

"Well, you'd have to ask Xian Pu about that.  She found a cure for her own curse and shared it with me."

"Why would she do that?  Just to force you to marry her?  Another of her schemes?"

"Akane, I don't know why you're acting like this; but I won't have you insult her any more, at least not in front of me.  When we were engaged I suppose you had a right; but after you and I broke up you lost that privilege.  I married Xian Pu, but I didn't do it for or because of a cure.  I married Xian Pu because I love her."

"Love her!  You used not to be able to stand her!"

"I admit it took a while for me to appreciate her; but after we broke up she and I were able to reach a new understanding."

"I don't get it.  Everything is just so wrong!" Akane moaned, but the surprises kept coming.

"Oh, good!" Ranma breathed a sigh of relief.  "Here comes Ryoga now.  Hunh!  First time he's shown up that I actually wanted him to."

Akane turned her head to see where Ranma was looking.  She didn't see Ryoga walking toward them, just a black piglet.

"P-chan!"

"Akane," Ranma chided her, "You of all people should know by now that he doesn't really like that nickname."

He looked down at the now depressed-looking piglet, "Hey, Ryoga, you okay?"

To Akane's surprise, the piglet gave her a hurt glance, then looked up at Ranma and nodded.

"Akane?"

How can P-chan talk?

------

"Akane?"

Akane's eyes blinked open:  she had fallen asleep in the hospital waiting room.  She had been under too much stress yesterday to sleep last night, and it had finally caught up with her.

Nabiki gently shook her shoulder again.  "Wake up, Akane.  Cologne and Shampoo just showed up."

A good thing, too!  That was one weird dream.  It was strange, but felt so real.

And why would I dream that P-chan is Ryoga?  I mean I see a lot of strange stuff in Nerima but even the thought that… that's just STUPID.

Isn't it?

------

When Shampoo and Cologne arrived at the hospital, Cologne went on alone to Ranma's room while Shampoo remained in the waiting area.

"But, Hibachan!" the younger Amazon had protested.  "Shampoo want to see Airen!"

Cologne responded in a low voice, "And you will see him; but right now I need to check his condition and you would just be in the way of that.  Also, if you were to see him now there could be… complications with the Tendos."

"Shampoo not care about Violent Girl's family!" the girl hissed in hushed tones.  "Want to see Ranma!"

"I agree that the Tendos are no more than a minor obstacle; but for now we must tread carefully.  Until we know more about what has happened to Son-in-Law, we could be eliminating a valuable source of information by alienating them further."

"Then Shampoo make nice around Violent Girl; but not like."

"Remember, Shampoo, it is the final victory that matters, not small setbacks on the way."

"Shampoo remember and keep eyes on true goal:  return to China with Airen."

"Good girl.  Now 'make nice' with them while I try to figure out what has happened."

Shampoo didn't like it; but gritted her teeth and went to sit near the Tendos.  Just think of it as a battle in a campaign.  The final victory is important, no matter what happens right here.

Such a pity I can't just eliminate the violent girl right now.  It would be so easy and also make me feel so much better.

The Tendo girls apparently thought of this as a battle as well, for Nabiki led the charge.

"Well, Shampoo, come to confess?"

"Shampoo not know what Mercenary Girl mean.  Shampoo have nothing to confess."

Nabiki's face was a study in disbelief, "Reeeally.  I guess that you and the old mummy haven't drugged Ranma in order to cart him off to China?"

"Mercenary Girl have wrong idea.  Shampoo want Airen to want to come; not good if simply cart off."

Akane cut in with her usual tact in dealing with Shampoo, "Please!  You've tried to force him or trick him again and again to go to China with you!"

"Only try force Airen to make choice.  Obvious choice is Shampoo over Food Wasting Girl."

"What was that?"

"Shampoo may trick Airen; but is better than poison him with toxic not-food like violent Kitchen Destroyer."

Akane shot to her feet, "You take that back you, you BIMBO!"

Shampoo rose to face her in a smooth, almost contemptuous motion, "Hibachan not want Shampoo fight here; but Violent Girl easy to beat, so Shampoo not call it 'fight'."  She adopted an overly casual fighting stance, taunting Akane to make the first move.

"You're going to pay for that!"  Akane would have punctuated that statement with a palm-strike, were it not for Kasumi interposing herself between the two girls.

"I think that this is not the proper time or place for a fight."

Shampoo relaxed at once, "Nice Girl right.  Not fight now; maybe later."

Akane relaxed out of her fighting stance also, "All right, Sis; a truce for now, but later I'll pound her flat."

"Violent Girl try.  Not succeed."

"Grrr…"

Kasumi interrupted any further return to hostilities, "That is enough.  The important thing now is Ranma's health."

"Hai, Shampoo agree."

"Okay, Kasumi.  I'll behave."

"So when does Ukyo get here, Sis?" Nabiki asked.  If three fiancées were going to be together, there were sure to be some good betting opportunities from the inevitable fight.  She idly wondered where she could find Kodachi's phone number; the combination of all four fiancées was sure to be hypergolic, all the better for the betting pool.

"I was surprised to hear that she didn't come last night," Kasumi replied.  "She told Tofu-sensei she'd come this evening.  I suppose that will be after her restaurant is finished serving dinner."

"Spatula Girl seem cold not to come when Airen in trouble."

"Everyone deals with grief in their own way, Shampoo-chan.  Ukyo-chan's way may be to hide from the pain in her work."

The Amazon nodded at that.  "Shampoo understand.  Some warriors in village same way."

"I just wish they'd tell us something.  I can't stand this waiting."

"Violent Girl right for once.  Waiting very hard."

Together, they sat and waited.

------

When Cologne entered Ranma's hospital room, she immediately sensed something was wrong.

Where is Son-in-Law?

His body looked to be in a hospital bed, electrode wires attached to his temples; but Cologne could barely find his ch'i at all.  It seemed to be almost completely absent from Ranma's form.

What wasn't absent was the overabundant presence of several doctors, including Tofu-sensei, who were crowding around Ranma and arguing about a sheaf of readouts from a box next to the hospital bed.

"It's just random brain activity."

"Not with that theta wave!"

"The theta wave has nothing to do with it!  Just look at the alpha and beta patterns he's exhibiting now!  He's practically awake!"

"Then wake the patient so he can tell me that!  And those waves aren't alpha or beta, just a drastically suppressed theta!"

"Excuse me, could someone let a poor chiropractor in on the big secret?"

"Tofu, why are you even here?  This is a medical matter now.  We thank you for bringing this young man to us but apart from that you should have no involvement in this case."

"I agree that my specialization isn't the same as yours; nevertheless, heis my patient.  I brought him here for greater accuracy in observation, not to turn him over to a manzai comedy troupe!"

"You watch your language, Tofu!  I've been a doctor of neurology for more than thirty years--"

Cologne, having been a matriarch of the Joketsuzoku for well over four times that long, decided that she had had more than her fill of male bickering for one day.  Moving swiftly, she applied pressure to the sleep points of everyone present but Ranma, who didn't need it, and Tofu, with whom she wanted to speak.  When she was done, Tofu stood looking at her in shock.  Ranma lay in bed, apparently still looking at nothing.  Everyone else lay piled on the floor, looking at the backs of their eyelids.

Ah, blessed silence.

"Dr. Tofu, will you tell me what they've found?"

Tofu swallowed before speaking, "I'm not too sure myself.  I had just come into the room when the neurologist (he pointed to the doctor on top of the sleeping dog pile) went into some terminology that I don't understand at all."

"They seemed excited by that stack of paper.  What is it?"

Tofu started leafing through the pages, "It's a recording of Ranma's brain activity.  Apparently, Ranma's brain has been very active three times since he was admitted; the third time ended a couple of minutes before you came in.  The rest of the time, his brain has been almost completely inert except for these traces," he explained, pointing out one section of the squiggly lines.

Cologne peered at that section, and some others, "The twitches of these lines are Son-in-Law's brain at work?"

"Yes, Elder."

"There is activity along the entire document."

"Yes, but the activity is different at different times.  You can see the difference between this portion (he pointed out a part of the graph with a short, squiggly line) and this other portion here (now pointing to a part with larger squiggles)."

"I can see that it is different; but I do not see what it means."

"Apparently, the times with larger waves are when Ranma is dreaming.  The other places on the graph are some other activity."

"Tofu-sensei is mostly right," a voice groaned from the pile of doctors.  The neurologist at the top of the pile groaned again as he stood up and looked at Cologne.  "What did you do to me?"

"Do you want me to do it again?"

"No… ma'am."

"Then don't waste any more of my time, Doctor… Sato.  What was causing all the commotion when I came in?"

"It was the readings we're seeing from the patient.  He's sleeping; but it isn't a normal sleep."

"I told you that before the family brought him," Tofu said, a little upset.

"Yes, but when I looked at the results from the EEG I became very confused and called in the others, who turned out not to be of much help.  The patient has been dreaming for the entire time he has been admitted.  Some of my colleagues (he motioned to the still inert pile of doctors) would disagree; but I'm convinced that his brain activity has shown consistent, dreaming sleep from the time we began monitoring him."

Cologne had a question, "I thought that dreaming during sleep was normal.  How is this different?"

"Yes, ma'am," the doctor replied.  "But people don't dream all the time they're asleep.  When a person sleeps, brain activity can be described in four stages that amount to 'light sleep', 'not-so-light sleep', 'dreaming sleep', and 'deep sleep'.  A sleeping person begins in light sleep and moves toward deep sleep, then back up and down in cycles until they wake up."

"And Son-in-Law is not moving through cycles of sleep?"

"Son-in-Law?" the Dr. Sato turned to look at Tofu.  "He's married?"

"A long story best told some other time.  Is she right?"

"Yes.  The patient is not cycling through the different levels of sleep the way that a normal person would."

"Do you have any ideas as to the cause?"

"None."

"Any suggestions for a treatment?"

"None yet."

Cologne broke back into the conversation, "Then for now let us continue watching him.  Doctor Sato," she said, addressing the neurologist, "if Ranma is dreaming all the time, why does this chart look different at different times?"

"Ma'am, that one just stumps me.  If the patient had moved into a different, lighter phase of sleep, the tracings on this chart would be short, like this appears to be; but the lines would also show faster activity or more 'squiggles' if you prefer - that would be an alpha or beta wave depending on how fast the activity is.  The regions of larger, sharper spikes here and here (he pointed out different areas of the chart) are a more typical theta wave we see in normal dreaming sleep."

"If I might make an observation," said Dr. Tofu, "Ranma was having one of the periods of sharp activity just as I came in.  I checked his ki and found that it was draining faster than before."

"And now?"

"His ki is still being drained, but only at the slower rate I detected earlier."

The neurologist was rapidly becoming lost, "Wait a minute!  Ki?  Are you both serious about ki centers and auras, martial arts and the like?"

"Of course, Doctor."

"But these are modern times!  That mumbo-jumbo may have held sway before the Meiji Restoration but the scientific method rules medicine now."

"How long have you lived in Nerima, Doctor?"  Cologne asked.

"I just moved here four months ago from Kyoto."

"Then let me tell you that Nerima has what must be the highest concentration of martial artists and strong ch'i wielders in all of Japan if not the entire planet.  I expect that you will have plenty of opportunities in Nerima to open your mind to older ideas."

"Whatever.  I'm still going to be in charge of the patient's case; but I will allow the two of you to visit and consult.  In the meantime, I'm setting up an alarm to his brainwave monitor so I can catch the next phase of peak activity.  I'll also call Tofu-sensei if it goes off.  If you have any ideas about a treatment, they go through me.  You got that?"

"We understand," Cologne agreed, "but if you impede a successful treatment of Ranma's condition, you will regret it."

Dr. Sato looked ready to make an argument; but Dr. Tofu stopped him.  "Sato-sensei, let's get some fresh air and I can apprise you of Elder Cologne's credentials."

Before the neurologist could protest, Tofu had already escorted him out of the room.

------

Genma and Soun had become tired of sitting in the waiting room just to watch doctors scratch their heads in confusion, so retired to the nearest bar to wait.  Four hours later they were still sitting, and drinking.

"I wonder, Tendo-kun, if our schools will ever be joined."

"Don't worry, Saotome-kun.  Ranma will be well soon."

"If only it were Ranma's current trouble I wouldn't be worried.  He's faced worse than this before and he'll face worse again.  It's the boy's attitude that worries me."

"Akane is much the same, Saotome-kun, willful and arrogant; but they'll both come around in time."

"I wish I could be sure of that, Tendo-kun.  Problems hound the boy constantly."

"The life of a martial artist is fraught with peril…"

"And you well know we never faced the hardships Ranma has.  Even the tortures inflicted on us by Hap--"

"Please, Saotome-kun!  Don't say that name!"

Genma nodded, "--by the Master didn't compare to what Ranma has undergone."

"The Master's techniques do not lend themselves well to instruction of the martial arts, except as they can be perverted to learning how to peep on women and steal their underwear.  I thought that was part of the purpose of your training trip for your son:  to keep him as far as you could from the possibility of learning the Master's techniques."

"In part, yes.  I wanted Ranma to be exposed to as many techniques of martial arts as possible to let him choose his own path in Anything Goes.  I also wanted him to learn self-reliance; but I think I have not done well for the boy on either count."

"He is a skilled martial artist…"

"But the path of learning he has chosen is one of inclusion, not discrimination.  He cannot content himself in simply being the best martial artist in a given field but instead drives himself to be the best in every martial arts endeavor."

Soun accepted another sake tray from the waiter.  "You don't discourage him from this."

"Because I know it would only drive him harder to compete."

"Well, he is very self-assured, Saotome-kun."

"That isn't self-assurance, Tendo-kun, or even the self-reliance I wanted to instill; but simple defiance.  Every contest he takes, every bizarre challenge he accepts, is an act of defiance against the challenger and, I'm sure, against me."

"Against you?"

"He has a great deal of anger about me, Tendo-kun; and I admit to you that much of it is deserved.  Several of Ranma's difficulties are my doing, either from carelessness or negligence.  That's why he fights me so strongly every day."

"But you are still able to best him."

"That is only because I use every dirty trick and forbidden technique I can get away with.  In time, even that won't work."

"Ranma will only be a better martial artist for the training."

"But when he is able to best me, regardless of trickery, what hold will I have on him then?"

"He has a strong sense of honor, Saotome-kun.  Trust that he'll do what he knows is right."

"I do trust that; but I've abused his sense of honor enough that I cannot trust that what he knows to be right is the same as what I tell him."

Soun gave his friend a serious look, "The fact that you're admitting this to me can mean only one thing, Saotome-kun."

"And what is that, Tendo-kun."

Soun paused for a dramatic moment.

"That you're DRUNK!!"

"Nonsense!  I haven't had near as much as you!"

"Perhaps you simply can't handle good sake!"

"And who said this was good sake!"

And so the usual banter returned.

Drs. Tofu and Sato were also at the bar.

"Could those two keep it down?"

"I know them both.  This is actually pretty quiet for them."

"Are they your patients?"

"Not regular ones, I'm glad to say."

"Judging by the patients of yours I've seen so far, I have my doubts that any of them could be called 'regular'.  I think I'll stick to my own practice; my patients are more sane."

Sato finished his drink and called for another.  "So what is with that fossil you brought in to consult on the case?"

"Please, Sato-sensei.  If you're going to insult Elder Cologne use 'old ghoul' or 'mummy on a stick'; but never to her face."

Dr. Sato laughed, "'Mummy on a stick', I can see THAT one!  Still, where does she get off telling me about medicine?"

"She has been dealing in herbal medicine, shiatsu techniques, and ki manipulation for a century at least--"

"A century?!  Just how old is she?"

"Around 300 years, according to her."

"Really?  She's younger than she looks."

"Anyway, there is very little that she does not know about healing.  The fact that Ranma's case is so unusual was the only reason I brought him to the hospital rather than to her."

"Is that the only reason?  My high-tech toys?"

"Well, that and it put the boy into neutral territory.  Cologne's great-granddaughter became engaged to Ranma through a law of their home village; but he'd already been engaged to another girl.  Wait… to four other girls I think, maybe more."

"I wish I'd had his problems growing up."

"Trust me, you don't.  I've patched him up enough times from what one fiancée or another has put him through to tell you that with conviction."

"Were any of them in the waiting room?

"Yes, two of them.  Shampoo, Cologne's great-granddaughter, is the one with long purple hair.  Tendo Akane, the one with short hair, is the other."

"Was she the one who conned me out of 5000 yen?"

"No, that sounds like Nabiki.  Akane is her younger sister."

"Maybe I wouldn't like fiancée trouble like that, after all.  Speaking of fiancées, or at least would-be fiancées, what about the Tendo girl you like?  'Kasumi' wasn't it?"

Tofu's drink started to spill from his suddenly shaking hands, "Ah-hahahaha… K-Kasumi-san… "

Sato just sighed, "I'll take that as a sign you're still hopeless.  You've studied shiatsu techniques and herbal medicines yourself; any of it helpful to treating you being a blithering idiot around that girl?"

Tofu was still breathing heavily, regaining control, "Some, but I don't trust anyone around to administer it."

"Figures.  We doctors are supposed to be the world's worst patients, and I guess that applies to your field as well.  How about joining most of Japan and try some modern medicine?  I could prescribe a mild sedative if you like."

"I'm sorry; but that is not the answer for me."

"Well, maybe a more radical approach.  You know, we could always try electroshock aversion therapy:  'zap' you until you stop acting like an idiot around her."

"I thought that wasn't done anymore."

"It isn't, not normally, but there's a nurse I'm seeing in the Physical Therapy department who has a um… fascination with the technique.  I'm sure we could jury-rig something there to do the job."

"I hope it won't come to that; but I admit I'm running out of ideas."

"Worse, you may be running out of time."

Dr. Tofu sighed over his sake, "You may be right; but what can I do?"

"Be a man, suck it up, and tell her how you feel without going nuts."  The neurologist downed the rest of his drink and stood, "Women seem to like that for some reason.  Anyway, I'm going back to check on the patient… Ranma, before calling it a day; and to make sure that the 'old ghoul' hasn't turned his room into some kind of herbalist's shop."

"She wouldn't do that."

"So you say.  She just better not be reading tea leaves over him."

------

Cologne sat in Ranma's hospital room looking at the bowl of tea leaves with a frown.  The dried leaves were the same blend as those that had made the tea Ranma and the others had drunk yesterday, and they presented unwelcome possibilities to Cologne's mind.

I doubt that the tea did this to him. 

It certainly wasn't supposed to do this.  Besides if it had caused this effect in Ranma, why were none of the others affected?

Because he is a man and the others aren't?

No.  I agreed to Shampoo's choice of this tea for its lack of side effects and complications.  Still, complications do seem to chase Ranma like wolves after a deer.

Cologne crushed some of the leaves between her fingers, letting the fragments fall into a small dish.  She poured some hot water over the powdered leaves and used a bit of her ch'i to vaporize the water, leaving only hot slurry in the dish.

There's one way to find out if this is the culprit; if we are, in fact, responsible for his condition.

Dabbing some of the cooling slurry on her finger, she smeared the fragrant paste below Ranma's nose.

When the tea was applied, Ranma's nose suddenly twitched, then his nostrils flared as he took a deep breath.

Blast!  We are responsible!

But how?  The tea wasn't supposed to do this at all!

-Sigh-

Just like Son-in-Law to mess up a perfectly good plan.

Taking a warm, moist cloth, Cologne wiped the tea paste off of Ranma's face.  His breathing soon returned to normal.

It really is a shame about his condition.  If I knew how to fix that, it would be so easy to crate him up and ship him back to the village.  Shampoo wouldn't like it at first but she'd get over that.

Ah, well, nothing worthwhile is easy.  I've found part of the puzzle; now to see where other pieces are located.  With luck, the picture will take shape so Shampoo and I can fix this little problem before our involvement becomes public.

When Cologne returned to the waiting area, she was not in good spirits.  What she saw when she arrived did not improve her mood:  Shampoo and Akane looked ready to come to blows over something while Kasumi, normally the peacemaker in these situations, was just sitting, holding her head in her hands and massaging her temples.  Nabiki had set up a betting pool among the hospital staff and was off to the side to get a better view of what was looking to become a spirited fight.

Sighing for the impetuousness of youth, Cologne leapt between the two girls.  She tapped the sleep centers for each of them and watched as they collapsed to the floor.

This is becoming a habit.

An alarm sounded from down the hall.  Some of the staff, including one of the doctors she had silenced earlier, rushed down to the room where Ranma lay asleep.

This may be my next clue; though I sincerely hope not.  That would not be good.

Playing a hunch Cologne tapped different nerve junctions on the two unconscious girls, rousing them both.

Down the hall, the alarm stopped.

Not good at all.

"Hibachan," Shampoo asked, rising to her feet, "why do that?"

"Didn't I tell you to behave around the Tendos?"

"Shampoo behave nice; but was fourth time Shampoo insulted!"

"The fourth?"

Shampoo nodded.

Cologne looked over to Kasumi, who also gave a tired nod.

"The young Tendo girl has obviously not slept well and is irritable; but never mind that now.  We have work to do back at the Nekohanten."

------

After the Amazons had left, Akane needed to get some fresh air.  She also needed a break from the strain of waiting in the hospital for no news.

Walking outside, Akane idly wandered the streets of Nerima until she bumped into Ryoga.

"Ryoga-kun!"

"A-Akane-san!  I didn't know you were visiting Osaka."

"We're in Nerima."

"Oh?  Well, that's all right then."

"I didn't see you after your fight with Ranma the day before yesterday.  You weren't hurt, were you?"

She's concerned about me!  She really does care!  "Nothing to worry about.  Ranma's fast but can't really hurt me anymore; not with the training I've received."

"Then why didn't I see you after you both fell in the water?"

"I err… got lost."

"You seem to do that a lot.  Doesn't it bother you?"

"Not as much as it used to.  These days I treat it as an opportunity to see new and interesting places, even if I can't always tell where they are.  I can also pick up souvenirs from where I wind up.  By the way, did you like that one I brought you of the Tokyo Tower?"

Akane just smiled, "I liked it just fine; but that was a miniature of the Space Needle in Seattle."

"Oh.  I guess that explains all the coffee shops I found there."  Ryoga started to look around, nervously.

"What is it, Ryoga-kun?"

"It's just that we've been talking enjoyably and Ranma hasn't shown up yet.  I'm just wondering when he'll get here."

"About Ranma, he's…" Akane paused to wipe a sudden tear from her eye.

That insensitive jackass!  He's made Akane cry AGAIN!  I swear the next time I see… FIND him I'll make him pay for that!

"What did he do to you?" Ryoga asked, angrily.

"…he's in the hospital."  Akane continued.  "Tofu-sensei isn't sure what's wrong with him."

Ryoga was shocked, his plans for revenge vanishing in confusion, "The hospital!  What happened?"

"We don't know.  Yesterday morning he just wouldn't wake up, no matter what we tried.  Tofu-sensei says that his ki is draining away; but he doesn't know what's causing it."

"And how are you doing?"

"To be honest, I've had better days." Akane sighed.

"Did you want to go back to the hospital?  Check for news?"

"Not right now.  I took a walk because I was tired of waiting for answers that weren't coming."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Not really.  I think I just need someone to talk to."

"I can do that."  I'll be able to show her what a caring person is supposed to be like; show her that I'm better for her than Ranma.  I feel bad for you, Ranma, but I just can't miss this opportunity.

Akane gave him a smile, "Thank you, Ryoga.  Can we also stop for tea?"

"Sure.  If I remember the area right, a tearoom should be… just over there." Ryoga pointed.

"That's a music shop."

"Oh.  Then… over there?"

"That's an appliance store."

"Um, maybe there?"

"Ryoga-kun, that's the music store again.  Maybe we could go… here?" she turned Ryoga to face the shop behind them.

"Oh, so that's where they moved it!"

Sighing, Akane led Ryoga into the shop.  After they had been seated, Ryoga handed Akane one end of a length of twine.

"What's this, Ryoga-kun?"

"Like you said, Akane-san, I get lost a lot.  It's embarrassing… but could you hang on to that?  I need to wash up and don't want to get turned around on the way back."

Akane gave him a bemused smile, "Okay.  I'm going to order a snack here.  Did you want anything?"

"A bowl of soup if they have it; otherwise anything would be fine."  Ryoga left for the washroom, fortunately in sight of the table; still he trailed the twine after him as a precaution.

Akane watched him go.  Then she turned to her menu.  While he was gone, the waitress came and took Akane's order for herself and Ryoga.

I wish I knew what was wrong with Ranma.  Tofu-sensei doesn't think it's an injury, and I don't think Ryoga goes for head blows when he and Ranma fight; but it might have happened by accident.

I'm glad I ran into Ryoga-kun today.  I really needed someone to talk to and he's been a good friend to me.  I just wish he were a better friend for Ranma.  I know something happened between them in the past, even though neither one will tell me what it was.

Maybe someday Ryoga will trust me enough to tell me exactly why he doesn't like Ranma so much.  I'd like to be a better friend for him.  Goodness knows he could use one.

Akane saw Ryoga returning from the washroom.  Oh, good.  Here comes Ryoga now.

Hunh!  First time he's shown up that I actually wanted him to.

Akane's thought caused Ranma's words from the dream to echo in her mind.  As Ryoga, head down, followed the line and only got disoriented once, Akane suddenly noticed his bandanna; how it looked just like the kerchief on…

No way.

That just can't be.

But the damage had been done.  As they ate and talked, Akane kept noticing little things about Ryoga that reminded her of P-Chan.

But that would mean that Ryoga was…

That Ranma didn't tell me…

That I've been sleeping with…

No.  Way.

As she noted even more similarities, she also remembered many times that Ranma had teased Ryoga by calling him 'P-Chan' or even 'Charlotte'.  She hadn't had a clue then why he'd done that, but it all made sense now.

Ryoga, I am so very sorry; but I have to know if it's true.  I have to see it for myself.

Ranma, if you've misled me, even in a dream; I swear I'll make you regret ever being born.

Taking a glass of ice water provided by the waitress (Ryoga had been assiduously avoiding his own), Akane moved to sip it, then quickly flung the contents on Ryoga.

Ryoga, lost in thought, never had a chance to dodge.  Barely seen over the edge of the table, P-Chan looked at Akane in astonishment.  I'm dead.  I am SO dead.

Even halfway expecting the results, Akane was no less astonished at seeing the transformation.  Ranma, why didn't you tell me?

"P-Chan… sorry, Ryoga, I apologize for doing that to you; but I had to know the truth for myself."

From a pile of clothes, Ryoga started shivering in fear.  She's going to whip that mallet out from somewhere and BAM, pressed pork.  Then she'll take what's left and punt it into orbit.

How the hell did she find out?  I thought that I'd been very careful not to let her know.  Careful not to even give her hints about the curse.  Ranma must have told her.  It's the only explanation.  That lying scum went back on his word and told Akane my secret.  I'll bet he did it just to hurt me.

It's his revenge for all those fights that he lost.

Akane lifted Ryoga's porcine, and shivering, body from the pile of his clothes and looked him in the eye.  "Just so you'll know, Ranma didn't tell me your secret, not directly anyway; but he should have.  More importantly, you should have told me at the start.  I've just finally seen and heard enough things to put it all together."

Ryoga shivered even more.

"I'm not angry at you, not really.  I'm not really angry with Ranma either.  I guess I'll be mad at both of you later but for right now I'm just too shocked at the whole thing.  I'm also too embarrassed and upset with myself to be mad at someone else yet."

Akane scooped up Ryoga's clothes, then took them and Ryoga to the men's washroom door.  She made sure no one was inside, then turned on the hot water tap, placed Ryoga and his clothes in the washroom and closed the door, remaining outside herself.

As Ryoga moved to the sink, he could hear Akane's voice through the door.  "Ranma's pretty embarrassed by his curse, so I guess I can understand why you wouldn't just come out and tell people about yours.  I just feel bad that you couldn't tell me, your friend, especially after I 'adopted' you as a pet."

The door muffled the sound, but Ryoga could hear Akane's sobs as he dressed.  "After the times I told you things that weren't meant for anyone else to hear.  After the times I changed clothes while you were in the room.  The nights I took you to… bed with me."

"I'm sorry about the curse, Akane."

"I know, Ryoga; but I'm not upset at your curse so much as your hiding the truth from me.  I'm upset at Ranma, too; because it's obvious to me now that he knew about your curse and didn't tell me."

"My curse is Ranma's fault, Akane."

"But concealing the truth about your curse is yours."  Ryoga could hear Akane cry a bit more before she continued, "I don't want you visiting me again; not for a while.  It will be a very long time before I can forgive you enough to consider you welcome in my house."

Akane's fading footsteps echoed through the washroom door.

Ryoga just stood for a while, unable to move or speak; all he could do was wallow in his heartache.

I've lost Akane.

It's all Ranma's fault.

Akane said that Ranma didn't tell her; but he MUST have.  No one else who knew about my curse would have told Akane.  The others even wanted me to interfere with their engagement; well, except for Mousse who didn't really care who Ranma married so long as it wasn't Shampoo.

Ranma, you've managed to do it to me again:  smashed my hopes for happiness.  For that you will die.

Ryoga's anger and despair caused, unbidden, a Shi Shi Hokodan.  It wasn't as powerful as a perfected blast; but it was still impressive.  The raw power of despair ripped through the ceiling and roof of the building, shooting into the bright summer sky.  Debris rained about Ryoga, some even striking him; but he paid it no mind.  Unfortunately for Ryoga, a piece of debris smashed through the sink, with results that he couldn't ignore.

"Ah, BWEE!!!"  Ryoga's curse, and a jet of cold water, cut off anything else that humans would have understood; but for the next few minutes any proper pig in earshot would frankly have been astonished at the language issuing forth from the wrecked washroom.  Eventually, Ryoga settled down enough to think.

Akane, I swear that I'll make it all up to you.  I will regain your trust and earn your love; but first I have to kill Ranma.

She said that Ranma was in the hospital, so that probably means Nerima General.  I should be able to find that place:  I was there enough times as a child when I was tested for my sense of direction.

Ryoga managed to leave the tearoom after an hour of trying and an upsetting altercation with a dishwasher who thought the blue plate special had engineered a clever escape.  Embarrassed, but once again human and clothed, Ryoga fumed on the sidewalk in front of the tearoom.

The hospital should be… south of here, thought Ryoga and, thus directed, promptly headed west.

Ranma, you're going to pay for each and every one of my humiliations:  in spades.

------

It was after-hours in the Saotome dojo, and Ranma was facing one of his toughest opponents.  Ryoga was physically tough, but was really no match for Ranma in speed:  not so the one he fought tonight.  The person across from him was deadly fast; Xian Pu also had strength and skill to match.

No doubt about it, Ranma thought.  Deciding who does chores is hard work.

Ranma had just tried a judo hold only to have Xian Pu twist out from it before he could finish, rolling out of the hold and out of reach.  She had returned the favor with a leg sweep that Ranma had cleared by only a slim margin.

Wary of Ranma's reach advantage, Xian Pu feinted left before delivering a Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken attack with her right.  The match was hers from that point on.

If Xian Pu had been delivering full-strength blows, her attack could have done some serious damage.  Instead, Xian Pu had used a revision of the Amazon technique that left Ranma helpless on the floor with laughter from the tickling assault.  Once he was down, Xian Pu delivered the coup de grace with a move that was her long-time favorite, the Deluxe Amazon Glomp.

It was a long moment before Ranma could stop laughing long enough to speak, "Alright! Alright!  I'll do the dishes tonight!"

Xian Pu gave him a wicked smile, "And put them away when they're dry."

Ranma looked about ready to refuse until Xian Pu threatened another tickling.  "Okay! Okay!  That too." he laughed.

Xian Pu's smile softened, but she didn't speak.

Ranma looked puzzled.  "What is it?" he asked.

"Hibachan sent us a letter today."

"She did?" Ranma's face brightened at the thought of Cologne.  "What did she want?  The same as usual?"

"Well, at least this time she's only asking us to visit the village rather than move there."

"She's only going to start up on her 'great-great-grandchildren' kick again."

"I don't mind that so much; after all, its our decision, not hers.  Besides, isn't it your mother that's always hinting about 'grandchildren'?"

"Yeah…"

"I know we've held off a while so we could get the dojo and restaurant established; but that's happened already."

"Well… yeah."

"Ranma, are there any problems at the dojo?"

"No."

"Problems… about us?"

"No!  Definitely not!"

"Is it… Genma?"  In the years they'd been married, Xian Pu had yet to refer to the elder Saotome as 'father'.

"…"

"You won't be like him, you know.  You'll be a better father than that."

"Maybe.  I just wish I could be sure."

"I'm sure."

"You have faith."

"It isn't faith:  it's a fact."

"A fact?"

"Yes, a fact."  Xian Pu's smile once again turned wicked, "A fact that I'll beat you to a pulp if you aren't."

They both laughed a moment at that.

It was a while before Ranma spoke again.  "Okay."

Xian Pu had been distracted, "Hmm?"

"Okay."

"You mean it?"  Xian Pu asked in a happy voice.

"Yes.  Let's talk about it."

"Just talk?"

Ranma just smiled as he picked up his wife from the dojo floor, "Sure.  We'll just go upstairs and… talk about it."

"Ranma, I stopped taking those herbal treatments last week.  Our… talk… could turn serious."

He mulled that over a moment.  "You were pretty sure what I'd decide; but I guess… that wouldn't be so bad."  He started to carry her up the stairs.

"Really?"

"Don't you want a good… interesting… discussion?"

"Just get ready for a spirited debate!"

As they entered the bedroom Shampoo spoke up, "Ranma, don't forget about the dishes."

"Aaargh."

"Don't worry.  You can do them later."

Laughing, the pair closed the screen behind them.

------

It was late that night when Ukyo came to visit Ranma.

I hate hospitals.

Why couldn't Tofu-sensei have just taken Ranma to his clinic?  I could have handled a clinic.  I barely handled coming to see Ranma the last time he was here, and that was with everyone else with me.

Ukyo walked carefully through the empty waiting area, holding her arms close to her sides as if afraid to touch anything; which she was.

People would have you believe that a hospital is a house of healing; but it's a house filled with the sick, the broken, the dying, and the dead.  The whole place even feels wrong.

Why is Ranma here now?

He's not sick.  Even Tofu-sensei said that.

He's not really… broken, is he?

I don't even want to think of the other options.

His being here must be a mistake.

Ukyo glanced around and saw the nurse's station.

Unoccupied.  I don't hear any alarms sounding, so the duty nurse must just be checking the ward.

Ukyo looked around the area, recalling unsettling memories.  Why do all hospitals have to look the same?  She shook herself out of unpleasant memories.  No.  I'm not here to see… them.  I'm here to see Ranma.  He's not dying, just asleep.

He's nothing more than asleep.

Quietly, Ukyo slipped behind the duty nurse's desk and scanned the list of patient assignments, quickly finding the name she sought.  Checking the room numbers on the doors, she got her bearings and headed off to her left.

Ukyo reached the door to Ranma's room; but couldn't bring herself to push it open.

I still can't believe that Ranchan's in here.

And so long as I don't open the door, I don't have to believe it.

She had almost built up her courage to open the door when she was startled by a gentle voice.

"Visiting hours are over, you know."

Ukyo spun to face the speaker, her left hand holding a spread of her smaller throwing spatulas, her right hand reaching for where the battle spatula was usually strapped on her back.

Shouldn't have left that at the shop.

Then she relaxed as she registered who it was.

Tofu-sensei had his hands raised in a calming gesture.  "Sorry, Ukyo-san, I didn't mean to startle you!"

"I'm sorry, Tofu-sensei.  I am… uncomfortable around hospitals."

"Many people are.  It's nothing to be ashamed of."  Tofu paused for a moment, "Did you come to see Ranma?"

"Yes.  I almost didn't, but I had to."

"Come in."  Tofu ushered her into Ranma's room.  He was in the hospital bed, wires leading from his head to monitors off to the side.  The IV tube…

Ukyo started to shudder.  I can't do it.

"Ukyo-san, are you all right?"

"I'm sorry, Tofu-sensei.  I just keep seeing my father… like this."

"It's frightening when we can't do anything for those we care about; but we still need to try."

"But what can I do?"

"Just be with him.  Talk to him.  Ranma isn't comatose but his condition is similar in many ways.  I think he may still react to us if we remind him that we're here."

"How is he doing?"

Tofu-sensei sighed.  "He is getting progressively worse.  Ranma is asleep, but it is an unusual sort of dreaming sleep that is draining his ki away to nothing."

"He's dreaming?"

"Yes.  Some of his dreams appear to be more intense than others, and it is during the intense dreaming that his ki is severely drained."

"How long can he last?"

"The stronger dreams are coming more frequently now.  Maybe a few days, maybe less."

"But surely you can do something!"

"I've tried everything I can think of without success.  I'm sure that he has been given something that did this, an herb or extract according to results of a blood test ordered by Sato-sensei.  Cologne is checking to see what may have done this; but without knowing what was used, neither she nor I can do a thing to help him."

Dr. Tofu sighed again.  "I need to talk to the duty nurse about something.  Can you stay with him for a while and speak to him?  Remind him his friends are waiting?"

Ukyo shuddered again when she looked at the electrode wires, but nodded.  "Okay, Doc."

After Tofu had left, Ukyo sat beside Ranma's hospital bed.

She was silent for a long moment.

I'm surprised that Ranma's father isn't here.

Ukyo suddenly snorted.  No, I'm not.  Considering Genma, he's probably off drinking with Tendo-san, the two of them crying over how the two schools won't be united.  He'd care more about that than about his own son's health.  It's amazing that he ever had kids at all, considering the awful way he's treated Ranma and me.

Well, to hell with Genma-baka and Tendo-san both.

Enough of that; I agreed to talk to Ranchan, not wallow in my own feelings.

"Hey, Ranchan!"

Oh, great opener!  That sounds really good!

"You know, you look pretty stupid laying in bed like that.  I mean, I've seen you sleep in class but this really is too much."

I'm babbling.

I do need to tell him something, especially if I won't get another chance.

Ukyo sat quietly for a while, and then spoke in a very serious voice, "Ranchan… I'm going to tell you something I haven't told anyone before.  I wouldn't tell you but the way you are now I doubt you'll blab it to someone else.

"This isn't the first time I've come to visit someone in the hospital.  I guess that's why I hate coming to places like this, especially to visit someone… like this.

"The first time I came to one was when my mother was sick.  I was very young and my father brought me to see her; but I don't remember much of the visit.  She was pale, and weak, but we must have talked and played for hours.  I didn't realize then that it was the last time I would ever see her… alive.

"The next time wasn't nearly as much fun.  It started after your father tricked mine into that engagement:  I was crushed by the betrayal but for Daddy it was worse.  He felt that he had failed not only me but also himself.  He was still a great cook; but without his livelihood, the yatai cart, he was a broken man.  He found work in restaurants; but he also found the bottle.

"He was drinking, Ranchan; and he was drinking a lot.  His being drunk would lose him job after job until no one would hire him anymore.

"Being out of work didn't stop his drinking, though; it just drove him to beg in the streets.  He'd beg from family, from his rapidly shrinking circle of friends, from strangers, even from me when people would give me work out of charity.

"When I found him passed out, drunk, for the fifth time… I left.

"I didn't stay away long.  The police found me while I was working and brought me to the hospital.  My father had drunk himself sick.

"Looking at him on his sickbed, l couldn't see my father anymore.  The sweet, funny man who had raised me was gone and all that was left was an empty, alcohol-soaked shell.

"He dried out at the hospital and was sent home; but was soon back in the drunk tank again.  I lost count of how many times this happened; but finally it was just too much for his system.  I didn't want to go back to the hospital to see him again, but was dragged there by the police.

"I swear, Ranchan, I've never seen someone looking so awful.  I thought he had looked bad the last time; but with the IV tubes and other equipment hooked to him the man looked like nothing so much as a broken puppet.  The doctors had a lot of fancy words to describe what was happening; but essentially he had rotted his insides with so much drinking.  He was dying and no one could stop him, not that it kept the doctors from trying. 

"He couldn't talk.  His liver had shut down and the rest of him wasn't that far behind.  The look on his face still haunts me at times:  those sunken features.

"I wish I could say that I was a comfort to him, Ranchan; but that would be a lie.  I stood by his bed and cursed him in the strongest language I knew.  I cursed him for his weakness, for his failures, for him abandoning me through drink.  I didn't even notice when his body finally gave out and he died; I just noticed when the doctors rushed in to try to save him one more time.  To try to keep that shell going even though the man inside had left long ago.

"I slipped out in the confusion and left town.  From that day I devoted myself completely to training:  to gaining revenge on your father for tricking mine and ruining my life; and to gain revenge on you for going along with it.

"Between the two of you, I think I hated you more during my years of training.  You were the one in my mind when I trained, when I fought, or whenever I would plot revenge.  I suppose that I assigned more of the blame to you because I felt more betrayed by you than by Genma.

"When we were kids I grew to care for you as a good friend.  When I trained by the seashore I realized that you were one of the better friends I had ever had, until you left.

"I thought that I had gotten over our friendship when I found you in Nerima.  I was fully prepared to meet and kill my false friend, the cruel bastard who had abandoned me.  I wasn't ready to find the kind person who had been my best friend, who still wanted to be my friend.

"You don't know how much that meant after all the lonely years of training."

Ukyo reached to muss Ranma's hair as she started to laugh softly.

A cute girl like you.

"Why did you have to go and call me 'cute'?  I was just about ready to accept you back as a friend, once I'd had a good chance to whap you a few times with my spatula of course, until you said those words.  Well, Sugar, hopes for a mere friendship went out the window with that compliment.  It wasn't the nicest thing anyone had said about me; but I could see that you were being completely honest.  You were also expecting nothing in return.  That meant a lot, especially after the months of harassment Kurenai Tsubasa had been giving me."

Ukyo laughed again, "Now that curse of yours… I swear, Ranchan; that was a surprise.  The cross-dressing idiot Tsubasa had nothing on that trick of yours!  I'm sorry that I laughed at your curse then, that I still laugh now; but you have to admit it was pretty funny.  When you left me, I denied who I was, disguising myself as a boy while searching for you, training, and plotting revenge.  When you had your little… accident in China you actually became a girl, at least part of the time.  Instead of causing you to deny yourself the way I did, your troubles made you strive to be true to yourself, to work to be the man you wanted to become.

"The man in the making that I suddenly fell in love with.

"I wanted that man to be my husband, my helpmate, my best friend for always.  I wanted you to be with me forever, helping in the restaurant and in the home.  I wanted you to be the family that I had lost, to give me the love I had been denied.

"I wanted you to realize that I would be the best for you and choose me over the others.  I wanted you to want me as more than a friend, more than a 'sister'."

Ukyo looked at Ranma as he lay, motionless, on the bed.

"Your upbringing is a little like mine, Ranchan.  You traveled all over to train, never having time to make friends or do the things 'normal' children do growing up.  I wonder sometimes if that's why you're standoffish around me?  Maybe you're afraid to risk losing your friend, your 'sister' to gain a wife?  Afraid to choose any one of us because maybe you believe you'll lose the rest of us?

"Baka.  That'll happen anyway.  You may not want to risk what little you think you have in order to possibly gain more; but I have to gamble my friend and 'brother' if I'm to have any chance at gaining the husband and family I want.

"I'm awful at gambling, Ranchan, but I still have to believe I have a chance."

Ukyo looked at Ranma again, a pained expression in her face when she glanced at the monitors.

"I don't know if I'll come again, Ranchan.  Being here, seeing you like this… is very hard for me.  I'll try; but I can't guarantee anything."

Ukyo leaned over Ranma to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.  Ukyo swore that her lips tingled a bit from the kiss.

Ranma shifted in the bed a bit, mumbling.  Ukyo was suddenly alert.

"Ranchan!  Wake up!  It's okay!  I'm here!"

Ukyo leaned close to hear what he was saying.

"…love you…"

I've got a chance after all!

"…Xian Pu…"

Ukyo gasped and stepped back in shock, a sudden stinging in her eyes.

Or maybe I never had a chance to begin with.

With tears streaming down her face, she stumbled out of the hospital and made her way home.

------

Unknown to Ukyo, Shampoo was on the ledge outside the open window.  Being in cat-form had certain advantages, including stealth; but also including an improved sense of hearing.

It's a shame about Spatula Girl; but in this contest there can be only one winner.  Me.

She leapt into the room after the other girl had left in tears.

Ranma is a strong fighter, a warrior.  He deserves the same in return:  a warrior to watch his back, to fight by his side.  Someone to support him and to be supported in return - an equal.

Spatula Girl is simply not a fighter, no matter her training.  She is foolish to think that Ranma will give up or even compromise his fighting art for the domestic life she would have him lead.

Crazy Girl?  Hah.

Violent Girl is a study in contrasts.  She has trained to be a fighter but misses the way of the warrior again and again.  She has strength but has needed to be saved over and over.  If she had training to match her strength she could be truly formidable; but with her flawed regimen she could, at best, be only a berserker.  No one deserves to be paired to such a jealous and violent person, certainly not Ranma.

Ranma has defeated me more than once; but of us all I am the closest to being his equal.  In my generation, I am the strongest, best warrior of my people, and only suffer against Ranma in terms of training:  the Amazon way of training is a slow progression through a rich heritage while Ranma was taught in every technique his father could think of, or steal, as quickly as possible.  In time, my training will make me more than Ranma's equal unless Hibachan continues to train and advise him.

If Ranma would just realize that his training, his goal of being the best martial artist of his generation, would be so greatly furthered by what I can offer him.  That he and I could have everything together.

Shampoo-neko leapt onto Ranma's bed and gently nosed his cheek in a feline kiss.  Unconscious, he didn't tense up or shy away as he usually did.

All I can hope for now is that he might ever trust me again, especially after what I've done.

Reviewing her notes and hearing Cologne's observations, Shampoo knew that Ranma's condition was her fault.  She didn't know exactly what had happened to cause this, the tea should not have had the effect it did; but the tea explained much.

All it should have done was to allow Ranma to enter a dream world I had prepared.  I should have known after the first dream that something wasn't right:  my dreamscape was set at home in China, not here in Nerima.  What I saw and felt wasn't quite what I had expected; it wasn't bad, just different. 

Ranma must be influencing the dream, though I do not know how he can do so.  The extra doses of tea I drank, and my prior preparation, should have made my mind the dominant one in the dreamscape.  How did Ranma's mind take over?  Was I unsure of myself?  Perhaps Jusenkyo's magic has shown its chaotic nature again?  Our curses have been a hindrance before.

No matter, I can't have him continue to suffer for my mistake.

The little cat dropped silently from the bed and trotted to the bathroom sink.

It's a nice thing that Ranma has a room to himself.  It's also good that hospital sinks are easy to operate; regular faucets just don't take cats into consideration.

A few moments later, Shampoo was tying the sash of a hospital robe around herself and stepping into a pair of slippers provided for the room.  She pulled a small pouch from around her neck, slipping the elastic cord over her head with only a little difficulty.

Shampoo spoke softly, "Ranma, Shampoo sorry this happen.  Not intend this, only want to show dream; hope Ranma can share.  Shampoo fix now."

Shampoo left the room to find a teapot.  She found one at the nurse's station, the nurse still apparently making her rounds.  Taking some hot water and a cup, Shampoo returned to Ranma's room and began to steep a cup of tea.

This should break you free of the dreamscape, provided I'm right.  If not, it shouldn't hurt anything.

As she considered Ranma's sleeping form again, she gave a small smile.

This reminds me of that last dream.

It's almost a shame that Hibachan and I can't just take you to China now.  I know Hibachan wouldn't mind; but I want you to want to come.  If I try to take you by force you'll fight to the last; but if I can persuade you about the benefits of life with the Joketsuzoku, with me, I believe we both could be so happy.

I think part of your resistance lies with my society; you fear a loss of status by joining a group of Amazons, of women, but you do not understand.  Outsider men who win an Amazon bride in tournament are respected for their fighting ability; if we didn't respect them we'd simply kill them after providing children.  Outsider men chosen outside of a tournament are given even greater respect for their superior prowess in battle and for their courage, facing death to win a bride.  Any persons pursued by a Matriarch for the village are revered as individuals of special quality.  It is true that power and authority remain within the circle of Matriarchs; but you would not be disrespected.

Perhaps you fear ridicule for your curse?  I'm not fond of your curse myself; but you would not be ridiculed for it.  There are those in the village who would be amused by your Nyannichuan curse; but would not think less of you for having it.  They would probably take it as natural that anyone as special as you would HAVE to be a woman, at least some of the time.  Besides, our village has easy access to Jusenkyo and the Nannichuan water to cure your curse permanently.

I think that we did not approach you correctly at first, and that is largely my fault.  I was so sure of myself, of my abilities, that I neglected your thoughts and feelings.  I did not begin to really appreciate that until the dreams began that night.

Shampoo took the cup of tea in one hand and was about to prop up his head to administer it, then paused.

"Shampoo… I… am sorry for everything, Airen.  Sham… I also am sorry for this; but not think to have chance later."  Hesitantly, Shampoo placed her lips on Ranma's in the lovers' kiss she doubted he would give if they were both awake.

There was a sudden popping sound and a faint flash of light, almost like a spark.

So that's what happened!  Of course!  It's so simple!

------

She suddenly found herself in a dojo.  She looked around for a moment, orienting herself.

"Xian Pu?"

"Hmm?"

"Xian Pu, what's wrong?"

"What?"

"You looked lost in thought for a moment.  Are you alright?"

"Y-yes, Ranma, I'm fine."

Ranma adopted a fighting stance, "Then get ready.  There's no way I'm doing the dishes two nights in a row!"

Xian Pu tensed herself and smiled, "We'll see about that!"

------

In the hospital, Shampoo's discovery would have to remain secret as she had no chance to share it before she collapsed across Ranma's bed. 

The cup of tea poured out onto the floor while an alarm sounded; but Shampoo didn't notice either event.

======